The History of Bees

Chapter 41 TAO

I couldn’t find any street signs, the map was no help. And I didn’t meet anyone I could ask. But the certainty that I was somewhere I shouldn’t be increased within me. I was in the areas the receptionist had pointed out, those over which the authorities no longer had any control. Only those who had refused to move remained here. Those who were abandoned. Those who were hiding.

I turned a corner. In front of me was yet another deserted street. It was getting increasingly dark, the shadows longer, and it was too quiet. A movement caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. I spun around. A gate revealed a courtyard. Was there somebody in there?

I kept walking forward and passed the gate. Until now I hadn’t thought about being afraid, only about getting away. But suddenly I noticed how all of the muscles in my body tensed. Should I turn around?

I took a few more steps. A little slower now. Nothing else happened. Perhaps it had just been my imagination. Or maybe it was an animal. A cat, a rat. Something which tried in vain to continue its life in this abandoned place, where there was no food, barely weeds, just a few frail shoots that forced their way up through cracks in the pavement.

I lifted my head. At the end of the street I glimpsed something blue and white. I walked faster. It became clearer, the white icon against the blue background. It blinked; the power supply was perhaps not stable. But there was no doubt: at the end of the street was the subway.

I was jogging now. It was doubtful that the station was open, but there would presumably be a map there. And maybe I could follow the tracks from there and find my way to settled areas. Out here the subway was still beneath the open sky, not in a tunnel like in the city center.

But I wasn’t quick enough. Somebody came out through the gate behind me. I caught sight of a tall, gawky body moving towards me. A short whistling signal cut through the air. All of a sudden I became aware of two more people who had popped up behind me, one on either side, without any idea of where they’d been hiding.

They were perhaps twenty meters away, but they were fast. They ran towards me, and were gaining ground quickly. A tall, skinny girl and two boys. Not children, not adults. With smooth skin and elderly eyes. They were all skinny, on the verge of obliteration. But it seemed as if the sight of me gave them far more strength than their body weights would imply.

I didn’t wait, I knew what they wanted. Their eyes told me they were willing to do anything, as long as it alleviated their hunger. It was as if they were carrying all the desperation of the old people in the hospital, but had the energy and physique to act in response to their distress.

Again I ran. But differently this time. When I left the old people I’d run away from my own disgust. This time I was running for my life.

And they were catching up with me. I didn’t dare turn around, but I heard them. The steps against the pavement. The six feet hitting the ground in an irregular rhythm. The sound grew louder and louder.

In front of me the blue sign grew. If I made it there, if I made it into the station, if a subway came.

But I understood that I was deluding myself. No train would come, not here. There was nobody here but me. And them. Three desperately hungry young people, without any hope for a life. But nonetheless compelled by the innate human drive for self-preservation. Compelled by instinct. They were also our world.

They were only a few meters away now. I could hear their breathing. Soon they would be on top of me. Grab my back, throw me to the ground.

I had no choice.

Suddenly I turned around and without a word I raised my hands over my head to demonstrate surrender.

All three of them stopped. Looks of astonishment spread across their faces, momentarily replacing the wildness. I focused my gaze on the girl. Why her? Perhaps because she was female, like me. Perhaps she would be the easiest to convince. I tried to express all of my ideas about human compassion through my gaze. Stared, forced her eyes to stay focused on my own. Had it happened later, she might never have looked me in the eyes. But two quick blinks told me I’d caught her by surprise. Because she stopped, looked back and forth, at me and then the two others. We stood there like that, all four of us. I dared to move my gaze now. From the one to the other, letting my eyes rest for a moment on each of them, wanted them to see me, really see me, have time to think. So I became something more than a fleeing back, prey. So I became human.

“Are you alone here?” I asked softly.

Nobody answered. I took a step forward.

“Do you need help?”

A tiny sound escaped from the girl, a whimper, a “Yes.” She hastened to look at the one boy, the tallest. Perhaps he was the leader.

I took a chance and addressed him.

“I can help you. We can get out of here. Together.”

A slanting grin slid across his face.

“You’re afraid.” His voice was loud, higher than I’d imagined.

I nodded slowly, kept looking him in the eyes.

“You’re right. I’m afraid.”

“When people are afraid they’ll say anything,” he said.

I didn’t answer.

“Is the subway running?” I asked instead.

“What do you think?”

“Have you tried going to another neighborhood?”

He laughed. A sharp laugh. “We’ve tried most everything.”

I took a step towards him. “Where I live, there’s food. I can buy some for you.”

“What kind of food?”

“What kind?” The question caused me to hesitate. “The usual things. Rice.”

“The usual things,” he mimicked. “Do you want us to leave our home for a serving of rice?”

I looked down the street behind him. Deserted. Dusty. Nothing resembling a home.

He nodded at the other boy and the girl. They took a step towards me. Were they getting ready to attack me?

“No. Wait.” I put my hand in my purse. “I have money!”

I rummaged around. My fingers came across crackling paper.

“And food. Biscuits.”

I took out a package and held it towards them.

The girl was immediately at my side. She snatched the package out of my hand and started to tear off the paper. I moved a few meters away.

“Hey!” The tall boy leapt forward. The girl clenched her fist and I heard how the biscuits were crushed into crumbs in the package.

She was about to dash off, but the boy was on top of her. He forced her fingers open and took the package of biscuits. She said nothing, but her eyes filled with tears. The boy stood with the package in his hands. The logo was simple, in black and white. The print was smeared a little, perhaps from the sweat on the girl’s hands.

“We have to share,” the boy said and looked at the girl. “We have to share.”

The three of them were busy with one another now.

Should I try to run? No. I had to give them everything I had, be generous. Not flee. Then they’d be on top of me. I had no choice.

I stuck my hand into my purse again. Swallowed, hesitated, but had to.

“Look here. Money.”

I didn’t dare move any closer to them and left a few worn bills on the ground, the last. Only small change was left in the tin box in the hotel room.

The boy stared at them.

I took a step backwards. Tears welled up in my eyes. “Now you have everything I’ve got.”

He continued looking at the money.

“And now I’m leaving.” I took another step. Then I turned around. Calmly I walked away, in the direction of the subway.

One step.

Two. Three.

My legs wanted to run, but I forced myself to walk slowly. To continue to be a human being for them, not start the chase again, not become their prey. Hold my head high, not turn around.

I heard that they were moving a little behind me. The material of a jacket being twisted, the soft clearing of a throat. Every tiny sound stood out in the silence. But no feet against the pavement.

Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.

It was still quiet.

Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.

I dared to speed up my pace as I approached the station, which was closed with a chain and padlock. Only then did I turn around.

They were still standing there, in the same place and looking at me. All three of them equally expressionless. No sign of movement.

I walked towards the corner, keeping my eyes on them at all times. Then I walked around the corner of the house. I could no longer hear them. In front of me was yet another deserted street. I had the subway track on my right-hand side, a dead row of houses on the left. There was not a soul in sight.

I ran.