Through the Zombie Glass

Chapter 21 Weep Some More

Boom!

The sound reverberated in my head. Panting, I jolted upright. Sweat poured from me, every one of my pulse points pounding to the beat of a riotous drum.

“You’re all right. I’m here.”

Cole’s voice. Strong hands urged me back onto the mattress.

I blinked to clear my vision, but only darkness greeted me. “Where am I?” I croaked, the words scraping against a throat gone raw.

“Ankh’s. He looked you over. Said you’d bruised a few ribs, had a few cuts, but were otherwise fine.”

As the surge of panic eased, aches and pangs battled for my attention, and memories surfaced. I’d survived another car crash, but others had died. I’d been hunted, nearly killed. I might have killed another human being. Tears burned the backs of my eyes, and I gave a humiliating sniffle—or six.

Cole linked our fingers and squeezed.

The crack in my heart widened a little more, and warmth seeped through...until I remembered something else. He’d come to the forest with Veronica. I tugged my hand free.

“Ali,” he said. A pause. Then, “Can you give us a minute?” he snarled.

Whoa. Where had—

“Tell us what happened, Miss Bell,” Mr. Ankh said, and I realized Cole hadn’t been talking to me.

I peered beyond his shoulder. Or tried to. The darkness was too thick to penetrate.

“Am I blind?” I shrieked.

“What?” Cole said. “No. Of course not. If you’re having trouble seeing, it’s because your eyes are a little swollen from the smoke and we put some salve on them. Don’t worry. You’ll heal.”

Okay. Okay, then. “I have to call the coffee shop. Tell them I won’t be in.”

“Already taken care of,” Cole said. “I told them you’d been in an accident.”

“Nana—”

“Knows you’re alive and well. I’ve stayed in contact with her and told her I’d try to have you home by eleven.”

“What time is it?”

“Eight.”

Three more hours; then I’d go home. Could I keep it together?

“Miss Bell,” Mr. Ankh prompted.

I still wasn’t his biggest fan, but the story poured out of me. I told him about Dr. Bendari. I told him about the photos and what I’d learned about my condition and the antidote. I told him about Justin and his sister. About the shooter, and the two drivers, and the chase through the forest.

I wished I could see his face, judge his expression.

“We found the photos in your pack,” he said. “The others must have burned in the fire.”

Some were better than none. “Which ones did I grab?”

“One of Justin’s sister. Four of an Anima facility, and two of a computer screen with a formula they used for what I’m guessing is an improvement on the antidote.”

Not a bad haul.

Mr. Holland cleared his throat, alerting me to his presence. “The shooter Cole brought in escaped his cage in this facility—the dungeon—and we have no idea how. He was weakened from blood loss. We don’t think he could have survived for long out on his own without medical attention, but to our knowledge no dead bodies have been found. He could still be out there.”

What Mr. Holland was trying to say without panicking me: the guy could still be after me. Just then, in the safety of the room, I didn’t care.

“Now I’m going to check your eyes,” Mr. Ankh said.

Footsteps. He gently wiped my eyes with a tissue, then flashed a muted light in front of my face. “I don’t understand—ah, there we go. You’re finally responding.” As he continued to shine that light, the darkness began to thin at last.

“It’s getting better already,” I said.

“Good. We ran some more tests and found your antizombie toxin is significantly lower.”

“The new antidote helped, then.”

“New?”

“There are vials of it in my pack.”

“I’ll take one and see if I can replicate it. I’ll send the others home with you.”

“Thank you.”

He stepped back, and Cole stepped forward. Our eyes locked, violet against blue. Need against... I wasn’t sure what I was projecting at him. We—

—were standing in my bedroom. His expression was tortured, even sad, as he aimed a crossbow at my chest.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Cole—”

—We were back inside Mr. Ankh’s basement dungeon.

I blinked in surprise. Nothing had distracted us or gotten in our way, the usual reasons for a vision to end. This one had stopped all on its own.

Because he’d shot me and I’d died? Whatever. At least we’d had one. That meant a part of me was back to normal. I was better.

How long would it last, though?

Apparently I was going to do something so terrible Cole would feel his only recourse was to kill me. I couldn’t even process that.

“I have no plans to aim my crossbow at you,” he said tightly. “I won’t. Ever.”

I nodded. Really, what could I say?

That wasn’t good enough for him. “You had to be right before. The visions have to mean something else.”

I really, really hoped so.

“I’m not going to hurt you. Trust me. Please.”

The very words I’d once—four times?—given him. “Okay,” I said, and he exhaled with relief. I just didn’t have room for another worry.

“Cole, call Justin and tell him to come by,” Mr. Holland said. “I need to tell him about his sister.”

I looked and found him standing beside the curtain separating my “room” from the others.

“I’ll tell him.” My pronouncement was quickly met with inquiring glances. “I know what it’s like to lose your family. And I know you guys do, too,” I added in a rush. They’d all lost someone in the war. “But with me, the loss is fresh. Jaclyn was his twin, and he loved her more than he loved himself. I felt the same way about Emma.”

Mr. Ankh sighed. “Very well.”

Cole made the call.

It wasn’t long before Mr. Holland was escorting Justin to my bedside. He sat down opposite Cole, his expression closed off. He had no idea why he was here. My chin trembled as I said, “Justin, I met with a man named Dr. Bendari.”

He nodded. “You’ve mentioned him before.”

“Yes. He was...he was killed in front of me.” Tears streamed down my cheeks, burning, leaving track marks, I was sure.

Justin softened. “I’m sorry.”

“Before he died, he told me that your sister—”

With a pained groan, he jumped up, the chair skidding behind him. “I know. Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say it.”

“You know?” Cole asked.

Justin closed his eyes, drew in a shaky breath. But that was it, his only reaction. And yet my heart broke for him. I knew what he was doing, because I’d done the same thing. I’d boxed up my grief and shoved it deep, deep inside.

He would feel better for a little while. Then, one day, someone would come along and say something, or he would see something, and the box would begin to open. All of those negative emotions would come pouring out, and he’d be helpless to stop them. He would break down.

“The leader, Mr. K, showed me pictures.”

“Mr. K?” Mr. Holland said. “What does the K stand for?”

“I don’t know. It’s all anyone ever calls him.” He lifted his chin. “Mr. K told me you were responsible, and it was my job to exact revenge. But I couldn’t kill you, he said. Just had to spy on you.” He offered us a cold smile. “He didn’t realize I knew you better than that and knew you’d never hurt my sister—that he was responsible. So I’ve given him information, but nothing damaging. Just enough to make him think I’m playing his game.”

“So you’re the spy,” Cole gritted out. “And you dared to send me on a wild chase? Why? To distract me?”

“Spy?” Mr. Ankh and Mr. Holland said in unison.

“No.” Justin shoved his hands into his pockets. “You’ve got a traitor in your midst. I never lied about that, I just don’t know who it is. Every bit of information I gave you is true. I want Anima taken down, and I want to help you do it.”

The fierceness of his expression...the chilling determination in his voice...the hatred oozing off him all combined to scream I’m telling the truth.

“Spy,” Mr. Holland repeated.

“I’ll talk to you about it later.” Cole nodded stiffly to Justin, a silent command to continue.

“My parents think Jace ran away. They worry about her, my mom even cries, but I can’t bring myself to tell them that she’s...that she’s... Because I can’t prove it, and I can’t answer their questions. And now you know everything I know. So we’re done here.” Justin turned and stalked from the room.

Cole stepped forward, intending to chase, but I grabbed his arm. “Let him go. He needs to be alone right now.”

Mr. Ankh and Mr. Holland watched as Cole settled back in his seat.

“Some privacy,” Cole said, waving them away.

Mr. Holland rolled his eyes and left. Mr. Ankh opened his mouth, closed it. Then he, too, took off.

“I know you probably have more questions, but I want to talk to you about Veronica first. About what happened with her after our breakup.”

“No,” I said, anger suddenly rising.

He continued anyway. “I told you she went down on me, and I wasn’t lying, but I didn’t tell you that I stopped her before...just before. And I don’t think you have any idea how difficult that was. With something like that, it doesn’t always matter if a guy likes the girl or wants someone else.”

“Should I give you a medal?” I snapped. I still hated the image of what they’d done.

“Yes. No.” He banged his head against the side of my bed. “I’m screwing this up. Again.”

“There’s no reason to hash this out—”

He looked up, his gaze beseeching me. “There is. When you called me, I was with her.” He latched onto my hand, holding tight enough to ensure I couldn’t break free. “Nothing was going on, I promise you. I was telling her I wasn’t over you, I wouldn’t be getting over you and that I would be with no one but you.”

My heart dropped into my feet.

I wanted to give in—so bad. Can’t give in.

I’d warned him.

Take your refusal one step at a time. Otherwise I’d crumble like a cookie.

First step. “Cole,” I said, plucking at the sheet covering me. “No. We’re not going there. You’re a relationship runner, not a sticker, and I can’t go through another breakup.”

He held me tighter. “Correction. I was a runner. I’m now a sticker. I get it now. I was letting fear make my decisions for me. I was so afraid of losing someone else, I was always looking for the expiration date. Not just with you, but with all my girlfriends.”

Could a girl dance for joy and sob with despair at the same time?

Second step. “I’m glad you realize that, and that you’re determined to move forward, but what happens if you also realize you never got over some of those other girls?”

“That’s not possible. I want you. And I know you warned me, told me not to even think about crawling back. I know I messed up in the worst possible way, something I can promise you will never happen again. I know, but I’m still coming after you with everything I’ve got.”

I might have sobbed.

Third step, the hardest. “Cole—”

“Shh, baby. Please. Listen to me. You’re a part of me, and I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me, for however long you’re willing to give it.” He rushed on, adding, “I’ve walked away from a lot of girls. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes it didn’t. But I always got over it, and thought I was better for it. I haven’t gotten over you, Ali, and I’m definitely not better. I need you. Please,” he repeated.

Another attempt at that third step. “No,” I whispered. Together, we were a roller coaster. Up and down, up and down. Sometimes you just had to stay off the ride. “My answer is no.”

He wasn’t deterred. “I gave up too easily, and I’m not making that mistake again. I should have fought for you, just like you said. I realize that now. I didn’t trust you. Well, I’m going to trust you now, because I can’t live with the results of not trusting you.”

As he spoke, every word wrapped in longing, he leaned forward, toward me. I absorbed the words, such beautiful, needed words. Soothing words. I wanted so badly to meet him halfway.

Tears filled my eyes, spilled over. Fourth step. The final. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I just can’t.”

“Baby, don’t cry. It hurts me to know I’ve upset you.” He wiped the droplets away with his thumb. “Okay, we won’t talk about this right now.” He drew in a breath, released it. “Let’s talk about the spy.”

Definitely sobbed. “Yes. Okay.”

“I know we suspect Gavin and Veronica—”

“I don’t,” I said, doing my best to remain calm. “Everything inside me says they’re innocent.”

He nodded. “Okay. I told you I trust you, and I do. I will. In everything, in every way.”

I...didn’t know what to say.

I gulped.

“That leaves Kat, Reeve and Ethan,” he added, filling the silence.

“Ethan is the only unknown.”

“Then we’ll start with him.”

We, he’d said.

A waft of air hit me, and I shivered with cold.

“May I hold you?” he asked.

I tried to say no, I really did. “Yes.” I’d had a last kiss. Now I would have a last embrace.

He climbed into bed with me, gathered me against him.

I’d missed him. I’d missed this. His warmth enveloped me, and his strength soothed me.

Meaningless...

Right.

“We found your phone in the woods when we swept the area for more photos. You can text your grandmother.” He pulled the device from his pocket.

I accepted gratefully and shot Nana a text to tell her I was okay, I loved her and I would be home by eleven, just as Cole had promised. Her response was immediate. Don’t ever worry me like that again.

Me: Will try my best.

“Ask me something,” Cole said after I’d set the phone on the cart beside the bed.

“Like what?” I said, confused.

“Anything you want to know. You ask, and I’ll answer. I want you to get to know me better. Before, you said we didn’t know each other well enough, that the vision brought us together.”

Carte blanche? Yes, please. So sure this is meaningless? “Who was your first time?” I asked.

He snorted, saying, “Wow, okay. You aren’t messing around, are you? And just so you know, I don’t usually discuss these kinds of details with anyone. For you, though... I was fifteen, and she was twenty-one, the daughter of one of my mother’s friends. I lasted about five seconds.”

I tried to swallow my giggles, failed. “Ugh, I shouldn’t be laughing at your extremely poor seduction skills. Because, Cole, that pervy woman totally took advantage of your childhood innocence.”

He barked out a laugh, the sound rusty but so danged welcome. “You are too adorable for words.”

“Why? It’s true.”

“Maybe.”

Not maybe. “If a twenty-one-year-old man had sex with me when I was fifteen, would you be laughing?”

He instantly sobered. “Okay. Point taken.”

“Tell me her name. I’m going to track her down and knock her teeth down her throat.”

“As hot as that is, no. She’s part of a past I’d now like to forget. But...I’m glad you never slept with anyone. I don’t like the thought of you with anyone else, probably would have fed the fuc—uh, the guys more than teeth.”

Must resist this possessive, charming side of him. “Do I get another question?”

“You get as many as you want.”

He sounded determined.

I’d probably make him regret that.

“Did you sleep with Veronica?”

He stiffened, but he didn’t hesitate to answer. “Yes. But it was over a year ago, when we were dating.”

“Mackenzie?”

“Yes. Months ago, for a little while after we’d stopped dating. Then I met you, and that was over.”

“Others?”

“Yes. You want the exact number?”

“No,” I grumbled. Yes. Maybe. “Am I the only girlfriend not to go all the way with you?”

“No,” he said. “But I wouldn’t change anything about what we’ve done—and haven’t done. I wanted—want—you ready for me, not sleeping with me because it’s supposedly expected. I would wait forever for you.”

Oh, glory, this totally meant something.

Are you sure you need to resist him? “Yes, well. You might have to.” I cleared my throat. “Next, I have an observation rather than a question.”

His arms tightened around me. “Go on.”

“Sometimes you call Mackenzie and Veronica by cutesy nicknames. Kenz and Ronny. It’s hurtful to the girl you’re with.”

“Do I?” He toyed with the ends of my hair. “I hadn’t realized. It’s a habit, I guess. We all parted as friends.”

“Well, we didn’t,” I pointed out, now a little hurt by that, too. “I mean, we tried, but it clearly wasn’t working.”

He pressed his lips together to cut off a...frown? Smile? “A. Dor. A. Bull. Baby, I still wanted you, still considered you mine and didn’t want to share you with Gavin. There was no way I could be friendly about it.”

Dying here...

He kissed my temple. “Enough chatting. We’ve got two and a half hours before I have to drive you home, and I want you rested. If you’re feeling better by Thursday night, I plan to take you to a party to celebrate the Tigers’ winning football season. Since we don’t have school on Friday, everyone always kicks off the four-day weekend early.”

A chance to act normal. “I’ll go to the party, one way or another. And I’m not tired.”

He chuckled. “Sure you’re not. Your eyelids are already half-closed.”

“No, they’re...”

I don’t remember finishing that sentence.

I woke up in Cole’s arms.

The alarm on my phone had gone off. He must have set it before he’d fallen asleep. He never even twitched, his expression relaxed, almost boyish, and I smiled as a deep well of affection spilled over. Looking at him now, no one would ever suspect his violent nightly activities.

Trina sat beside the bed, reading a book. When I stirred, she glanced up and said, “About time,” and closed the cover. Dare You To, by Katie McGarry. “I want you to know I was upset when I saw the video of you going after Cole so viciously. I still don’t understand it, but I’m sorry I never gave you a chance to explain.”

“Thank you,” I said, and I meant it.

Mackenzie strode into the room. “Heard voices,” she said. Then, “Hey.”

“Hey,” I replied.

“You look better.”

“Thanks.”

Cole stirred, stretched.

“Okay, time for us to go bye-bye.” Trina stood.

“But I just got here,” Mackenzie complained.

Trina gave her a push toward the exit. “Ali, do yourself a favor and take a shower before he wakes up. Like, seriously.”

Was I that bad?

The two strode from the room. I eased from the bed and nearly toppled to the floor as my knees shook under my weight. There was a bathroom around the corner, and though I was nervous about looking into the mirror, I did it.

Yeah, I was that bad.

There was no hint of Z.A., thank God, but my hair was styled in what could only be dubbed Last Year’s Ugliest Rat’s Nest. There was a big black bruise on my cheek, a slice in my lip, a knot on my jaw. So pretty.

Someone had cut away my blood-splattered clothing and put me in a paper-thin hospital gown. Three possible suspects. Cole, Mr. Ankh and Mr. Holland. There wasn’t a front-runner, each equally bad. When Cole first saw me naked, I didn’t want it to be like this.

Wait. When?

I’d just told him we weren’t getting back together.

I’d meant it. Hadn’t I?

Now, looking back on the conversation without the fog of anger and pain...and need...I wasn’t so sure. What I did know? Staying away from him didn’t actually have anything to do with a roller coaster. I’d never actually ridden on one, but I bet they were exciting. They had to be; people kept going back for more.

Was I punishing him for the hurt he’d caused me? Or was I simply afraid of losing him again and doing exactly as he had done?

Pensive, I took a quick shower, dressed in the T-shirt and sweatpants Mr. Ankh kept in the drawers. The first fit just fine. The second barely came to my ankles. Unfortunately Mr. Ankh did not keep a drawer stocked with bras and panties, so I had to go commando—the alternative to slipping back into my dirty underwear. I brushed my teeth twice and then my hair, wincing from the pain. Finally I emerged on a cloud of steam.

Cole hadn’t moved from the bed, but now he was sitting up, watching me, his eyelids heavy. His gaze moved over me, lingering in certain places. “Com’ere,” he said, his voice low and husky with want.

“We should probably leave,” I hedged.

“We will. I want to kiss you first.”

“You shouldn’t... I shouldn’t...”

“I’ll make you glad we did,” he said softly, almost...shyly.

How could I resist this new side of him?

Yet another one. How many did he have? Would I fall for each of them?

I crawled on top of him.

His big hands tenderly cupped my cheeks, the calluses on his fingers abrading my skin in the most delicious way. Moving slowly, giving me time to stop him, he lifted his head and pressed his lips against mine.

The cut stung a little, but I didn’t care. I kissed him with all the pent-up need inside me. The need to taste him. The need to take from him and give to him. The need to brand him, to make him mine. All mine.

As our tongues thrust together, he shifted, rolling me to my side and hooking my leg over his hip. With the new angle, he’d created the perfect cradle and was able to scoot closer to me, practically fusing our bodies...rubbing against me, once, twice.

“You feel good enough for this?” he rasped.

“Stop talking and keep kissing.”

He chuckled softly, and I nipped at his bottom lip. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

“Still. Talking.” I slid my hands under his shirt, tugged the material over his head. He fisted the hem of my mine, and the next thing I knew, the entire thing was being tossed over his shoulder.

Cool air brushed my skin, but the heat radiating from him quickly chased it away, even turned my blood to lava. I wrapped my arms around him, scraped my nails along his back. All the while he continued rubbing against me, back and forth, pressing, easing, pressing again...oh, yes...just...like...that.

“Ali,” he gasped out.

The most amazing scent wafted from him. Pure, crisp. Familiar.

The urge to bite would follow.

“Ali,” he said again.

I licked my lips. “Cole.” If I could chew my way past skin, vein and bone, I could get to what I wanted. The heart of him. The—

No! I reared back and tumbled from the bed. “I need the antidote from my pack,” I rushed out, crab-walking to the wall, widening the distance. “Now. Please.”

He asked no questions. He hopped up, dug through the pack and rushed back to my side. There was a sharp sting in my neck before a cool river washed through my veins. And yet the river couldn’t wash away the horror of what I wanted to do.

Cole stayed by my side, and I could still smell him. My gaze snagged on his hammering pulse, and there was a flood of moisture in my mouth.

“More,” I said.

“That’s too much.”

“Just do it.”

With a growl, he returned to the pack, found another syringe. He stuck me with more force, and another cool burst cascaded through me. My fascination with his pulse finally ebbed. The delicious smell faded. I sagged into the cold, hard floor, already crying.

“Better?” Cole asked.

“Better.”

“Then why the tears?” He traced his fingers over the slope of my nose. “I’ll get Ankh. He can—”

“No. No more tests.” We already knew what was wrong. “I just want to go home.” I’d give Nana a hug. I’d rest some more, get stronger. By the time Cole picked me up for the party, I’d be as good as new. Please.

“All right, but we’ll need to put a shirt on you first,” he said, and I heard the thread of humor in his voice.

Oh, spank me. As Kat would say. I was sprawled out, shirtless. Braless.

My cheeks flushed, and I covered my chest with my hands. “Good idea.”

“Not my best,” he said drily, “but I think your grandmother would approve.”

“I think you’re right.”

He smiled, and for a moment, I felt as if everything really would be okay. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”