The Naked Typist

27

Judge Wallingsford was controlling himself with a great effort. “Mr. Fitzpatrick,” he said. “I must say I would not have expected this sort of behavior from so conservative and respected a member of the bar.”

Fitzpatrick played it well-polite and deferential, but still cool and unperturbed. “I beg your pardon, Your Honor,” he said, “but to what do you refer?”

Judge Wallingsford nearly gagged. “What?” he sputtered. “To what do I refer? You just stood up in my courtroom and asked the woman you are defending to take her clothes off.”

“Oh, that,” Fitzpatrick said.

Judge Wallingsford took a breath. “Mr. Fitzpatrick, are you trying to infuriate me?”

“Not at all, Your Honor. But I don’t see what the commotion is all about. District Attorney Harry Dirkson is the one who brought up the matter of the defendant being nude. He mentioned it several times. He took great pains to emphasize the point.”

“Which he has every right to do,” Judge Wallingsford snapped. “And you have every right to emphasize the points you wish to emphasize in your opening argument. But you went beyond that. You asked the defendant to stand up and take her clothes off.”

“Only to make a point, Your Honor.”

“You’re not supposed to be making points. At least, not in that manner. You’re supposed to be stating what you intend to prove. This is a courtroom, not a sideshow. I won’t put up with such theatrics.”

Dirkson, who had been fuming on the sidelines, could control himself no longer. “It’s not him, Your Honor,” he said irritably. He pointed to Steve Winslow. “He put him up to it. It’s a typical Steve Winslow stunt. This whole thing is pure Winslow.”

Judge Wallingsford turned to Steve Winslow. “And what do you have to say for yourself?”

“I resent Mr. Dirkson’s remarks, Your Honor,” Steve said. “Fitzpatrick and I are co-counsel, and naturally we have conferred on strategy. I find the phrase ‘put him up to it’ offensive, and I’m sure Mr. Fitzpatrick does too.”

Judge Wallingsford frowned. “That is not the point. I must say, I find your attitude irritating at best. At worst, it borders on contempt of court. I hope I make myself clear. I do not intend to put up with this sort of nonsense in my courtroom.”

“Begging Your Honor’s pardon,” Steve said, “but I don’t think you ever ruled on the objection.”

“What?”

“Mr. Dirkson’s objection. Mr. Fitzpatrick was making his opening statement, Dirkson objected, you cut him off and ordered us in here. You never ruled on the objection. In fact, I don’t believe Mr. Dirkson ever finished making it. So I’m not clear what the grounds for his objection are.”

“Son of a bitch!” Dirkson snapped.

“Mr. Dirkson, that will do,” Judge Wallingsford said. “Mr. Winslow, your attitude is insolent and borders on contempt of court. You know perfectly well what’s going on here. Mr. Dirkson has objected to outrageous behavior which has no place in the courtroom. His objection will be sustained. And I hereby serve notice that if you-persist along these lines, I will find you in contempt of court.”

“Noted, Your Honor. But if we could please clarify this one point. I assume this applies only to the suggestion that our client take her clothes off, and not to anything else. Specifically, not to any remarks Mr. Fitzpatrick made conceding that the defendant did indeed type nude. Especially since those remarks were only replying to allegations made by District Attorney Harry Dirkson in his opening statement.”

“Certainly,” Judge Wallingsford said. “As offensive as those remarks might be, the door was certainly open for them and they may stand. But I would hope this will be the end of that particular issue.”

“So would I, Your Honor,” Steve said. “Then the only bone of contention here is the suggestion the defendant take her clothes off?”

“That’s right.”

“Fine,” Steve said. “Then if Mr. Fitzpatrick agrees, we will withdraw that suggestion, rendering the matter moot. Is that acceptable to you, Fitzpatrick?”

“Absolutely. Your Honor, I hereby withdraw that remark and tender my apologies to the court.”

“Very well,” Judge Wallingsford said. “Then, gentlemen, if we could proceed.”

“I trust Your Honor will explain the situation to the jury,” Steve said.

“Naturally,” Judge Wallingsford said.

“Will you explain to them that the defendant is not going to take her clothes off because District Attorney Harry Dirkson doesn’t want them to see that?”

Judge Wallingsford opened his mouth. His lip quivered. He attempted to fight back a smile but was unsuccessful. He chuckled, then shook his head angrily. “Damn it,” he said. “Mr. Dirkson, I apologize. There is nothing funny about this. It is a murder trial. Let’s try to get on with it.” He glared at Fitzpatrick. “And I warn you, any more theatrics will be considered contempt of court.”

With that he turned and stalked out of his chambers.

Dirkson glared at Winslow and Fitzpatrick, then turned and followed him.

In front of Judge Wallingsford, Fitzpatrick had looked positively contrite. But as they followed the judge and the D.A. out of chambers, Fitzpatrick nudged Steve Winslow in the ribs, leaned over and whispered, “Most fun I’ve had in years.”