The Gorge

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

“Sin’s a funny thing,” Ace said. He’d been thinking about it for a while, since they had nothing else to do.

“What’s so funny about it?” It was the first time Clara had spoken since they’d finished making love.

Women. Who could figure ‘em? Blab your ear off one minute, then sink into a long sulk.

“It’s almost like the better it feels to do something, the higher the price ought to be. Take killing, for instance. It didn’t bother me one bit to blow up a few baby-butchers. And I know I’ll get rewarded for it come Judgment Day. But if I really had to kill somebody, look them in the eye and make their heart stop, why, that would be plumb awful.”

“What’s that got to do with feeling good about it?” She had put her clothes back on, though the day was still warm despite the gathering clouds. Truth be told, she was putting on a little weight in the gut, despite not eating much. Just proved what he’d always heard, once a woman thought she had you hooked, she let her body go all to hell.

He rummaged in the sealed ziplock and pulled out a Camel. “Shit. Only three smokes left.”

“Don’t you feel bad for killing those innocent bystanders who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?” she asked.

Ace lit the cigarette and watched the smoke curl into the sky. “First off, nobody’s innocent. The women who went to the clinics to get their babies sucked out of their bellies sure ain’t innocent. That plumber who died in the bathroom had hands as red as any of them, because he was roundabout helping commit murder.”

“So it’s murder when they do it, but not when you do it?”

Ace didn’t like the way the clouds were mashing together and ruffling up in a slow boil. His clothes were just about dry, and he was starting to feel exposed. Like maybe the angels would frown on his nakedness. “I ain’t the one ordering the killing. I’m just the Lord’s instrument.”

“You know when we first got together, when I said a woman didn’t have the right to make a choice about her baby?”

Ace bit down hard on the Camel’s filter. “Yeah,” he grunted.

“And life is sacred, and all that?”

“Yeah.”

She’d get to the point eventually, but it would probably be some highfalutin horseshit she’d learned in college, morality and religion dressed up in a suit and tie. Hell, religion was just another layer that kept you from God. He knew it was horseshit, and she knew he knew, but it made his gut tight all the same. Another reminder that she came from money and fine society while he fought, fucked, and fast-talked his way out of a Southern trailer park to Dakota.

“Maybe it’s different when you actually make a baby out of love. Maybe it really is a gift from God.”

Ace cackled like a rooster with a sore throat. “What the hell you think I been telling you?”

“I don’t mean like that. I mean, like, it’s something you own. Something you owe. Something you have a duty to care for.”

“Don’t be getting uppity. It’s God’s will that makes them, and it’s God’s instruments that plant them, and it’s God’s whores that spread their legs and squirt them out. A woman’s just there to serve. That’s the only reason it’s set up that way.”

“I could never kill a baby.”

“Me, neither.”

“But you did kill one. In Birmingham. That pregnant woman who died.”

“That’s different. The baby wasn’t born yet.”

“So it was just another innocent bystander?”

“Ain’t nobody innocent. I told you that already.” Ace was getting a headache. He wished his instrument would get hard so he could shut her up with another round of loving, but the cigarette tasted like mud and his toes were cold and it was going to rain before long and the Feds were closing in and they wouldn’t take him alive, which meant this might be all he had left so he’d better make it matter.

“Well, if I ever got pregnant, I’d consider it a blessing.”

“It’s gonna rain.”

“What are we going to do, Ace?”

“Get up under them big trees, I reckon.”

“No. I mean, what are we going to do?”

The angels were nowhere in sight. Maybe they were off helping other servants in need. “We’re already doing it,” he said.