The Royal Family

| 210 |

A small black woman came into the Wonderbar and said to Loreena: Could I please have a few napkins?

Sure, honey, said Loreena, glancing warily over her shoulder — only to find Heavyset, her boss.

It’s not like we have a lot of napkins, Heavyset said coolly, resting his elbows on a mountain of them. Give her one.

I have a cold, the black woman explained in a shy whisper. I was fixin’ to blow my nose.

Oh, Jesus, said Heavyset in disgust. Give her a paper cup. Here, nigger. Now get out.

Thank you for the napkins, sweetheart, the Queen said to Loreena. Bless you.

She glided almost silently out through the swinging doors.

Well, did you hear that! shouted Heavyset. That stinking impudent little nigger bitch!

Oh, get a grip, said Loreena.

That’s right. I forgot. Your boyfriend’s a nigger. You actually take a black schlong inside your belly. You—

Go to hell, Heavyset.

Don’t you smart off to me. I could fire you just like that. You want me to fire you? I know you were homeless before. You want to eat out of garbage cans again?

Listening to you is just like being around garbage, Loreena told him. Go ahead. Fire me. How many other girls you think you can find who will put up with your shit?

You know what? I’m gonna charge you for those napkins, said Heavyset. Those napkins cost a nickel apiece. I’m taking ten cents out of your wages.

Oh, don’t bother. Here’s a quarter, greedhead. Now, are you gonna fire me or can I go back to waiting on my customers?

I’ll credit you fifteen cents, the owner said. But I don’t want that nigger bitch coming in here again to scrounge more handouts. How often do you let her in here?

Oh, she comes and goes. Now let me go back to work, okay? This is like the nightmare shift. This is the shift from hell.

Outside, the Queen was saying: All right, Sapphire, now here’s a couple nice new napkins to wipe your mouth. Hold still, girl. What did you have to go and vomit like that for? What didn’t agree with you?

Luh-luh-luh… said the retarded girl.

I love you, too. You’re my special one. You know that, don’t you? Now clean your mouth off. No. Not there. You missed your chin. That’s a good girl. That’s my good girl.

| 211 |

Beatrice, sitting in one of the red-vinyl-upholstered benches in the back of the bar (crooked-eyebrowed old Dan Smooth said that the only two alterations in the Wonderbar over the past thirty years were that new upholstery, scarcely a decade old, and a slight abatement in the general darkness), had seen it all. Without the Queen’s knowledge she told the tall man, who shot his arms out and roared into the bar where Domino was just saying hello-o-o-o-o-o to one of her regulars, a pleasant enough old drunk contentedly incapable of ejaculation, and the tall man said: Dom, I need to speak with you a moment, but Domino said: Can’t you see I’m doing my business? to which Justin replied: You smarting off to me, bitch? and Domino said: Go outside, Justin, and if you don’t hassle me I promise I’ll be out in five minutes, then turned her back on him and said to her john: How’s life, sugar? and the john said: Same as always, at which Domino raised an eyebrow, pretending to be interested, and said: I’ll bet it’s just wonderful! to which the john replied: I hate my wife. I hate her yelling. I just hate it. I hate the way she won’t leave me alone. If I do something to offend her, well, no apology is good enough. I ought to know. I’ve tried everything over the years. I apologize, you know; I promise I won’t do it again, I promise to change, I promise whatever the hell suits her, and even though she’s just gotten her way she won’t stop. I don’t know why. I can’t understand it. Can you understand it? I mean, she’s gotten her way. What else does she want? She starts to threaten me and then she insults me. So I, well, I apologize again and I promise again even though I don’t believe I’m in the wrong anymore, and maybe that’s my sin, that I can only apologize once or twice before I feel I’ve done my duty. I don’t know. All I know is that she won’t stop. So I beg her to stop. But she keeps on threatening me and kind of snarling through her teeth. So I implore her to stop. And she just steps it up. She just twists it in. Her voice gets louder and shriller and there’s no place to run. So finally I warn her that if she doesn’t stop I’m going to lose it. Well, that turns her into a real harpy, or maybe it incites her on toward her goal, so she keeps it up — Christ! — until we get there, and I start literally screaming with rage. And then I come here. I end up here about three nights a week. I hate it here, but it’s better than staying home. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I date you. That’s why I…

So you cheat on your wife and you want me to give you a gold star for it, said Domino. Well, mister, I pity your wife and I don’t give a fuck about you. Now I’ve got to go outside for a minute and see a man about a dog. When I come back, if you want a flatback or a blow, you just lay down your money in my hand. But no more of your hypocritical bullshit. Who the hell do you think you are? You’re just a kid in the candy store that can’t decide which kind of liquorice he wants to stuff his face with. Now sit there and shut up.

The trick’s jaw literally dropped as Domino marched out, swollen with happy righteousness.

All right, she said to Justin. So you interrupted me. You blew my chance to make twenty dollars. The way I see it, you owe me one big fat rock.

You’re too much, the tall man said.

Well, do I get a rock or not?

We’ll see. Listen. Heavyset just insulted Maj. He called her a nigger just because she needed two goddamned napkins to wipe Sapphire’s mouth—

And what did Maj say?

I wasn’t there.

We’ll get the sonofabitch, Justin, I promise. Someday when the time is ripe I’ll throw acid in his face, okay? ’Cause I love Maj as much as you, maybe more. But—

But what?

But right now let’s just do our business. Business comes first. I mean, it wasn’t you or me who got insulted; it was only Maj…