Time Braid

4. Broken

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto.

The room was gone. I was naked, tied to a rough wooden cross in a barren field with a crimson moon overhead. What the hell?

Oh, shit. I’d read about this technique in the ANBU archives.

“Sasuke, wait! I’m in the loop too!” I called frantically. “If you do this I’ll remember it.”

“I’m counting on it.” He materialized right behind me, and whispered his reply into my ear. I would have flinched, but I discovered to my horror that I couldn’t move.

“Um, Sasuke, I know I must have been kind of an annoying fangirl when we were kids, but isn’t this a little much? I’m sorry, ok? I’ll even tell you how to make her stop.”

“Shut up, Sakura. I’ve listened to your useless babble for too many years. I’ve been waiting for this ever since I met the real Naruto, and you aren’t going to talk me out of it.”

Then he hurt me.

Intellectually I knew it wasn’t real. Hell, Sasuke probably wasn’t even controlling it in any detail. Genjutsu relies on the victim’s own subconscious for that kind of thing, and Tsukuyomi is supposed to involve a serious time dilation anyway. So what I was experiencing was probably just a combination of all of my own worst nightmares, with a few nudges here and there from the real Sasuke.

Knowing this didn’t make it any less painful when my hair crawled off my scalp and burrowed into my body like thousands of giant pink maggots.

When Anko talked about pleasure/pain conditioning I thought I knew what she meant. But I’d never considered the idea of such horrifyingly personal tortures. Tsukuyomi lets the user control every aspect of the victim’s senses, and Sasuke’s mastery of it was perfect. The old me would have broken instantly. With my years of experience and my training under Anko I might have lasted an hour.

He interrogated me with ruthless efficiency, forcing me to confess every secret thought and embarrassment of my old life with blinding agony as his goad and the mindless ecstasy of a drug addict for reward. When I was reduced to shuddering compliance he questioned me about the loops, what I’d learned and how I’d grown, until all my new secrets were his as well. Then he let me move again, and set about shaping me into something useful. He ordered me to do things, punishing me when I refused and sometimes even when I obeyed. I was aged to death in front of all my friends, flayed alive by a grinning Ino, methodically dissected by Tsunade and Shizune, elaborately bound and whipped to death by a manically-grinning Anko, until finally I obeyed every order without question.

Then he gave worse orders. Embarrassing things. Disgusting things. Things I’d rather die than do. I tried to escape, but there was nowhere to go. I called on my other self for strength and he broke her too, tearing down the fragile wall between us with blades of agony. Finally my last shred of resistance broke, and I stopped trying. Stopped even thinking, and just obeyed.

I’m not sure when the technique ended. The first time I found myself back in the exam room I made the mistake of trying to signal for help. The examiners pinned me to a desk and cut me open, extracting my bones one by one until there was nothing left of me but bloody strips of flesh. The next time I quietly followed Master out the door and over to the training grounds, and was rewarded with a long stretch of mindless bliss. Eventually I stopped waking up in the exam room, and I was pretty sure I was back in the real world again.

Pretty sure. I’d gone whole hours without dying an agonizing death by then, so I wasn’t going to take any chances. It wasn’t until we entered the Forest of Death that I was sure I was back in the real world, and even then I knew he could plunge me back into that nightmare with a glance. I kept my mouth shut and did as I was told.

A few hours into the forest Naruto went off on his usual bathroom break, and Master gave me an appraising look.

“How’s the conditioning holding, Sakura? Any resistance left?”

“No sir. I’ll shut up and do as I’m told, sir.” I shivered. God, please let him be satisfied.

I met his gaze as he’d ordered me to, and he held my eye for a long moment. “Good. You’re still lazy and useless, but by the end of this loop you won’t be. I’ll teach you to work hard, and you’ll spend the loops until we meet again training to help me kill that man.”

He looked way, and something deep inside me cringed. He was going to do it to me again? Over and over for a month? There’d be nothing left of me.I realized in horror that this was one thing the loops wouldn’t fix. But what could I do? Just the thought of resisting was enough to make me sick with fear. Actually doing anything would be impossible.

“Sometimes the fight with Orochimaru goes badly.” He went on. “So just in case, here are your orders. First, stop bothering the other version of me. I’m not interested in a weakling like you, and I never will be. Keep studying medicine, but stop being so squeamish about it. Do whatever it takes to learn everything Tsunade knows, and then work your way through the Konoha staff doing the same thing. Quit wasting your time with Anko, and get serious with your taijutsu training. When we find that man you’re going to deal with whatever minions he’s acquired, so I’ll be fresh when I get the chance to kill him.”

“Oh, and stay the hell out of this fight. Orochimaru is tricky enough without you wandering around in the way.”

“Yes, sir.” I spotted a flash of orange approaching through the trees, and wondered why the other member of Team Seven was still his usual exuberant self. “What about Naruto?” If Sasuke did this to me, why not him too?

“Fuck Naruto.”

Yes, sir, Master asshole sir. Every chance I get.

The rebellious voice was barely a whisper. I started, and opened my mouth to tell Master it was still there. But he was already turning to go, and hadn’t noticed my reaction.

It was Anko’s training that made the difference. If I didn’t tell I’d be punished when he found out. If I did I’d be re-trained, which was worse punishment mixed with rewards. But the mindless euphoria of Master’s rewards was far less addicting than the sensual pleasures Anko had introduced me too, and I’d been training to resist even those. With an effort that made me break out in a cold sweat I held my silence.

Half an hour later Orochimaru found us.

He ignored me just as he usually did, so staying out of the fight was easy enough. Sasuke fought him with cool precision, wielding fire and lighting against the sanin’s snakes and trickery. I wondered why he didn’t use the Mangekyou Sharingan to win the fight.

Guess even that wouldn’t work on the amazing snake ninja.

Naruto was blundering around with his usual clumsy enthusiasm, and about to get smashed through a tree by a giant snake for his trouble. It still amazes me how much punishment that boy can survive. I’d be a bloody smear after a hit like that.

Wait. I hadn’t actually been ordered to stay alive, had I?

I cringed. No, I knew what Master wanted me to do. If I pissed him off he’d punish me again, even worse than before. God only knows what he’d come up with after fuming about it for a few hundred loops.

Would you rather be his slave?

I swallowed heavily. Naruto was thirty feet away, standing in front of a massive tree and bracing to meet the giant snake’s charge. An easy target for a substitution technique.

Then I was the one in front of the snake, and Naruto was perched safely on a higher branch. I had a split second to see the surprise in his eyes before I was flattened against unyielding wood.

“So long, legendary sucker. Come back when you’ve got more money!”

“So, we’re broke again. I suppose that means we’re back to sleeping in a field?” Shizune commented.

“I’ll pay for rooms.” I said softly as I faded out of the shadows. “I’ll pay for rooms, and drinks, and gambling if you want. Whatever it takes. Just tell me that you know a way to treat brainwashing, Tsunade-sama.”

I must have been an odd sight, in my natural form with all my hair shaved off. The slug sanin eyed me curiously. “That’s not easy, kid. What kind?”

“P-pleasure/pain conditioning inflicted with the Tsukuyomi technique. That’s several subjective days of… of complete control over the victim’s senses. Although h-he was a lot better with the punishment than the rewards.”

She whistled. “Those damned Uchiha and their super-eyes. I’m surprised you’re even asking about this. Most villages would just dispose of the victim.”

I closed my eyes, fighting against the desire to run away. I wasn’t supposed to be doing this. Master would make me tell him about it, and then he’d punish me.

“Unfortunately, suicide is not an option.” I whispered.

Dead silence. After a long moment I felt Tsunade’s hand on my chin, tilting my face up. I met her gaze as calmly as I could, considering the fear of being re-trained was so strong I was starting to tremble.

“Let me get this straight. Itachi brainwashed you with his Mangekyo Sharingan, but you somehow managed to break free enough to come to me for help?”

I shook my head. “Not Itachi. Younger, careless. Be quiet, don’t make trouble, do as I’m told. Do whatever it takes to get more medical training. Please, Tsunade-sama, teach me how to undo brainwashing.” I was losing it, but I tried to explain as best I could.

“Damn. You must have been one hell of a kunoichi, kid. Yeah, I’ll see what I can do.”

Unfortunately even her best methods were painfully slow. Block the victim’s memory of the event, bring one tiny bit to the surface and deal with it, then on to the next bit. Pick one tiny disobedience and repeat it until the fear is gone, then pick a slightly larger one and start again. I learned her memory suppression techniques easily enough, but even after a full loop I wasn’t much recovered. It would take years to get anywhere like that, and without the excuse of training I didn’t think I could bring myself to ask her for help again.

I spent a short loop crying myself to sleep every night and trying to think of another option that wasn’t completely insane. Meanwhile I trained twelve hours a day, avoided Sasuke while slavishly obeying any order he happened to give, and tried to convince Naruto to sleep with me.

Yeah, I know he hadn’t really meant that as an order. But I’d taken it as one just to spite him, and now I seemed to be stuck with it. Poor Naruto didn’t know what to do when I suddenly started coming on to him. I suppose he would have been happy with dates and kisses, but I could never make myself stop there. A kiss would lead to a grope, a little fondling, a hand pressed to my breasts. Then he’d realize something was wrong, decide I was an imposter, and run off looking for Kakashi to find the real Sakura.

It was embarrassing the first time few times, but it was also funny. I suppose in a way it was poetic justice. He’d chased me futilely for so long, and now our positions were reversed.

The hospital was a bust. I couldn’t approach Anko. Jiraiya was no help. I was desperate enough to consider Orochimaru at this point, but if he had techniques that could help he’d just brainwash me himself. What did that leave?

The Hokage monument had somehow become my retreat for serious thinking, and I sat atop one of the great stone heads for long hours one afternoon. Once again, it seemed, I’d found a problem no one could help me with.

“Can I really do this myself? Tsunade’s techniques are too slow, too painful. I’d never make it through. What I really need is a whole new approach. Something to let me edit my own memories, or just erase the conditioned responses. But I’ve never heard of a technique like that.”

So invent it.

I considered the idea. It was a challenge, yes, but not inconceivable. I could see a dozen ways to approach the problem, and I hadn’t been ordered not to. But Master wouldn’t like it.

If we succeed, he’ll never be able to punish us again. Even if he catches us again somehow, I bet even being under the Tsukuyomi can’t stop us from using a suicide technique.

That was a thought to put steel in my spine. “You’re right. Every great ninja invents their own best techniques. It’s time for me to start doing the same.”

“But how am I going to do research? I’m bound to make mistakes in the beginning, but if I make a big one on myself it’s all over. Not to mention it’s a lot easier to use delicate techniques on someone else. But even in the loop, using other people as experimental subjects is going too far. A half-crazy girl with no friends acting like a psychotic monster while she makes plans to hack her own brain is not a recipe for a happy ending.”

That was a tough one. The slightest mistake with a memory-editing jutsu could lobotomize the target, and even a success could have all sorts of side effects. I might be able to bring myself to experiment like that on an enemy, but I don’t have any enemies I could actually capture. A volunteer might be bearable, but no one would volunteer to get their brain turned to mush.

My brooding was interrupted by a familiar voice. “Hey, Sakura. I didn’t know you came up here too.”

“Naruto?” I squelched the usual urge to jump him, not wanting to drive him off. Then another idea occurred to me. I’d tried to tell plenty of other people at one time or another, but never him.

“I’m glad you’re here, Naruto.” I said quietly. “Can I talk to you for awhile? I’m in trouble, really big trouble, and I can’t figure out what to do about it.”

He sat down beside me, and took my hand. “Sakura, you know I’d do anything for you. How can I help?”

“I don’t know if you can, but I’m running out of ideas. Look, this is a really crazy story, but please believe me. I’m not joking, and I’m not trying to trick you or set you up for something. This is serious.”

I took a deep breath and tried to gather my thoughts. Best to start at the beginning.

“I’m stuck in a — well, I guess you’d call it a loop in time, that runs from the start of the chuunin exam until the end. I wake up on June 1st, take the written test, do the Forest of Death, spend a month training, then go on to the arena match. Once that ends I wake up back on June 1st and do it all again, over and over again. Everything happens exactly the same way every time, unless I do something different.”

By this point everyone else I’d ever talked to about the loops had decided I was insane. Naruto looked me in the eyes, and said “I believe you, Sakura.”

I had to stop to blink back the tears.

“Thank you. No one else ever has. Well, I’ve got some ideas on how to break the loop, but that isn’t my problem. You see, when the loop resets my body goes back to the way it was before, but I remember everything that happened. So I can learn things, even new techniques, but I can also be…brainwashed.” I choked on the last word. “It doesn’t matter who did it or how, so don’t ask. The important thing is that no one can fix it. I’ve tried everyone I can think of. The medics at the hospital, the Hokage, Jiraiya, Tsunade. No one has a technique that can reverse it. I think the only people who would are the kind of guys that would brainwash me themselves if they got the chance.”

“There’s got to be something we can do, Sakura.”

“Well, I might be able to research my own cure. I’ve been studying under Tsunade for years, and I think I can see how to do it. But I’d have to test it on someone, and that kind of jutsu will scramble your brain if it isn’t absolutely perfect.”

“That’s ok, Sakura. You can test it on me.”

“What? Naruto, I can’t do that! You’re my friend, my teammate! What if I screw it up?”

“But I’ll be fine when this loop thing resets, right? Besides, you know how tough I am. Heck, no one would notice if you did fry my brain a few times.”

I stared at him for a long moment, speechless. “You’re serious? My god, you are. Naruto, I…thank you.” I sniffed, fighting back tears again. “How is it that no matter what I do or how screwed up my situation gets, you’re always there to rescue me?”

He chuckled. “I told you Sakura, I’d do anything for you.”

“Will you let me thank you properly?” I replied. “You never have before. But if I don’t do something nice for you after this I don’t deserve to live. So, can I show you what I’m like when I use your sexy technique?”

His eyes got very big at that point. “Are you serious?”

I transformed.

This time, he didn’t stop me.

It took a dozen loops to perfect my new memory manipulation technique. As predicted poor Naruto ended up a vegetable more than once, but in the end I had a way to package up weeks of memories into a little bubble of chakra contained within my spirit. Bundling up all my memories of those terrible days in Sasuke’s little private hell didn’t completely erase the conditioned responses, but it helped a lot.

Meanwhile, I spent more than a year months doing medical scans on Naruto on a daily basis while I worked on my technique. I should have expected that the result would be more surprises.

“Naruto, how are you even alive?” I stared at the blonde goofball in shock, not quite believing the results of my baseline scan.

He just scratched his head and looked confused. “Um, why wouldn’t I be? Is there something wrong with me?”

“Only chronic malnutrition, brain damage, scars from dozens of broken bones and some kind of weird scarring all through your chakra circulatory system. I suppose that last thing is from using the Kyuubi’s chakra, but when did the rest of it happen?” I noticed his wide-eyed look. “Yeah, I know about the Kyuubi. Don’t worry about it, I’m not an idiot like most of the people in this town. But what about the rest of it? There’s nothing in your medical records about any of it.”

He shrugged. “The nurses don’t like me any more than the rest of the town. Anyway, you know how fast I heal. The only time I go to the hospital is when Kakashi makes me.”

I suppressed a sudden urge to go level the hospital. “And the malnutrition? What, have you been living on ramen all your life?”

“Hey, ramen is great!” He shouted. The he looked away. “Besides, I can’t afford much else.”

Genin pay isn’t huge, but it’s more than enough to live on. You could probably support a family if you were frugal, and I certainly didn’t see Naruto spend much. But a quick quiz on prices solved that mystery. Those damn civilian shopkeepers were charging him two or three times the normal price for everything, when they deigned to sell to him at all.

“Damn it, what the hell is wrong with this town? Is the Hokage trying to turn us all into psychotic monsters, or is every adult in Konoha just a drooling incompetent? I swear, when I get out of this loop we’re going to need a bigger graveyard.” Naruto was edging away from me with a nervous look. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.

“Sorry, Naruto. It’s not your fault. But this stops, right now. I don’t care if this is a loop, I’m moving in with you tomorrow. I’ll do the shopping, and cook real food for you, and you won’t have to deal with those assholes anymore. As screwed up as it is Konoha is still a ninja town, and any civilian who thinks they’re going to get away with harassing an active-duty genin is in for a rude awakening.”

“But, wait, you don’t have to do that!” Naruto objected. “What about your research? And your parents? And, um, I’ve only got one bed.”

“We became legal adults when we were accepted for active duty, so my parents will just have to cope. As for the rest…Naruto, I don’t think you understand what you mean to me. I’ve been trying not to be too familiar, because I know it makes you uncomfortable. But honestly, you’re my hero. My rock. No matter how bad things get, you’ve always been there for me. I’d like nothing better than to be able to do something to pay you back for once. If it slows down my research a little that’s ok. I’ve got plenty of time.”

“As for the sleeping arrangements, I can’t think of a better treatment for my nightmares than waking up in your arms. Besides, you’re pretty sexy when you’re not being a goofball. Play your cards right and I could end up doing more for you than cooking and shopping.”

It was cute how easy it was to embarrass him, but I knew perfectly well I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off him for more than a few days. Fortunately telling him about the loops made it a lot easier to find a pattern where he’d actually let me seduce him.

How was he? Let’s just say there are advantages to being a stamina freak.

Shacking up with Naruto was a lot more fun than I’d expected. Not only was it a completely new experience, but there was something viscerally appealing about the whole thing. Every time I cooked a meal for my man something inside me gave a happy little sigh of contentment. Was this why so many kunoichi retire when they marry?

Of course, Naruto could be pretty damned annoying too. He was a total slob, with no idea how to do even basic household chores, and he adamantly refused to wear anything but that stupid orange jumpsuit of his. I was tempted to burn it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do something I knew would upset him that much. Still, it made me curious what life would be like with his older self. The ‘real’ Naruto had been so strong, so confident, so…well, not mature exactly, but a lot less annoying and a lot more fun. Maybe when the loops were over…

Oh, get real. We’d be bored stiff in a couple of months.

“Hey, I’m not talking about retiring here. Just thinking it might be nice to have a family some day. Besides, you’re just miffed that he isn’t interested in kinky bedroom games.”

Hey, insane stamina is nice but I want my Gang Bang no Jutsu action! Besides, I’m getting tired of having to teach him how to do everything over and over.

“Does that mean you’re ready to stop seducing him?”

Hell, no.

It took another dozen resets to pin down the reflex system that held the conditioning Sasuke had inflicted on me, and figure out how to erase things from it. After that dealing with the memories wasn’t so hard, and as an added bonus I found that I could catalog and erase other ingrained habits with the same technique. Things like the feelings of insecurity that drove my younger self to be such an obnoxious bitch, and the lingering shame and guilt I still felt over the fact that I find women attractive. I tried not to go too far overboard with hacking my own brain, but I couldn’t resist the urge to tinker just a little.

Not long after that there finally came a day when I found myself finished with the last of my troubled memories, able to remember my worst moments of degradation in Sasuke’s little chamber of horrors without flinching. But I was still afraid. I’d meet him again sooner or later, and he could do it to me again with a look. In the loops I could probably run away again by killing myself, but I still had hopes of escaping them someday. To protect myself against him in the real world I’d need a jutsu like nothing I’d ever heard of. Something that could resist the strongest powers of the world’s most powerful bloodline. I had a long way to go.

“But first, I have a present to make.”

I made the next loop a long one, and made my confession to Naruto just as I had through those long, painful research loops. When he offered himself as my experimental subject I smiled, and kissed him.

“You’ve already done that.” I breathed as I settled myself in his lap. “Over and over, until I could hardly stand to ask you anymore. But it worked. I’m free now, Naruto, and I’m dedicating this loop to thanking you. From now until the end of the tournament I’m going to do everything in my power to give you a better life. I’ll do anything you want. You don’t even have to ask. Just give me a hint, and I’ll figure it out.”

I moved in with him the next day.

We spent the month training and playing and pranking the world, and it was even more fun than I expected. I taught him to use shadow clones for training, and showed him all those fire jutsu he’d always been so jealous of. Then I showed him Rasengan, and he knew he’d beat Neji in the tournament easily.

I showed him just how much fun I can be in bed, springing a new trick each day until a normal person would have been hopelessly addicted. Then I taught him my simpler bedroom techniques, and discovered to my amazed delight that with his massive chakra he could brush my defenses aside and reduce me to a puddle of dazed rapture with barely an effort.

But all good things come to an end. On the last day of the loop I woke with the dawn, and took one last look at his sleeping face. Then I laid my hand on his forehead, and copied off his memories of the last five weeks.

Someday, I’d give them to his older self.