The Perfect Girl

ZOE

The Family Liaison lady, who tells me to call her Stella, is everywhere I go. She has what she calls ‘just a little word’ with Richard, even though it’s more of a bursting fishing net of words if you ask me. She tells him that I was online on his computer and then says to him and to me, like twenty times, that it’s probably a good idea if I don’t go online at the moment because I might read something that wouldn’t be good for me to see.

But I know that’s not just what she means. I know she’s watching me for signs to see if I’ve done something. And the thing is, I’m desperate to read the end of Lucas’s script.

My dad’s in the kitchen and even though I’m still angry with him I figure he’s my best chance of reading the script because he still has his phone. He’s sitting in there on his own at Tess’s little kitchen table, which looks like it should be in a diner, with a cup of tea in front of him that he’s not drinking. He raises his eyes slowly and looks at me like he’s afraid that I’ll go off on one again.

‘Can I borrow your phone?’ I ask him.

‘What?’

‘Just for a minute.’

He takes a deep breath, and I think he’s going to say ‘no’, but instead he says, ‘Zoe, I think it’s best if I stay in a hotel tonight, so it doesn’t put too much pressure on Tessa.’

‘Can I come with you?’ It would be good to get away from here, from the police, from Chris, and Richard, and all of the people. It would be good to be just me and Dad.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. You should probably stay with the others.’

‘Why?’

He can’t seem to answer that even though I’m standing right in front of him waiting for him to say something.

‘Why, Dad?’

‘Well…’ he says eventually, but I’m fit to burst by then because sometimes I feel like I can read his mind, and I know what he’s going to say, so I shout at him.

‘I didn’t do anything! Honestly, I swear it, what do you think I’m like?’

‘That’s not what I’m thinking; but there are other things to take into account if we’re talking about you coming back to Devon,’ and that sounds like he’s getting ready to tell me that he doesn’t want me, and it makes me feel as if some big heavy teeth have sunk into me.

I try to blink back tears, and to focus only on what I want, which is his phone. I’ve already made a sore patch inside my mouth from the biting and I dig my molars into the soft, sore tissue there again and pull myself back into togetherness. Jason would be proud.

‘Can I borrow your phone, please?’ I ask him again. ‘I just want to look something up.’

He hands his phone over to me, because he feels obliged now. Guilt is a good way to leverage people. Jason didn’t tell me that; nobody needed to tell me that. I learned it because my guilt about what I’ve done makes me bend the shape of myself to fit what other people want every day of my life.

In the hallway I meet Stella, who reminds me of the sheepdog on the farm, always trying to round everybody up.

‘I’m just going to the loo,’ I say. I’ve slipped Dad’s phone under the waistband of my trousers, and my cardigan’s wrapped over it.

I walk up the stairs, dragging my hand up the banister purposely slowly, so that she doesn’t think I’m rushing.

I lock the bathroom door behind me and sit on the toilet.

I can’t get on to Tessa’s WiFi on the phone because I don’t know the password for it and the phone doesn’t log in automatically like the computer did, but that’s OK because my dad is getting a 3G signal here so it takes no time to log into Mum’s email and access the script.

The ending is so sad.

‘WHAT I KNOW’

BY LUCAS KENNEDY

ACT III

INT. LUCAS’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.

JULIA is sitting on LUCAS’s bed, reading him a bedtime story. She is very unwell.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

At first, I lied to Lucas about my prognosis, because it was too painful to tell him the whole truth. I simply told him that I was unwell. But Lucas is a clever boy, and he very quickly worked out that it was worse than that.

LUCAS

Mum?

JULIA

Yes.

LUCAS

Are you going to die?

JULIA

Well, sometimes people who have this disease do die.

LUCAS

Can you get medicine to make you better?

JULIA

I have some medicine.

LUCAS

From the doctor?

JULIA

Yes, from the doctor.

LUCAS

And will it work?

JULIA

(struggling)

No, my love, it probably won’t.

They look at each other. JULIA is willing LUCAS to understand but wishing he doesn’t have to all at once.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

He didn’t reply to me, but he never wanted to leave my side after that.

INT. CHRIS’S OFFICE. NIGHT.

CHRIS lies stretched out on his sofa, staring at the ceiling. We see from the clock on the wall and the darkness outside that it’s very late.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

Chris took it hard too. But instead of sticking close to me, he withdrew. My illness repulsed him. He spent every hour possible out of the home.

INT. HALLWAY OF THE KENNEDY HOUSE. DAY.

The doorbell rings and LUCAS runs to answer it.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

And this left us with a problem. Because, as a result of Chris’s behaviour, and in spite of the excellent nursing help that he organised, it was Lucas who inevitably became my main carer.

LUCAS opens the door and a NURSE is there.

LUCAS

Hello, Annie.

NURSE

Hello, my friend! How’s she doing?

LUCAS

She’s a bit sad today. I think it hurts.

NURSE

OK, let’s see what we can do about that, shall we?

Upstairs, LUCAS stands at JULIA’s bedroom door and watches as the NURSE greets her gently and begins to work around her.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

And the fact that Lucas was seeing and doing things that he was too young for became unbearable to me. As was the fact that he was old enough to realise that Chris should have been there with us, caring for me too. So I decided that something had to change. I could think of only one thing to do, and it took all my strength to do it. It was time to be cruel to be kind.

INT. THE KENNEDY FAMILY KITCHEN. MORNING.

CHRIS is waiting in the doorway, holding a set of car keys and watching JULIA and LUCAS. JULIA is sitting down and LUCAS stands in front of her while she adjusts his uniform. JULIA’s arms and wrists look frail.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

I forced him to leave me so that his life could be as normal as possible. It was the only way I could think to show him a way to go forward. He didn’t want to. He wanted to stay at home from school, to crawl into bed with me, spend every one of my last minutes with me, but I made him go to piano, to sports clubs, and to school.

LUCAS

(Tearful)

I don’t want to go.

JULIA

You have to go.

LUCAS

Please.

JULIA

(snaps)

Lucas, don’t argue with me!

LUCAS is shocked and hurt by her tone of voice. He turns and follows his father out of the door wordlessly. The door shuts behind them and we see JULIA, alone in the room, utterly crushed.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

And it broke my heart to do it. But I knew that if he was going to survive life with his father, he had to be strong, and so I had to force him away. And I knew, too, that things couldn’t carry on like this.

INT. CHRIS AND JULIA’S BEDROOM. DAY.

JULIA is in bed, looking even worse than before. The NURSE is in her room, unpacking medication.

JULIA

Could you do me a favour? Could you get me a pen and paper and something to rest on. You’ll find them in my desk drawer, downstairs.

NURSE

You going to draw me a picture?

JULIA

(smiles, though really she’s too tired for jokes)

No. I want to write a letter. Could you get me an envelope too?

NURSE

Of course I will. Do you need a stamp?

JULIA

No.

NURSE

How’s Lucas?

JULIA

He went to school today. I didn’t think he would.

NURSE

That’s good. First time I’ve had to let myself in I think, so that’s what I was hoping. It’s not good for him to be here all the time.

JULIA

I know.

NURSE

He’ll be all right, you know.

JULIA

(we see her pain)

I hope so, I really do.

NURSE

He’s a good boy, bless him.

JULIA

He is.

INT. CHRIS AND JULIA’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.

JULIA is propped up in bed, alone, and we see her finish writing something.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

I wrote the letter. It was my ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ order.

JULIA seals the letter in an envelope, carefully, and then laboriously places it in the top drawer of her bedside table, an action which costs her a large amount of effort. Inside the bedside table there’s a box, which she takes out. When she opens it, we see it contains a large number of pills.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

And I counted the pills that I’d been hoarding, to make sure I had enough.

Satisfied, she replaces the box in the drawer, beside the envelope, and turns out the light.

EXT. A STREET NEAR CHRIS AND JULIA’S HOUSE. MORNING.

LUCAS is walking to school. It’s a different day and he’s wearing a hat and coat. The camera follows him on his way.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

After that, it was a matter of waiting for a school day.

We see LUCAS sitting in a lesson at school, unable to concentrate. He stares at his book while the TEACHER drones on.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

It was a harsh thing to do, I know, but I saw it as a way of releasing him from the last few weeks of my life, saving him from seeing me wracked with pain, and out of control of my body. I wanted our parting to be cleaner, tidier, and easier for him to bear.

We see LUCAS in the school dining hall, picking through his lunch box, rejecting everything in there. He checks his phone, sends a text to JULIA, and waits for the reply.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

But timing is everything, and Lucas texted me just after I’d taken the pills, and lain back in my bed, and placed the letter on my chest. And, when I didn’t answer, he sensed that something was wrong.

LUCAS stares at his phone. Then he tries to call JULIA on her mobile, and on the landline. There’s no answer. LUCAS runs from the school dining hall, and out of the main school doors and starts to sprint home.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

I don’t know how he sensed it, but he did.

LUCAS bursts into the house, and pounds up the stairs, and tries to enter JULIA’s room, but she has locked the door. LUCAS calls to JULIA, he bangs and kicks the door and then throws his body weight against it. When that doesn’t work he gets out his phone and dials 999.

LUCAS

Yes, hello, ambulance, please, yes, and fire brigade. Please come quickly. It’s my mum.

INT. PRIVATE HOSPITAL ROOM. VERY WELL APPOINTED. NIGHT.

We find everything exactly as it was before, in the first scene. LUCAS and CHRIS continue their vigil by JULIA’s bedside.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

I didn’t want Lucas to find me. The idea was that it would be the nurse who discovered my body, and that I would be dead by then. But even this is better than the lingering weeks of decay that Lucas would have had to endure otherwise. My end in this hospital will be as controlled as possible. And it will be soon. But, before I go, I understand that there’s probably a question on your lips right now. How could I leave my son with his father? With the man who isolated me from people, who pounded my head against walls and reduced me to putty in his hands. My answer: I had no choice. My only solace: Chris had never touched Lucas. Yet. And I hoped, I prayed, that if my son understood he must be strong, then Chris never would touch him. It was all I could do.

The machines suddenly begin to beep again, and NURSES and a DOCTOR rush in. CHRIS and LUCAS are ushered away from the bed and can do nothing but watch helplessly as JULIA slips away. The DNR order prevents intervention and her end comes quickly, and we know this because the NURSES and DOCTOR step away from her bed.

DYING JULIA (V.O.)

I had tried my hardest to give my son the best of me, broken, bullied, mocked, little old me. My attempt at suicide, and the DNR order, well they were a final act of love, and the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I did it because the end, after all, was inevitable.

LUCAS watches blankly, in shock, as the DOCTOR records the time of JULIA’s death, but CHRIS’s face collapses into grief. CHRIS puts a hand on LUCAS’s shoulder, almost as if so surprised by the strength of his own feelings that he needs supporting.

But LUCAS steps away from him.

THE END