The Killing Hour

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

Yeah, he likes it out here, yeah, he likes it out here a lot. That’s why he’s come back, to the home of his failure, the home of his nightmare. He’s come to right the wrongs and, this time, this time, there will be no wrongs. He likes it out here, yet he hates it too, because it represents all that’s bad in his life: the wound to his stomach, the money that he lost. His mind isn’t operating the way it ought to be; his thoughts aren’t balanced-or are they? Hate and like balance each other out, don’t they? He isn’t sure, and this ought to really scare him, but the night is warm, the wind has died down, the pasture is silent, and revenge is at hand. Life is good.

Life is bad. Because the headache is back and it’s raging out of control and it’s all Charlie Feldman’s fault. Charlie is really going to pay-big time. He’s going to wish he was dead and he’s going to keep on wishing that. Death lasts a long time, yeah, a real long time, but for Charlie the dying itself will last forever.

His body is fucked up and once he gets home tonight, he’ll call his brother-in-law. He’ll get help. He can’t go on like this any longer. The tin of lighter fluid is half-empty and he wishes he had brought along more. He wishes he had several liters so he could make Charlie cook for hours, but all he had access to was the last tin in the car. Maybe he ought to just burn a limb at a time. Or maybe he ought to burn the bitch first and make him watch. Setting them alight at the same time would be a waste, and anyway, he doesn’t have enough fluid for both. His hands shake at the prospect of having so many things he can do, and he has plenty of time to decide. He’s experiencing something he hasn’t felt in a long time-excitement.

His mind is throbbing and he raises a hand to the side of his head. When all this is over he will go home and take more painkillers. He doesn’t know where he’ll get them, but he’ll find a way. Maybe he should call his brother-in-law. Shit-didn’t he just think that?

His mind is wandering. He looks at Charlie. Charlie is starting to come to. Then he looks down at the lighter fluid in his hand. It would be a waste of money if he didn’t use the entire tin.

So many options. Life is good.