The Main

8

On the way to his apartment, LaPointe passes the headquarters of the First Regiment of the Grenadier Guards of Canada. Two young soldiers with automatic rifles slung across their combat fatigues pace up and down before the gate, their breath streaming from their nostrils in widening jets of vapor, and their noses and ears red with the cold. They are watching a little group of hippies across the street. Three boys and two girls are loading clothes and cardboard boxes into a battered, flower-painted VW van, moving from a place where they haven’t paid their rent to a place where they won’t. A meaty girl who is above the social subterfuges of make-up and hair-washing is doing most of the work, while another girl sits on a box, staring ahead and nodding in tempo with some inner melody. The three boys stand about, their hands in their pockets, their faces somber and pinched with the cold. They have fled from establishment conformity, taking identical routes toward individuality. They could have been stamped from the same mold, all long-legged and thin-chested, their shoulders round and huddled against the cold.

By contrast, the guards keep their shoulders unnaturally square and their chests boldly out. LaPointe assumes that once the hippies have driven away, the guards will relax and round their shoulders against the wind. He smiles to himself.

Before mounting the wooden stairs, LaPointe looks up at the windows of his apartment. No lights. She must still be out shopping.

The static cold of the apartment is more chilling than the wind, so he immediately lights the gas heater, then sets water to boil, thinking to have a nice hot cup of coffee waiting for her when she comes back.

The water comes to a boil, and she has still not returned. He empties the kettle, refills it, and replaces it on the gas ring. As though putting on the water is a kind of sympathetic magic that will bring her home to the coffee.

It doesn’t work.

He sits in his armchair and looks across the deserted park, drab in the winter overcast. Perhaps she’s left for good. Why shouldn’t she? She owes him nothing. Maybe she has met somebody… a young man who knows how to dance. That would be best, really. After all, she can’t go on living with him indefinitely. In fact, he doesn’t want her to. Not really. She’d be a pain in the neck. Then too, someday soon…

Without thinking, he slips his hand up to his chest, as he has come to do by habit each time he thinks of his aneurism… that stretched balloon. He feels the regular heartbeat. Normal. Nothing odd in it. Yes, he decides. It would be best if she’s found somebody else to live with. It would be ghastly for her to wake up some morning and find him beside her, dead. Maybe cold to the touch.

Or what if he were to have an attack while they were making love?

Good, then. That’s just fine. She has found a young man on the street. Somebody kind. It’s better that way.

He grunts out of the chair and goes into the kitchen to take off the kettle before the water boils away. He will enjoy a quiet, peaceful night. He will take off his shoes, put on his robe, and sit by the window, listening to the hiss of the gas fire and reading one of his Zola novels for the third or fourth time. He never tires of reading around and around his battered set of Zola. Years ago, he bought the imitation-leather books from an old man who ran a secondhand bookstore, a narrow slot of a shop created by roofing over an alley between two buildings on the Main. The old man never did much business, and buying the books was a way of helping him out without embarrassing him.

For several years the books sat unread on the top of his bedroom chest. Then one evening, for lack of something to do, he opened one and scanned it over. Within a year he had read them all. It wasn’t until the first time through that he realized there was a sort of order to some of them: heroines of one book were the daughters of heroines of another, and so on. Thereafter he always read them in order. His favorite novel is L’Assommoir, in which he was able to predict, in his first reading, the inevitable descent of the characters from hope to alcoholism to death. The books feel good in his hand, and have a friendly smell. It is the 1906 Edition Populaire Illustrée des Oeuvres Complètes de Entile Zola, with drawings of substantial heroines, their round arms uplifted in supplication and round eyes raised to heaven, the line of dialogue beneath never lacking in exclamation points. Such men as appear in the plates stand back, amongst the dripping shadows, and look mercilessly down on the fallen heroines. The men are not individuals; they are part of the environment of poverty, despair, and exploitation to which futile hope gives edge.

The novels are populated by people who, if they spoke in Joual dialect and knew about modern things, could be living on the Main. It seems to LaPointe that you have to know the street, to have known the parents of the young chippies back when they were young lovers, in order to enjoy or even understand Zola.

Yes, he’ll put on his robe and read for a while. Then he’ll go to bed. He is looking for his robe when he notices in the corner of the bedroom Marie-Louise’s shopping bag with its burden of odds and ends.

She will be back after all. The shopping bag is a hostage. He returns to the living room feeling less tired. She will surely be back within half an hour.

She is not. Evening imperceptibly deepens the sky to dusty slate as details down in the park retire into gloom. The novel is still on his lap, but it is too dark to read. The gas fire hisses, its orange-nippled ceramic elements an insubstantial glow, the room’s only light. Twice, when cars stop outside, he rises to look down from the window. And once he starts up with the realization that the kettle must be burning. Then he remembers that he took it off long ago.

The air becomes hot and thick with the oxygen-robbing gas heater, which he knows he should turn down, but he is too tired and heavy to feel like moving.

As always, his daydreams stray to his wife… and his girls. It is late evening in their home in Laval. Lucille is doing dishes in the kitchen fixed up with modern appliances he has seen in store windows on the Main. Logs are burning in the fireplace, and he is fussing with them more than they need, because he enjoys poking at wood fires. He goes up to the girls’ room—they are young again, and they are disobeying orders to get right to sleep. He finds them jumping on the bed, their long flannel nightgowns billowing out and entangling them when they land in a heap. He kisses them good night and teases them by scrubbing his whiskery cheek against their powdery ones. They complain and struggle and laugh. Lucille calls up that it is late and the girls need their sleep. He answers that they are already asleep, and the girls put their hands over their mouths to suppress giggles. He tucks them in with a final kiss, and they want a story and he says no, and they want the light left on and he says no, and they want a glass of water and he says no, and he turns out the light and leaves them and goes back down the stairs—he must get around to fixing the one that squeaks. He knows every detail of the house, the layout of the rooms, the wallpaper, the pencil marks on the kitchen doorframe that record the growth of the girls. But he never pictures a bedroom for Lucille and him. After all, Lucille is dead. No… gone. To the house in Laval. He wakes with a sweaty throat and a wet mouth, and with a confused feeling that something is going on. Then he hears the sound of a key in the lock. The door opens with a slant of pale yellow light from the naked hall bulb, and Marie-Louise enters.

“My God, it’s hot in here! What are you doing, sitting in the dark?”

As he gropes out of sleepiness, she finds the switch and turns on the lights. She is loaded down with parcels, which she dumps on the sofa, then holds her hands out to the gas fire. “Boy, it’s cold tonight. Well? What do you think of it? Cute, eh?” She turns around to model an ankle-length cloth coat of burnt orange. “It was on sale. Well?”

She walks a couple of steps and does a comic little turn, parodying the models she has seen on television. She doesn’t bother to conceal her limp, and LaPointe notices it as though for the first time. The detail had dropped from his mind. “It’s… ah… fine,” he says dopily. “Very nice.” He wonders what time it is.

She hugs herself and rubs her upper arms vigorously. “Boy, it’s the kind of cold that goes right through you. I was hoping you might have some hot coffee ready.”

“I’m sorry,” he says. “It didn’t occur to me.”

He is uneasy about the babbling quality of her speech. She’s trying to say everything at once, as though she has something to hide and doesn’t want to leave him space to question her. She says it’s too hot in the room, yet she warms herself at the heater. Something’s wrong.

“What have you been doing with yourself?” she asks lightly.

“Taking a nap.” He looks at the mantel clock. Eight-thirty. “You’ve been shopping all this time?”

“Yes,” she says with the inhaled Joual affirmative that means either yes or no.

“Take a cab home?”

She pauses for a second, her back to him. “No. I walked.” Her hollow tone tells him there is something in the way of a confession coming. He wishes he hadn’t asked.

“No cabs?” he asks, affording her a facile excuse.

She sits on the sofa and looks directly at him for the first time. She might as well get it over with. “No money,” she says. “I’m sorry, but I spent all you gave me. I got other things besides the coat and dress.”

That is the confession? He smiles at himself, aware that he has been acting and thinking like a kid. “It doesn’t matter,” he says.

She turns her head slightly to the side and looks at him uncertainly out of the sides of her eyes. “Really?”

He laughs. “Really.”

“Hey! Look at what I got!” Instantly she is up from the sofa, tearing open bags. “And I shopped around for bargains, too. I didn’t waste money. Oh, did you see these?” She parts her long cloth coat and shows him thick-soled boots that go to the knee. They are a wet red plastic that clashes with the burnt orange of the coat. She rips open a bag and draws out a long dress that looks as though it were made of patchwork. She holds it up to herself by the shoulders and kicks out at the hem. “What do you think?”

“Nice. It looks… warm.”

“Warm? Oh, I suppose so. The girl told me it’s the in thing. Oh, and I got a skirt.” She opens her coat again to show him the mini she is wearing. “And I got this blouse. There was another one I really liked. You know, one of those frilled collars like you see on old-time movies on TV? You know the kind I mean?”

“Yes,” he lies.

“But they didn’t have my size. And I got… let’s see… oh, a sweater! And… I guess that’s about it. No! I got some panties and things… there must have been something else. Oh, the coat! That’s what cost the most. And I guess that’s it!” She plunks down on the sofa amongst the clothes and ravished bags, her hands pressed between her knees, her elation suddenly evaporated. “You don’t like them, do you?” she says.

“What? No, sure. I mean… they’re fine.”

“It’s all the money, isn’t it?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You know, we don’t have to go out to dinner tonight like you promised. We could just stay home. That would save money.”

There is a quality of pimpish insinuation in the way the proprietor of the Greek restaurant finds them a secluded table, in the way he keeps refilling her glass with raisin wine, in the way he grins and nods to the Lieutenant from behind her chair. LaPointe resents this, but Marie-Louise seems to be enjoying the special attention, so he lets it go.

Greek food is alien to her, but she eats with relish, unfolding the cooked grape leaves to get at the rice and lamb within. She doesn’t eat the leaves, considering them to be only wrappings.

A candle set in red glass lights her face from a low angle that would be unkind to an older woman, but it only accents her animation as she recounts her shopping trip, or comments on the other patrons of the restaurant. He has chosen to sit with his back to the room so she can have the amusement of looking at the people and the pleasure of having the people look at her. It is a deliberate and uncommon gesture on the part of a man who normally keeps his back to walls and rooms open before him.

She doesn’t really like the Greek wine, but she drinks too much of it. By the time the meal is over, she is laughing a little too loudly.

He enjoys watching the uncensored play of expression over her face. She has not yet developed a mask. She is perfectly capable of lying, but not yet of dissimulating. She is capable of wheedling, but not yet of treachery. She is vulgar, but not yet hardened. She is still young and vulnerable. He, on the other hand, is old and… tough.

As they finish their coffee—that Turkish coffee with thick dregs that Greeks think is Greek—she hums along with jukebox music coming from the floor above the restaurant.

“What’s up there?” she asks, looking toward the stairs.

“A bar of sorts.”

“With dancing?”

He shrugs. “Oh, there’s a dance floor…” He really feels like going home.

“Could we dance there?”

“I don’t dance.”

“Didn’t you ever? Even when you were young?”

He smiles. “No. Not even then.”

“How old are you anyway?”

“Fifty-three. I told you before.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did. You forgot.”

“You’re older than my father. Do you realize that? You are older than my father.” She seems to think that is remarkable.

It is so obvious a tactic that it would be unkind not to let it work. So they climb the stairs and enter a large dark room with a bar lit by colored bulbs behind ripple glass and a jukebox that glows with lights of ever-changing hues. They take one of the booths along the wall. The only other people there are the barmaid and a group of four young Greek boys at the next booth but one, sharing a bottle of ouzo that has been iced until it leaves wet rings on the tabletop. One of the boys leaves the booth and goes to the bar, where he lightheartedly sings the apple to the barmaid. She is wearing a short dress, and her thighs are so thick that her black hose squeaks with friction when she walks to serve the tables.

“What would you like?” LaPointe asks.

“What are they having?” She indicates the group of young men.

“Ouzo.”

“Would I like that?”

“Probably.”

“Do you like it?”

“No.”

She feels there is a mild dig in that, so she orders ouzo defiantly. He has an Armagnac.

While the barmaid squeaks away to fetch the drinks, Marie-Louise rises and goes to the jukebox to examine its selections, slightly bending the knee of her good leg to make her limp imperceptible. LaPointe knows she doesn’t care if he notices it, so the caution must be for the young Greek boys. As she leans over the jukebox, its colored light is caught in the frizzy mop of her hair, and she looks very attractive. Her bottom is round and tight under the new mini-skirt. He is proud of her. And the Greek boys do not fail to notice her and exchange appreciative looks.

She is the same age as his imaginary daughters sometimes are. She is the same age as his real wife always is. He feels two things simultaneously: he is proud of his attractive daughter, jealous of his attractive wife. Stupid.

There is some playful nudging among the Greek boys, and one of them—the boldest, or the clown—gets up and joins her, leaning close to study the record offerings. He puts a coin into the slot and gestures to her to make a selection. She smiles thanks and pushes two buttons. When he asks her to dance, she accepts without even looking at LaPointe. The music is modern and loud, and they dance without touching. Despite the jerky, primitive movements of the dance, she seems strong and controlled and graceful, and the dancing completely camouflages her limp. It is easy to see why she enjoys it so much.

The record stops without ending, like all modern music, a fade-out concealing its inability to resolve, and the dance is over. The young man says something to her, and she shakes her head, but she smiles. They return, each to his own table. As he passes, the Greek boy salutes LaPointe with a sassy little wave.

Marie-Louise slides into the booth a little out of breath and exuberant. “He’s a good dancer.”

“How can you tell?” LaPointe asks.

“Oh, the drinks are here. Well, ‘bottoms up.’ “ She speaks the toast in English so accented that the second word sounds like “zeup.” “Hey, this is good. Like licorice candy. But hot.” She finishes it off. “May I have another one?”

“Sure. But it might make you sick.”

She thrusts out her lower lip and shrugs.

He signals the waitress.

A party of older men clatters up the stairs, half drunk from celebrating a wedding. They drag out the tables from two booths and put them together, collecting chairs from everywhere. One man slaps his hand on the table and clamors for ouzo, and they are served two ice-cold bottles and a tray of glasses. One rises and proposes a toast to the father of the bride, who is the drunkest and happiest of the lot. The toaster is long-winded and somewhat incoherent; the others complain that they will never get a chance to drink, and finally they shout him down and slap back the first glasses.

One of the young men has put money into the jukebox. As the music starts he saunters toward LaPointe’s booth.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Marie-Louise asks.

He shakes his head.

The proprietor comes up from the restaurant to check on things. When he notices the boy dancing with Marie-Louise, he frowns and crosses to the booth with the three young men. There is a short conversation during which one of the boys stretches his neck to take a look at LaPointe. As he passes the booth to offer insincere congratulations to the father of the bride, the proprietor nods and winks conspiratorially at the Lieutenant. He has taken care of everything. The young men won’t be horning in on his girl again.

Marie-Louise finishes her ouzo and wants a third. For some minutes she sits, swaying her shoulders in tempo to a melody she is humming. She doesn’t understand why the boys don’t play more records and ask her to dance.

LaPointe is about to suggest that they go home, when one of the wedding party rises and navigates an arcing course to the jukebox. He pushes in a coin with operatic thoroughness, then presses first one button, then another. In a moment there comes the first twanging note of a stately traditional song. The old man lifts his arms slowly; his head is turned to one side and his eyes are closed; his fingers snap crisply to every second beat of the music.

The boys in the booth groan over the old-fashioned selection.

The old man looks directly at them, his eyes smiling and clever, and he slowly shuffles toward them, snapping his fingers and dipping gracefully with every third step.

“No way!” says one of the boys. “Forget it!”

But the old man advances confidently. These kids may be modern and may speak English, but their blood is Greek, and he will win.

Three other members of the wedding party are now on the dance floor, their arms around one another’s shoulders, the outside two snapping then: fingers to the compelling tempo, and dipping with each third step. Too drunk to walk perfectly, they dance with balance, grace, and authority.

There is a friendly scuffle in the young men’s booth and one of them is pushed out onto the floor. With peevish reservation, he begins to snap his fingers mechanically, making it perfectly clear that this old-country shit is not for him. But the old man dances directly in front of him, looking him steadily in the eye and insisting silently on their common heritage. And when he puts his arm around the boy’s shoulders, the peevishness evaporates and he falls into step. After all, he is a man.

The tempo of the music increases relentlessly. The five link up. Two other old men join the end of the line, one of them brandishing an ouzo bottle in his free hand. It is two steps to the side, then a strong dip forward. Marie-Louise watches with fascination. She is surprised when she notices that LaPointe is clapping his hands in time with the music, then she sees that the men at the double table are clapping also. When she starts to rise to join the dancing, LaPointe shakes his head.

“It’s a men’s dance.”

“Oh, they won’t mind.”

He shrugs. Perhaps they won’t. After all, she is not a Greek girl. In fact, they part to make a place for her in the line, and from the first step she is native to the simple, inevitable dance. She adds to it a flair of her own, dipping very low and bowing her head almost to the floor, then whipping it back as she snaps up again.

With this the other three young men run out to join the dance.

When the music ends, there are yelps of joy and everyone applauds his own performance. Instantly another coin is in the machine. LaPointe is recognized, and an envoy of two old men come to invite him to join the larger table. He signals for a bottle of ouzo as his contribution and brings his glass along. The instant he sits down, the glass is filled to overflowing with ouzo. He had not finished the Armagnac, and the mixture is ugly, so he downs it quickly to be rid of it. And his glass is instantly filled again.

Because she is Greek, the barmaid does not join the dancing, but she sits at the common table between two old men, one of whom complains drunkenly that nobody let him finish the toast he had rehearsed all day long. The other occasionally slips his hand between her legs where the thick thighs touch. She laughs and rolls her eyes, sometimes slapping the hand away and sometimes giving it a hard squeeze with her thighs that makes the old man whoop with naughty pleasure.

After the fourth or fifth dance, Marie-Louise is exhausted, and she sits one out, pulling up a chair across from LaPointe, between one of the boys and an old man. The old man is very drunk and insists on telling her a very important story that he cannot quite remember. She listens and laughs, despite the fact that he speaks only Greek. LaPointe knows that the boy has his hand in her lap under the table. His extravagant nonchalance gives him away.

An hour and a half later, Marie-Louise is dancing with one of the boys, while one of the old men clings to LaPointe, his hand gripping the nape of his neck, and explains that all cops are bastards, except of course LaPointe, who is a good man… so good that he is almost Greek. Not quite, but almost.

By the end of the night, the table is awash with water that has condensed from the icy bottles, and with spilled ouzo.

When he finds the problem of getting his key into the lock both fascinating and amusing, LaPointe realizes that he is drunk for the first time in years. Drunk on ouzo. A sick drunk. Stupid.

It is hot in the room because he forgot to turn the fire off when they left. He does it now, while she slips through to the bathroom, humming one of the Greek songs and occasionally snapping her fingers.

“Did you have a good time?” she calls when he comes into the bedroom and sits heavily on the bed. She is on the toilet, with the door wide open, talking to him without embarrassment while she pisses.

She doesn’t wait for his answer. “I had a great time!” she says. “Best time of my life. I wish you could dance. Can we go there again?” As he tugs off his shoes, she wipes herself and stands up, shaking down her skirt as the toilet flushes.

LaPointe, drunk, is touched by the marital intimacy of it. It is as if they had been together for years. She must like me, he thinks. She must feel safe with me, if she doesn’t mind pissing in my presence.

Now he knows he is drunk. He laughs at himself. Come on, LaPointe! Is that an act of love? A gesture of confidence? Pissing in your presence? With sodden seriousness, he confirms that, yes, it is. How long was it after your marriage before Lucille lost her embarrassment with you? She didn’t even like to brush her teeth in your presence at first.

But… it could be something other than confidence, this pissing while chatting. It could be indifference.

Who cares?

Stupid, stupid. Drunk on ouzo. And you shouldn’t drink with that aneur… anor… whateverthehell it is!

She undresses quickly, leaving things where they fall, and slips under the covers. The sheets are cold and she shudders as her naked legs touch them. “Hurry up. Get into bed. Make me warm.”

He turns off the light before taking off his pants, then he gets in beside her. She clings to him, putting her leg over his for warmth. Soon their body heat warms the bed enough that one dares to move a leg to virgin parts of the sheet. She slips her knee between his legs and turns over, half upon him. The streetlight beneath the window makes her face visible in the dark. “What’s wrong?” she asks, running her hand over his chest. She laughs at him. “Hey, I’m not your daughter, after all.”

What? What put that into her head? What’s wrong with her?

They make love.