The spirit of Dorsai

Epilogue

"…So," said the third Amanda, at last, "you see how it really was ."

Hal Mayne nodded. He lifted his head suddenly to see her staring penetratingly at him.

"Or," she said, "do you see something more than I see, even in this?"

He opened his mouth to deny that, and found he could not.

"Maybe," he said. Loneliness and a need to explain himself swept through him without warning, like a heavy tide. "You've got to understand I'm a poet. I… I handle things all the time I don't understand. I'm almost like someone in total darkness, feeling things, sensing things, but never seeing shapes I can describe to other people."

She breathed slowly, in and out.

"So," she said, "there was something more to this interest of yours in the ap Morgans and the Graemes, all along."

"Yes … no!" he said, almost explosively. "You still don't understand. I can't prove anything, but I can feel… connections."

His hands moved, reached out almost as if by their own wills, to grasp at the empty air in front of him.

"Connections," he said, "between the past and the present. Between Cletus and Donal and many others, not related at all. Connections between you and the other two Amandas, and between the ap Morgans and the Graemes - and between all these things and the movement of the Splinter Culture cross-breeds - the New Kind, as they're calling themselves now - and the rest of the human race on all the worlds. I'm Jumbling in the dark, but I'm getting there… I can feel myself getting there!"

She had relaxed. She still watched him, but no longer accusingly.

"So that's why you have to head back now, to Earth and the Final Encyclopedia," she said.

"Yes." He looked at her starkly. "I had to leave to save my life. But now, I have to go back. Everything on Coby, on Harmony, even everything here, keeps pointing me back there."

He reached for her hand. She let him take it, but without returning the pressure of his fingers.

"Amanda," he said urgently. "Come back with me. I don't mean just because I want you with me. I mean because that's where all things are finally coming together. That's where it all ends - or starts. You should be there - just as I have to be there. Amanda, come with me."

She sat still for a moment, then her eyes went past him. Gently, she withdrew her hand from his.

"If you're right, then I will come," she said. "But not now, Hal. Not now. In my own good time."