The Mastery Of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship

VIII Sex: The Biggest Demon in Hell

IF WE COULD TAKE HUMANS OUT OF THE CREATION of the universe, we would see that the whole creation – the stars, the moon, the plants, the animals, everything – is perfect just the way it is. Life doesn't need to be justified or judged; without us, it keeps going the way it is. If you put humans in that creation, but take away the ability to judge, you will find we are exactly like the rest of nature. We are not good or bad or right or wrong; we are just the way we are.

In the Dream of the Planet, we have the need to justify everything – to make everything good or bad or right or wrong, when it is just the way it is, period. Humans accumulate a lot of knowledge; we learn all those beliefs, morals, and rules from our family, society, religion. And we base most of our behavior, most of our feelings, on that knowledge. We create angels and demons, and of course, sex becomes the biggest demon in hell. Sex is the biggest sin of the humans, when the human body is made for sex.

You are a biological, sexual being, and that is just the way it is. Your body is so wise. All that intelligence is in the genes, in the DNA. The DNA doesn't need to understand or justify everything; it just knows. The problem is not with sex. The problem is the way we manipulate the knowledge and our judgments, when there is really nothing to justify. It's so hard for the mind to surrender, to accept that it's just the way it is. We have a whole set of beliefs about what sex should be, about how relationships should be, and these beliefs are completely distorted.

In hell, we pay a high price for a sexual encounter, but the instinct is so strong that we do it anyway. Then we have all that guilt, all that shame; we hear all that gossip about sex. "Look at what this woman is doing, ooh! Look at that man." We have a whole definition of what a woman is, what a man is, how a woman should behave sexually, how a man should behave sexually. Men are always too macho or too wimpy depending on who is judging. Women are always too thin or too fat. We have all these beliefs about how a woman should be in order to be beautiful. You have to buy the right clothes, create the right image, so you can be seductive and fit that image. If you don't fit that image of beauty, you grow up believing that you're not worthy, that no one will like you.

We believe so many lies about sex that we don't enjoy sex. Sex is for animals. Sex is evil. We should be ashamed to have sexual feelings. These rules about sex go completely against nature, and it's just a dream, but we believe it. Your true nature comes out and it doesn't fit with all those rules. You are guilty. You are not what you should be. You are judged; you are victimized. You punish yourself, and it's not fair. This creates wounds that become infected with emotional poison.

The mind plays this game, but the body doesn't care what the mind believes; the body just feels the sexual need. At a certain time in our lives, we cannot avoid feeling sexual attraction. This is completely normal; it is not a problem at all. The body is going to feel sexual when it's excited, when it's touched, when it's visually stimulated, when it sees the possibility of sex. The body can feel sexual, and a few minutes later, stop feeling sexual. If the stimulation ends, the body stops feeling the need for sex, but the mind is another story.

Let's say that you are married and were raised as a Catholic. You have all those ideas about how sex should be -about what is good or bad or right or wrong, about what is a sin and what is acceptable. You need to sign a contract to make sex okay; if you don't sign the contract, sex is a sin. You have given your word to be loyal, but one day you are walking on the street and a man crosses in front of you. You feel a strong attraction; the body feels the attraction. There is no problem, it doesn't mean you will take any action, but you cannot avoid the feeling because it's completely normal. When the stimulation is gone, the body lets go, but the mind needs to justify what the body feels.

The mind knows, and that's the problem. Your mind knows, you know, but what is it that you know? You know what you believe. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, right or wrong, correct or incorrect. You are raised to believe this is bad, and right away you make that judgment. Now the drama and conflict begin.

Later you think of that man, and just thinking of him makes your hormones go up again. Because of the powerful memory that's in the mind, it's as if your body is seeing him again. The body reacts because the mind thinks about it. If the mind would leave the body alone, that reaction would go away as if it never happened. But the mind remembers it, and because you know it's not okay, you start to judge yourself. The mind says it's not okay and tries to repress what it feels. When you try to repress your mind, guess what? You think about it more. Then you see that man, and even if it's in a different situation, your body reacts more strongly.

If the first time you had just let go of the judgment, perhaps you would see him the second time and you would have no reaction at all. Now you see the man, you have sexual feelings, and you judge these feelings and think, "Oh my God, it's not okay. I'm a terrible woman." You need to be punished; you are guilty; you are going in a downward spiral, and for nothing, because it's all in the mind. Perhaps that man doesn't even notice that you exist. You start imagining the whole thing, you make assumptions, and you start to want him more. For whatever reason you meet the man, you talk to him, and it's beautiful for you. It becomes an obsession, it's very attractive, but you are afraid.

Then you make love to him, and it's the greatest thing and the worst thing at the same time. Now you really need to be punished. "What kind of woman would allow her sexual desire to be greater than her morals?" Who knows what games the mind is going to play. You hurt, but you try to deny your feelings; you try to justify your actions to avoid the emotional pain. "Well, my husband is probably the same way."

The attraction becomes stronger, but it's not because of your body; it's because the mind is playing a game. The fear becomes an obsession, and all that fear you have about your sexual attraction is building up. When you make love with this man, you have a great experience, but not because he is great, and not because the sex was great, but because all the tension, all the fear, is released. To build it up again, the mind plays the game that it's because of that man, but it isn't true.

The drama keeps growing, and it's nothing but a simple mental game. It's not even real. It's not love either, because this kind of relationship becomes very destructive. It is self-destructive, because you are hurting yourself, and the place that hurts most is what you believe. It doesn't matter if your belief is right or wrong or good or bad, you are breaking your beliefs, which is something that we wish to do, but in the way of the spiritual warrior, not the way of the victim. Now you are going to use that experience to go deeper into hell, not to get out of hell.

Your mind and your body have completely different needs, but your mind has control of your body. Your body has needs that you cannot avoid; you have to fulfill the need for food, the need for water, shelter, sleep, sex. All those needs of your body are completely normal, and it's so easy to satisfy the needs of the body. The problem is that the mind says these are my needs. In the mind we create a whole picture in this bubble of illusion, and the mind takes responsibility for everything. The mind thinks it has the need for food, for water, for shelter, for clothing, for sex. But the mind has no needs at all, no physical needs. The mind doesn't need food, doesn't need oxygen, doesn't need water, doesn't need sex at all. How do we know this is true? When your mind says, "I need food," you eat, and the body is completely satisfied, but your mind still thinks it needs food. You keep eating and eating and eating, and you cannot satisfy your mind with food, because that need is not real.

The need to cover your body is another example. Yes, your body needs to be covered because the wind is too cold or because the sun is too hot, but it's your body that has the need and it's so easy to satisfy the need. When the need is in the mind, you can have tons of clothes and the mind still needs clothes. You open the closet and it's full of clothes, but your mind isn't satisfied. What does it say? "I have nothing to wear."

The mind needs another car, another vacation, a guest house for your friends – all those needs that you never can fully satisfy are in the mind. Well, it's the same with sex. When the need is in the mind, you cannot satisfy the need. When the need is in the mind, the whole judgment, the whole knowledge, is also there. This makes sex so difficult to deal with. The mind doesn't need sex. What the mind really needs is love, not sex. More than the mind, it's your soul that needs love, because your mind can survive with fear. Fear is energy also, and it's food for the mind – not exactly the food you want, but it works.

We need to give the body the freedom from the tyrant that is the mind. If we no longer have the need for food in our mind, the need for sex in our mind, everything becomes so easy. The first step is to split the needs into two categories: These are the needs of the body; these are the needs of the mind.

The mind confuses the needs of the body with its own needs because the mind needs to know: What am I? We live in this world of illusion, and we have no idea what we are. The mind creates all these questions. What am I? becomes the biggest mystery, and any answer satisfies the need to feel safe. The mind says, "I am the body. I am what I see; I am what I think; I am what I feel. I am hurting; I am bleeding."

The affinity between the mind and the body is so close that the mind believes, "I am the body." The body has a need, and the mind says, "I need." The mind takes everything about the body personally because it tries to understand What am I? So it is completely normal that the mind starts to gain control of the body at a certain point. And you live your life until something happens that shakes you and allows you to see what you are not.

You start to become aware when you see what you are not, when your mind starts to realize that it is not the body. Your mind says, "Then what am I? Am I the hand? If I cut off my hand, I am still me. Then I am not the hand." You take away what is not you, until in the end the only thing that remains is what you really are. It's a long process of the mind finding its own identity. In the process, you let go of the personal story, what makes you feel safe, until finally you understand what you really are.

You find out that you are not what you believe you are, because you never chose your beliefs. These beliefs were there when you were born. You find out that you are also not the body, because you start to function without your body. You start to notice that you are not the dream, that you are not the mind. If you go deeper, you start noticing that you are not the soul either. Then what you find out is so incredible. You find out that what you are is a force – a force that makes it possible for your body to live, a force that makes it possible for your whole mind to dream.

Without you, without this force, your body would collapse on the floor. Without you, your whole dream just dissolves into nothing. What you really are is that force that is Life. If you look into the eyes of someone near you, you will see the self-awareness, the manifestation of Life, shining in his eyes. Life is not the body; it is not the mind; it is not the soul. It is a force. Through this force, a newborn baby becomes a child, a teenager, an adult; it reproduces and grows old. When Life leaves the body, the body decomposes and turns to dust.

You are Life passing through your body, passing through your mind, passing through your soul. Once you find that out, not with the logic, not with the intellect, but because you can feel that Life – you find out that you are the force that makes the flowers open and close, that makes the hummingbird fly from flower to flower. You find out that you are in every tree, you are in every animal, vegetable, and rock. You are that force that moves the wind and breathes through your body. The whole universe is a living being that is moved by that force, and that is what you are. You are Life.