Chapter 21

With my grandmother in the sanatorium, there was no reason for me to remain in the apartment, and I moved into Maison de la Lune on rue des Saints-Pères, bringing the maids and the cook with me. In addition to wanting to be there, I was comforted by the thought that if Benjamin’s detectives had discovered the rue de la Chaise apartment and were watching it, this move would throw them off.

It was a bittersweet homecoming because we all were worried about my grandmother. I fervently hoped she would get better quickly so she could join me there. Was sure that once she saw how happy I was at the maison and how glad the house was to have me back, she would stop being so afraid for me.

I painted for hours that first day. While in the studio, brush in hand, brilliant colors swirling, my mind was focused on the canvas, and I felt nothing but joy. But as soon as I left the tower, I was overwhelmed with concern for Grand-mère and haunted by what she’d said about the spirit taking over me.

The only person I could think of talking to who might understand was Julien’s client Monsieur Dujols. As a student of the esoteric and occult, surely he would not be surprised by what my grandmother claimed and would be able to explain it to me. Perhaps he would even have some advice.

It took me most of the next day to work up the courage to go to the Librairie du Merveilleux. Even though I knew Julien didn’t approve of Dujols’s beliefs I wished he were available to go with me. Something about the store and its owner intimidated me, but Julien had gone back to the furniture factory in Nancy, and I was on my own.

Finally, late that afternoon, I walked over to the shop, being careful to make sure no one followed me. I now habitually watched the reflections in store windows, looking for any suspicious behavior of people lagging behind me.

The latest telegram from Mr. Lissauer had reported that Benjamin had fired his first detective agency, hired a new one, and put forward a reward that was more money than most people made in a year.

Since Benjamin was unaware of just how much I knew about his scheming, the size of the offer made sense. He had to be wondering if my father had confided in me and shown me enough incriminating evidence to destroy Benjamin’s reputation.

The largesse was also fueled by pride. In disappearing, I’d outsmarted him and Benjamin couldn’t abide being shown up. Why wasn’t it enough that, without suffering any consequences, he’d driven my father to suicide and taken over the bank, our residences in New York and Newport, and all our valuable collections?

I turned the corner and arrived at my destination. Dujols’s store was so dark I thought it was closed and was about to leave when I noticed shadows moving inside. Trying the door, I found it open and entered.

More than a dozen people milled about, and the furniture was arranged with all the chairs in three rows, as if a lecture was about to begin. The air was thick with the scent of heady incense and sweet tobacco. Open bottles of wine and absinthe were lined up on a sideboard.

A petite woman, wearing a dark caftan embroidered with silver symbols like those on the wall, eyed me suspiciously and asked who had brought me. When I said no one, she arched her eyebrows and looked at me askance.

“I wanted to see Monsieur Dujols,” I told her.

She nodded and slithered off, going, I hoped, to find the publisher.

“Mademoiselle Sandrine,” Dujols greeted me by taking both my hands in his. “How did you know about our lecture? Did Julien tell you? No matter, you’re here.”

“I didn’t know about it. I came to talk to you because-” I broke off, unsure how to broach the subject that was the reason for my visit with so many people around.

“It’s all right, Mademoiselle. I know why you came,” he said. “There are things happening that you don’t understand, and you need help, don’t you?”

There was so much sympathy in his voice that my eyes filled with tears. Taking me by the arm, he ushered me into a small alcove.

“How do you know?”

“I’m acquainted with your grandmother. And as you know, your family’s legends are familiar to me. I’ve studied them and researched them. First for her, then for my own edification. I can help you. Explain what is happening to you. I have an idea of what you are suffering. I have some books…” He pulled one book and then another off a shelf. “I think if you start by reading these it will give you a foundation. And then we can delve a bit deeper and contact La Lune.”

“Contact her?” I felt the now familiar nausea.

“We often have séances here to reach out to spirits beyond our dimension.”

“Has my grandmother attended these séances?”

“No, we met privately,” he said without further explanation. “Here, take these.”

He handed me the two slim volumes. Their leather covers were worn, and they smelled of old paper, musty and waxy. It was a scent that reminded me of my father and our library at home. A scent that was both comforting and exciting. My father would have relished poking around in Dujols’s collection.

“I am at your service, Mademoiselle. Once you have read what is in these books, come back and I will do my best to explain it all to you. Then we can gather some kindred evolved folks together to reach out to La Lune. Trust me, Mademoiselle, I can guide you through this.”

I stayed up late that night reading the first book and began the second the following day. I never left the house but read continuously, even during my dinner of a simple bouillon, roast chicken with braised endives, and a dry white wine. I read without stopping, my mind bursting with questions about the theories exposed by Dujols’s contemporaries. The concepts were strange, disturbing, and seductive. Were there spirits trapped between this life and the next? Could they haunt their old habitats? Did they need our help to set them free? Was it possible to summon them through séances? Was what my grandmother believed even possible? Was I being inhabited by La Lune? Was that where my passion to paint had come from? Was she changing me?

And if she was, how could I get rid of her?

A sudden and violent stomachache and nausea chased away all thoughts except of how to alleviate the pain. No doubt my condition had been brought on by my lack of sleep and concentrated reading. I called for Alice and requested she prepare a powder remedy and to make it extra strong.

Despite her doing so, relief was slow to come, but finally, sometime past midnight, I fell asleep.


The next morning at ten, Alice came to my room to tell me that Monsieur Duplessi had arrived and was confused to find her there. I told her I’d see him and hurried downstairs, relieved that he’d come back to Paris, hopeful that, now that he was back, he could help me make sense of what was happening.

I greeted him downstairs, still in my peignoir instead of a day dress. “Welcome to my home,” I said.

Your home? Has something happened to your grandmother?”

“Yes, she is unwell. She’s been taken to Dr. Blanche’s for care.”

“The sanatorium?”

“Yes, she had an episode. It was horrible. She is convinced… It’s so absurd… She thought she saw a ghost… and couldn’t cope with the shock of it.”

“How terrible,” he said.

“Yes, I’ve spent the last four nights crying myself to sleep.”

And I had. I was a mess of emotions. Elation and horror living inside of me at the same time. Torn by terribly missing my grandmother and fearing for her and simultaneously delighted that now that I’d moved into Maison de la Lune I would be able to devote much more time to painting and being with Julien.

“Monsieur le Docteur assured me that it is only temporary and that Grand-mère will recover and be able to come home in a week or two. A few weeks at the most.”

“How did this happen?”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if Julien would be sympathetic or think us all mad. “She went to my cousin’s funeral, and when she returned became hysterical.”

“Were they very close?”

“I think they were.”

“But she’s a very strong woman. To become undone to the extent that she has had to be hospitalized? Surely something else occured.”

I desperately wanted to confide in him. I kept seeing my grandmother’s eyes staring at me with horror and fear. If I told Julien, would he look at me the same way? Surely not. He’d taken me to the occult bookshop, but he didn’t believe in Dujols’s mystical and occult world. He’d made that clear.

“Sandrine? What really happened?”

“Why do you think something else happened?”

“I can see how nervous you are.” He picked up my hand. “Look at your fingernails. You’ve picked at them to the point that they are bleeding. There are deep circles beneath your eyes.”

“My grandmother is in a sanatorium!”

“Yes, but you told me that the doctor believes it is just a short stay and that she will be fine.”

Julien pulled me toward him and held me, whispering: “What aren’t you telling me? There’s no need to be afraid. What is it?”

I insisted there was nothing.

“Why don’t you get dressed? We can take a walk. The fresh air,” he said, “will be good for you.”

It was chilly out, but he was right. The bracing air did clear my head. We walked to Ladurée, where he procured a table for us, and we sat among the lush tropical murals, on scarlet and green cushioned seats and sipped strong tea. He ordered us macarons, but I wasn’t hungry, and the pastel-colored cookies sat on the china plate untouched while he held my hands and I recounted the story.

I told him how I’d met our cousin the rabbi and his reaction to me. Then about my grandmother’s efforts to have what she and Cousin Jacob believed was a demon exorcised. How my cousin died and how my grandmother had tricked me and locked me in the bedroom to keep me from going to his funeral, and how I’d occupied myself while she’d been gone. By the time I got to the description of the paintings I’d done on the walls, he was biting his bottom lip. I finished by telling him how my grandmother had reacted when she’d seen the mural.

“She was convinced I was being taken over by the ghost of a witch from the 1600s who had returned from the dead to claim my soul.”

“What made you paint that story on the wall? What were you thinking? Where did the images come from?”

“Ever since you and I found the paintings in the tower, I’ve been dreaming about La Lune and Cherubino Cellini. They’re in my head, Julien, that’s all. There’s nothing going on except that my imagination has been stirred.”

He nodded thoughtfully. Neither of us spoke for a few minutes.

“Does the house feel different to you?” I asked.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Well, what if my grandmother is right? What if La Lune is in the house? What if she’d been waiting for me and is glad I’m back?” I whispered. “It would explain why the house seems happier now.”

Julien turned my hand over and looked down at my palm as if he was going to find the answers there.

“There’s no good to come of this line of thinking.”

“So you don’t believe it’s possible?”

“I most emphatically do not! I do not believe in ghosts or hauntings or any of that mystical nonsense.” The anger was bubbling out of him.

“Then why are you so scared of it?” I didn’t know how, but I knew that he was.

He shook his head. “I’m not. It can be seductive, but it’s not real, Sandrine. There’s too much of this talk going on in Paris. People are losing their reason. Taking you into Dujols’s store was a mistake. It put ideas in your head.”

I laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I knew all about those ideas from my father.” I took a breath. “I went back there, Julien. Monsieur Dujols is a wonderful teacher. He’s given me books to read and is helping me to understand.”

“That’s not wise.”

“Why are you reacting this way?”

He lifted my hand and kissed my palm. I reached out and smoothed down his hair with my other hand.

“I don’t want you to become entangled in that dark mess. So many of Dujols’s disciples start off like you, merely interested, but…”

“What?”

“It’s dangerous, Sandrine. That’s all. It just is.”

I wanted to argue but sensed that it wasn’t the right time. No one-not my grandmother and not Julien-could convince me that what was happening to me was something to be afraid of. I was painting. I was alive in a way I had never known before. Yes, I was terribly sad about my grandmother, but she was simply frightened. She’d come to understand that I was flourishing, not being taken over. And Julien? I smiled at him. He was just being caring and protective.

We walked back to the house, and he came inside with me. We sat on the sofa in the parlor.

“I have a favor to ask. Monsieur Dujols thinks we should have a séance and see if we can talk to La Lune. Find out what it is she wants. I need you to come with me. I need you to say yes.”

He opened his mouth to say no, but before he could answer, I put my finger across his lips. “Don’t answer yet. Just think about it. We don’t have to speak of it now.” I leaned into him and inhaled the scent of his skin mixed with his cologne. I smiled up at him. He seemed to relax a bit. What had I stirred? What secret did he hold so close and tight? “I have to go to class in a little while. We don’t have that much time together today to waste it arguing.”

“No? What should we waste our time doing?”

Since moving in, I examined the house and all of its rooms. And so I took him to my favorite of the “fantasy bedrooms,” as my grandmother called them. Each one uniquely decorated to evoke its own dream.

There was a boudoir that recalled a room in the palace of Marie Antoinette, in which all walls were mirrors; there was a monk’s chamber with a narrow bed and straw rug and religious frescoes on the wall; there was an Egyptian room as well as a Chinese pagoda; and there was a Persian garden room.

I chose the last, with its fanciful walls painted with trees and flowering bushes against a midnight blue sky, with stars and a perfect crescent moon and the onion-shaped minarets of the city in the distance. Expensive rugs in deep blues, reds, and greens were piled on one another. Tall vases of peacock feathers filled the corners. Red, turquoise, and gold silken curtains hung around the bed.

I pulled him onto the bed and then knelt before him.

“I’m your servant girl, your slave.” I shivered with excitement. I’d never been this bold before, and it was thrilling. “Here to do your bidding, to fulfill your desire. Would you like me to undress you and draw your bath?”

Not waiting for a response, I began, first taking off one boot and then another. His pants. His shirt. His stockings. I never took my eyes off of his, and in them I could see not only my own reflection but also his enjoyment.

“I never knew a man could be beautiful before, but you are. Because of how your collarbones come together here.” I touched the spot. “Because of these muscles in your arm.” I put my hand on his biceps. “When you finally let me paint you, this will be my favorite part to paint.” I put my hand on his broad chest. “Or maybe this will be.” I ran my fingers across his shoulders.

He closed his eyes. I felt a clench of intense pleasure inside me.

“When I paint you, this is one place where my brush will dwell.” I ran my finger down the thin line of dark hair that traveled from his belly button to his groin. “And here.” I moved my hand across his hip bone. “And here.” I put one hand on each of his thighs. “And here.” I continued down his calves and then back up them, up his hips, his chest, and found his hands pressing down on the bed, clenched.

“When I paint you,” I said, “you will be naked and hard and wanting like you are now…” I ran a single finger inside and out of each of his fingers, making his hand as sensitive to my touch as the rest of him. “And it will be so difficult for me to keep painting without stopping to touch you.”

He arched his back. I wanted to watch his pleasure and know I was causing it. I wanted him to know what he did to me. “When I paint you,” I said, “when I get here…” I bent to kiss between his legs and inhaled. I could smell the deepest part of the forest. Pleasure throbbed inside of me. This was where I wanted to be, here with Julien. With him unable to look away from me. With him willing to be swallowed up by me.

“When I get here…,” I whispered into his flesh, “I will have to stop so I can do this…” And then I took him into my mouth. His head was thrown back. He was lost to me. Lost in the pleasure. All around me was the dark scent of him. The air was ripe with it.

I raised myself off the rug. I would give him his pleasure, but first, I would do something I had never done before. I would claim my own. I pulled up my skirt and swayed above him.

“Hold back for me, Julien. Yes?” I whispered. “I promise you more than you’ve ever felt if you can just hold back.” I reached down, in between his legs, and squeezed him in a way sure to prevent release. How had I known? My husband had surely never told me. Before that moment I’d never even wondered at such a thing.

I lowered myself down on him slowly. All of the world centered on that one amazing sensation. It was all colors and sounds and smells, all that had been denied me for so very long. It didn’t matter if Julien was betrothed to someone else; it would only be a matter of time before he would be mine and I would be his. The feelings coursing through me were the ones I was due. This was where I belonged. On the tip of him, on the edge of this exquisite madness.

He moaned.

“Not yet,” I whispered as I rode him.

The pleasure… how could I ever give up this pleasure? I was supposed to be here, to have this. Supposed to be with this man beneath me, in me, giving and taking and taking and giving.

I lifted myself up so we were no longer touching. He was panting and ready. “Don’t stop,” he said in a hoarse whisper.

But still I held back, swaying above him.

“Will you come with me?” I asked him the same question I had asked before all this began. “Yes?” I was offering what he wanted in exchange for what I wanted. “Yes?” I lowered myself just enough so that we were touching, but barely. Enough so that I could feel the heat of him.

“Please,” he begged as he tried to push up, but I held back.

“Yes?”

“Yes, Sandrine, yes,” he said, and I wasn’t sure in that moment what pleased me more, the physical explosion or knowing that he was going to go with me to Dujols’s.

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