The Last Good Day

CHAPTER
3

In the days before the funeral, the partners of Falconer Shreve stayed at the lake, grieving, planning, and cleaving to one another. It was rare to see any of them alone. The weather had turned hot, and Lawyers’ Bay was enveloped by a kind of hazy unease as we waited for the heat to break and for the funeral that would rescue us from the limbo into which Chris Altieri’s death had banished us. Life went on, but there was sadness in the summer air. There was also uncertainty. The police hadn’t yet ruled out the possibility that Chris’s death had been an accident; however, their search for a suicide note had proved fruitless. Without a Rosetta stone to unlock the mystery of why a man who had everything to live for would choose to die, questions persisted, painful as a troubling tooth. Why would a man who loved his friends so deeply leave no explanation for an act that he knew would plunge them into confusion and painful self-examination?

And given that Chris Altieri’s death was a suicide, why were the police investigating the tragedy with such thoroughness? Alex Kequahtooway’s silver Audi was much in evidence. More than once I saw it turn into Lily Falconer’s driveway. It never turned into mine. On Coffee Row, rumours grew like mushrooms after a three-day rain. Distracted, the people of Lawyers’ Bay went through the motions of life at a summer cottage, and I came to know my neighbours.

Taylor, Gracie, and Isobel had become inseparable, and that meant Rose Lavallee and I were drawn together too. From the moment I met her, I liked and trusted Gracie’s nanny, but Taylor was one of the joys of my middle age and I wasn’t about to miss a summer with her. And so when Rose and the girls went off on adventures, I tagged along, and after her initial surprise, Rose seemed to welcome my presence. When the girls decided they wanted to learn how to dive from the tower, Rose and I took on the task together.

The arrangement worked well. At seventy, Rose had a face that bore the chisel marks of time, but her body was wiry, and what she didn’t know about dealing with young girls wasn’t worth knowing. She was, Taylor confided, very strict about bathing suits. That summer, prepubescent girls who still had trouble keeping track of their retainers were wearing the skimpiest of string bikinis, suits designed to entice with provocative peeks at budding breasts and belly-button rings. My daughter and I had had a stormy exchange on the second floor of the Bay about how much of her was going to be on display that summer. When I saw Gracie and Isobel in their functionally cut navy Spandex one-piece suits, I knew Rose was my kind of woman.

The diving lessons turned out to be a boon for me as well as for the girls. Climbing the tower, testing the spring of the board, then plunging into the dark, inscrutable waters and counting on muscle memory to guide me back into sunlight proved to be surprisingly therapeutic. And Rose was good company: silent unless something needed to be said. Neither of us returned to the subject of Alex, Lily, or the old days at Standing Buffalo. At some level, we both recognized that our friendship was too new and too fragile to withstand a blast from the past.

That didn’t mean that blasts weren’t in the offing. One morning, just after Rose and I had swum back from the tower and were sitting on the dock watching the girls, Blake Falconer appeared. His red-gold hair was cut scrub-brush short for summer, and his skin was ruddy with the sunburn of a weekend sailor. In his shorts, runners, and University of Saskatchewan sweatshirt, he had the breezy confidence of a man who had spent his college years being envied by men and longed for by women. Not the kind of person who usually made my Christmas-card list, yet Kevin had told me that, next to Chris, Blake was his closest friend.

He tossed us a smile. “You can take off now, Rose,” he said. “Joanne and I can watch the girls.”

Rose adjusted the strap on her ancient turquoise Jantzen. “I’m staying put,” she said. “Visit around me.”

Blake’s eyes widened, then he laughed. “You and my wife,” he said. “The only two women I know who find me utterly without redeeming features.” He pointed to my towel. “Mind if I sit down?”

“Not at all,” I said. But I did. He sat close, so close that I could smell the sharp citrus of his aftershave and see how the sun burnished the red-gold hair on his arms and legs. Too much proximity. I inched away.

Blake didn’t seem to notice. “We haven’t been able to reach Kevin to tell him about Chris,” he said. “Lily thought there was an outside chance he might have been in touch with you.”

“I would have told you,” I said. “I know you and Kevin are close.”

“That’s nice to hear right now.” Blake’s voice was gravelly. “It was always Kevin, Chris, and me against Zack, Delia, and Lily.”

I thought I’d misheard. Lily wasn’t a partner. She wasn’t even a lawyer. She managed the office.

Without taking her eyes off the diving board, Rose reached over and tapped Blake’s shoulder. “Button your lip,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am,” Blake said, and he touched his thumb and forefinger to his mouth and made a tweaking gesture.

“Keep it that way,” Rose said. Something she saw on the lake displeased her, and she frowned. “Your daughter’s entry was a little sloppy,” she said, glancing over at Blake. “She’ll have to fix it or she’ll never be as good as she could be.” Rose stood and brushed the sand from her thighs. “Remember to watch your mouth, mister,” she said, then she strode towards the lake – a trim figure of rectitude in a slovenly world.

Blake watched her with a rueful smile. “Not much point hanging around since I’ve been issued a gag order,” he said. He stood up. “If you hear from Kevin, let me know. We should be the ones to break the news about Chris. We might be able to keep him from blaming himself.”

“Why would he blame himself?” I asked.

“Same reason we all do. We’re Chris’s family. We should have been able to pull him back from the edge.”

“The last time I saw Chris, I thought he had pulled himself back from the edge,” I said.

Blake’s blue-grey eyes were searching. “What do you mean?”

“When I talked to him after the barbecue, Chris was in bad shape, but after the fireworks he seemed better. He asked if he could run with my dog and me in the morning. He even taught Taylor a riddle: ‘What three words make you sad when you’re happy and happy when you’re sad?’ ”

Blake’s voice was a whisper. “And the answer is…?”

I swallowed hard. “Nothing lasts forever.”

“It just keeps getting worse, doesn’t it?” Blake said, then he walked off without waiting for my reply.

After lunch at our cottage, Rose and the girls went over to the tennis court to hit balls, and I cleaned up and took Virginia Woolf out to the rocker on the porch. Taylor’s cats, Bruce and Benny, were already curled up in their cat beds; Willie sniffed them incuriously, then flopped down by my feet. We were all settled in for a lazy afternoon when the first clap of thunder came. The cats ran inside and Willie’s ears shot up. By the time the second clap of thunder sounded and lightning split the sky, Rose and the girls were through the door.

“Now what?” Taylor said.

“Dry clothes,” said Rose.

“And an afternoon off for Rose,” I said. When she started to protest, I raised my hand. “I insist. The girls can spend the afternoon here. I have no plans, and we have a cupboard full of board games. I know I saw Monopoly in there and Trivial Pursuit and Risk.”

Gracie was towelling off her explosion of curly red-blond hair. She peered out from under the towel. “I’d forgotten about the games,” she said. She tapped Isobel’s arm. “Remember how Kevin used to let us play with all his old action figures when the adults played Risk?”

“That was before,” Isobel said.

“Before what?” Taylor said, always alert to nuance.

Isobel and Gracie exchanged a quick look. “Before the adults stopped having fun,” Isobel said.

“I’m for Monopoly,” Gracie said quickly. “But if we’re going to get in an entire game before the rain stops, we’d better bounce. Monopoly takes about a thousand years.”

Willie and I spent the afternoon on the porch contemplating the rain and listening to the whoops of delight and misery that erupted in the living room as real-estate empires rose and fell. We were content. When I glanced up and saw Noah and Delia Wainberg walking down the road towards our cottage, I felt a frisson of annoyance.

“Company, Willie,” I said.

His glance was mournful. Seemingly, he was no more eager to entertain than I was. But the Wainbergs were Isobel’s parents and our neighbours, and as they trudged through the rain, it would have taken a harder heart than mine not to welcome them. Delia was wearing the same black slacks and T-shirt she’d been wearing at the fireworks, and she was even more tightly wound than she’d been that night. Her short black hair was spiky, as if she hadn’t thought to comb it. She was pulling nervously on her cigarette, the way serious smokers do when they’re about to enter what they fear may be a no-smoking zone. Clearly, this was a day when it wasn’t much fun being Delia Wainberg.

As they neared my house, Noah Wainberg extended a large strong hand towards the back of his wife’s neck and kneaded it. At his touch, Delia’s head dropped to her chest and her shoulders relaxed. Husband and wife did not exchange glances, but it was a moment of exquisite intimacy. So often that week it had appeared to me that the awkward, amiable giant, Noah, was simply an extra in the high-powered drama that starred his wife and her partners. I’d been wrong. Noah was an essential supporting player.

I invited them inside and offered fresh coffee. When Isobel heard her parents’ voices, she came running. “I don’t have to go home yet, do I?”

Noah held his arms out to her. “No, Izzy. Your mother and I are just here on an errand. You can stay until Mrs. Kilbourn boots you out.”

Isobel beamed at her father, blew a kiss his way, and ran back to Monopoly. In his gentle presence, Isobel was sunshine, a child of smiles and lilting laughter. With her mother, she withdrew, as if to shield herself from something sharp and spiny that might, at any moment, be flung at her from Delia’s direction. When she left the room without acknowledging her mother, neither of them seemed to notice the slight.

The Wainbergs turned down my offer of coffee, but when I asked if I could get them anything else, Delia looked so longingly at the tiny shoulder bag in which I guessed she’d stowed her cigarettes and lighter that I volunteered to get her an ashtray. It took a bit of searching, but I finally found one on the porch. It was handmade: a shallow bowl of mosaic tile grouted together not very skilfully with an old silver dollar stuck in the middle.

Delia smiled when I handed it to her. “Kevin made this when he was a kid,” she said. “Amazing he didn’t pursue a career in fine art.” She pulled out a cigarette, lit up, and dragged gratefully. “God, it’s been a lousy week.”

Her voice cracked like an adolescent boy’s, and Noah cast her an anxious glance. “We’d better get this over with,” he said. “Delia and the others were going to put Chris’s graduation portrait from law school in the funeral program, but now they’ve decided they’d like to have a photo of all of them.”

“Of the Winners’ Circle,” I said.

Delia nodded. “The problem is we can’t find a good one. Everybody’s always been too busy to put things in albums, and of course we thought we had forever.” She ran a hand over her eyes. “Noah remembered that Mrs. Hynd put our summer pictures in her albums. Can we dig around a little and see what we come up with?”

The albums were stored in a bookcase in my bedroom. I led the Wainbergs in and flicked on the light. “Dig away,” I said, then I went back to check on the girls.

Interest in Monopoly was waning. The board bristled with hotels, and from the stacks of neatly ordered bills and properties in front of Isobel, her victory seemed imminent. Taylor had already folded. Gracie threw the dice with great sang-froid and whooped when she landed on a heavily built up Park Place. “That’s it for me,” she said. “I’m outta here.”

“Good,” Taylor said. “Because the rain has stopped and this is getting boring. Let’s get back into our wet clothes and go out and run through puddles.” She looked uneasily at her friends. “Is running through puddles immature?”

Gracie shrugged. “Not if it’s fun.”

When the Wainbergs came back, I was glad the girls weren’t in the room. Delia was clutching a photo album, and her eyes and the tip of her nose were red from crying.

“You found something,” I said.

Delia placed the album on the table and opened it to a large black-and-white photo. “Our first summer at Lawyers’ Bay. We used to camp out on the beach, and when it rained we’d grab our sleeping bags and head for Hynds’ cottage.”

I picked up my glasses so I could get a closer look. All the members of the Winners’ Circle were there: Delia, Kevin, Chris, Blake, and, in the middle, Zack Shreve. They were up to their waists in water – Zack, too. He’d wheeled out so far that the lower part of his chair was submerged. Squinting into the sun, their faces suffused with joy, they were incredibly appealing.

The girls drifted back in and draped themselves around our chairs to look at the photograph. Isobel Wainberg looked at her mother through lowered lashes. “You were beautiful, Mum,” she breathed.

“Everybody was beautiful then,” Delia said. She shook her head as if to bring herself back to the present. “Beautiful and smart. Why weren’t we smart enough to know that it was too good to last?” Without explanation she pushed open the screen door and walked away.

Isobel’s eyes didn’t stray from the picture. “Mum looks so different,” she said.

“She was different,” Noah said simply.

“What happened?” Isobel asked.

Noah looked puzzled. “I don’t know. It was like dominoes. One thing went wrong, then everything went wrong.”

Isobel’s gaze was piercing. “What was the first thing?”

Noah bent over the album. His big hands were not made for delicate work, and there was something poignant about the care with which he removed the photo from its plastic sheath. “There’s no use talking about it, Izzy. Talk never changes anything.” He brightened. “Look, I’m supposed to drive this picture into town to get it enlarged. There’s a pizza place near the 50 Minute Photo. Why don’t we grab us a pie?”

Taylor dug her fingers into my arm. “Please?”

“Okay,” I said. I picked up my purse. “Why don’t you go crazy and hit the Dairy Queen, too?”

That night, Leah and Angus decided they needed some quality time. They rented videos and retreated to the room over the boathouse. That left the cottage free for a sleepover, so Taylor and I invited Gracie and Isobel to stay the night. I’d driven into town with Noah and the girls. He had done his best at the pizza joint, but despite the food and the girls’ exuberance, Noah had been distracted. It occurred to me that he and Delia could use a little quality time too.

It had been a long day, but deep-dish all-dressed pizza and Peanut Buster Parfaits had refuelled the girls. As soon as we got back, they leaped out of the car and raced over to Falconers’ to pick up CDS and Gracie’s stash of gift-with-purchase makeup. They were back in a flash, cranking up the music and slathering on the makeup that transformed them from beautiful sunburned children into voguing young women with purple eye shadow and edge. It was a painful portent of things to come, and I lasted less than ten minutes before I withdrew to my bedroom.

Harriet Hynd’s photo albums were arranged chronologically. My fingers lingered over several of them, but I settled on the summer of 1973, the year my first child, Mieka, was born. Harriet had arranged the photographs with an archivist’s precision. Beneath each picture, the particulars of the subject and the occasion were described in her small neat hand. In truth, the pictures didn’t require text. Photos like them could have been found in albums in tens of thousands of Canadian homes. A man with shoulder-length hair and a beard grinned as he fired up a Hibachi; a woman wearing a peasant dress and a silver-and-turquoise necklace held up a birthday cake for the camera. A young boy – clearly Kevin – sat surrounded by birthday booty: a pile of action figures for his superhero collection. Moments in time, as ordinary as they were irrecoverable.

In the living room, Taylor and her friends danced and dreamed to the music of their own time. My camera was slung over the doorknob. I put down Harriet’s album, picked up the faithful Kodak, and headed into the living room. The girls of summer deserved to be immortalized.

The night of Chris Altieri’s wake, the beautiful cars started arriving just after suppertime. The sun slanted in the sky, picking up the metallic sheen of BMWS, Porsches, Jaguars, and Mercedeses as they purred through the gates to Lawyers’ Bay. The event was being held at Zack Shreve’s home. It was a shrewd choice for a wake. With its large uncluttered spaces painted in cool monochromatic greys, it militated against an overheating of emotion. The furniture in the house was simple and expensive, the art spare, original, and arresting – abstracts in rust and silver. Both furnishings and art had the patina of unobjectionable good taste that only a fine decorator with a blank cheque can bring to a living space. The only personal touches were the piano – a concert-sized Steinway – and, oddly, a collection of moths mounted in shadow boxes on the wall.

The piano dominated the room and Zack was seated at it, playing, when we arrived. The music was light and unobtrusive, yet it kept everyone in the room aware of the pianist’s presence. Seemingly, Zack’s skill at playing a crowd equalled his skill at the Steinway. When he caught me watching him, Zack winked conspiratorially, and I remembered a lawyer friend’s telling anecdote about an encounter she’d had with him. She was appearing opposite him in court, and when his case began to go badly, he hunched his shoulders and drew back into himself, in her words “defying the jury to kick the cripple.” The tactic paid off. Zack won his case, and the next morning he’d sent my friend a box of the Bernard Callebaut truffles she favoured and a copy of Richard III.

No doubt about it, Zachary Shreve was a man who knew how to control events. As he moved effortlessly through the tunes in the Rodgers and Hart songbook, I wondered what outcome he was seeking from this party. As it always was at Lawyers’ Bay, the mise en scene was flawless. A brief and intense shower late in the afternoon had cooled the air and left a lingering smell of wet wood. The dinner was planked salmon, and when guests arrived, the barbecues were smoking. In the meantime there were delights: plates of baguettes and thinly sliced black bread to accompany bowls of feta cheese splashed with olive oil and sprinkled with fresh oregano and dried red peppers, marinated artichoke hearts, tangy radishes, crisp and rolled in butter and salt, olives seemingly from every port on the Mediterranean. It was a feast fit for a king, and there was no doubt that Zack Shreve was presiding.

He announced dinner, directed us towards our places at the tables that had been set on the lawn, then moved among us as we talked of the usual things people talk of at barbecues: the triumphs, tragedies, and love lives of ourselves and others, then, as the wine flowed, the meaning of it all.

After we’d finished eating, Zack summoned us back into the house where the caterers poured brandy and people steeled themselves for the painful task of remembering the man who wasn’t there. When we all had a glass in hand, Blake Falconer offered a simple toast; then, as we raised our glasses and murmured Chris’s name, Zack began to play a heart-stoppingly poignant song. It, too, was Rodgers and Hart, and it was about a man who brought the sun but didn’t stick around to enjoy it. The title was “He Was Too Good to Me,” and Zack played with shimmering intimacy. When the last note died, the room was silent. Finally, a blonde with a deep fake-and-bake tan, and the unfocused eyes of a woman who had drunk well if not wisely, cuffed Zack on the arm. “How can you be such a bastard in the courtroom and play piano like that?” she asked.

Zack picked up his snifter, drained it, and smiled. “You know what they say about Miles Davis. He played the way he’d have liked to be.”

The woman splayed her hands on the piano and leaned towards Zack. “We’ve had enough show tunes,” she said. “I have a request.”

“I aim to please,” Zack said smoothly. “What’ll it be?”

“Anything by Paul Anka,” the woman said.

Zack’s smile grew deadly. “So many possibilities,” he said. “Since your name is Kim, ‘Diana’ doesn’t work. ‘Puppy Love’? Hardly. With respect, I believe we’d both agree that you’ve wagged goodbye to your puppy days. I personally have been present at the kickoff of three of your marriages, so the sheen of ‘I Went to Your Wedding’ has grown a little tarnished. How about that old Frank Sinatra showstopper ‘My Way’?”

Kim pouted. “I hate that song.” Leaning over the piano, heedless of the breasts spilling out of her silk halter-top, she was visited by inspiration. “Play ‘Havin’ My Baby.’ ”

Zack bowed to her. “A provocative choice, madam,” he said. “But your wish is my command.” He placed his fingers on the keys and played the opening bars of “Havin’ My Baby.” After a moment of astonished silence, people began to sing along, tentatively at first, then as liquor released inhibitions, lustily. Kim’s choice was cruelly ironic, but it did the job.

“Havin’ My Baby” was as remote from Noel Coward as it was possible to be, but as one who understood “the potency of cheap music,” Coward would have recognized the phenomenon taking place in that room. An old and cheaply sentimental song was melting the ice of grief and releasing real emotion. When the music was done, people began – finally – to talk about what they had lost. Nowhere in their remembrances was there a hint of the spectral sadness I’d seen in the man in the gazebo. Their Christopher Altieri was a man of joy and shuddering energy, warm, thoughtful, funny, brilliant. As I picked up my coffee cup, I found myself wishing that I had known him.

The funeral was at three o’clock Saturday afternoon, but I drove into the city just after breakfast. I was alone. Saturdays were the Point Store’s busiest days. It would have been difficult for Leah and Angus to get away, and there was no particular reason why they should. Fate had spun Angus into the vortex of Chris Altieri’s death, but my son had not been a part of Chris’s life. Taylor had stayed behind, too. Rose was bringing Gracie and Isobel into the city, but Taylor had already been present at too many funerals in her young life, and I was relieved when Leah suggested she could spend the day helping out at the store.

It was good to be alone. I needed to get away from everything and everybody. In the past week, the name of an old TV quiz show called Who Do You Trust? had nagged at me. I was growing genuinely fond of my neighbours at Lawyers’ Bay. Despite what must have been a devastating shock, they had made every effort to be kind to my family and me. They had been Kevin Hynd’s friends for twenty-five years. He trusted them, and I trusted Kevin. But try as I might, I couldn’t shake off Alex’s warning to tread lightly among these people. Nor could I dismiss the questions I had about Alex himself. Why had he spent so much time at Lawyers’ Bay the previous winter? And what was the nature of his relationship with Lily Falconer?

The grass in front of my house on Regina Avenue was too long, the hanging baskets were parched, and the flower beds needed weeding. That said, when I opened my front door I felt a burden lift. It was good to be back on solid ground. I riffled through the mail my neighbour had piled in the basket on the hall table. There was nothing spectacular: magazines, bills, an invitation to a croquet party, and a postcard from Kevin with a picture of the Jokhang Temple in Lhasa and a note: “The Tibetans used to believe this country was connected to heaven by a rope. Today the clouds are low and the mountains seem to scrape the sky. Heaven feels close.” Suspecting that in the days ahead I might need a reminder that heaven was close, I dropped the postcard into my bag.

After I’d soaked the hanging baskets and turned the sprinklers on the flower beds, I called the lawn service I’d hired for the summer. Their phone had been disconnected. I started calling Angus’s friends, found someone with a younger brother who was desperate for money, and hired him sight unseen. Having put my house in order, I went upstairs to troll my closet for a dress suitable for a funeral.

I read once that Pat Nixon never hit the sack without first pressing and repairing every outfit she’d worn during the day. The image of her sewing on a button while Dick scowled and lusted had stuck with me, but I was never impressed enough to emulate her. That morning I wished I had. The only lightweight black dress I owned looked as if I’d slept in it. I hauled out the ironing board, plugged in the steam iron, and began.

Fired by the axiom that when you feel bad you should look good, I had called from the lake and made an appointment to have my hair cut. It had been a rough week and I wanted to get away from everything, to be submerged, if only for two hours, in the warm bath of a female culture where the largest questions were whether my eyebrows should be waxed or if my roots needed touching up.

Five minutes after I walked through the doors of Head to Toe, I knew that the answer to both questions was yes, but help was at hand. Business was brisk that Saturday morning – an entire bridal party, including, by some cosmic joke, not only the bride’s mother, but also the woman who had replaced her as the main squeeze of the bride’s father. My hairstylist, Chantelle, and I agreed the situation had definite French-farce potential. After my roots were covered, I chose the newest of the glossy magazines, settled into my chair, and waited for the pleasures of a drama in which I would play no role whatsoever.

As always, I left Head to Toe grateful that I was part of the female mystery. Chantelle had decided I needed to go shorter and lighter, and the results were pleasing. I’d pored over all the recipes in the glossy magazine and reached the Zen conclusion that henceforth I would read recipes for the pleasure they brought me in the moment rather than for any hope of reaching future perfection. And – icing on my metaphorical cake – the bride’s mother and her replacement had come face to face and ended up trading stories about what a cheap son of a bitch the bride’s father was. Moliere would have been licking his chops.

The good times continued. When I went home to change, my neighbour Lynn Chapman was waiting at my front door, offering an apology, an explanation, and an invitation to lunch. Lynn and her family had just come back from a holiday in Quebec. They hadn’t realized my lawn service had gone belly up, but they had now placed themselves on alert, and if I was interested in a tuna-salad sandwich and a glass of iced tea, they would continue to apologize until I forgave them for letting my grass reach a state where it required life-support.

After I’d dressed, my freshly ironed dress revealed upper arms that weren’t bad for a woman of fifty-five. As I drove over to the cathedral for the funeral, I thought it was possible I’d make it to the end of the day.

I was early, but parking was already a problem. The sky was cloudless and the temperature soaring – a perfect day to get out of the city – but half an hour before the funeral Mass, the streets around the cathedral were choked. The first parking spot I found was four blocks away. By the time I climbed the steps to Holy Rosary, my newly blond roots were dark with sweat, and I was grateful to step inside and let the cool wash over me. I found a spot at the end of a pew halfway up the aisle. I knelt, said a prayer, then sat back and looked around.

Regina is a city of 185,000, but lives intersect, and many of the faces in Holy Rosary were familiar to me. When I spotted a colleague from the university, or a friend from politics or the media, we exchanged the small, awkward smiles people exchange on such occasions, then turned back to our programs as if somehow in that brief obituary and description of the order of service, we could discover the reason we were sitting in a shadowy church on a brilliant July afternoon mourning a man who had chosen death over a seemingly gilded life.

As always at funerals, there were surprises, people whose connection with the deceased was not immediately apparent. Given his puzzling links with the residents of Lawyers’ Bay, Alex Kequahtooway’s presence wasn’t exactly a shocker, but as I glanced around the congregation I spotted three of Alex’s colleagues from the Regina force. In the normal run of things, the relationship between the police force and the legal community was not chummy, but Chris Altieri’s specialty had been family law, and it seemed no one was immune to domestic problems.

When my friend Detective Robert Hallam came up the aisle, I touched his arm, and he stopped to talk. His pleasure at seeing me warmed my heart. Married late and happily, Robert Hallam was the most uxorious of men. His wife, Rosalie, had been the administrative assistant in the political-science department in which I taught, and, in Robert’s books, anyone of whom his Rosalie approved was aces.

As always, Robert was a tonsorial and sartorial delight. His steel-grey crewcut and moustache were precision-trimmed. His lightweight beige jacket and slacks were without wrinkle, and the Windsor knot in his coffee-and-cream tie was impeccable. He extended his hand. “How are you, Joanne? I never see you, now that Rosalie’s retired, and you and Alex are…” He flushed with embarrassment.

“No longer seeing one another,” I finished his sentence. “It’s all right, Robert. I’m over it.”

His face softened with concern. “All the same, it can’t be easy for you being in the same room as her, even if it is at a funeral.”

I met his eyes. “You’ve lost me,” I said. “Being in the same room as whom?”

Robert did a quick shoulder check to see who was in hearing distance. Many were. Experienced cop that he was, Robert dropped his voice. “The woman the inspector has… become intimate with,” he whispered. He peered at me anxiously. “You must have known she’d be here today.”

It took me a moment to absorb the information. I’d never known the identity of the woman with whom Alex had become involved, and the knowledge that she was somewhere in the cathedral made my heart pound. I struggled to appear calm. “I haven’t seen her yet,” I said.

“Well, Mrs. Lily Falconer is outside, dressed to the nines, bold as brass, waiting to make the grand entrance with her husband and the other big shots.” Robert’s tone was acid.

My mind shattered in a dozen directions. Lily Falconer was Alex’s lover. It all made sense: her casual reference to Alex by his first name the day after the murder; the number of times the silver Audi had pulled into the Falconers’ driveway; Alex’s confidence that he was well acquainted with the people at Lawyers’ Bay. Remembering how harrowed Alex had looked when he’d interviewed me, I experienced a flash of mean-spirited gratification. If he and Lily Falconer were having an affair, it wasn’t bringing him much pleasure.

“Anyway, I think he’s crazy.” Robert was irate, and in the heat of the moment he abandoned his stage whisper. “No two ways about it, Lily Falconer is a looker, but you’re no slouch, Joanne, and you’re not married to a millionaire lawyer who could make the inspector’s life hell.” The message had been delivered loud and clear, and Robert’s expression was sheepish as he gazed around to gauge the number of people who had been in earshot. “I’d better get back to work,” he said.

“Wait,” I said. “Robert, why are you here today? Is there something suspicious about Chris Altieri’s death?”

Robert flicked a piece of lint off his jacket. “Where there’s smoke there’s fire. That’s all I can say, Joanne. That, and remember your old friends. I know Rosalie would love it if you came by the house sometime. She’s decorated up a storm. She’s painted our bedroom something called wasabi green.”

“Very trendy,” I said. “Do you like it?”

“I never thought I’d sleep in a room the colour of Japanese horseradish,” he said. “But Rosalie said it would grow on me, and she was right. Every day I like that wasabi green a little more.”

There are times when the truth sets you free and there are times when it just makes you feel like shit. Robert’s revelation fell into the second category. I had been angry and hurt when my relationship with Alex ended, but I had never doubted the fact that when we had been happy, his commitment to me had been as deep as mine to him. It seemed I’d been wrong.

My eyes stung. Luckily, a funeral is one of the few places where a woman can cry without drawing attention to herself. I was in the process of having a quiet weep when someone slid into the place next to me on the pew. I dabbed at my eyes, stuck my hanky in my purse, and cursed my luck. Still teary, I opened my funeral program. The photo Delia had taken from Harriet Hynd’s album had been printed on good-quality bond and included as an insert. There was no text explaining why it was there. None was needed. Everyone knew the identity of those five young people on the cusp of their stellar lives. But the cosmos had shifted for them. The shining future had brought betrayal, bitterness, brokenness, and violent death. They, too, had discovered that we stand on shifting sand.

The first thing I noticed about the young woman who sat down next to me was the spray of creamy lilies in her hand. They were as simple and exquisite as she herself was. She was dressed expensively in a silk sheath woven with a pattern of birds and flowers and designed to underscore the perfection of her arms and legs. As soon I saw her profile, I recognized her. Her name was Patsy Choi. Her hair was shorter and more chic than it had been three years earlier when she was at the centre of one of our nation’s most bitterly fought and divisive lawsuits, but she had been a girl then, just fourteen. As the small string orchestra played the opening notes of the processional, she stiffened. Not that long ago, she had been a musician herself, a promising violinist. The promise had been cut short when, after an argument about practising, her uncle and guardian smashed her fingers to a pulp.

Christopher Altieri had been her lawyer, and after a protracted trial in which battalions of expert witnesses sought to discredit or destroy the principals and one another, Patsy Choi had been awarded a seven-figure judgement. As we stood to greet the funeral party, Patsy placed the lilies on the pew, picked up the hymnal, and began to sing. Her hands were mutilated but functional. Perhaps the same could now be said of her life, and as I glanced around the cathedral, I wondered how many of those who’d come to celebrate Christopher Altieri’s time on this earth had found it easier to bear their own crosses because of him.

The three remaining partners of Falconer Shreve made their entrance together. Blake carried an earthenware urn whose purpose was all too evident. Behind the partners, like an afterthought, Noah and Lily walked with their daughters. The priests and the clerical party made their way up the aisle, and the Mass for the dead began.

The incense was lit, reminding us of the moment of Christopher Altieri’s baptism; the words of comfort were offered and people sat back lulled by a liturgy that either soothed or bored them. Only when Zack Shreve pushed his chair to a spot in front of the chancel steps did the air become charged. The priest, whose speech carried the soft lilt of the West Indies, had used a microphone, but Zack had an actor’s voice, deep and sonorous. Kevin told me that in a courtroom Zack used his voice like an instrument, whispering, booming, dripping with venom as the occasion demanded. That day, Zack chose to draw the huge and disparate crowd into a circle of intimacy with him at the centre.

His words cut deep. “Life is precarious,” he said. “The only certainty is that we are mysteries even to one another. All of us loved Chris Altieri. None of us could save him. Chris had a favourite piece of music. It’s called Lux Aeterna, which for those of you who have forgotten means Eternal Light. That, of course, is what Chris was to us.”

From the first notes, the piece was – no other word for it – transcendent, a work of such radiant beauty that it seemed to bathe us all in the perpetual light of its Latin title. The text was drawn from many sources, sacred and secular; the words were, by turns, lyric, contemplative, exultant. I turned my mind off and let the music wash over me. When the choir concluded with an exuberant “Alleluia,” I felt my heart lift. Beside me, Patsy Choi’s lips curved with joy – the music had touched her too. As I knelt to say a final prayer, I wondered whether Lux Aeterna had worked for Chris – whether in the last months of his life he had found a measure of peace in this ethereal music.

Patsy Choi slipped away before the recessional. Understandably, she was no fan of crowds. Neither was I, but I was in no hurry to leave the cathedral, and I was not anxious to face Lily Falconer, so I stayed behind, and as the mourners trailed out I walked to one of the side aisles to look at the building’s famous stained-glass windows.

I was pondering what was going on behind the sorrowing face of the Queen of Virgins when I sensed that I wasn’t alone. Once again, someone had joined me, but this time I knew my companion. Anne Millar had been a student of mine. “I have to talk to you, Joanne,” she said. “There’s something terribly wrong at Falconer Shreve.”