The Will of the Gods

6 A new lesson—and a fool’s challenge

“Now, you wenches, pay close heed,” said Chaldrin, walking slowly and unconcernedly along. Our camp was nearly ready to be abandoned for the new light had already come, yet was there a thing the males were of a mind to show us first. The two Sigurri warriors crouched down ahead of and to either side of the path Chaldrin trod, taking there from the sight of Mehrayn, beyond them and also in a crouch, also undetected.

“Here I stroll, totally ignorant of the villains who lie in wait for me,” said Chaldrin, slowly approaching the crouching Sigurri, yet seemingly seeing naught of them. “I am unarmed, therefore do the villains take me for easy prey, a lovely wench who may be captured and used till the tears fall from my eyes, ’till the evil lust is gone from them.”

Snickering laughter came from Wedin, Dotil, and Ilvin, S’Heernoh chuckling at their side, for the two Sigurri had put evil, leering expressions upon their faces at Chaldrin’s words, also raising their hands clawlike in lustful anticipation. Mehrayn grinned briefly where he crouched, amused by the foolishness, and then did he return his attention to his approaching “prey.” He and his males wore sword and dagger, yet Chaldrin, true to his words, was unarmed.

“As I come within reach, the villains leap and pounce upon me,” said Chaldrin, his words bringing the two Sigurri warriors upright in mock attack. “As their hands close upon me I struggle, yet is their strength too great for me to overcome. I part my lips to scream for assistance, yet does the third of their ilk move quickly to silence my cries.”

Mehrayn, already erect, moved forward to place an imaginary cloth between Chaldrin’s lips, yet was there something amiss.

“The third came from behind,” said I as Mehrayn approached Chaldrin, halting them in their movements. “The two held to me as these hold to you, yet did the third approach from behind and take my hair in his fist. An attacker from behind is not as easily guarded against.”

“To one with proper training, it makes no matter,” said Chaldrin with a shrug of indifference, his arms still held by the Sigurri. “The Sword may approach from behind me if he wishes, yet must he guard himself more closely there, for I will not be able to see him well enough to know that my blow is sufficiently restrained.”

“How closely will I need to guard myself from a ‘lovely, desirable wench’?” asked Mehrayn with a grin, looking upon Chaldrin. “The strength of a woman is not the strength of a man.”

“The movements I mean to demonstrate are not dependent upon strength,” returned Chaldrin, the faintest trace of annoyance evident in his voice. “Even delivered by a wench, they are devastating.”

“You truly believe that you, using half strength, would find it possible to best the three of us, we using our full strength?” asked Mehrayn with a laugh, his two warriors joining his amusement. “We are trained warriors of Sigurr, Chaldrin, far from the ignorance and helplessness of those you are accustomed to teaching. If you wish your demonstration to have meaning, you may not propose such a thing to us.”

“And what meaning will my demonstration have if my attackers attack half-heartedly?” asked Chaldrin in turn, meeting the amused gaze of Mehrayn. “it was agreed that you and your warriors would use full strength, the while I would not. I shall use even less than the strength of a wench, for I would not wish to cause you and yours harm, brother.”

“Ah, you do not care to harm us,” said Mehrayn, continuing in his amusement. “You wish us, however, to attempt to cause you harm. I would not have you look the fool, brother, for as I recall, you are not yet far enough healed to attempt a proper defense, yet should it truly be your wish—”

“It is,” said Chaldrin, a faint smile coming to him at the manner in which Mehrayn’s words trailed off. “Should our wench not be convinced of the efficiency of this manner of battle, she will not make the attempt to master its precepts. In this instance, I must consider her needs above yours.”

“For the sake of our wench, then,” said Mehrayn, his head raising somewhat as he nodded at Chaldrin.

“We will take our ‘prey’ with full strength.”

With a final nod to his males Mehrayn took himself about behind Chaldrin, and clearly was it then possible to see that the two Sigurri held him in grips that seemed unbreakable. Chaldrin stood unmoving in the grips, as though truly held, and then did Mehrayn’s fist take his hair in preparation for pulling his head back, free hand also held fisted, as though there were a cloth in it.

So quickly did Chaldrin’s movements then come, that they were difficult to see, and to follow. Much did it seem that his right leg moved first, raising then striking out toward the Sigurri who held his right arm. The kick struck the male in the middle, doubling him over as he released his hold, yet was Chaldrin already moving his now free arm backward, catching Mehrayn sharply in the head with his elbow, sending Sigurr’s Sword stumbling backward away from him and to the ground. Before Mehrayn struck the ground, however, Chaldrin had already turned toward the third male who held to his left arm with incredulous disbelief clear upon his face, threw a wide fist into that face, then stepped calmly away from the male who now held both hands to his face as he bent forward, and turned to those of us who watched.

“Had this been a true attack,” said he with continuing calm, “the kick would have been to the attacker’s privates, the elbow to the second attacker’s throat, and the fist also to the throat. The first attacker would then be held by crippling pain, and the second and third slain from their throats having been crushed. The first would then be available either for questioning or for a leisurely ending, whichever course of action you preferred. There are also other responses available against such an attack, some as lethal as that which I chose, some more gentle. The decision of which to use is ever the choice of the one who is attacked.”

“Perhaps I should have stipulated a more gentle choice,” said Mehrayn, raising himself from the ground with one hand to his head. The manner in which he looked upon Chaldrin should surely have produced deep chuckling in the second male, and when it did not, Mehrayn shook his head. “Very well,” said he with a sigh, stepping nearer to the dark-haired male. “I have always been of the belief that a man should be given the credit due him, even should such giving be painful to the pride. Your ability to do battle without weapons far surpasses the ability I imagined was yours, and I ask your pardon for having doubted you. Had you used your full strength, my warriors and I might well have slept through the glory of this entire fey, if not longer. I will refrain from giving you challenge with swords, brother, if you will continue to refuse challenge from me with no weapons. I have been struck on the head, you see, and therefore cannot be held responsible for what foolish challenges I offer.”

“Sigurr would surely frown upon me if I were to take advantage of a man who has been struck on the head,” said Chaldrin, and now the chuckling was indeed upon him. “You need feel no anxiety, brother, for I shall not accept challenge from anyone in this manner of battle—save, perhaps, from the wenches, when they feel themselves far enough advanced. I shall do with them as my teacher did with me.”

“I give thanks that they have not as many kalod in which to learn,” said Mehrayn, sending a look to me as his hand went again to his head. “It should prove possible to successfully defend myself for the balance of this journey, I hope, for there may be additional punishment to be given, and I shall not stint upon my duty no matter the consequences. For now, I think it best that we ride.”

With Mida’s light growing stronger it was well past time to continue our journey, yet had I been forbidden to speak upon the point. Indeed I had been forbidden all matters of leadership the while Mehrayn’s punishment continued, a foolishness which already filled me with annoyance. Soon the male would be taken from me, and he concerned himself with no other thing than punishment. Such great fools were males that I could not tell why warriors found any attraction in them whatsoever.

Chaldrin and Mehrayn and S’Heernoh examined each of Mehrayn’s males, found them no more than shaken, then Chaldrin and the gray-haired male assisted them to their kand. Summa and Hitta also went to their kand, yet was she who was Hosta forced to remain where she stood till Mehrayn came to again take up the leather lead tied about her throat. Weapons had been permitted her—nay, it was demanded that she don them—yet had she been commanded to take no step save that Sigurr’s Sword held her leash. A growling anger flexed its claws in her flesh, yet the male Mehrayn cared not; her possession had been given him by the gods, and she was able to deny him naught.

Approaching the kand showed me that Ilvin, Wedin and Dotil had not yet mounted, for a concern other than our journey then held them. Ilvin stood frowning beside Chaldrin, Wedin and Dotil with the two Sigurri warriors, and all three Midanna looked carefully to see whether the males had taken any harm. Chaldrin’s side was again covered with cloth, yet had his wound been uncovered when he and the others had come across the stream to my aid the darkness previous. Ilvin had disliked the look of the wound, and had insisted upon rubbing it with an herb mixture before it was again covered, this despite the male’s protests that the wound no longer gave him pain. She now peered beneath the cloth to assure herself that no harm had come to the healing flesh, Wedin and Dotil engaged in similar investigations with the two Sigurri. All knew that males had not the wit to see properly to themselves, yet the solicitude of my warriors for these males was a thing I found myself unable to comprehend. Much did it seem as though they concerned themselves with clan sisters instead of males, and I frowned as I looked upon them all.

“Your wenches have changed considerably since they fought beside Chaldrin and my warriors last darkness,” said Mehrayn, amusement to be heard in his voice as he, too, looked upon what occurred between the others. “They no longer consider Sigurri ‘mere males,’ for they have become battle companions through the shared shedding of enemy blood. The wenches, too, are now looked upon differently by my men, for they have become more than ‘mere wenches.’ ”

Indeed did it seem that Mehrayn spoke the truth, for the males hastened to assure my warriors that no lasting hurt had come to them, their manner quiet and without amusement at the concern shown on their behalf. Truly did it seem that males and warriors had formed an odd, new clan, each member pleased with the presence of the others, each member happily aware of the new state. To me, however, the thing seemed in some manner wrong, for never before had warriors and males drawn together so.

“Remove that frown from your face, wench,” said Mehrayn, drawing my eyes to where he looked down upon me. “Your disapproval stems only from the punishment you now find yourself subjected to, and will disappear once you no longer chafe beneath my restrictions. You cannot deny warriors the pleasure they have ever sought, the pleasure of one who will not only lie with them but who will also stand with them. No warrior will be denied so.”

It came to me then with a good deal of shock that Mehrayn referred to both male and female, both Midanna and Sigurri. Neither would find it possible to live as the other currently did, therefore had they chosen an entirely different manner, one new to both, one acceptable to both. The male before me seemed desperately eager to become a part of that newness, yet I recalled that he had been denied to me. Were I to attempt to join the newness of the others, my very presence would likely bring Mida such anger that she would bring the newness crashing down upon the heads of those who attempted it. For the sake of those about me I must obey the goddess, and think naught of the bitter gall which filled me.

“I care not what others do,” I said to him who looked upon me so closely, turning my face from him. “There is but one thing for this warrior to do, and that is to see to the tasks she has been given. I have neither the time nor the interest to dally and sport, for I am a war leader. Those others are not.”

“For one who has no interest in sport, wench, you do well in the furs,” returned the male, his hand coming to touch my neck beneath my hair, amusement in his tone. “When we halt for our mid-fey meal I shall be more than prepared for you again, and it is my command that you speak to me then of how you greatly desire my use. The words will not be lies, I know, for you have shown your true feelings for me often enough when not angry and petulant. You may mount now for the others are prepared to depart, yet are you to think often in the hind to come of the use which awaits you. In such a manner will you soon come to be as eager as I.”

Well amused was the male as I tore loose the reins of my kan from the stake which held them, turned completely from him, and jumped to the back of my mount. It continued to be his intention to give me punishment, a punishment of humiliation and lack of freedom and commands without end. Clearly did he believe that once the punishment was done I would be filled with such gratitude and elation that I would do as the others had done and accept him beside me, one to be shared with rather than obeyed. Had he been other than male, he might well have been filled with sufficient reason to understand that all I possessed to share was one task after another, the jealousy of the gods, and unending denial. It filled me with fury that I was able to see no manner in which such a state of affairs might be changed, yet was the fury a useless one. I watched Mehrayn mount, then was tugged gently along in his wake by the neck leather, to begin the fey’s journey in the possession of the dark mood which had become so frequent a companion of late.

We rode till the light was near its highest, the silence allowing me to remain deeply immersed in my thoughts. In the midst of consideration of what approach would be best to the enemy clans, and possible deployment of warriors against that which the strangers would bring to the coming battle, the hind flew away to naught; before I became aware of it a clearing had been found in the forest we had reentered, all were preparing to dismount. I looked about me in considerable confusion, and Mehrayn chuckled as he came to my kan to put his hands to my waist.

“So you have at last returned to us,” said he, taking me from the kan as though I were unable to do the thing myself. “So well wrapped in thought were you that none of us thought it wise to disturb you, for you undoubtedly considered the tasks you have been given—as well as that which was commanded by me. Are you prepared to please me?”

I looked upon the male with a good deal of exasperation, for in the midst of matters of import, his commands had slipped from my memory. Had the word which bound me to him been mine, I would have been forsworn; as the condition had come about by the decision of another, I was merely visited with annoyance.

“You cannot mean I was disobeyed,” said he, seeing in my face the truth I had not yet put words to. “Are you so simple-minded a wench that you cannot recall what disobedience brings you?”

The mock sternness in his manner as he looked down upon me increased my annoyance, for it was clear that the male spoke only to bring me anger which could not be protested nor revenged. In this instance, however, his intentions were idle, for he, himself, had admitted acquiescence to necessity.

“Perhaps it is Mehrayn who has forgotten that the commands of Mida are not to be interfered with by a male,” said I, meeting the green gaze in which the hint of amusement attempted to hide. “As it was her tasks I considered as I rode, I cannot be taken to task for having overlooked male foolishness. The goddess will undoubtedly make clear the point when the male Mehrayn has been claimed by her.”

Abruptly was all amusement gone from the male, the look he sent to me as I folded my arms well filled with rapidly growing annoyance, yet before he might speak of his displeasure, Chaldrin appeared beside us.

“With the permission of Sigurr’s Sword, I will have the wench now,” said he, his calm taking no note of the manner in which Mehrayn looked upon me—and I him. “There is a good deal of time yet before our meal is prepared, therefore shall we begin her lessons. I would see her as knowledgeable and competent as possible for the time she must face those other wenches.”

A brief moment did Mehrayn continue to send his annoyance toward me, and then did he nod with reluctance.

“Very well,” said he, reaching to the knot of the leather about my throat. “You may have the wench for a lesson, yet is she to be sent back to me immediately the lesson is done. There will be a second lesson awaiting her which she will see to before she takes her provender. Best you see that the matter does not again slip from your mind, girl.”

Again was that green gaze sent to me, no amusement to be seen as he coiled the leather, then did Sigurr’s Sword turn and walk off. Chaldrin watched him gone, then did he turn to send me a look of his own.

“You seem to joy in provoking him, wench,” said he, resting one hand upon the flank of my kan, “Do you joy as well in the hidings your provocation brings you?”

“I do no more than speak the truth,” said I, looking upon Chaldrin as I had looked upon Mehrayn. “Would you care to have me speak the truth to you as well, brother?”

“At times the truth is best left unspoken,” said he, showing faint amusement at my question. “One such as I, with great wisdom to call upon, am easily able to tell that this is such a time. Remove your sword and dagger, and stand with the others.”

Ilvin, Wedin and Dotil, already weaponless, stood awaiting my arrival and the battle method Chaldrin would teach, therefore did I divest myself of sword and dagger and join them, tying a bit of leather about my hair as they had done. Midanna much preferred entering battle with leather holding their hair, yet recent circumstances kept me from the practice. The three Midanna warriors greeted me warmly when I joined their ranks. It would have brought shame to all had they allowed themselves to see the humiliation being given a war leader without trying to halt it, therefore would they have been bound to give me assistance—against Mida’s will. That they believed the punishments given me by Mehrayn were Mida-sent was clear, for the will of a mere male would have meant naught to them; this belief freed them from the embarrassment of needing to come to my aid. I returned their greetings with polite formality, unable to argue against an unwillingness to oppose a goddess—yet did my former annoyance and anger increase.

Chaldrin began lessons that did well to lessen the emotion of anger. First were we required to stretch ourselves in all manner of odd ways, so that we would not harm ourselves when we began the true lessons. The heat of the fey did naught to aid us, and quickly were we covered with the sweat of exertion, bending and stretching as though we attempted to warm ourselves against the cold. When this loosening, as Chaldrin called it, was done, we began to learn the proper manner of delivering kicks. One did not merely kick out, we were told, one kicked with either the heel, the side of one’s foot, or the place just beneath the toes, with the toes held well up out of the way. We attempted these manners of kicks, over and over, Chaldrin speaking quietly in correction, berating us only when it seemed to him that our efforts flagged. Many reckid passed in the doing, and then were we begun upon the method of keeping another’s hands from us with our own fists and arms, a thing termed blocking. This, too, was done again and again, the time lasting till our provender was done, and then did Chaldrin call a halt.

“You wenches may now rest yourselves,” said he, seemingly pleased with our efforts and the sheen of sweat which covered us. “Your rate of breathing remains well in your control, a pleasant sight for me after my having trained so many who panted and gasped from so small an effort. When we make darkness camp, we will do the same again.”

Ilvin and the Summa murmured approval of the intention, undoubtedly feeling the same pleasure which touched me. The movements which Chaldrin had shown us were clearly no more than a small beginning, and I wanted to continue on as far as possible, all the while perfecting that which I had already been shown. The movements brought a greater awareness of the glory in the life of a warrior, a joy begun which would not soon fade.

“I have not seen such happiness upon you in many feyd,” said Mehrayn, his voice quite near. I turned to see that he stood behind me, looking down upon me with an odd warmth in his eyes. “It gives me great pleasure to see you so, despite the fact that the greater your skill grows, the closer comes the time of my beating. Will you give me comfort when the beating is done?”

“You will not wish comfort,” I told him, folding my arms as I spoke. “You will feel the throbbing ache in your flesh from the touch of the leather, the humiliation and shame and fury from having been done so, and will wish only to be avenged. No other than a slave would seek naught save comfort. Am I to serve you now?”

“I will first see your provender within you,” said he, disturbance having taken the place of amusement, his hand came to wipe at the beads of moisture upon my brow. “You ate naught of the kirol last darkness, and little of it when we arose with the new light. Should you continue to eat so poorly your strength will fail you, and that likely at the worst of times. One cannot take revenge for insults given if one’s strength drains away to naught.”

He took my arm then, to lead me to where the provender awaited, and fed upon his own the while I attended to mine. I wondered upon the lesson he had spoken of to Chaldrin, the additional punishment he had so clearly meant to give me, yet no mention was made of it. With the provender swallowed he took me in his arms, waited till I had told him how greatly I desired his use, then gave me that use. So strong was the male, and so filled with pleasure for a warrior, that the words I had spoken were once again proven sooth. Perhaps Mida might deny him to me, yet I, myself, was able to deny him naught. His use was thorough yet briefer than usual, and when he withdrew from me he sat beside me to stroke my hair.

“It has come to me that you take care to hold yourself far from me, for you believe your lady goddess will soon take me for her own,” said he, seeking my gaze where I lay in the grass. “Only when I am in possession of you are you no longer able to remain aloof and uncaring, for I have then made you mine despite your doubts and reservations. Is there no manner in which I may assure you that I am not necessarily meant to be taken, nor that the fancy predestines the deed? I am here and alive and vital, Jalav; even should it be truth that I am to be taken, your coldness will do naught to halt it. I crave the warmth we once had between us, to feed my vitality; may I not have the pleasure of more of such memories, to warm me forever in the soul-cold of possible goddess chaining?”

The sobriety in the green gaze brought a film to mine, and I quickly turned from him and closed my eyes, the better to bear the deep pain I had been given. So well able was the male to bind and wound and slay with words, that I wondered at his having attained sword skill as well. How easily was a warrior brought low by such other skill, the likes of which even I had never imagined. It was true punishment I now had from the male, and also was it without doubt Mida-sent.

“Sigurr curse me for a fool!” the male muttered in sudden anger, quickly pulling me back to his arms. The trembling had taken me so thoroughly that I was unable to struggle, unable even to protest the strength with which he held me. “Now am I able to see the truth,” said he, rocking gently as he held me, “only now, after having given you such hurt. You seek to drive all thought of me from your mind against your time of loss, for you do indeed feel for me what I feel for you. And yet, as Sigurr is my witness, I cannot allow that. What if I allow you to put me from your mind and then am left where I have ever been, whole and unharmed? You will be gone off with another, and I left with naught save the memories I had asked for. Warmth between us will mean pain and loss for you, lack of warmth will bring the same to me, and possibly for naught. In Sigurr’s name, I know not what to do!”

He released me then and got quickly to his feet, gathered up his body cloth and swordbelt, then rode quickly off, going toward the kand. Ever is it necessary to recall that a weapon is able to cut both enemy and friend alike, and therefore must care be taken in its use. The male had forgotten this truth, therefore he had drawn blood from his own self, just as he had heretofore drawn the same only room me. I sat upon the grass with a hand to my ribs, pleased that the wielder had felt the same edge which so often tormented only me, less pleased that Mehrayn continued to forget how great a strength was in him. It would be necessary to speak of the matter to Chaldrin, I saw, to learn if there was aught which might be done to free me from such an embrace.

“The Prince has given himself a great difficulty to ponder,” came a voice, and a moment later S’Heernoh crouched before me, his odd gaze full upon me. “Much does it seem that a weight has been taken from you, however, and it pleases me to see your burdens lightened. Have you been given harm through the Prince’s distress?”

His gaze had gone to my hand where it lay against my ribs, therefore was the question not unreasonable. I withdrew the hand, for there was naught save a small soreness within, and looked upon the male.

“I thank you for your concern, yet am I unharmed,” said I, attempting to keep the annoyance from my voice. “It does indeed ease me to have one less difficulty to ponder, for I truly believe that that difficulty is one without an answer, one beyond the power of a war leader to solve. As I am now able to speak with you, I also wish to give you my thanks for your assistance of the last darkness. I dislike your amusement over the doings of Mehrayn, yet are you indisputably due my thanks—despite the fact that you continue to pry into matters which concern only others. Have you no desire for continued life, that you press the patience of a Midanna war leader so closely and so often?”

The male blinked at me in seeming surprise, then did he smile with the wry amusement which had come to him so often of late.

“Your openness might well be considered childlike, were one to discount the topic spoken upon,” said he, linking his fingers before him as he continued in his crouch. “For what reason do you consider concern from the others permissible, the while from me it is prying? Am I then so much less than they?”

The question was mildly put, no more than curiosity to be heard in it, and yet did it seem that there was something of hurt hovering beneath. For what reason the male would feel hurt I knew not; was he not a stranger among us?

“The Summa and Hitta are sisters to me, the male Chaldrin a brother,” said I, an odd discomfort beginning to touch me. “Mehrayn and his males are battle companions, those who have earned a place at my back. All of those I ride with are warriors, known and valued for their presence. The male S’Heernoh is—unknown.”

“Ah, I am the stranger in your midst,” said he with a nod of understanding, his smile warming. “I have not stood in battle with you, therefore do I remain an outsider. Your upbringing among the clans has taught you suspicion and distrust of the stranger, for he might well be an enemy. A pity you were not raised as a town girl, who is taught instead to respect and obey a man of mature kalod. And yet even if you had been, I much doubt you would be as the others about you, well-mannered, shy, and obedient. There is that within you which would disallow such qualities.”

His smile grew to amusement as he straightened out of his crouch, and it was with that amusement that he looked down upon me.

“I doubt I shall ever become a battle companion to you, lady war leader,” said he with his odd smile. “I shall, however, endeavor to become less of a stranger, for it is not my intention to curb the ‘prying’ which brings you such annoyance. I shall continue to concern myself with your doings, therefore may you take sword in hand and strike me down, else may you resign yourself to the ‘prying.’ Among my people it was my place to give what comfort and aid I might to those who had need of them. I have come too far along the road to change the habits of a lifetime.”

“All who take to the road must at some time come to its end,” said I with a shrug, also rising to my feet. Much of what the male had said was beyond understanding by me, yet had he made his intentions clear. “Should I find the prying of S’Heernoh too annoying to bear, I shall assist him to the end of his road. Such a doing is well within the rights of this war leader, you see, for the male S’Heernoh is not of a clan beneath Jalav’s protection. Pay close heed to your steps upon the road, male—should it be your wish to remain upon it.”

Again did the male look upon me with blinking surprise, much of his amusement gone, yet had I no further time to spend in converse with him. I therefore turned to my breech and weapons and prepared to once again resume my journey.

Mehrayn had ridden ahead of our set, yet was his track clear through the forest and for the most part unhurried. He undoubtedly sought no more than the solitude I had sought, in which to consider the difficulty he had given himself. It mattered little what decision the male made, for it continued to escape him that the final decision lay in hands other than his. The request he had made of me had at first brought pain, yet the pain grew less the longer I considered it. If Mehrayn were taken, his need would truly be greater than mine, for agony and forced use would be his sole companions. I well remembered how greatly I had been aided by sweet memory through the use I had been put to by Sigurr, and clearly saw that Mehrayn would require the same. It had been foolish to believe that I might put the male from my mind, for such a thing was no longer possible; memory of him would remain with me till my soul spread and faded in the final darkness. The doings of the gray-clad males, the near marking of my flesh by cause of their twisted desires, had brought me an unreasoning fear over the anger of the goddess, yet that fear no longer held to me with the strength it had first had, therefore would struggle and an attempted humility be doomed to failure before it had truly begun. I must obey Mida, yet would I do so as I had ever done, acting in the manner I deemed most fit. Were I to be punished for the decision I had made, it would be clear that Mida no longer wished me for her chosen.

Though the others rode not far from me, I remained alert and aware of the forests I rode through, deep thought this time finding it impossible to take me. It was for this reason that I knew immediately of Mehrayn’s return, and found no startlement when he drew his kan up beside mine.

“Wench, I have come to a decision,” said he, his tone brisk and decisive, his eyes more upon the forest we rode through than upon she to whom he spoke. “As I would sooner lose you than bring you pain, I will no longer press you for that which you are reluctant to give. You may withdraw from me as far as you are able, for I shall no longer even take use from you.”

“Indeed,” said I in a murmur, examining our path with fully as much care as he. “And do you also mean to return to your own?”

“Would that I were able to do so,” said he, a weariness behind the words. “Had I not given my vow to the gods, I would surely relieve you of my presence, yet has my word indeed been given. I must remain with you, yet shall I take care to give you as little awareness of my presence as possible.”

“Shall you, indeed,” said I again, this time turning my head to gaze upon him. “And what shall occur, great fool of a male, should the war leader Jalav come to the decision that she wishes the near presence of a fool of a male? Does the male believe he will refuse her?”

“You believe I will allow you to give me the warmth I mindlessly asked for despite the pain it brings you?” he said with a sound of disdain, also turning his head so that he might meet my gaze. “I will not permit you to do such a thing, Jalav, and it is my word which must be obeyed.”

“Only in your service must I obey you,” said I. “As there is to be no further service, there shall also be no obedience.”

“You stubborn she-lenga!” growled Mehrayn, anger in his tone. “Never is there obedience from you, no matter the point, no matter the desires of others! Upon this point, however, there shall be obedience, for I am determined that it will be so! Do not protest, for I will hear none of it! I will simply be obeyed!”

His anger then put heels to his kan, taking him and his mount once again from our set. I watched till his stiffened shoulders disappeared from view, the greens and browns all about enfolding him quickly, then shook my head with a good deal of annoyance. It was said that fools are oft-times protected by the gods, therefore was Mehrayn’s continued survival in some manner explained. As a male, Mehrayn did well in upholding the standards of them all.

Our ride through the balance of the fey was uneventful, and when we reached an adequate place to camp for the darkness, we discovered that Mehrayn had halted there first. There was no stream nor pond in which to bathe, no more than a narrow rill from which to drink, and when Ilvin, Wedin, Dotil and I again began upon our lessons, we regretted the lack. We did again as we had done earlier in the fey, halting only when our nilno was nearly done. We who were Midanna might well have fed upon the nilno as it then was, yet was S’Heernoh firm in his decision that the provender would not be given us till it had received his approval, therefore did we wait with the others for the cuts to be properly roasted. Wedin and Dotil were amused at S’Heernoh’s insistence, and Ilvin was uncaring; though I, myself, felt some faint annoyance, the matter was scarcely of great enough import to remark upon. There were other things to concern me then, one of which sat in solitary thought upon his cloth-covered fur, some distance about the fire from the balance of our set.

“Rarely have I seen a man who appeared so determined and at the same time so filled with misery,” said Chaldrin as he took a place beside me in the grass, his voice low, his eyes upon Mehrayn. “Have you been speaking further truths to him, wench, or has he found truths of his own?”

“He is taken by what he believes to be his will,” said I, moving my eyes from the fool of a male. “It yet remains to be seen for how long he considers it such. Which brings to mind, brother, a question I would ask: is there a manner one might use to escape from the clasp of arms too vigorously held to one? Well might such a thing be of use to a warrior, for males are ever of a mind to abuse their greater strength.”

“Indeed is there a method of relief for such a thing,” said Chaldrin, faint amusement showing in the dark of his eyes. “There are, in fact, a number of such methods, some more ruinous than others. Do you anticipate the need of them in the near future?”

His glance returned briefly to Mehrayn as his amusement increased, and this time did it seem that the humor was at the expense of one other than I.

“The fool believes he will keep himself from me,” said I, choosing not to add my glance to Chaldrin’s. “Does he believe himself different from other males, that he spouts such foolishness? All males who look upon Jalav desire her, and in that Mehrayn has been so different from his brothers; given the opportunity to use Jalav he will do so, no matter the words he spoke, no matter his attempt to keep to his resolve. He is male, and will quickly come to recall naught else.”

“You are most likely correct, wench,” said Chaldrin, his amusement having turned inward, his dark eyes full upon me. “I, myself, found it impossible to refuse you, and that in the face of a threat to my very life. How, then, might a man refuse you who feels for you what the Sword does?”

The words of Chaldrin were as his words ever were, calm and rumbling and spoken without deep inflection, yet was I taken by the fancy that his meaning was other than that given by those words. There was no time to pursue the thought, however, for Chaldrin then began to speak upon the matter of freeing oneself from a grip of strength. If one’s hands and arms were free, it was possible to do many things, we were told. A sharp blow to the nose or throat, a thumb in an eye, two thumbs beneath the jawbone, a fingernail in an earlobe; these were methods which required little or no skill, yet which were extremely effective. Other methods would become available when our skill had grown, said Chaldrin, yet for now those others should prove sufficient. Were our arms held as well as ourselves, we were then told, it would be necessary to kick or butt with our heads, for the skill necessary to break free from such confinement with the use of arms was greater than that which would be ours for some time. Hitta and Summa listened as did I, all nodding with understanding, all clearly feeling the impatience to continue which gripped me. Demanding, indeed, was the lure of the battle method shown us by Chaldrin, and deeply did we yearn to continue with it.

Our provender was at last allowed us by S’Heernoh, therefore did we see to it in becoming silence. The nilno flesh was truly sweet, aided by the fire rather than ruined by it, a thing decreed by all who tasted of it. Truly pleased did S’Heernoh seem, he who had labored to bring us satisfaction, most especially when I added my voice to those of the others. I knew not the reason my approval brought him such pleasure, save perhaps that he understood at last that proper service alone would bring him such approval. Should such have been the truth, I might at last be freed from the annoyance I ever felt in his presence.

Our fire had taken on greater and greater brilliance as the darkness deepened, and soon were we surrounded by naught save the sounds of the forest, calming hums and far-off snarls. Chaldrin and the two Sigurri spoke quietly with Ilvin, Dotil, and Wedin, sharing the various watches up among themselves, S’Heernoh sitting with them and merely listening. Mehrayn continued to keep to himself a distance from the balance of us, his nilno, like ours, already fed upon, his large body now stretched at ease upon his right side, his gaze lost to the leaping fire. I stirred where I sat then rose to my feet, feeling the beginnings of desire touch me. I would give Mehrayn the pleasure he would keep in memory, and then I would seek the healing depths of sleep, to rid myself of as much of the same memory as possible. Too many were the memories I had to be rid of them all, yet to dwell upon any of them would be idle; Jalav was denied males of her own by Mida, and there was naught which might be done for it.

Mehrayn kept his gaze with the fire when I halted before him, seemingly taking no note of my presence. His swordbelt lay upon the ground beside him, within easy reach of his hand, and when I took mine and laid it by his, his eyes at last came up to my face.

“You seem to be of the belief that no fey must pass without at least one disobedience,” said he, looking blankly upon me. “Are you not able to understand that I will not use you—”

“You seek to make me believe you have no desire for me?” I asked, smiling faintly as I put my dagger with my swordbelt, then knelt down before him upon the edge of his pelt. “All males feel desire for Jalav, all males use her when they may, and Mehrayn is very much male. Open your arms to me, male, for my desire for you will quickly warm all reluctance and foolishness from your body and will . . . . ”

I had put my hand out to stroke the broad strength of his arm, yet the caress and my words were ended together when Mehrayn’s hands flashed to my arms and pulled me down past him, onto the pelt behind where he lay. He twisted about to kneel across me as his hands captured my wrists and held them above my head, and surely did I believe that his foolishness was done till I saw the fire-brightened anger upon him.

“Once again are you completely mistaken, wench,” he growled, his hands and thighs holding me still without giving me pain, his eyes near to burning. “I have said naught about feeling no desire for you, for words such as those would be lies. Upon the moment do I feel more desire for you than ever, yet do I refuse to use you. Take yourself from me now and do not return, else shall it be a switch rather than a rod which you find. In this I will not be disobeyed.”

The male then rose to his feet and pulled me to mine, bent to take up my swordbelt and dagger and thrust them at me, then sent me stumbling from him with a wide hand in my back which propelled me from the vicinity of his fur. Shocked lack of understanding continued my steps away, yet did I turn and look at him as I backed. No longer did his gaze follow me, for he had returned to his place upon his cloth-covered fur, leaning down upon one elbow, his eyes again with the fire.

“Take care that you do not stumble, wench,” came the soft voice of Chaldrin from behind me, his bulk halting my backward progress. “One must look upon one’s path, else is that one likely to become lost.”

I turned to look upon Chaldrin with all of the confusion which spun my head about, clutching my weapons to me as though there were one nearby who would take them from me, finding no words to express what I felt. In no manner would understanding come to me of that which had occurred, that which was so far beyond reason.

“You appeared less disturbed when still in the capture of the followers of the Oneness,” said Chaldrin, his tone and eyes gentle as he looked down upon me. “Come to my fur, wench, and perhaps I may assist you.”

Had his hand not come to my arm, I might well have remained where I stood for all of the darkness. The doings of males most often lack reason, yet never had I seen a doing quite so lacking in reason as Mehrayn’s. The Summa and Sigurri sat apart from the place where Chaldrin’s pelt lay, S’Heernoh saw to the balance of the unfed-upon nilno, and Ilvin assisted him. None save Chaldrin and I sat upon his pelt, then, and when his hands came to ease my weapons from my grasp, I turned my eyes to his face.

“It is an illness which has suddenly touched him is it not?” I asked, allowing the swordbelt and dagger to be taken as the thought came from the swirling of my mind. It was surely the explanation I had not been earlier able to see, yet Chaldrin smiled somewhat and shook his head as he put my weapons aside.

“There is no illness, wench,” said he, his voice as calm and gentle as it had been. “Mehrayn is as hale as ever, perhaps even more so. Have you never before been refused by a man?”

“Never,” said I, shaking my head in an attempt to free myself from the confusion which strove to grow even stronger. “Among the Midanna, no male would begin to consider refusing a warrior, not to speak of a war leader. And when once I began to move through the lands of males, much did it seem that all about me strove for my capture and use or, if capture were impossible, then merely the use. All know males will ever take the use of what females they may, as often as they may, as often as they are able. All males have ever done me so, all males! For what reason would Mehrayn not do the same? Is he no longer able?”

“No, no, wench, you continue to misunderstand,” said Chaldrin, his hand coming to smooth my hair. “You must not feel that harm has touched him, for it has not. It has simply come to him that further use of you by him will bring you pain, and the Sword has no wish to bring you pain; sooner will he keep himself from you.”

“Yet what of the memories he will require?” I asked, too deeply upset to put credence in the words Chaldrin spoke. No male would deny himself merely to keep pain from a warrior, for most often it was they themselves, who brought the pain. “When he lies in Mida’s chains, agony and hopelessness all through him, he will have naught of memories to warm away the pain! He will have need of those memories, Chaldrin, as I had need of them! How may I allow him to refuse me?”

“Jalav, wench, you may do no other thing,” said he, pulling me to his chest in an attempt to calm my agitation. “The Sword denies you in order to keep harm from you. You attempt to refute your earlier denial to keep harm from him. Sigurr! How have the two of you become so ensnared by such outrageous circumstances?”

“By trafficking with the gods!” I snarled, pushing away from Chaldrin as the true meaning of what had occurred abruptly came to me. Just so easily was the goddess able to take the male from me, and yet not take him at all. The fool of a male did her bidding as though he were sworn to her service, all the while unknowing! No other than a male would see the refusal of a war leader’s willing use as a justifiable thing, a noble thing! Again I was to be denied, and again by the hand of Mida—and Mehrayn was to be without the warmth of memories.

“Take another tone when you speak of the gods, wench,” said Chaldrin, a growl having entered his voice as his eyes narrowed. “Have you not had enough pain through disrespect? Will you court disaster through a lack of common sense?”

“Disaster need not be courted,” I grated, rising to my feet to look down at him in the glow of the fire. “It comes whenever it wills, just as anger and fury—and awareness of a need to be revenged. There are some few about who have not learned to be wary of the vengeance of a Midanna, yet are those few destined to be wary of the vengeance of a Midanna, yet are those few destined to some fey learn of it, to their sorrow. I shall not speak upon this matter further, nor shall I speak of it again; merely shall I allow it to be.”

I took up my weapons and walked from the staring, frowning male, seeking and finding a place upon the ground to take my solitary rest. To give challenge to the gods was the act of a fool, yet I no longer had patience for the doings of reason.

Even the gods might toy with a Midanna war leader only so long before that which made her a war leader demanded a halt to the constant humiliation. Pain had I been given, even unto agony, yet pain from then on would be reckoned as part of vengeance due, the greater the pain, the more to be returned in revenge. I lay down upon the ground, stretched at full length, my hand not far from my sword hilt, my dagger returned to my leg bands. I would not consider vengeance again till after the strangers had been seen to—save were I forced to it by further toying. Should the concern of the gods over the strangers be great enough, they would leave me be till I had seen to my tasks; should their concern be less, my life would be quickly taken. I looked upon the warm, dark sky above me, seeing only a small part circle of Mida’s Realm shining there, then closed my eyes, caring little which the gods chose.