The Killer Cat Strikes Back

8: Before six o’clock tonight

ON MY WAY back through the garden, Bella and Tiger and Pusskins yowled at me from the wall where they were sitting watching Ellie’s mother trying to park.

‘That car of your family’s!’ said Bella. ‘It’s a real disgrace. ’

‘Pouring out smoke,’ agreed Pusskins.

Tiger was even more grumpy. ‘We could all choke to death. ’He was still moaning as Ellie’s mother came up the path with her most recent triumph. ‘And what is that? A heap of knitted twigs?’

‘That’s her new work of art,’ I had to admit. ‘She’s given up on pottery and moved on to “garden sculptures”.’

‘Those manky old bits of trailing raffia are going to get everywhere,’ grumbled Bella. ‘And is that a flag on the top? Or did some lavatory paper get stuck to whatever it is on the way home?’

Ellie’s mother staggered through the gate and dumped her new great work of art on to the lawn. Smoke was still pouring out of the car, but she didn’t notice. She was waving at Ellie.

‘Come and see my new piece. I’m calling it “Wigwam in Summer”!’

Ellie came rushing over, clasping her hands. ‘Oooh!’ she cried. ‘It’s lovely. It’s beautiful! Can I have it as my own little house? Then I can sit inside it and play Let’s Pretend!’

Tiger just rolled his eyes and Bella pretended kindly that she hadn’t heard. I mean, everyone’s embarrassed by their family. That is the Way of the World. But Ellie is more than a few steps beyond soft. She has become Essence of Mush.

But all that ‘sitting inside it’ talk had given Bella an idea.

‘Excellent loo for cats, that wigwam,’ she couldn’t help observing. Just the right size. Very private. And you could fly that loo paper flag on top to let people know whenever it’s in use.’

‘And how it’s in use,’ added Tiger. He turned to me. ‘That’s Symbolism, that is,’ he explained. ‘I know because someone in my family took the Great Books course at that very same college.’

‘Let’s hope she moves the wigwam on to a flowerbed,’ said Pusskins. ‘That’ll make for easier scratching in after.’

I do live in a family. ‘Hey, fellas!’ I rebuked them. ‘What about poor Ellie? She won’t want to sit and play Let’s Pretend in a public lavatory.’

We were still arguing when the car that had been sitting there busily puffing out smoke suddenly burst into flames. It was a good show, what with the fire engines.(Nee-naw! Nee-naw! ’We’ll all bepractising that noise on the prowl tonight.) And at the end, Bella said, ‘A pity Ellie’s father can’t find that winning raffle ticket of his, and get his new car.’

‘Sorry?’ I said.

She turned my way. ‘Didn’t you know? The raffle draw was a whole week ago. According to the book of ticket stubs, Ellie’s dad has the winning number. But Mr Harris says that, according to the rules, the winner has to show up with the ticket to claim the prize.’

‘Before six o’clock,’ added Pusskins. ‘This evening. On the dot. Otherwise the new car goes to the runner-up.’

‘All this is news to me,’ I said, a shade uneasily.

‘I can’t think why,’ said Tiger. ‘Everyone else knows. And Ellie’s mother and father must know as well because Mr Harris has sent Gregory round at least a dozen times with notes to tell them.’

I felt even more uneasy. Glancing guiltily towards the litter gathered under the holly bush, I couldn’t help muttering, ‘Dear me. Oh, dear me. Oh, dear.’

‘I expect the raffle ticket’s been lost,’ said Pusskins. ‘Those things are very light and small. It must be terribly easy for everyone in the household to forget where they put it.’

I found myself staring at a cloud sailing over my head, and saying nothing.

Everyone round me sighed.

‘We’d all have a better life if your family had a new car,’ said Bella. ‘They would go off on more day trips. Leave us to ourselves a bit.’

We all fell silent, thinking of the good times we used to have racing around the living room, ripping up the cushions and scaring the goldfish silly.

‘Oh, all right !’I said.

Take it from me, it is no joke, sticking your head in a holly bush. I had to stretch really far to find a note that wasn’t badly ripped. Bella’s a tubby tabby, so she helped me roll it flat. (We quite enjoyed that idle hour on the warm flagstones.)

And then I slid it under the back door.

It was Ellie’s mother who picked it up, of course. ‘George! George! We’ve won a car! In a raffle! All that we have to do is find the ticket you bought from Gregory’s dad, and the car will be ours!’ She rushed towards him. ‘So where did you put it to keep it safe?’

She skidded to a halt. ‘George?’ she said. ‘George? You do remember where you put it, don’t you?’

Ellie and I turned round to look at him.

He had gone green.