The Rising

THIRTY-SEVEN

NO ONE WAS HAPPY about spending another night in the woods. We were on the run, Ash said, so why the hell wouldn’t we come knocking in the middle of the night? He had a point, but my gut told me it was better to wait for daylight, and Daniel agreed.

We found a place deep in the forest patch and settled in for the night. Before we did, I suggested we take turns patrolling and standing watch—in hopes that that would let Daniel get some rest. Even Hayley agreed. We could see the toll this was taking on Daniel, when he was still recovering from his accident, and we really needed him in top shape for the next step of persuading these people to listen to us.

Part of my plan, too, was to take first round, and that way, if Daniel still wanted to talk, he could slip out with me. Except Rafe offered to share my shift and I couldn’t say much about that.

We headed out to patrol so we wouldn’t disturb the others. After we’d circled the campsite a few times, Rafe caught my hand and tugged me behind some bushes.

“I think we’re supposed to be standing guard,” I said.

“Mmm, maybe, but that sounds like a token protest.”

His hands circled my waist. I hesitated, about to say it wasn’t a token protest, that we had to be on guard in case the werewolf—or anyone else—came out here and found strangers sleeping in the forest.

Even as I thought that, though, I felt silly. Paranoid. The forest was silent. There was nothing wrong with a brief break. God knows, a few days ago, I wouldn’t even have thought of protesting—just one look in Rafe’s eyes and caution be damned. Another sign I was stressed and anxious, I guess.

I kissed him and it only took a moment for me to lose that hesitation. His fingers moved against my bare skin where my shirt had lifted from my jeans. I eased back and looked up at him, smiling lazily, my eyes half-closed, feeling drowsy and happy as his scent washed over me.

“This is when it’s perfect,” he murmured. “When we’re alone like this, when you kiss me like that, when you look at me this way. I see that and I don’t have any doubts that this will work.”

I smiled wryly. “Oh, I have some doubts our plan will work. It’s just a lot easier to forget them right now.”

“I don’t mean—” He cut himself off and nodded. “I think it’s the best we can do. Doubts are expected.”

He bent and kissed me again and it was a strange kiss, one that kept picking up, then slowing down, like running uphill. I’d feel that heat, then he’d pull back a little. Kiss me harder, deeper. Pull back. Finally he broke it off and stepped away so abruptly that my hands fell from his neck.

“I didn’t mean the plan, Maya. I meant us.”

“Us?” My heart picked up speed. “Doubts? What’s wrong?”

He took another step, and I wanted to pull him back, just say, Whatever it is, forget it. But I just stood there, heart thumping.

“I don’t want to be that guy. I really don’t.”

“What guy?” I said. But I knew. I knew and I braced myself.

“The guy who has a problem with his girlfriend hanging out with another boy. I’m not like that, Maya. I don’t get jealous unless there’s a reason.”

“Is this about what Sam said? That story she told? She made that up to—”

“I know she did.”

“Then why . . . ? Is it because I was worried about Daniel?”

“No. Yes. No.” A sharp shake of his head. “Getting jealous because you’re worried about a friend who was hit by a car? What kind of jerk does that? I knew you’d be worried. Hell, I’d be concerned if you weren’t worried. But when I’d see how worried you were, I’d feel . . .” He let out a soft snarl and kicked the ground as he turned away. “I’d feel like a jerk. I want to be okay with your friendship. I really do. But little things keep piling up and I keep thinking about what Corey said, and . . . and I’m not okay with it.”

“What did Corey say?” I asked, my voice low, a spark of anger igniting in my gut. “If he implied there was ever anything between me and Daniel—”

“It’s not you. It’s Daniel.”

“What?”

He hesitated and seemed ready to brush it off, then backed up, putting more distance between us, cracking his knuckles. “You and Serena drew straws to see who would ask Daniel to a dance a couple of years ago, right?”

“Yes, but—Wait, who told you that?” Only Serena and I had known about the game.

“She told Daniel.”

“What? No. Why—?”

“You drew straws and you let her win.”

“Whoa, wait. No. I never told her that I let—”

“But you did, right?”

I paused. “Yes, because she was crazy about him.”

“And you weren’t. He was just a friend.”

“Exactly.”

Rafe nodded, as if it was what he expected. So why were we even having this conversation?

“Wait a second. Serena told Daniel that I let her win?”

He nodded.

“Why would she do that?”

“Because she knew he’d only go to the dance with her if he knew you weren’t asking him and that you weren’t asking because you didn’t want to.”

“I . . . I don’t understand.”

“Don’t you?” Rafe’s voice softened. “Daniel wanted you to ask him to the dance. I don’t know why he agreed to go with Serena. The obvious answer is that he hoped to make you jealous, but that doesn’t sound like him. I think he agreed because they were friends and it would be rude not to. That sounds more like Daniel.”

“No.” My heart beat so fast my words came out breathy. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Yeah, it was. He went to the dance with her because he felt he should. And maybe, a little bit, because you broke his heart.”

I looked up sharply. “No. I never—”

Rafe held up his hands. “Not on purpose. Corey said it wasn’t like that. Daniel didn’t go out with Serena because he was mad at you. He just . . . I don’t know. Corey figures he was killing time, maybe trying to show you he’d be a good boyfriend, maybe even hoping you’d realize you did have feelings for him. Only you didn’t.”

I thought of what Daniel had told me a few days ago, about his relationship with Serena. We were doing fine. But it wasn’t . . . going anywhere. When she first asked me to that dance, I didn’t feel right saying no. She was a friend, and—

And . . .

He’d stopped there. Just stopped and looked away.

And you didn’t want to ask me.

No, it wasn’t like that. Rafe was wrong. Corey was—

“Corey told you this?” I said. “When did he tell you? Why would he tell you?”

“It was at Salmon Creek, after you and I started getting together. He was trying to scare me off. If you dated summer guys, that was fine. But this didn’t look like a summer thing and he wanted me to know, in no uncertain terms, that you were taken. I ignored him. Sure, I could tell Daniel liked you, but if he hadn’t made a move, that was his problem. You snooze, you lose. I thought he couldn’t have been serious about it or he’d do something. But then, when we were hanging outside that helicopter, and I saw his face—he was going to hold on to you even if it meant he fell out that door with us. . . .”

Rafe shook his head, turned away, and took a few steps before stopping, his back still to me. “I realized I hadn’t seen things right. Daniel wasn’t sitting on the sidelines because he wasn’t sure how he felt about you. He was waiting. Waiting for a sign from you, because he was afraid to make a move and risk losing you as a friend. I felt bad for him because I was sure you didn’t feel the same way. And then . . .”

He turned now, slowly. “When I got back to Salmon Creek, it was just . . . this whirlwind of stuff. You were so happy to see me that I couldn’t doubt what you felt for me, especially after I confessed about being wired and it didn’t make a difference. You wanted me. No doubt. When you insisted on telling Daniel about the wire, I told myself that was the right thing to do, as a friend. Nothing more. But it was like turning on a switch. A little tickling doubt, and now every time his name is mentioned or I see you two together, I’m watching for signs. And I’m seeing them. Something changed after that helicopter crash. I notice you two looking at each other, whispering together, and maybe whatever I’m seeing was always there, but I don’t think it was like this.”

He took a deep breath and walked back toward me. I stood rooted, unable to move, much less speak. Rafe stopped right in front of me, then rested one hand on my waist.

“I need you to tell me I’m imagining things, Maya.”

“Wh-what?” I managed.

He leaned in and a strand of hair fell forward on his cheek. I stared at that strand. I wanted to reach out and tuck it back, laugh, and tell him he was crazy. But I couldn’t. Underneath the panic swirling through me was something harder. A tiny core of anger. Not just anger. Hurt. Confusion. Betrayal.

“Tell me I’m wrong, Maya. Tell me you feel absolutely nothing for Daniel except friendship.”

“Or what?”

He blinked at my tone. “I—”

“We are getting ready for what could be the most important meeting of our lives,” I said, brittle words snapping as I forced them out. “I have spent the last few hours struggling not to run behind the nearest tree and puke. We have to pull this off or I might never see my parents again. And you decide we need to do this now? No, you decide I need to do this now. Forget everything else. My boyfriend is feeling jealous so I need to reassure him?”

His eyes widened then. Sparks of panic. He said something, but I didn’t catch it. Blood pounded in my ears.

“—right,” Rafe was saying. “It can wait. I never meant to talk about this now.” He paused, then squared his shoulders. “But at some point we do need to talk about it. He’s in love with you, Maya—”

“No, he’s not.”

“Yes, he is, and everyone knows it. Not just Corey. That’s why Sam hates me. She thinks Daniel deserves what he wants, and what he wants is—”

“No, it is not!”

The words came out as a roar that had Rafe stumbling back. Tears filled my eyes, the forest shimmering through them. My chest tightened until I had to pant to breathe. Slowly I lifted my gaze to look at him.

“Why would you tell me this? He’s my friend. My best friend. And now every time I look at him, I’m going to know he wants more, and . . .” Quick breaths, gasping for air. “And it’ll never be the same. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? To make sure that even if it is just friendship, it will end.”

A scent wafted past on the breeze. When I tried to catch it, it was already gone, but somehow it lingered in my brain and swirled with the anger and the hurt and I felt my hands start to throb. I clenched them into fists.

“That’s not what I want, Maya. I would never come between—”

“You just did!” I said. “I have been through hell this past week. I thought I saw you die. I watched my parents at my funeral. I found out my entire life is a lie and I might never get any kind of normal one back. And do you know who got me through? The one person I can count on—always count on. Maybe you’re jealous because that’s not you, but as crazy as I am about you, there’s someone who’s been there a hell of a lot longer and that’s who I needed. But you couldn’t handle that, so you took it away. When I need it most, you yanked it away.”

I took off his bracelet and set it on a tree stump. He stared at it, then at me, and I saw the panic in his face. I saw regret, too, and shock, and I wanted to seize on that. He’s sorry. He didn’t mean it. He made a mistake. But all I could think about was Daniel, and what this meant and how I felt about it and, oh God, how did I feel?

And that smell. That tendril of scent that I couldn’t catch, that made something in my gut throb and made my hands throb and—

Rafe reached for me. I stumbled back, wheeled, and took one step away and when I did, I took another, then another, starting to run, crashing through the forest, branches whipping me, running faster and faster, feeling my body shifting, screaming at me to stop, just stop, let it finish, but I kept going, Rafe behind me, yelling my name, spurring me on, until finally I tripped and blacked out before I even hit the ground.