The Halo Effect

37

“You understand that this is a sin?” he asked the young woman whose brown eyes followed his every move, never looking away for a second.

“You understand that I am washing you of your sins?”

He did not need her answer. He knew. He could feel the silt and filth washing off her. “Can you feel your sins sloughing off like dead cells?”

Of course she was frightened, but once she got beyond her fear, he knew she would be grateful for his attention and ministrations. Once she was new again. “You don’t need to be afraid. I am not doing this to hurt you.” But despite his words, the expression in his eyes did not soften.

He leaned back, away from the tub, looking at her naked body sitting in the shallow pool of water. There was sweat on his upper lip and at his hairline. Under his arms. The backs of his knees. He was naked, too. To keep his suit from getting wet and wrinkled.

The hot, hot water had turned the marble bathroom into a steam room, but he did not temper the water coming from the tap. It had to be this hot. If there was any way to use boiling water he would have. He needed it to destroy the bacteria. To kill the living filth.

The duct tape on her mouth pulled her skin into an unnatural grimace. He hated this need to silence her, but he knew better than to trust her. Her simple mind could not rise to meet his. No matter how carefully he might explain it, she would never be able to comprehend that this was for her own good.

For her own good.

For her own goodness.

Her skin was bright red now, and there was sweat all over her face. Tiny droplets that looked like translucent pearls. She deserved to look beautiful. She was giving herself to a great cause. Her sacrifice would help other women. He whispered this to her, but it did not calm her.

Enough of trying to make her understand and appreciate what he was doing. The time was coming for the next step. Just a few more minutes of the ritual bath-the christening that was cleansing her-and then he would be ready. The adrenaline surged through him. He knew it would work this time. He’d never gotten this far before.

The water smelled of the expensive liquid soap the hotel offered to all guests. He inhaled its sweetness as he rubbed the washcloth down her neck. Down her back. Around her shoulders, under her breasts.

“We’re almost done,” he said. “You should be clean now.”

But was she? How could he really know? It wasn’t surface dirt on her skin he was after. It was deep underneath. The filth had been in her. And he was sure he had sensed it, smelled it; she had been stinking of the dirt deposited on her, inserted in her by the men she had been with.

Yes, she needed this. This cleansing. She would thank him.

If only he knew how clean was clean enough.

After he’d been at it for another ten minutes, he pulled her out of the tub and lay her down on the bathroom floor, then stared at her naked body. At the long neck and full breasts and nipples the color of faded roses.

She was so beautiful, she had been given so much and yet she had abused and defiled her body. She had taken this body that God had given her and she had given it away and ruined herself.

He began to shave her. Carefully. He didn’t mind blood. But blood in the right way at the right time.

And that time hadn’t come yet.

Her frightened eyes went to the erection between his legs.

“It’s only a temporary aberration,” he whispered in a reassuring tone. “I won’t abuse you. My job is not to violate you further, but to restrain myself and do my job.”

That was his sacrifice to make. Just as she would make hers.

He blew on her pubis, and the short, curly hair flew away, leaving the three-dimensional tattoo. It was the best one yet. A perfect cross. Jesus died for our sins. But he left behind so many sinners.

So far he hadn’t accomplished his goal. He hadn’t found the formula. But he was not searching for some mythological alchemy. He was certain this transformation was possible. He knew what had gone wrong. Until tonight he had not cleansed the women properly.

He had forgotten how Jesus had washed the feet of the sinners. How could he have forgotten that? It was the most basic of Catholic rituals. The first one. Spilling the water on the baby and anointing its forehead, the baptism.

With an innocent baby all that was needed was a slim trickle of water. But with a woman who had laid open her legs for hundreds of men, who had taken them in her mouth, her hands, her vagina, he had to clean her very well, indeed.

That was what he had missed. The one step he should have remembered. The one part of all this that he had forgotten. He lost his erection, thinking of his failure. How many nights had he wasted? How much money had he lost? All because he’d forgotten this one step.

No. He would not berate himself. Not now. Not when he was so close.

The steam in the bathroom was dissipating and condensation was dripping down the mirror and onto the tiles. The lights were still slightly diffused. This was like a heaven on earth.

Yes. He would do it tonight. Learn the lessons. Know the secret. And then put it to use on the one who deserved it the most.

Now that she is clean, you can prepare her for the rest.

In his mind, he was not hearing his own voice talking him through the steps. It was a holy voice, deep, professorial. The voice of the Holy Father. He could close his eyes and see his savior, halo around his head, hands outstretched.

If she is cleaned, if you have rid her of the stain on her soul, then she will not die, she will be saved.

He knew that this one would be the first of them to survive the trauma. Her salvation would lead to the salvation of others. He was sure of it. And it excited him.

He saw himself in the mirror. A naked man, dripping with sweat, his hair curled from the heat, his arms held high, a bright and shining gold object high above his head. It gleamed like the sun on a perfect day. He lowered the chalice. Precisely, carefully. But quickly with all his strength.

Her eyes went even wider. And in them he saw himself and the golden chalice reflected back. Shining. He was shining in her eyes. He was going to save her.