The Pussy

OKCupid: Terms of Service

Any girl who smokes will fuck you. Any girl with her body type facetiously listed as “used up” will fuck you. Any woman of Hispanic extraction will fuck you. Any Asian woman of any body type besides “thin” will fuck you. In fact, any woman at all with a body type outside of “thin” or “fit” will fuck you. Any girl who agrees to the first meeting place you propose, which is far from her but close to your insect-infested jack shack, will fuck you; any girl who says “that’s a little far, can we meet in (X neighborhood) instead?” will not fuck you and should be jettisoned.

Any girl who talks about “my son is my world and I need a man who is OK with that” will not fuck you, but any woman who has a kid and doesn’t belabor it in her profile will fuck you. Be sure to pull out. Any girl with pics of her tattoos will fuck you. Any girl with a picture of her dog will not fuck you. Dog dick only I guess. Any girl who doesn’t own a car will fuck you. Any girl who lives with her parents will fuck you, maybe just to get out of the house. Armenian girls will fuck you but only on the second date. Jewish girls will surprise you. Most of them are a pain in the ass but once in a while God’s chosen people will throw you a sexy little whore. Check how much she drinks. Black girls, I don’t know; all the ones on OKC are mutants or illiterate. We need to get word out to the community.

Every girl with weird teeth will fuck you, and they will make it apparent that they are going to fuck you at the star of the date. Every girl who mentions being insecure about being short will fuck you, not realizing that their smallness is a huge asset since all men secretly want to fuck children. Tall girls, I don’t know; tall girls disgust me. Girls who say they are into video games will not fuck you. Too many nerds coming at them maybe; they get stuck up. Girls who are into French poetry will fuck you till your sac falls off.