Chapter Twenty

I can’t do it. I just can’t. There is no way of writing this e-mail without sounding like a paranoid crazy. I look in despair at my tenth attempt.


Dear Guy, I need you to help me. I think I have been set up by Arnold. I think he planted that memo on my desk. Something is going on. He has family links with both BLLC

Holdings and Glazerbrooks, did you know that?? Why did he never tell anyone? And now he’s banned me from the building, which in itself is suspicious―

I sound delusional. I sound like some bitter, twisted ex-employee with a grudge.

Which of course is what I am.

As I run my eyes over my words, I’m reminded of nothing more than the wild-eyed old woman who used to stand at the corner of our street, muttering, “They’re coming to GET me.”

I have total sympathy for that old woman now. They probably were coming to get her.

Guy will just laugh. I can see him now. Arnold Saville a crook? It sounds insane.

Maybe I am insane. It’s only a theory. I don’t have evidence; I don’t have anything solid. I lean forward and rest my head hopelessly on my hands. No one’s ever going to believe me. Or even listen to me.

If I only had some proof. But where am I supposed to get that from?

A bleeping from my mobile phone makes me jump, and I look up blearily. I’d almost forgotten where I was. I pick it up and see that I’ve got a text.


I’m downstairs, have a surprise to show you. nat

As I head downstairs, I’m really not with it. Flashes of anger keep overwhelming me as I think of Arnold’s jocular smile, the way he encouraged my messy desk, the way he told me he’d do his very best for me, the way he listened as I blamed myself, as I apologized and groveled…

The worst thing is, I never even tried to defend myself. I never questioned the fact that I couldn’t remember seeing the memo. I immediately assumed the worst of myself, assumed it was my fault for having such a messy desk.

Arnold knows me pretty well. Maybe that’s what he was counting on.

Bastard. Bastard.

“Hi.” Nathaniel waves a hand in front of my face. “Earth to Samantha.”

“Oh… Sorry. Hi!” Somehow I muster a smile.

“Come this way.” He grins and ushers me out to his car, which is an ancient Beetle convertible. As usual, rows of seed pots are crowding the backseat and an old wooden spade is sticking out of the back.

“Madam.” He opens the door gallantly.

“So what are you showing me?” I ask as I get in.

“Magical mystery tour.” He smiles enigmatically and starts up the engine.

We drive out of Lower Ebury and take a route I don’t recognize, through a tiny neighboring village and up into the hills. Nathaniel seems in a cheerful mood and tells me stories about each farm and pub that we pass. But I barely hear a word. My mind is still churning.

I don’t know what I can do. I can’t even get into the building. I have no credibility.

I’m powerless. And I only have three days. Once Arnold disappears off to the Bahamas that’ll be it.

“Here we are!” Nathaniel turns off the road into a gravel drive. He maneuvers the car into place by a low brick wall, then stops the engine. “What do you think?”

With an effort I wrench my mind back to the present time. “Um…” I peer around blankly. “Yes. Lovely.”

What am I supposed to be looking at?

“Samantha, are you OK?” Nathaniel shoots me a curious glance. “You seem on edge.”

“I’m fine.” I try to smile. “Just a bit tired.”

I open the car door to get out, away from his gaze. I shut the door behind me and look around.

We’re in some kind of courtyard. There’s a ramshackle old stone house to the right, with a for sale post. Ahead are banks of greenhouses, glinting in the low sunlight.

There are plots filled with rows of vegetables, there’s a Portakabin marked GARDEN

CENTER…

Hang on.

I turn to see that Nathaniel has got out of the car too and is holding a sheaf of papers in his hand.

“A horticultural business opportunity,” he reads aloud. “Four acres of land, with ten more available, subject to negotiation. Ten thousand square feet of glasshouses.

Four-bedroom farmhouse, needs work…”

“You’re buying this?” I say, my attention fully grabbed.

“I’m thinking about it. I wanted to show you first.” He spreads an arm around. “It’s a pretty good concern. Needs building up, but the land’s there. We can get some polytunnels going, extend the offices…”

I can’t take all this in.

“But what about the pubs? How come you’re suddenly―”

“It was you. What you said in the garden that day.” He pauses, the breeze ruffling his hair. “You’re right, Samantha. I’m not a landlord, I’m a gardener. I’d be happier doing what I really want to do. So… I had a long talk with Mum and she understood.

We both reckon Eamonn can take over. Not that he knows yet.”

“Wow.” I look around again, taking in a pile of wooden crates, stacks of seed trays, a tattered poster advertising Christmas trees. “So you’re really going to do it?”

I can see the excitement in his face. “You only get one chance at life.”

“Well, I think it’s fantastic!”

“And there’s a house.” He nods toward it. “Or at least, there will be a house. It’s a bit run-down.”

“Right.” I take in the old stone house again. The paintwork is peeling and there’s a shutter hanging offone hinge. “It does look a bit of a mess.”

“I wanted you to see it first,” says Nathaniel. “Get your approval. I mean, one day you might―” He stops.

All of a sudden my relationship sensors are swiveling round madly, like the Hubble spotting an alien ship. What did they just pick up? What was he going to say?

“I might… stay over?” I supply at last.

“Exactly.” Nathaniel rubs his nose. “Shall we have a look?”

The house is bigger than it seems from the outside, with bare boards and old fireplaces and a creaking wooden staircase. One room has practically no plaster, and the kitchen is totally old-fashioned, with 1930s cupboards.

“Great kitchen.” I shoot him a teasing look.

“I’m sure I could refit it to your Cordon Bleu standards,” he returns.

We make our way upstairs and into a huge bedroom overlooking the rear of the house.

From above, the vegetable plots look like an orderly patchwork quilt, stretching away into the green meadow. I can see a little terrace down below and a tiny private garden belonging to the house, all clematis and tangled roses.

“It’s a beautiful place,” I say, leaning on the windowsill. “I love it.”

Standing here, looking out at the view, I feel like London is on another planet. Carter Spink and Arnold and all of them suddenly seem part of another life.

But even as I’m gazing out at the restful country scene, I can’t relax. All it would take is one phone call to the right person.“..

If I had some proof…

Anything…

My mind starts turning over the facts again, like a bird turning over empty snail shells. I’m going to drive myself crazy like this.

“What I was wondering is…”

Suddenly I become aware that Nathaniel is speaking. In fact I think he could have been speaking for a while―and I haven’t heard a word. I hastily turn round, to see him facing me. His cheeks are flushed and he has an unfamiliar awkwardness about him. It looks like whatever he’s been saying has required some effort.

“… do you feel the same way, Samantha?”

He coughs, and breaks off into an expectant silence.

I stare back at him dumbly. Do I feel the same way about what?

Oh, shit. Bollocks. The man I’m secretly falling in love with just made a romantic speech to me―probably the only one I’ll get in my whole life―and I wasn’t listening? I missed it?

I want to shoot myself for being so rubbish.

And now he’s waiting for me to reply. What am I going to do? He’s just spilled his heart to me. I can’t say, “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

“Um…” I push my hair back, playing for time. “Well… you’ve given me quite a lot to think about.”

“But do you agree?”

OK, this is Nathaniel. I’m sure I agree with it, whatever it is.

“Yes.” I give him the most sincere look I can muster. “Yes, I agree. Wholeheartedly.

In fact… I’ve often thought so myself.”

Nathaniel is scrutinizing me. “You agree,” he says, as though to make sure. “With everything?”

“Er…yes!” I’m starting to feel a bit nervous now. What have I agreed to?

“Even about the chimpanzees?”

“The chimpanzees‘?” I suddenly see Nathaniel’s mouth twitching. He’s on to me.

“You didn’t listen to a word I was saying, did you?” he says, in matter-of-fact tones.

“I didn’t realize you were saying something important!” I wail, hanging my head.

“You should have warned me!”

Nathaniel looks at me incredulously. “That took some nerve, you know, saying all that.”

“Say it again,” I beg. “Say it all again! I’ll listen!”

“Uh-uh.” He laughs, shaking his head. “Maybe one day.”

“I’m sorry, Nathaniel. Really I am.” I turn away to press my head against the window glass. “I was just… distracted.”

“I know.” He comes over and puts his arms around me, over my own. I can feel his steady heartbeat against me, calming me down.“Samantha, what’s up? It’s your old relationship, isn’t it?”

“Yup,” I mutter after a pause.

“Why won’t you tell me about it? I could help.”

I turn round to face him. The sun is glowing in his eyes and on his burnished face.

He’s never looked more handsome.

I know I can’t hide my past forever. I could tell Nathaniel the whole story, right here, right now. But at the same time, I know that the minute I tell him who I was, he’ll look at me differently. Everything will change between us. I won’t be Samantha anymore. I’ll be a lawyer.

And it’s all so perfect as it is. I can’t bear to rock the boat just yet.

“I don’t want to bring that world into this one,” I say at last. “I just don’t.” Nathaniel opens his mouth again, but I turn away before he can speak. I stare out at the idyllic view, blinking against the rays of the sun, my mind in total turmoil.

Maybe I should just give up on the whole nightmare. Forget about it. Let it go. The chances are I’ll never be able to prove anything. Arnold has all the power; I have none. The chances are if I try to stir things up again all I’ll get is more humiliation and disgrace.

I could so easily do nothing. I could just put it from my mind, as I’ve tried to do all this time. Close the door on my old life and leave it behind forever. I have a job. I have Nathaniel. I have a possible future here.

But even as I’m thinking it―I know that’s not what I’m going to do. I can’t forget about it. I can’t let go.

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