The Killing Kind

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Diary of a Mixed-up Girl blog entry, dated September 10, the previous year

Sometimes I think I really don’t feel human at all. I mean, I KNOW I’m a member of the fucking species. What I really mean is I feel disconnected from humanity. Like I don’t understand the inner workings of a healthy human being’s brain. I guess I’m mostly thinking about emotions. Most people seem to feel things really deeply. Like the love they supposedly feel for the people they care about. That’s something I just don’t get at all. Seriously, I don’t think I could ever love anybody for real, in a romantic way, like you see on TV and the movies. That fairy-tale shit. There’s this guy I just met, right? Really cute. Like cute verging on hot. So I talk to him. I see how he looks at me. He’s into me already. I bet I could make him love me. And it’d be cool ’cause I’d definitely like to fuck him. And maybe when he says he loves me, I’ll say it back, because he’ll want to hear it.

But it won’t be real.

People like to think humans are some kind of elevated creature. Yeah, we’re capable of things beyond the abilities of any other species. We have the ability to reason and figure shit out. But humans also do a lot of ugly things. Read a fucking history book and you’ll see. Genocide. War. Slavery. And it goes deeper than the bigger things like that. Every day, somewhere out there, some crazy fuck is killing somebody else just for kicks. Rape. Murder. Abuse. A fucking pandemic of violence. It doesn’t ever stop and CAN’T ever stop. So when you get right down to it, we’re not really any better than dogs, cats, apes, llamas, lions, wolves, or fucking aardvarks. We’re savage animals, and all this shit about love and whatnot is just that-SHIT. It’s something we’re taught to believe in so the world doesn’t fall apart. Me? I think the world could use a good dose of anarchy. Some fucking chaos. YEAH. I want to run wild in the streets!

I want to break something. Scream and shout. I want to get in my car and go run somebody down. Last night I had a dream I shot my mom in the face.

I don’t love any of you.

Later, bitches. Cold Case Files is on.

4 comments

lord_ruthven: You make me sad.

Mixedupgirl: It’s pathetic how hard you want me.

lord_ruthven: About as hard as I want a chainsaw enema.

Mixedupgirl: That can be arranged. God, you’re boring. Stick your head in an oven or suck on a shotgun, okay?