The Rains

ENTRY 23

It felt like there was no air in the gym. We watched stiffly, our bodies tensed, waiting for the clack of the stun gun firing through Chet’s skull into his brain.

Ben’s fist tightened around the handle.

Chet’s eyes flew open. “Wait!” he said, stepping back. “Wait. I don’t want to. I can’t. I don’t want to be dead.”

“Sorry, Chet.” Ben glanced at the clock. “You’re down to a few minutes. We have to do this.”

“Just… just let me go. Please. I’ll go out there.”

“You want to turn into one of them?” Alex asked.

“What if there’s a cure someday?”

“There are holes bored straight through their skulls,” Ben said, stepping forward again with the stun gun. “There ain’t gonna be no cure.”

Chet held up his hands defensively.

Patrick grabbed Ben from behind. “It’s his choice,” Patrick said.

Ben shoved him off, whirling around.

“If he wants to turn instead of die, it’s up to him.” Patrick looked across at Dr. Chatterjee. “Right?”

Chatterjee nodded.

Ben’s jaw shifted left, then right, redness creeping along the lines of his scar. “You got a minute and a half to get him off school grounds,” he said.

Patrick took Chet’s arm, and they bolted. Alex and I ran after them. We made it to the front and crouched behind a row of bushes as a Chaser flashed by in the street, sprinting after something. She vanished around the corner. For a moment the coast looked clear. We sprang out from cover, running for the gate. Patrick’s hands fumbled at the combination lock.

Moans escaped Chet’s mouth. “I’m scared,” he said. “I’m so scared.”

The chain fell away, and the gate creaked open. “I’m sorry,” Patrick said. “But you have to go.”

Chet took a shaky step forward, then another. He was moving too slowly, and Patrick had to give him a little push. The gate closed behind him. Patrick looped the lock through the chain.

“Wait.” Chet’s chest was heaving, each breath coming with a rasp. “Please can you just… just wait?”

Alex’s eyes were wet. “I’m sorry,” she said. “We have to go before you turn and see us here. We have to hide from who you’re gonna be.”

“I don’t want to be out here alone. I don’t want it to happen to me.”

I couldn’t make my legs move. Patrick grabbed me. “We have to go, Chance. We have to leave him.”

“Wait, please,” Chet said. “I’m just a kid. I’m a kid like you.”

I stumbled after Patrick and Alex. We ran through the open doors, Chet’s cries carrying behind us.

When we got back to the gym, a lot of the kids were crammed on top of the bleachers at the windows. They parted as we climbed up and took our place at the sill.

Twining his fingers in the chain-link, Chet looked up at us, his face lit with terror.

I pressed my palm to the window. I would’ve done anything for him not to feel so alone. Next to me Alex wiped her cheeks and said, “Damn it. Damn it.”

Chet’s face suddenly went blank, as if something had washed through his features beneath the skin. His hands dropped to his sides.

Then he shuddered.

A current of emotion passed through the kids around us. Many turned from the window; some leaned closer.

Chet’s eyes blackened, and then the ash blew away. We ducked further beneath the sill, barely peering over.

He turned and began walking a straight line, his head lowered to the ground. Then he turned again, walking past JoJo’s Frisbee. As he continued his pattern, the kids drifted away from the casement windows, one by one, until only me, Patrick, and Alex remained.

Chet’s legs carried him across a front lawn and into an alley between houses. We watched until he disappeared from view.

Late that night I was awakened by a wet slurping on the side of my face. I turned my head into a gust of dog breath. Wrinkling my nose, I sat up as Cassius whined.

“Okay, okay,” I said. “I’ll take you out.”

I crept from the gym and down the dark corridor, nodding at the lookouts. Cassius hustled along with me. We veered toward the humanities wing, stepping out into the sheltered picnic area, which I’d designated as his bathroom spot. Since the wings of the building folded around the benches, it was the outside zone most hidden from the surrounding streets.

As Cassius did his business in the flower bed, I leaned against one of the trees, blinking sleepily.

That’s when I sensed movement beyond.

My hands clutched instinctively at my sides, but my baling hooks were back at the supply station. I was defenseless. And yet Cassius wasn’t growling.

I leaned around the trunk, Alex and Patrick coming slowly into view. She was sitting up on one of the picnic tables and he was standing, leaning into her, holding her face.

His voice carried to me. “-not sure exactly when, but Dr. Chatterjee said it was one A.M. Or a little after. He didn’t deliver me, but he was there with my dad.”

It took me a moment to understand that he was talking about when he’d been born.

Alex’s voice came sharp and angry. “So we only have one hour of the last day. It’s not a day at all.”

“Hey,” he said softly. He tried to tilt her chin up so she’d look at him, but she fought it, blinking back tears. “Hey,” he said again.

She shook her head. “There has to be something. There has to be some way to… to…”

“I could stop breathing,” he said, “but that probably wouldn’t help me much either.”

She didn’t laugh. “Forty-eight hours,” she said, still not meeting his eyes. “That’s what we have. That’s all we have.”

Finally she let him turn her face upward. He said, “Then let’s spend it the best we can.”

She nodded. “Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

They embraced.

I knew I was watching something I wasn’t supposed to see, and yet I couldn’t stop.

“You have to take care of Chance,” he said. “He’s tough, but he’s still just a kid.”

The words felt like a slap.

Alex nodded, rolling her lips over her teeth and biting down, trying to fight off tears. They hugged again, squeezing each other tight.

Cassius finished, and I pulled back quietly from the flower bed and headed inside, filled with more feelings than I could make sense of.

Lying on my cot in the darkness, I realized what the worst part was.

It was that Patrick was right.

I was just a kid.

Sometime later my brother crept between the cots and stood over me. His face looked hard, even angry. “When I start to change, you take me out right away. Understand? I want it to be you.”

“Patrick, I-”

“You don’t hesitate. You do it.”

“You won’t change.” I could hear the desperation in my voice, and I hated myself for it, hated him for being right about what he’d said out there. “You can’t turn into one of them.”

“Chance,” he said. “We gotta deal with reality. Now, promise me.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I promise.”

Thirty-six hours till Patrick died.

The next two days passed like torture, the hours dragging like claws across my skin.

The food was going stale, the sheets getting dirty, and the lookouts reported regular Host activity beyond the fences. They’d mapped the surrounding streets already, sure, but they kept wandering around as if on patrol. Now and then we’d hear a scream carry to us on the wind, and we’d know they’d discovered another holdout somewhere in the neighborhood. Some poor kid dragged from a cupboard or an attic into the open and carried off in a cage.

Bits of the conversation I’d overheard by the flower beds played endlessly in my head.

You have to take care of Chance.

I could stop breathing, but that probably wouldn’t help me much either.

That’s all we have.

I tried to get some sleep but wound up tossing and turning. I looked at Patrick’s back facing me from his mattress and struggled not to think of the clock ticking down. Alex was crammed next to him in the tiny cot, his arm draped over her. They were determined to spend every final minute together.

Twenty hours till he died.

I don’t know if I slept at all, but I do know that when sunlight streamed through the windows, I didn’t feel the least bit rested. I ate breakfast with Alex and Patrick, all of us chewing our food silently, alone with our thoughts. Only Cassius didn’t know what was going on, slurping his food out of his bowl with relish.

We stayed together for Patrick’s afternoon lookout shift on the bleachers but found even less to say. Alex sat one bench down from Patrick and rested her head in his lap. As he gazed out the window, he stroked her long, long hair. Cassius had scaled the bleachers with me, and I was petting his neck until I noticed the parallel and felt stupid enough to stop.

Nine hours till he died.

I cleared my throat. “They were taking the kids to Lawrenceville,” I said. “Maybe we could go there. We could confront the Hosts, find some solution.”

“Chance,” Patrick said in that parental voice he barely ever used with me. “We won’t make it in time. You know that.”

“And there’s no confronting them,” Alex said. “They don’t exactly show reason.”

I said, “It’s better than staying here and just… giving up.”

“I’m not giving up,” Patrick said. “But the little time I have left I want to spend with Alex. And with you.”

JoJo came up and tugged at my sleeve. “You said you’d get my Frisbee.”

“There are too many Hosts out there right now.”

“But you promised.”

My nerves were so worn that even JoJo was bothering me. “Look, I’ll get it when it’s safe. I’m not gonna risk my life for your dumb Frisbee.”

The moment I saw her reaction, I regretted what I’d said, but she slinked off before I could apologize.

Patrick just looked at me. It was enough.

“Come on, Little Rain,” Alex said.

I wheeled on her. “Stop calling me that.”

She recoiled. I didn’t realize how cutting my tone was until I saw her expression.

Even from his post by the doors, Ben overheard, his gaze tilting up. I wanted to be alone, to hide where no one could see me. I stomped down the benches and headed to the bathroom. After splashing cold water on my face, I stared down my dripping reflection in the mirror.

When I came back into the gym, I plopped down on my cot rather than be a third wheel and disrupt the lovebirds. I tried to rest, tried to calm myself, tried to stop the flood of my thoughts.

Six hours till he died.

Over by the dry-erase board, Ben set about rabble-rousing, gaining more followers. As I jotted in my notebook, his voice rolled across the gym floor. “We gotta stay alert and dig in here.”

“And then what?” one kid asked.

“We don’t need Chatterjee’s rules. Having no adults is the only good part of this. Of course we stay alert, stay ready. But when we’re not on lookout, we can do whatever we want. Eat ice cream all day, play floor hockey in the gym, practice fighting.”

Finally his talk got too much for me. I threw down my notebook and stood up. “What happens when we run out of ice cream?” I said.

“We raid the supermarket and get more.”

“There’s no electricity there. You know, to keep ice cream cold.”

“We’ll get cookies.”

“And when those run out?”

“We’ll worry about that then,” he said. “We’re all gonna die anyways. Why not enjoy ourselves while we’re here?”

“So you just want to give up also?”

“It’s too big, Chance. It’s everywhere. It’s the air we breathe. You can’t give up if you’ve already lost. Might as well enjoy the ride.”

“We can’t just sit around and wait for them to come get us. We have to do something.”

“What? Fix the entire world?”

Now Ben was laughing at me, and his lackeys were, too. I looked around for Patrick and Alex, but they had left. My brother’s shift had ended. Alex was on lookout next in the math-and-science wing, so off they’d gone. They’d even taken Cassius.

“You gonna do that, Little Rain?” Ben continued. “Beat all the adults in the world and an entire alien race or supervirus or whatever? You can barely go to the bathroom without your big brother holding your hand.”

I got up and stormed out before I said something that would get me into trouble I couldn’t get out of. Eve shook her head, as annoyed by Ben as I was.

“Without big bro backing you up, you’d better walk away,” Ben called after me. “And you’d better get used to the feeling, too.”

I stopped before the double doors, fists clenched, my heart banging in my chest. Then I turned. I ran at Ben, yelling, and though Eve and Chatterjee stood up, no one could get to me in time.

Unlucky for me.

I tackled Ben from the side, knocking him down. He rolled over, swinging with his elbow and clipping my temple. I smacked into the base of the dry-erase board, and then he was on me, punching me, snapping my head against the floor. Pain flared in my eye.

Chatterjee hurried toward us. I saw his hands clamp Ben’s shoulders, and then Ben whirled and shoved him. Chatterjee fell down hard, his leg braces clattering against the floorboards.

All at once everything stopped.

Ben was still on top of me, his fist drawn back, his other hand tangled in my shirt. Blood trickled from my nose, and I could feel my eye swelling. Dr. Chatterjee rolled to his side and then sat up, wearing a pained expression. His legs stuck out awkwardly before him.

Ben let go of me. “Dr. Chatterjee,” he said. “I didn’t… I’m really sorry.”

He went to help Chatterjee up, but the teacher pulled away from him angrily. “I don’t need your help.”

Chatterjee adjusted his orthotics and pushed himself carefully onto his feet. Straightening his grimy shirt, he limped back to the bleachers.

Eve rushed up to me. “Chance, your eye-”

I ran across the gym and shoved through the double doors. I stormed through the corridors, heading for the math-and-science wing. In Mrs. Wolfgram’s room, I found Patrick and Alex sitting on a raft of desks shoved together, keeping watch over the back fields. Cassius lay curled up on the floor, traitorously content.

I couldn’t keep the rage from my voice. “Where were you?”

Patrick took one look at my face and stood up. “Who did that?”

“Ben. And he shoved Dr. Chatterjee over, and you weren’t there.”

Patrick went to check me, and I pushed him away, knocking off his cowboy hat.

“You weren’t there. You weren’t there. You weren’t there.” My face was hot, and then I was crying.

Patrick hugged me like he had the night Mom and Dad died. “You’re gonna be all right without me.”

I pulled back and wiped at my face. “No,” I said. “I’m not. No one is.”

I walked out. I went to my old desk in Mr. Tomasi’s room and sat there and pretended that everything was like it used to be. Patrick and I would drive home from school soon and do our chores, and the dogs would be waiting for me. We’d help Uncle Jim with the cattle and Sue-Anne would have a hot dinner on the table for us, and then I’d go to sleep in the room I shared with Patrick, and we would both wake up and go to school again, and I’d sit here at this very desk and talk about books and heroes and imaginary worlds.

Sitting at my old desk, I watched the sun lower beneath the horizon. Shadows lengthened, creeping across my desk, my hands, my arms, until darkness claimed the whole room, the whole world.

Four hours till Patrick died.

I squeezed my eyes shut, because there was nothing out there that I wanted to see anyways. I knew that Patrick and Alex were combing the school looking for me, but I didn’t care. In a few minutes, I’d get up and spend my brother’s last hours with him. But right now I had to be with myself and get ready to say good-bye to him.

Three hours.

Now two.

One.

Still I couldn’t rise. I couldn’t face Patrick any more than I could face the world without him.

Again I thought of that private conversation I’d overheard between him and Alex in the picnic area.

Let’s spend it the best way we can.

There has to be something.

I could stop breathing, but that probably wouldn’t help me much either.

The first part stuck in my mind: I could stop breathing. An idea was there just beneath the surface, glittering like a half-buried jewel.

It sailed through the jumble of my thoughts, and I grabbed it. My eyes flew open.

I knew how to save Patrick.