Tie Me

Chapter Eleven

“Are you okay?” Sara said as she trotted down the steps, stopping on the bottom one so that it was impossible not to notice her belly. She patted Kellen’s shoulder. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Not Sara, he told himself. Lindsey. The girl Owen had been talking about on the phone before they’d been disconnected. She’s not Sara. Yeah, tell that to all the hairs on the back of his neck, which were standing on end.

He took a deep breath and clenched his shaking hands into fists.

“Where’s Owen?” Kellen asked, staring at her pregnant abdomen and doing mental math. Could it be… Was this what Owen had been trying to tell him about? No. Not possible.

“I think he’s talking to her again,” Lindsey-not-Sara said. He glanced up in time to catch her rolling her pretty blue eyes. “It was good seeing you.” She kissed his cheek and stepped off the final step. “If anyone is looking for me, I’m going to buy some food. I swear, how do you guys live like this?”

Still dumbfounded, he watched her walk over to Jordan, who was taking one of his hundreds of daily breaks, and with a few bats of her eyelashes and rubs of her belly, Jordan was on his feet and escorting her to the rental car he was responsible for returning. Completely transfixed, Kellen watched her get into the car. Lindsey really was a beauty. She definitely rivaled Sara, but was no comparison to Dawn.

Shit. He couldn’t let himself think about Dawn right now.

Kellen climbed the bus steps and spotted Owen sitting at the dining table and staring intently at his iPad. He looked up when Kellen slid into the booth across from him. He smiled.

“So you’re back. Have you given up on blue balls permanently or was it a temporary thing?”

“Had to be temporary.”

“Had to be?”

Kellen nodded curtly. He didn’t want Dawn to have to deal with his baggage. He had to forget her so she would forget him. “So Lindsey…”

“She’s around her somewhere.” Owen flicked his wrist at the expansive bus cabin.

“Yeah, I saw her. Is she…” Kellen’s eyebrows lifted.

“Pregnant?” Owen nodded and went slightly pale. “Yeah. She thinks it’s mine.”

“Yours? But you wore a condom when you did her; how could it be yours?”

“Well, it’s someone’s from that night, assuming she isn’t lying about not screwing some other dude after she finished with her Sole Regret band and crew orgy. When I left you alone to untie her, you didn’t do anything with her, did you?”

“No.” He hadn’t been inside a woman for five years. Until Dawn.

Shit. He couldn’t let himself think about Dawn right now.

“I didn’t think so. Just making sure.”

But Kellen had come on Lindsey’s belly, so he supposed it was possible that in all the groping and fondling and fucking, some mighty Kellen sperm had somehow gotten inside of her. Possible, but not likely. Still, he felt he was going to throw up. What if it was his? What would he do? He could never bring himself to hook up with some girl he didn’t feel a connection with just because she was the mother of his child, but he wouldn’t be like his asshole of a father. He wouldn’t leave the mother to fend for herself and ignore the existence of his own child until seeing his flesh and blood served his own purpose or agenda or whatever the fuck had made his father reach out to him after sixteen years of no contact. More than never meeting the fucktard, Kellen regretted not telling him what a worthless piece of shit he was when he’d had the chance. He didn’t want Lindsey’s unborn baby to ever have to feel that level of rejection.

“I figured you’d be smiling more,” Owen said.

Kellen looked at Owen as if he was doing the Chicken Dance. Again. Why would he be smiling? This situation had the potential to fuck up someone’s life in a pretty major way.

“About Lindsey being pregnant?” Kellen asked.

“About getting laid. Tell me about her. I can’t wait to meet her. I’m assuming she has blond hair and blue eyes.” Owen rolled his eyes at Kellen’s presumed predictability.

Kellen shook his head. “Redhead. That deep, dark red shade. Almost burgundy. And her eyes are hazel, with pretty flecks the color of spring leaves.”

Owen snorted and burst out laughing. “I forgot how corny you get.”

“Corny? What do you mean?”

“When you like a girl. You become the reincarnation of John Keats or some shit. So is she gorgeous? She must be to get your dick out of your pants.”

“Stunning. And you’ve seen her before,” Kellen said.

Owen went another shade paler. “I didn’t fuck her, did I?”

“No. Believe it or not, there are still women out there who haven’t taken a bareback ride on your lap.”

Owen winked. “Are you sure?”

Kellen nodded. “A few.”

“So if I didn’t fuck her, where did I see her?”

“At the Grammy’s last year.”

“Oh God, did I say something stupid to her?” Now Owen looked like he needed a tanning session. “I was so wasted that night.”

And he probably didn’t remember the elegant beauty who’d graced the stage to accept an award for best instrumental composition.

“She won a Grammy for one of her compositions. She plays piano. And she had no idea who we are, but she remembered us getting thrown out for your air-horn incident and heckling the rapper who got our award.”

Owen cringed. “Yeah, that was pretty obnoxious. I apparently thought I was attending a hockey game. Why’d you guys let me drink so much?”

Kellen chuckled. “We all drank that much. You’re the only one who couldn’t hold his liquor.”

Owen raised fingers one at a time as he said, “So gorgeous redhead. Grammy. Gives Kellen a boner.” Tapping his ring finger, he screwed up his forehead in concentration as he went over his clues.

“Her name is Dawn O’Reilly,” Kellen said. He didn’t want the guy to blow any overtaxed synapses.

Kellen had forgotten Owen had his iPad right in front of him. He immediately did a web search.

When Dawn’s picture came up on screen, Kellen’s heart froze in his chest until a rush of tangled emotions thawed it again. Standing before the awards’ ceremony backdrop, she looked radiant in a floor-length green gown, holding her Grammy clutched in both hands at her waist. Dawn. He could almost hear her voice whispering to him in the darkness. Making him feel that everything would be okay. Was he really going to push her away? Give her up? Go back to feeling so alone that he shut out everyone in his life except Owen?

Kellen closed his eyes and swallowed. Yes. He was going to do exactly that. He’d been weak for one night, but would never give in to that weakness again.

“Wow,” Owen said. “She’s hot. I’d tap that.”

Kellen’s eyes flipped open as a surge of panic flooded his chest. Owen could seduce anyone if he put his mind to it. Probably even Dawn. “What about Caitlyn? I thought you really liked her.”

“I do,” Owen said. “I wouldn’t tap that now, but a couple days ago, before I met Caitlyn, I would have totally tapped that. She’s stunning. And she plays piano. Musicians are hot.”

Kellen chuckled when Owen pointed at himself, pursed his lips, and offered a suggestive toss of his head.

Turning to his iPad again, Owen tapped a few screens and stirring piano music began to play from the device.

“She more than plays piano,” Kellen said. “It’s as if her soul comes pouring out of the instrument.”

Owen looked up at him and then snorted before bursting into laughter. “Oh God, man, you have got it bad for this chick.”

Kellen shook his head. “It was just a one-night hook-up.”

“Riiight. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it. So I’m ordering flowers for Caitlyn. You should get some for Dawn O’Reilly.”

He would not be sending Dawn flowers. She might think he was still interested, which he was, but he didn’t want her to think that.

“Flowers already?” Kellen asked. “Didn’t take you long to mess up.”

“It wasn’t my fault. When Lindsey showed up, Caitlyn flipped out and left. Not that I blame I her. I mean”—he made explosion sounds and opened his hands in bursts around his head—“mind blown.”

“And no one is claiming this kid besides you? You weren’t the only one who had sex with the girl that night.”

“A paternity test will straighten it all out in a few months, but she’s under enough stress, you know. It doesn’t hurt to be nice to her and treat her like a human being.”

Kellen wouldn’t expect anything less from his friend, but his kindness might just come back to bite him in the ass. If Lindsey got too attached to him, he might be stuck with her for life, even if he wasn’t the baby’s father. But maybe Owen wanted that. He liked people to depend on him. Which was good, because Kellen depended on him in a big way.

Owen pointed at images of flowers on his tablet. “So should I send her roses or a mixed bouquet? And chocolates too, right? Too soon for jewelry?”

“Owen, I’m not sure…”

“You’re right. She’s not the kind of woman who wears much jewelry. What do you think she would like? Perfume? Or… I could send her chicken panties. Yeah, that’s perfect. She’d get a kick out of that.”

Chicken panties? Kellen was afraid to ask why she’d think chicken panties were the perfect gift.

“Some women feel uncomfortable when you buy them gifts,” he said. “Especially early in a relationship.” And Kellen took Caitlyn for that type of woman.

“I just want to keep her thinking about me,” Owen said. “And let her know I’m thinking about her.”

“Did you call her?”

“Yeah, like five times. She keeps joking that she has to get something done besides talking to me all day.”

“So she knows you’re thinking about her.”

Owen smiled as he purchased whatever silly pair of panties had caught his eye. “Should I send them to her office?”

“Panties? Uh, no. I don’t think she’d appreciate that.”

“Then I need her home address.” He started texting on his phone.

Kellen slapped himself in the forehead. So much for Owen following any advice. But he was smiling as he read Caitlyn’s reply. Owen looked so fucking happy that Kellen hated to put a damper on things, but he really needed to talk to him about the elephant that was always in the room these days.

“Owen,” Kellen said, “we need to talk about…” He took a deep breath and blew out his cheeks. Jeez, this was going to be even harder than he imagined. “…about all that kinky shit we did together.”

Owen read from his phone and typed Caitlyn’s address into his tablet. “Which kinky shit?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

He looked totally disconnected from the conversation, and Kellen really needed him to be serious. “Do you mean me assisting you with tying women up so you could eat them out because you were afraid they might touch you?”

“No. I mean the other stuff.” He lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. “The touching each other stuff. That we did. To each other.”

“It was good for me. Was it good for you?” He laughed, and Kellen should have known Owen would try to make light of it. Getting him to confront anything serious was near impossible. So Kellen would just have to plow ahead and hope Owen took his words to heart.

“I want to apologize to you.”

“For what? Making me come really hard? I honestly didn’t mind.”

“I only touched you because I wanted someone to touch me back.”

“And there’s always a girl waiting to do just that.” Owen lifted his gaze from his cellphone before he’d finish sending his latest text. “So is this the conversation where you tell me you’re gay?”

“But I’m not gay.”

“And neither am I, so let’s forget about it and move on.”

“I’m not finished apologizing to you.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” Owen’s voice rose, as if he were angry that Kellen was even bringing this up. “I don’t want your fucking apology. I just want to drop it, so drop it.”

“But I used you, Owen.”

“I use women all the time. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal. You’re my best friend, and I made you do something you wouldn’t normally do.”

“You didn’t make me do anything. I know you’ve been suffering, and I’d rather give you the occasional hand job than watch you mope around like your life is over. Your life isn’t fucking over, Kellen. Sara’s life ended, not yours.”

His words were like a slap across the face.

“Do you think you need to tell me that?” Kellen yelled. “I live with that every fucking day of my life.”

“Well someone has to remind you; you’re apparently too stupid to see it on your own. And now you find some beautiful woman who might have a fighting chance of putting Sara in her grave where she belongs, and you can’t even find the balls to tell her you’re leaving.”

Kellen was too stunned to reply. Owen had never gone off on him like that. Ever. He’d always been so understanding and careful to spare Kellen’s feelings.

“Well…” Kellen sputtered. “Maybe I’ll see her again and maybe I won’t. It’s none of your business.”

“You won’t,” Owen said. “I know you won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re still wearing Sara’s cuff.”

Kellen looked down at his wrist and yep, there it was, right where he’d promised himself he’d never put it again.

Owen dove across the table and grabbed Kellen’s left forearm in both hands. “Give me that fucking thing. If you won’t get rid of it, I will.”

Owen shoved his back against Kellen’s chest to keep him pinned in the booth while he jerked on the buckles holding the cuff in place. Kellen didn’t know why he was fighting Owen. He’d love for someone to remove Sara’s burden from his wrist, but by the time Jacob wandered onto the bus and pulled them apart, they were both bruised and disheveled. Owen had the cuff in his hand, and Kellen had a scrap of Owen’s T-shirt clutched in his fist.

“What the fuck?” Jacob said, holding Owen in a headlock. “Never thought I’d see the day when you two came to blows.”

“Give me my fucking cuff back, asshole,” Kellen said, yanking his wrist free from Jacob’s steely grip.

“You took his cuff?” Jacob asked.

“He doesn’t need it anymore,” Owen yelled.

“I agree,” Jacob said, “but don’t you think he should get rid of it willingly? It just symbolizes Sara; it’s not Sara. Getting rid of the cuff isn’t going to change how he feels.”

Kellen wasn’t so sure. He’d had a whole lot of fun and shared a whole lot of intimacy with Dawn when the cuff had been off his arm the night before. He didn’t know why he had such an emotional connection to a piece of jewelry. It was stupid. Like a little kid who wouldn’t give up his security blanket because he was convinced the boogie man lived under his bed.

“Then he won’t care if I burn it,” Owen said.

“Don’t!” Kellen’s voice cracked. Already his wrist felt exposed without the cuff in place. “I tried to throw it away last night, but it came back to me.”

“You did?” Owen asked, his stance shifting to one that was still guarded, but not threatening.

Kellen nodded. “I threw it in the ocean and it immediately washed back ashore.”

“Try throwing it into a volcano and see if it comes back to you then,” Owen said.

Kellen glared at him.

Jacob released Owen and pointed at the dining table. “Both of you sit down and talk this out. There’s no sense in letting misunderstandings and petty arguments come between friends when everything can be solved with a simple conversation.”

“Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black,” Owen said.

Yeah, that was some pretty hypocritical advice coming from Jacob.

“What?” Jacob said.

“Uh, you’ve been holding a grudge against Adam for how many years now?” Owen said. “And for why?”

“But you and Kellen never fight. Adam and I have always had differences.”

Owen looked at Kellen and held the cuff in his direction. “Here,” he said. “Put it back on if it makes you feel better.”

Kellen’s hand felt like a leaden weight. His breathing became shallow. His lips trembled. He could feel the pressure of tears behind his eyes as his throat tightened until he thought he’d suffocate. For what? For a stupid strap of leather? It wasn’t Sara. Wearing it didn’t really keep her close. It wasn’t even a tribute to his memories of her. It just made him miserable.

“Get rid of it,” he said breathlessly.

Owen drew his clenched fist to his chest, holding the bracelet against him as if to comfort it. Kellen couldn’t take his eyes off the black strap. He was tracking it like a cat preparing to pounce.

“Are you sure?” Owen said. “You know I can’t stand you to be mad at me.”

“I’m sure. Do it quick before I change my mind.”

Owen brushed past him and hurried down the bus steps. Jacob caught Kellen’s arm when after a few very long seconds, he turned to follow Owen.

“Stick to your guns, man.”

Kellen nodded and sank onto a sofa. He stared down at his bare wrist. It looked as foreign as it felt. The skin was a shade paler than that of his hand and forearm. So even though the cuff was gone, the evidence was still there. He closed his eyes and massaged his arm with his free hand.

“You know what you need?” Jacob said, taking a seat beside him.

“A bottle of whiskey?”

“A wristwatch.” Jacob unfastened the analog watch he sometimes wore before a concert—he was paranoid about being late and had a hard time reading digital clocks correctly. He handed the watch to Kellen. Kellen appreciated the gesture, but he didn’t think it would help. He put it on anyway and while it wasn’t the same as wearing a cuff—the watch band was cold metal, a bit looser, and about half the thickness of his bracelet—it did make his wrist feel less exposed and he wasn’t compelled to massage it, as if he had cuff obsessive-compulsive disorder.

“Thanks.”

Jacob slapped him on the back and then rose from the sofa. “Now you just have to make sure I get to the show on time.”

Ah, so there was a catch.

Kellen reached for the clasp on the back of the watch’s silver band. “I don’t need—”

Jacob’s hand circled Kellen’s wrist. “Wear it until you get your head out of your ass.”

Kellen laughed. “So you’re not expecting this back anytime soon?”

“However long it takes.”

Owen returned to the bus a short while later. Kellen had a bit of blue rope in one hand and was rubbing it with his thumbs, remembering how it had looked against Dawn’s pale skin.

“So you traded a cuff for a watch and a piece of rope?”

Kellen didn’t respond. He didn’t want to talk to Owen at the moment. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, but he did crave the feel of Dawn’s arms around him and the feel of her soft breasts pressing into his chest. He missed her. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her eyes sparked when she was perturbed. The sound of her voice. The way her fingers moved across her piano keys. Across his skin. Her. He missed her.

Shit. He couldn’t allow himself to think about Dawn right now.

He poked the piece of rope under the cuff on his right wrist.

Owen went back to buying Caitlyn gifts on the Internet and chuckling at various text messages that binged onto his phone every thirty seconds or so. Jacob had disappeared into the bathroom. Kellen wondered where Gabe and Adam were. The bus felt really empty. He had an uncharacteristic need to be surrounded by people and, as a loner, it felt strange to admit that to himself.

“What did you do with it?” Kellen asked in one of the pauses between Owen’s text message alerts.

“I buried it,” Owen said.

“Someplace nice?”

“Yeah.”

Kellen nodded, grateful that Owen hadn’t tossed Sara’s cuff in a dumpster or flushed it down the toilet. Kellen stood, deciding he’d go watch the crew set up the stage. Something to keep him busy so that his thoughts didn’t stray to his missing cuff or the continual turbulence in his soul. Or to the woman who had calmed that turmoil by creating the most beautiful melody he’d ever heard and held nothing back when she’d held him in her arms.

Kellen was halfway to the door when Lindsey climbed the stairs. Their band’s twenty-two-year-old lackey, Jordan, was right behind her, carrying several sacks of groceries and chattering about NASCAR. Kellen retreated toward the back of the bus so he didn’t have to brush against them on his way through the narrow corridor. Lindsey took the sacks from Jordan one at a time and set them on a counter in the kitchenette. She looked so much like Sara it was actually painful to look at her, but pain didn’t stop Kellen from staring. Would Sara have looked that beautiful pregnant? With his child growing in her womb? They’d talked about having kids before she’d gotten sick. At the time, he had been a bit hesitant about all the responsibility a child entailed, but if she’d had a baby, a bit of her would have been left behind. Part of her, mixed inseparably with part of him, would have lived on.

Kellen started when someone bumped into his back. Jacob grasped Kellen’s shoulders from behind and squeezed. “There’s just something sexy about a pregnant woman,” he said. “When Tina was pregnant with Julie, I couldn’t keep my hands off her.”

Uh… Was Jacob lusting after Lindsey? Weird. Especially since the baby was some other man’s. Maybe. At least Jacob liked kids. What if the kid was Adam’s? Adam detested kids. And what would Gabe do if it turned out to be his? A dude could go crazy wondering about such things. It was no wonder that Lindsey had insisted it was Owen’s. Not knowing whose child you were carrying had to be a serious mind-fuck. And what would it be like to give birth to a child created out of lust, not love?

“She’s cute,” Kellen agreed, so that Jacob would stop squeezing his shoulders.

“You know who would look fuck hot pregnant?” Jacob asked, still watching Lindsey like some predator.

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

“Amanda.”

Fuck, he said it.

“Don’t you think you should date a woman for more than a week before you start trying to knock her up?” Kellen asked.

Jacob slapped him on the back of the head. “I’m not going to knock her up. I just think she would look hot pregnant.”

“I don’t think you should tell her that.”

Jacob chuckled. “You’re probably right.”

“Thank you, Jordan,” Lindsey said loudly, cutting him off in the middle of a description of his favorite driver’s car. She’d been patiently listening to him prattle for several long minutes. Jordan was very good at prattling and bad at recognizing shut-up-now cues. “I think they need your help outside.”

“They do?” Jordan glanced toward the open bus door. “I was going to help you make sandwiches for the guys.”

“I’ve got a handle on it,” she said. “Go on now.”

“If you need anything,” he said, “anything at all, just ask.”

“I will. Thanks for giving me a ride to the store.”

Jordan stood there for another long minute, raking a hand through his dirty-blond hair, before finally turning to leave.

Lindsey released a relieved-sounding breath and began to remove fresh-baked sandwich rolls and deli meat and cheese from her grocery sacks. “Owen, what do you want on your sandwich?”

“Pastrami and rye?” Kellen teased him with a wink.

“Do I look like I got laid today?”

“Huh?” Lindsey said, turning to look at him.

“Nothing,” Owen said, “Turkey and cheddar is fine if you’ve got it.”

“Shade?” Lindsey asked.

“What?” Jacob answered.

“What do you want on your sandwich?”

“You don’t have to make me a sandwich,” he said. “Go sit down and put your feet up. You look a little tired.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted. “I can’t just sit here all day and consume your oxygen. I want to do something.”

“You’re incubating a baby,” Jacob said. “That’s plenty.”

“But it’s not. I didn’t come here to be a pain in the ass,” she said.

“You didn’t?” Owen teased. “You were sure making a go of it when you first arrived.”

“I know I had a major meltdown last night,” she said. “I’m sorry you all had to see that. You try riding next to a grizzly bear of a truck driver who insists on calling you sweet-tits. We’ll see how rational you are after fourteen hours of thinking you’re going to be raped, murdered, and fed to the load of hogs in the back of his semi.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’d like anyone to call me sweet-tits for fourteen hours,” Owen said.

Lindsey giggled.

“You hitchhiked here?” Kellen asked.

“Stupid, I know, but I was desperate. What do you want on your sandwich, Cuff?”

Kellen didn’t care. “Roast beef?”

“Shade?” she asked Jacob again.

“Yeah, roast beef sounds good. I still think you should sit down and let us make our own damned sandwiches.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not going to force myself into your lives.” She peeked at Owen over her shoulder, but he was back to texting on his cellphone, so he didn’t notice. “I just need a little help until I can get on my feet. I’m not a mooch.”

“You shouldn’t be on your feet at all,” Jacob insisted. He moved to stand beside her and placed a hand on her lower back. “You should be resting.”

“No, I shouldn’t be resting; I should be working. Making money. I have a baby to support. I held onto my apartment for as long as possible while I looked for a job after Mrs. Weston fired me. That ate up my savings quickly, and I ended up completely broke. Hopefully I can find a job in Austin real soon and set up a little house for me and the baby so his father can come visit him as much as he can.” She rubbed her belly and gazed longingly at Owen again.

Kellen wasn’t sure if Owen was intentionally ignoring her or just oblivious that he was the main topic of her conversation. She obviously thought her baby was Owen’s. Or she wanted it to be. Kellen didn’t want it to be. He wanted his friend to have kids with someone he was in love with.

Also watching someone who looked so much like Sara pine for his best friend was a total mind fuck. Kellen would buy Lindsey a twenty-bedroom mansion in Hawaii if it meant he didn’t have to see her looking all pregnant and beautiful and alive. But since he was waiting on a sandwich, he might as well sit down for now.

Kellen slid into the booth next to Owen. Owen glanced up to meet Kellen’s eyes, his expression a mixture of fear, disgust, and desperation. He might be pretending that this thing with Lindsey wasn’t affecting him, but Kellen saw through the pretense. He wanted to get Owen out of this jam, but he didn’t know how. This wasn’t just some overzealous groupie who could be dissuaded; there was a baby involved. A baby who needed a father. Any father—even a reluctant one—was better than no father at all.

“So what kind of work will you be looking for?” Kellen asked Lindsey.

“Something in banking,” she said. She set a plate in front of Owen. “Assuming I can get a decent recommendation from my last employer.” She brushed her bangs out of her face and held them back with one hand as she stared into nothingness. “We didn’t exactly part on good terms. I sort of called her a frigid bitch.”

“Thanks for the sandwich,” Owen said quietly, not looking at her.

Yes, Owen, ignore the problem. That fixes everything.

While Lindsey was distracted with failing to gain Owen’s attention, Jacob took her place at the counter to slap together more sandwiches.

As soon as Lindsey saw what he was doing, she grabbed him by one arm and shoved him into the booth across from Kellen and Owen. “Please, Shade, just give me this. Okay? I know it doesn’t make up for much, but I have to contribute something.”

“Will you just let the girl make you a sandwich?” Kellen said.

Owen hadn’t touched his food yet and was texting faster than ever. Kellen snatched the phone out of his hand. “Your text can wait until you’re done eating.”

“Yes, Mommy,” Owen said.

Owen glanced at Lindsey’s back, turned a shade paler, and then reached for his sandwich. He took a small bite, as if worried she’d dosed it with a love potion. Owen really needed to talk about this. Kellen felt bad for having his phone off the night before and for keeping the topics of their earlier conversations all about himself.

“Hey, Lindsey,” Kellen said, “could I get that sandwich to go? I forgot that Owen and I have somewhere we need to be in ten minutes.”

“Sure,” she said, offering Owen a disappointed glance.

“Where?” Jacob asked.

Kellen kicked him under the table. “You know. That thing we always do eight hours before a concert?”

“Masturbate?” Jacob said in all seriousness.

Kellen touched his fingertips to his forehead and shook his head in disbelief. Owen sniggered, then chuckled, and then burst into laughter as if Jacob had just delivered the greatest punch line of all time. Yeah, Kellen definitely needed to let the man vent. He was about to explode.

Lindsey opened a drawer in the tiny kitchen area and rummaged through the contents. “Are there any baggies around here?”

“Not since Adam went straight,” Jacob said.

Owen laughed so hard, he was in danger of splitting both sides. Kellen slipped out of the booth and dragged Owen out behind him by the torn front of his shirt.

“Don’t worry about wrapping it up,” Kellen said, collecting his sandwich from Lindsey’s hand. “I’ll just carry it like this.” He took a huge bite and smiled at her. “Thanks,” he said with a full mouth. “I’m starving.”

He made sure that Owen was carrying his sandwich before he shoved him toward the door. Kellen wasn’t sure where he was taking Owen, but the bus was apparently the worst place for him at the moment.

“Do you need a ride to the hotel?” a man dressed in a black suit and tie asked as soon as they stepped off the bus.

“Yes,” Kellen said. “We need to take our bags to our rooms.”

“Is that the thing we always do eight hours before a concert?” Owen asked.

“No, we masturbate. Remember?”

Owen smiled and snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. In the back of the limo. Hope you have some tissues in the back seat,” he said to the limo driver, patting him hard on the shoulder.

Owen took a big bite of his sandwich and headed to the door that hid a baggage compartment under the bus.

“Don’t worry,” Kellen said to the stunned driver who visibly relaxed at Kellen’s placation. “I’m sure he has his own supply of tissues in his bag.”

“If not, I’ll just use your shirt.” Owen looked at Kellen and jerked, as if taken aback by his lack of shirt. “Where’s your shirt, bro?”

“Where do you think, Jizz-o-matic Plus?”

“Sorry about that. We really need to stock up on more tissues.”

When the driver was busy digging around in the trunk of the limo—probably for tissues—Owen and Kellen performed their secret victory handshake. Fucking with people was great fun. Owen had relaxed twenty-fold since they’d left Lindsey’s company. So how exactly did he plan to put up with the chick for the next three months—and if the baby did turn out to be his, put up with her forever?

Owen yanked Kellen’s overnight bag from the luggage compartment and handed it to him while he rummaged around for his own bag. By the time their baggage was in the limo’s trunk, the driver was in a panic.

“It seems I’m out of tissues,” he said.

“And I’m out of shirts,” Kellen said.

“That’s okay,” Owen said to the driver. “I’ll just use your sock. Hand it over.”

Kellen knew it would give up their juvenile gig, but he couldn’t help but laugh when the driver winced and then bent to remove his shoe.

“Dude!” Owen said, pounding the driver on the shoulder. “We’re just fucking with you. I don’t need your sock or a tissue.”

The driver’s shoulders sagged with relief.

“Kelly swallows.”

Kellen slugged Owen half-heartedly and took another bite of his sandwich before sliding through the open back door of the limo.

“That was a joke too,” he heard Owen say outside. “Lighten up a little, man.”

“I apologize, sir,” the driver said stiffly. “My regular passengers don’t usually joke about such things.”

“What do they joke about?”

“Uh, the stock market mostly, sir.”

“Hmm, I’m afraid I’m not sophisticated enough to joke about the stock market, but I do know a joke about a donkey, three potatoes, and a sailor.”

“Owen, get in the car,” Kellen said. He was glad Owen was more himself now that they were out of Lindsey’s presence, but he still wanted to have a serious conversation with him. If Owen ended up in an anus-and-fart-joke frame of mind, there was no way Kellen would be able to get him to have an adult discussion. He’d be too busy trying to make Kellen laugh.

Owen entered the car and sat next to Kellen. “Good sandwich,” he said and took another bite. “Anything to drink in the minibar?”

Kellen opened the small fridge to his left and fished out a pair of beers. “Are you comfy?” Kellen asked him as he handed him a cold bottle.

Owen squirmed around in his seat. “Yep.”

“Good. Start talking.”

“About what?”

“What happened after I left last night?” Kellen opened the twist top on his beer and took a long drag.

Owen told him about Lindsey showing up unannounced and Caitlyn beating a trail out of there as fast as she could go.

“She was really upset,” Owen said

“Because she likes you and she probably wonders how it can possibly work out between the two of you now that you have a baby on the way.”

“I don’t think it’s mine,” Owen said.

“Then why are you the one taking responsibility for it?”

“Because no one else would.”

“So you had to stick your neck out and be the nice guy? Owen, sometimes you have to put yourself first.”

“If you saw the look on Lindsey’s face, you’d have done the same thing. She’s better today. Last night, she had a complete emotional meltdown and everyone was treating her like she’s toxic.”

“And you’re treating her like that today.”

Owen winced. “I am? I’m not trying to. I just really don’t want this to mess up things with Caitlyn. I should have gone after her last night, not let her walk away. I was just completely stunned that she took it so hard.”

“Didn’t her husband have an affair with a younger woman?”

Owen nodded. “Yeah, so? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Lindsey is younger. And hot. And very pregnant. Maybe Caitlyn felt threatened.”

“She shouldn’t. I haven’t been able to think of anything but her all day. And I can’t seem to stop texting her and calling her. She’s going to think I’m a desperate loser.”

“Because you are.”

Owen’s response was to slug Kellen in the arm.

“So how are you going to be with Caitlyn when Lindsey’s around?” Kellen asked.

“I can be just friends with Lindsey.”

“You can be just friends with a hot woman who wants you?”

“Yeah.”

“Owen, if you really want to be with Caitlyn, you need to stay away from Lindsey as much as possible. She’s vulnerable and interested and you’re easy.”

“I’m not easy.”

Kellen lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Okay, I’m totally easy. But I don’t have to be.”

“So what are you going to do with Lindsey?”

“We’ll get her a place to stay. Help her with medical bills and stuff. It’s not like we can’t afford it.”

“Are we sure she’s not just making up this whole thing so she can have a free place to stay?”

“You sound like Adam.”

“He does have a lot of experience with mooches. His father, for instance.”

“So what do you think we should do with her? We can’t just toss her out in the street. And there is no way she’s going on tour with us.”

Kellen sighed. There really was no easy solution to the problem. “We can set her up in a place in her hometown.”

“I mentioned that to her last night—tried to convince her that she’d be better off around her family and friends back home—and she cried for over an hour. Apparently her family has disowned her.”

“Oh.”

“I thought maybe my mom could keep an eye on her while we’re on tour. You know what Mom’s like. She loves these little charity cases.”

Kellen knew exactly what Owen’s mom was like. He’d been one of her charity cases, after all.

“Besides,” Owen continued, “Mom’s been bugging Chad for grandchildren ever since he proposed to Josie. Maybe this will get her off his case.”

“Because she already has a grandchild on the way?”

“It’s not mine. You were there. Was I wearing a condom?”

“Yeah.”

“End of story.”

Not necessarily, but Kellen figured it wouldn’t do any good to argue about the baby’s possible parentage. They’d just have to wait until this thing played out.

“So I guess you have this all figured out. You didn’t need to talk to me about it after all.”

“I always need to talk to you, Kelly. Seems I wasn’t the only one who had an adventurous time last night. How’d you do at the house?”

Kellen shook his head. “I never went inside. I was out on the beach, trying to throw away that damned cuff you gave me, when I heard a piano melody that lifted me out of the depression that’s been holding me under for five years.”

“A song? Is that how you met Dawn? I wondered how you hooked up with her.”

“She’s renting the house next to mine while she works; she says the sea inspires her compositions. I knocked on her door so I could hear the song she was working on.”

“And then you got busy with her.” Owen slugged him in the thigh. “You stud.”

“It was more than that. We talked and she shared her music with me and then…” Kellen winked at Owen. “Then I got busy with her.”

“When are you going to see her again?” Owen asked.

“Never.” It made his heart hurt to say it, but it had to be that way. There wasn’t a woman alive who deserved to make do with what was left of his heart. And someone like Dawn deserved a man who could give her the moon and stars. Devote every piece of himself to her happiness. He just didn’t have that much to give her. He’d already given it all to Sara.

“You’re an idiot,” Owen said.

“And you’re the relationship master?”

“I don’t deny that I suck at relationships,” Owen said, “but at least I’m trying.”

The limo pulled to a stop outside of the hotel. Kellen tossed his half-eaten sandwich into the seat and climbed out. He had tried. He’d opened himself up to Dawn faster than he’d let his guard down with anyone. Even Sara. Even Owen. But it just wouldn’t work. And if he fell in love with another woman and she left him—on purpose or through no fault of her own—then Kellen didn’t think he’d survive. How much of a heart did a man require to maintain a pulse? He was sure it was more than he had left to spare.