Time for Silence

La Pinière

I OFTEN THOUGHT HOW lucky I was to have been born into a well-knit family. There had been a wonderful sense of security in those early days to know that besides my parents there were others, such as Aunt Rebecca and her family in Cornwall where I went now and then for holidays. Then there were the Cartwrights—Rebecca’s husband’s people down there. They always made much of me.

Aunt Rebecca was my mother’s half sister and they were devoted to each other; then there was Uncle Gerald, my father’s brother. He was a colonel in the Guards and was married to Aunt Hester, a very energetic lady who was immersed in army life and her two sons, my cousins, George and Harold.

Apart from the family, there were the Denvers, and through them Jean Pascal Bourdon—that fascinating and somewhat enigmatic character about whom, for me, there was an almost satanic aura. He was Aunt Belinda’s father.

Closest to me was my mother, although my father came very near. I admired him deeply. He was a highly respected Member of Parliament. He was always busy, if not in London at the House of Commons, in the country at Marchlands, where he was “nursing” the constituency. When the House was sitting late, my mother used to wait up for him with a little cold supper so that they could talk together about the day’s proceedings. She had done that for her own father, who had also been in Parliament. In fact, that was how she had come to know the Greenhams and had married one of them, for the two families had been friends since her childhood. I had heard it said that she had adopted the habit from Mrs. Disraeli, who used to do it for the great Benjamin.

My father was very highly regarded; his words were often quoted in the newspapers when he made a speech either in the House or at some meeting. Yet, although his party had been in power since 1905, he had never attained Cabinet status. And he never sought it.

In spite of the fact that he was a normal, loving father and completely approachable, there was some mystery about him. For instance, there were occasions when he went away and we were never sure where he was going and when he would come back. Whether my mother knew, I could not be sure. If she did, she would never tell.

“Oh, he’s going on Government business,” she would say, but I, who knew her well, could detect a certain anxiety at such times, and she was always relieved when he returned.

I suppose it was because of this that I felt there was a little part of my father which I did not know, and this made him seem apart from me, as my mother never was. He was a good man and I loved him dearly, but this mystery, vague and intangible, was always there.

I once told my mother that I was glad to be called Lucinda, because she was Lucie and that made us seem like a part of each other. She was touched and told me that she had always wanted a daughter, and the day I was born was the happiest in her life. And how different her life had been from mine. Not for her, in those early days, had there been the security of loving parents and a big family about her.

“Your Aunt Rebecca was as a mother to me,” she had told me. “I often wonder what would have happened to me if it had not been for Rebecca.” In those early days she had not known who her father was, and it was much later when she discovered that he was the well-known politician Benedict Lansdon and that she was Rebecca’s half sister.

Then, having learned of their relationship, she and Benedict Lansdon became very important to each other. She talked of him now and then; she would glow with pride and then be overcome by sadness, for one day when he was about to step into his carriage which was to take him to the House of Commons, he was shot and killed by an Irish terrorist. She had been with him when it had happened.

I tried to imagine what it must have been like to see one’s father killed, to see the life of a loved one snapped off suddenly. I believe she had never really recovered from it. And it had been the beginning of very bizarre troubles, through which she had to pass before she found happiness with my father.

She had been married before but she never talked of that, and I knew I must not ask. In fact, it was only rarely that she could bring herself to mention those days.

She did say once, “Sometimes it is almost worthwhile going through great tribulation, because when it is over you learn to appreciate what true happiness is, and you cherish it as perhaps people cannot who have never known the reverse.”

I was so happy that she had married my father and all that was behind her.

I said to her, “You have us now…my father…Charles and me.”

“I thank God for you all,” she said. “And Lucinda, I want you to be happy. I hope you will have children of your own one day and then you will know the joy they can bring.”

Perhaps closer to us than our own blood relations were the Denvers. Aunt Belinda and her daughter would arrive at any time, but sometimes their visit was preceded by a short note announcing their imminent arrival. I had heard Mrs. Cherry say that they treated the house like a hotel and she wondered madam allowed it, she did really.

I stayed in Hampshire now and then. They had a wonderful manor house and a large estate that Sir Robert, with his son’s help, took great pride in managing.

I always enjoyed my stays on the Caddington estate. I thought Caddington Manor was very exciting. It was considerably older than Marchlands and had been in existence since the Wars of the Roses. There had been a Denver there from the beginning. He did very well on the accession of Henry VII and had continued to prosper under the Tudors. Throughout the conflict the family had been staunchly Lancastrian, and all over the manor were carvings of the Red Rose on walls, fireplaces and staircases. I learned quite a lot about the Wars of the Roses after even my first visit to Caddington Manor.

The picture gallery was a source of great interest to me. Annabelinda shrugged me aside when I wanted to ask about the people portrayed there.

“They’re all dead,” she said. “I wish we could live in London. My father would never agree. That’s one thing he is firm about.”

“Well, you and your mother don’t let that stop your coming,” I said.

That made Annabelinda laugh. She had a mild toleration for her father and I think Aunt Belinda felt the same. He was the provider, the kindly, tolerant figure in the background whom they did not allow to interfere with their pleasures.

Robert was a little like his father, but none of them was more interested in the past than I was, and I shared this with Robert.

One of the most exciting aspects arising from our intimacy was Annabelinda’s fascinating French grandfather, Jean Pascal Bourdon.

He was quite different from anyone I had, as yet, known.

He was the brother of Aunt Celeste, who had a house near us in London and whom we visited frequently. She was an unassuming woman, who had married Benedict Lansdon after the death of my grandmother, and she had been his wife at the time of the murder. It was rather complicated—as I suppose such families are—but Celeste’s brother had been the father of Aunt Belinda. It had all been rather shocking, for Aunt Belinda’s mother had been a seamstress at the Bourdons’ house and the birth had been kept secret for years. It must have been exciting for Aunt Belinda when this was discovered. Knowing Annabelinda well, and her being so much like her mother, I felt I knew a good deal about Aunt Belinda. She must have been delighted to learn that she was the daughter of this most fascinating man.

Jean Pascal Bourdon was rich, sophisticated and totally different from anyone else we knew. He had taken an interest in Aunt Belinda when he had discovered she was his daughter, and it was at his château, near Bordeaux, that she had met Sir Robert Denver.

Jean Pascal’s interest was passed on to his granddaughter, and needless to say, Annabelinda was very impressed by him. She would spend a month or so with him, usually at the time of the wine harvest, and lately I had gone with her.

My mother did not greatly like my going. Nor did my Aunt Rebecca. But Annabelinda wanted me to go and Aunt Belinda said, “Why on earth shouldn’t she go? You can’t keep the child tied to your apron strings forever, Lucie. It’s time she saw something of the world. Bring her out of herself. She hasn’t got Annabelinda’s verve as it is.”

And in due course I went and became fascinated by the château, the mysterious grounds which surrounded it, the vineyards, the country and chiefly Monsieur Jean Pascal Bourdon himself.

Some two years before my tenth birthday, he had married a lady of mature years to match his own. She was of high rank in the French aristocracy—not that that meant a great deal nowadays, but at least it was a reminder of prerevolutionary glory. And the fact that he was married made my mother and Aunt Rebecca a little reconciled to my visits to France; the Princesse would make sure that the household was conducted with appropriate propriety. And after that, as a matter of course, I went with Annabelinda.

I looked forward to the visits. I loved to roam the grounds and sit by the lake watching the swans. My mother had told me of the black swan that had lived on that lake when she was young, and how it had terrorized everyone who approached close to the water. They had called him Diable, and his mate, who was as docile as he was fierce, had been named Ange.

I loved that story, for the swan had attempted to attack my mother and she had been saved by Jean Pascal.

I was always made welcome at the château. Jean Pascal used to talk to us as though we were grown up. Annabelinda loved that. He and the Princesse were the only people of whom she stood in awe.

One day when we had been sitting by the lake, Jean Pascal had come along; he sat beside me and talked. He told me how much he admired my mother. She had come to stay at the château with Aunt Belinda.

“It was her only visit,” he said. “She was always a little suspicious of me. Quite wrongly, of course. I was devoted to her. I was so delighted that she married your father. He was just the man for her. That first marriage…” He shook his head.

“She never talks about it,” I said.

“No. It’s best forgotten. That’s always a good idea. When something becomes unpleasant, that is the time to forget it. That’s what we should all do.”

“It’s not always easy to forget.”

“It takes practice,” he admitted.

“Have you practiced it throughout your life?”

“So much that I have become an adept at the art, little Lucinda. That is why you see me so content with life.”

He made me laugh, as he always did. He gave the impression that he was rather wicked and that, because of this, he understood other people’s foibles and did not judge them as harshly as some people might.

“Beware the saint,” he said once. “Beware the man—or woman—who flaunts his or her high standards. He…or she…often does not live up to them and will be very hard on others who fall short. Live your life as best you can, and by that I mean enjoy it and leave other people to do the same.”

Then he told me of how he had come out one morning to find poor old Diable on the lake with his head down in the water. It was most unusual. He did not realize at once what had happened. He shouted. He took a stick and stirred the water. The swan did not move. Poor Diable. He was dead. It was the end of his dominance. “It was rather sad,” he added.

“And poor little Ange?”

“She missed the old tyrant. She sailed the lake alone for a while and in less than a year she was dead. Now you see we have these white swans. Are they not beautiful and peaceful, too? Now you do not have to take a stick as you approach the lake in readiness for a surprise attack. But something has gone. Strange, is it not? How we grow to love the villains of this world! Unfair, it is true. But vice can sometimes be more attractive than virtue.”

“Can bad things really be more attractive than good ones?” I asked.

“Alas, the perversity of the world!” he sighed.

He was always interesting to listen to and I fancied he liked to talk to me. In fact, I was sure of this when Annabelinda showed signs of jealousy.

I should have been disappointed if I did not pay my yearly visit to the château.

Aunt Belinda came there sometimes. I could see that she amused her father. The Princesse found her agreeable, too. There was a great deal of entertaining since Jean Pascal’s marriage, and people with high-sounding titles were often present.

“They are waiting for another revolution,” Annabelinda said. “This time in their favor so that they can all come back to past glory.”

I agreed with Annabelinda that one of the year’s most anticipated events was our visit to France.

When we were at the château we were expected to speak French. It was supposed to be good for us. Jean Pascal laughed at our accents.

“You should be able to speak as fluently in French as I do in English,” he said. “It is considered to be essential for the education of all but peasants and the English.”

It was in the year 1912, when I was thirteen years old, when the question of education arose.

Aunt Belinda had prevailed on Sir Robert to agree with her that Annabelinda should go to a school in Belgium. The school she had chosen belonged to a French woman, a friend of Jean Pascal, an aristocrat naturally. From this school a girl would emerge speaking perfect French, fully equipped to converse with the highest in the land, perhaps not academically brilliant but blessed with all the social graces.

Annabelinda was enthusiastic, but there was one thing she needed to make the project wholly acceptable to her. I was faintly surprised to learn that it was my presence. Perhaps I should not have been. Annabelinda had always needed an audience, and for so many years I had been the perfect one. Nothing would satisfy her other than my going to Belgium with her.

My mother was against the idea at first.

“All that way!” she cried. “And for so long!”

“It’s no farther than Scotland,” said Aunt Belinda.

“We are not talking of going to Scotland.”

“You should think of your child. Children must always come first,” she added hypocritically, which exasperated my mother, because there had never been anyone who came first with Belinda other than herself.

Aunt Celeste gave her opinion. “I know Lucinda would get a first-class education,” she said. “My brother assures me of this. The school has a high reputation. Girls of good family from all over Europe go there.”

“There are good schools in England,” said my mother.

My father thought it was not a bad idea for a girl to have a year or so in a foreign school. There was nothing like it for perfecting the language. “They are teaching German, too. She would get the right accent and that makes all the difference.”

I myself was intrigued by the idea. I thought of the superiority which Annabelinda would display when she came home. I wanted to go, for I knew I had to go away to school sooner or later. I was getting beyond governesses. I knew as much as they did and was almost equipped to be a governess myself. Every day my desire to go with Annabelinda grew stronger. My mother knew this and was undecided.

Aunt Celeste, who said little and understood a good deal, realized that at the back of my mother’s mind was the fact that I should be close to Jean Pascal, whom she did not trust.

“The Princesse has a high opinion of the school,” she told my mother. “She will keep an eye on the girls. I know Madame Rochère, the owner of the school. She is a very capable lady. Mind you, the school is not very near the château, but the Princesse has a house not very far from it and she and Jean Pascal stay there only very occasionally. The house is not in Belgium but close to the border in Valenciennes. Madame Rochère is a very responsible person—a little strict perhaps, but discipline is good. I am sure Annabelinda will benefit from it…and Lucinda, too. They should go together, Lucie. It will be so much better for them if they have each other.”

At last my mother succumbed, and this was largely due to my enthusiasm.

I wanted to go. It would be exciting, different from anything I had done before. Besides, Annabelinda would be with me.

So, it was to be. Annabelinda and I had an exciting month making our preparations, and on the twenty-fifth of September of that year 1912 we left England in the company of Aunt Celeste.

I had said a fond farewell to my parents, who came to Dover with Aunt Belinda to see us depart with Aunt Celeste on the Channel ferry. We were to go to the Princesse’s house in Valenciennes, where we would stay overnight before leaving for the school the next day. The Princesse would be there to greet us. The distance from her house to the school was not great, for the school was situated some miles west of the city of Mons.

My mother was slightly less disturbed because of Aunt Celeste’s presence and the fact that Jean Pascal was staying in the Médoc because he would be needed during the imminent grape harvest.

Aunt Celeste had assured my mother and Aunt Belinda that the Princesse would be most assiduous in her care of us. The school allowed pupils an occasional weekend if there was some relative or friend nearby to whom they could go, and the Princesse would be there if we needed her. Moreover, Celeste herself could go over frequently. I heard my mother say that she had rarely seen Celeste so contented as she was now, taking part in the care of Annabelinda and me.

“It is a pity she did not have children,” she added. “It would have made all the difference to her life.”

Well, we were now bringing her a little interest, and the truth was that although I hated leaving my parents, I could not help being excited at the prospect before me; and the fact that this excitement was mixed with apprehension did not spoil it in the least. I could see that Annabelinda felt much the same as I did.

After the night in Valenciennes we took the train across the border into Belgium. The Princesse accompanied us. It was not a very long journey to the town of Mons, and soon we were in the carriage driving the few miles from the station to the school.

We drew up before a large gray stone gatehouse. Beyond it I could see nothing but pine trees. There was a gray stone wall which seemed to extend for miles, and on this was a large board painted white with black letters: LA PINIÈRE. PENSION DE JUENES DEMOISELLES.

“The Pine Grove,” said Annabelinda. “Doesn’t it sound exciting?”

A man came out of the gatehouse and looked searchingly at us all.

“Mademoiselle Denver and Mademoiselle Greenham are the new pupils,” said Aunt Celeste.

The man pursed his lips and waved for us to continue.

“He did not look very pleased to see us,” I said.

“It’s just his way,” replied Aunt Celeste.

We drove along a wide path on either side of which pines grew thickly. Their redolence was strong in the air. We had driven for half a mile or so before the school came into sight.

I caught my breath in wonder. I had not imagined anything like this. It was large and imposing, set back from well-kept lawns on which a fountain played. Clearly, it had stood there for centuries—at least five, I guessed. I heard later that it had been built in the midfifteenth century and had been the property of the Rochère family for the past three hundred years, and that thirty years ago, when she must have been an enterprising twenty years of age, Madame Rochère realized that if she wished to keep the château she must find an income somehow. The school had seemed a good idea, and so it proved to be.

I had learned a little about architecture because of our house at Marchlands, which was quite old, and the Denvers’ place had always interested me. Robert had unearthed a number of books for me in the library at Caddington Manor, because he knew of my interest.

So now I recognized the conventionally Gothic style, and later I delighted in details such as the finials molded in the granite.

“It’s ancient!” I cried. “It’s wonderful…!”

The others were too concerned with our arrival to listen to me. We alighted and mounted the six stone steps to a door.

There was a huge knocker on the iron-studded door, held in place by the head of a fierce-looking warrior.

Aunt Celeste knocked, and after a pause a shutter was drawn back.

“It is Madame Lansdon with the girls,” said Aunt Celeste.

The door was slowly opened. A man stood there. He surveyed us and nodded, gabbled something which I could not understand and stood aside for us to enter. When we were inside, Celeste spoke to him; he nodded and disappeared.

It was then that I had my first encounter with Madame Rochère. She had come to meet us personally. I had a notion later that this was due to the presence of the Princesse, whom she greeted with respectful formality; and after a gracious acknowledgement of Celeste, who, as the sister of Jean Pascal, was worthy of some consideration also, she turned to us.

“And these are to be my girls,” she said.

“That is so,” answered Celeste.

Madame Rochère was silent for a few seconds, nodding her head as she assessed us. I was aware of Annabelinda’s attempt to look nonchalant, but even she could not quite manage this in the presence of Madame Rochère.

She turned to Celeste and the Princesse.

“Madame la Princesse, Madame Lansdon, you will take a little wine to refresh yourselves after the journey while the girls shall go straight to their dormitory and settle in?”

The Princesse bowed her head graciously and Aunt Celeste said it sounded like an excellent idea.

Madame Rochère lifted a hand and, as though by magic, a woman appeared on the stairs.

“Ah, Mademoiselle Artois.” Madame Rochère turned to the Princesse and Celeste. “Mademoiselle Artois is my house mistress. She will take the girls. They may settle into their quarters and later be brought down to say good-bye to you before you leave. If that is what you wish, of course….”

“That would be very acceptable,” said Celeste.

Mademoiselle Artois was a woman in her mid-forties, I imagined. She might have seemed very severe, but after our meeting with Madame Rochère, she appeared to be comparatively mild.

She spoke to us in English, for which we were thankful, but although she had a fair command of the language, her accent and intonation now and then left us grappling for understanding.

She led us past the gray stone walls of the gallery, which were hung with axes and murderous-looking weapons, to the wide staircase. We followed her up to the first floor and came to a long hall in which I should have liked to pause to study the tapestry (which looked very ancient) and portraits that lined the walls.

There were more stairs and more rooms to be passed through, for the dormitories were at the very top.

Mademoiselle Artois addressed Annabelinda. “You should have a room of your own because you are fifteen years of age. Most girls have their own room when they are fifteen.” She turned to me. “You have thirteen years only. You will therefore share with three others…all of your age.”

I was rather glad. There was an eeriness about the place and I felt I should be more comfortable in the company of others.

We were in a corridor with a row of doors. As we passed, I saw one half open and I fancied there was someone behind trying to peep out—one of the pupils, I thought, anxious to take a look at the newcomers.

Mademoiselle Artois looked at Annabelinda. “I know that you are fifteen, but unfortunately, there is not a room vacant until the end of term, so you must share. Yours will be a room for two. It may well be that the girl with whom you will share is there now waiting to greet you.”

We went past more doors and paused before one. Mademoiselle opened it, and as she did so a girl who had been sitting on the bed rose. She was plumpish with long, dark hair which was tied back with a red ribbon. I noticed her sparkling dark eyes.

“Ah, Lucia,” said Mademoiselle Artois. “This is Annabelinda Denver, who will share with you until the end of term, or till another single room is available.” She turned back to Annabelinda. “This is Lucia Durotti. Lucia is Italian. You will help each other with your languages.”

Lucia and Annabelinda surveyed each other with interest.

“You must tell Annabelinda which wardrobe is yours…and explain to her what she will want to know,” said Mademoiselle Artois. “She will want to wash, I am sure, and unpack. Show her, Lucia.”

“Yes, mademoiselle,” said Lucia, turning to Annabelinda with a smile.

“And now it is your turn,” said Mademoiselle Artois to me, and we moved into the corridor.

She paused before another door and opened it.

A girl was in the room.

“You are here, Caroline,” said Mademoiselle Artois. “Good. This is Lucinda Greenham, who will be in your dormitory. You will show her where things are and help her when need be.” She turned to me. “There will be four of you in this room: Caroline Egerton, yourself, Yvonne Castelle, who is French, and Helga Spiegel, who is Austrian. We like to mix our nationalities, you see. It is helpful for languages. We cannot always do this, because there are more French and English girls than any others. But it is Madame Rochère’s wish that we mix you as much as possible.”

“I understand, Mademoiselle Artois,” I said.

“Caroline is here to meet you because she is English and that will make it easier for you at first I shall leave you now. Caroline will show you your wardrobe, and before your family leaves you may come down to say good-bye to them. I shall send someone to bring you down…” she looked at the watch pinned on her blouse “…in, say…fifteen minutes. That should be about right.”

When she left us, Caroline Egerton and I stood surveying each other for a few minutes. She had brown eyes, brown hair and a pleasant smile, so I felt it would not be difficult to be friends with her. Then she showed me where to put my clothes and helped me to unpack. She asked me where I came from and what my father did and why I had come with another girl. I answered all these questions and asked a few of my own. She told me that it was “all right” at the school. She had been here two years. The older girls were given a fair amount of freedom, and there was a great deal of attention given to the social side.

“Very French,” she said. “Very formal. Madame Rochère is an old tyrant. Arty’s all right. A bit soft, but not bad, because you can get away with things.”

I asked about Yvonne Castelle and Helga Spiegel.

“Oh, they’re all right. We have some fun…talking after lights out and that sort of thing. Sometimes girls come in from other rooms. That’s forbidden. There would be trouble if we were caught.”

“Have you ever been?”

“Once. The fuss! We were kept in from recreation for a week…and had to write masses of lines. But it was worth it.”

“What do you do when the girls come in?”

“Talk.”

“What about?”

“School matters,” said Caroline mysteriously.

I was beginning to get intrigued, and by the time I was taken down to say good-bye to Aunt Celeste and the Princesse, I felt I knew Caroline very well.

When I made the acquaintance of Yvonne Castelle and Helga Spiegel I discovered that Yvonne had been at the school for a year, Helga a little longer. They were all eager to instruct me in procedure, and Caroline, who had a streak of motherliness in her nature and had been instructed by Mademoiselle Artois to “keep an eye on the newcomer,” watched over me with assiduous care, which in those early days was comforting. Within a week, I felt I had been there for much longer, and because I shared a dormitory with these three girls, they became my special friends.

Caroline was a sort of leader. She enjoyed her role, and I noticed she extended her motherliness to the others as well as to me. Helga was more serious than the rest of us. She was very eager to do well at her studies, because her parents had struggled hard to send her to such a school. Yvonne was the sophisticated one. She knew about Life, she told us.

I did fairly well at lessons and was assessed as adequate for my age, and I fit in comfortably with the group.

I did not see very much of Annabelinda. At school she was known as Anna B. Grace Hebburn, who was the daughter of a duke and therefore was valued by Madame Rochère as “good for the school,” was a sort of head girl, having reached the dizzying pinnacle of seventeen years. Grace had decided—as she said somewhat inelegantly—that “Annabelinda” was “too much of a mouthful” and in the future Annabelinda should be known as Anna B.

Grace’s rival for Madame Rochère’s esteem was Marie de Langais, who was reputed to have descended from the royal family of France. Marie was a rather languid girl of certain good looks who did little to feed the rivalry, and Madame Rochère must have decided that an existing dukedom was worth more to the school than a connection with a monarchy now defunct for so many years. So Grace reigned supreme and her order that “Anna B” should be used in the future was respected.

At La Pinière there was great emphasis on the social graces. The objective was to mold us into young ladies who would be acceptable in the highest echelons of society, rather than into scholars. Consequently, great store was set on the dancing lessons, piano lessons and what was called conversazione.

This last activity took place in the great hall, the walls of which were hung with faded tapestry and portraits. Here we would sit under the searching eyes of Madame Rochère herself, who would suddenly address one of us and expect us to carry on a lively and witty conversation, which was usually about current events.

Each day we had a talk on what was happening in the world. This was delivered by a Monsieur Bourreau, who also gave piano lessons. Madame Rochère said the purpose was to turn us into young ladies who could be conversant on all matters of interest, including world affairs.

Anna B, as she was known now on Grace Hebbum’s orders, was enjoying school. Her great crony was her roommate, Lucia Durotti. They were constantly whispering together. Anna B loved dancing and was commended for it. Occasionally our paths met, but she was two years older than I and age is often an insurmountable barrier at school.

I was informed by Caroline that there was going to be a feast in the dormitory. “We have some biscuits and a tin of condensed milk—quite a big one. We also have a tin opener and a spoon. I brought them with me from home. I was waiting until everyone settled in before we had the feast. It’s my party, so I shall say who is to come. Everyone can bring a guest, so there’ll be eight of us.”

I was excited and immediately asked Anna B. She received the invitation with some hauteur and could not immediately decide whether it was beneath her dignity to accept. When I confided to Helga that Anna B thought she was too old to come, Helga said she was not sure whom she would ask so why shouldn’t it be Lucia Durotti. Then there would be another older one and it wouldn’t be so bad for Anna B.

When these invitations were offered the two girls accepted with alacrity.

Yvonne asked Thérèse de la Montaine, whose home was not far away from the school and who knew about the Rochère family and the old house before it had become a pension for demoiselles.

“It can be fun listening to her,” said Yvonne.

Caroline’s guest was Marie Christine du Bray, who was very sad at this time. It was only six months since both her parents had been killed in a railway accident. Marie Christine had been with them at the time but had escaped injury. She had been ill from emotional upset and was not yet fully recovered. Her family thought it would be best for her to be at school surrounded by people of her own age. Caroline had taken it upon herself to keep an eye on her.

We were all very excited about the feast. Secrecy was the order of the day.

“We do not want gate-crashers,” said Caroline. “There would be noise and the possibility of exposure. And you know what that means. Detention! Lines! Weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. ‘Sometimes I despair of you girls.’ ” Caroline was a good mimic and could give a fair imitation of Mademoiselle Artois.

Of course, the fact that what we were about to do was forbidden provided most of the excitement. There was nothing so very delectable about a biscuit and a few teaspoonfuls of a rather sickly condensed milk taken from a communal spoon. The great attraction of the enterprise was the aura of midnight feasts…and forbidden fruit.

The time came. Eight of us were in our dormitory seated on two beds, four on one, four on another, facing one another.

The can of milk was opened with some difficulty and there were squeals of excitement when some of it was spilled on the bedclothes, followed by frantic efforts to wipe them clean. The biscuits were handed around and consumed.

“Be careful of the crumbs,” warned Caroline. “Arty has the eyes of a hawk.”

The conversation was carried on half in English and half in French, often embracing the two, which made it easy to speak, such as, “Parlez doucement. Est-ce que vous want old Arty to hear?” There was a great deal of laughter, made more hilarious because it had to be suppressed; and there was no doubt that we were all enjoying ourselves immensely.

Then Yvonne remembered the reason why Thérèse de la Montaine had been asked, and she was eager for her guest to shine in the company; when the conversation flagged and the giggles were less spontaneous, she said, “Tell us about Madame Rochère and this house.”

“It’s a very old house,” put in Caroline. “There must be some stories about it. There are always stories about old houses. Does it have a ghost?”

“There is one ghost I know of,” said Thérèse. “It’s a lady who walks at night.”

We all looked around the room expectantly.

“Not here,” said Thérèse, “though I suppose quite a lot of the old ancestors are cross about the house being changed. Ghosts don’t like it when rooms are changed. Well, it would disturb them, wouldn’t it?”

“Fancy having your haunting place changed!” said Helga.

“And a lot of girls put in it,” Yvonne added.

“Having midnight feasts in it,” said Anna B.

“I wonder they don’t all come out and haunt us,” said Lucia.

“It’s not our fault,” pointed out Caroline. “We didn’t make the change. We’re what you might call victims of circumstance. I think it is Madame Rochère who should look out.”

“She’d frighten any ghost away,” declared Lucia.

“How long is it since Madame Rochère made the change?” Yvonne prompted her guest.

“I think it was about thirty years ago. Old houses take a lot of money to keep up. The Rochères lost a lot of their property in the revolution…so then they came to this one, just over the border. They lived here as they had in their French château…and then of course Madame Rochère couldn’t afford to keep it up any longer. She’d married Monsieur Rochère, but hers was a great French family, too, and this house was very important to her. Monsieur Rochère died quite young and as she couldn’t keep up the house she decided to turn it into a school.”

“We all know that,” said Anna B. “What about the ghost?”

“Oh, that was long before…about two hundred years.”

“Time doesn’t count with ghosts,” said Anna B. “They can go on haunting for hundreds of years.”

“This was a lady….”

“It’s always ladies,” retorted Anna B. “They are better haunters than men.”

“It’s because more awful things happen to them,” said Caroline. “They have a reason to come back…for retribution.”

“Well, what about this ghost?” asked Yvonne.

“Well,” said Thérèse, “it’s a lady. She was young and beautiful.”

“They always are,” said Anna B.

“Do you want to hear about this ghost or not?” asked Lucia.

“Get on and tell us,” replied Anna B.

“Well, she was young and beautiful. She had married the heir of La Pinière and then her husband caught a pox and his life was in danger.”

“You get spots all over,” said Lucia. “And you are marked for life.”

“That’s right,” went on Thérèse. “She should have left him alone. It was very infectious. Everyone warned her, but she insisted on nursing him herself. She would not let anyone else do it. She was with him night and day and she did it all herself. They said she was risking her life, for people died of it, you know.”

“We did know,” said Anna B. “What happened to her? She died, I expect.”

“Not then. Her husband was cured. It was all due to her nursing. He was better and there were no marks on him at all. All the spots had gone and left no scars. He was more handsome than ever. But no sooner was he on the way to recovery than she found she was suffering from the pox, which she had caught.”

“From him!” said Lucia.

“Of course from him,” said Anna B, “who else?”

“Get on with the story,” cried Yvonne.

“Well, her beauty was gone. She was covered in spots.”

“And he nursed her back to health,” cut in Lucia.

“He certainly did not. She got better but her face was all pitted. She wore a veil over it, and he…well, he didn’t love her anymore because she had lost her beauty…in caring for him.”

“What a sad tale,” said Helga.

“There’s more to come. He neglected her. He had a mistress!”

There was a long sigh from everyone present. The girls were all sitting up. The story had taken on a new dimension with the introduction of the mistress.

“You see, she had lost her looks from the pox, and then he did this to her. And what did she do?”

“Killed the mistress…or him?” suggested Anna B.

“No, she did not. She went up to the top of the tower…and jumped right down and killed herself.”

There was a shocked silence.

“And,” went on Thérèse, “she now walks. She is the ghost. She can’t rest. Every now and then she walks through the hall right up the spiral staircase…you know, the one that leads to the tower. You can hear her footsteps on the stone, they say.”

“I’ve never heard them,” said Helga.

“You have to be sensitive to hear them,” Thérèse told her.

“I’m sensitive,” said Caroline.

“So am I,” we all cried.

“Well, perhaps you’ll hear them one day.”

“Has anyone seen her?”

“One of the girls said she did. She had long, flowing hair and there was a veil over her face.”

“I’d like to see her,” said Anna B.

“Perhaps you will,” replied Yvonne.

“What do you say to a ghost?” asked Lucia.

“You don’t say anything, of course,” retorted Thérèse. “You’re too frightened.”

“Perhaps one of us will see her,” I said.

“Who knows?” replied Thérèse.

After that we talked of ghosts. No one had seen any, but they had of course heard a great deal about them.

The clock in the tower struck two before the guests departed, and after having made sure that there were no crumbs to attract Mademoiselle Artois’s attention, we all went to bed.

After that night there was a good deal of talk about ghosts in general and in particular about the lady who had been disfigured by smallpox and had thrown herself from the top of the tower. An account of the midnight feast and the revelations of Thérèse were whispered from dormitory to dormitory.

We four used to talk about it continuously, after lights out. Anna B was quite interested, too. She said it showed how you had to be on your guard with men and it was a lesson: If they caught smallpox, never nurse them.

Some girls said they had heard footsteps in the night…steps walking across the hall and out to the tower.

I saw a little more of Anna B after that night; the feast had brought us closer, for those who could provide such an entertainment were not to be despised, even if they were only thirteen years old.

If I met her she would pause and talk and I was able to ask how she was getting on. She said she quite liked it. She loved the dancing, and she got on very well with Lucia. She did not ask how I was getting on. But that was typical of her.

One day I had a great surprise.

It was about half past four. We had finished lessons for the day and this was our rest period, when we could go to our dormitories to read or chat together.

I thought I would take a little walk in the gardens, which were very beautiful. This we were allowed to do, providing we did not go beyond the grounds.

As I was coming out of the house, I caught sight of Anna B. She was hurrying toward the shrubbery and I went after her.

She was some way ahead, and fearing that when she entered the shrubbery I should lose sight of her, I called her name.

She looked around. “Oh, it’s you,” she said, and went on walking. I ran up to her.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Oh…nowhere.”

“Really, Anna B. One doesn’t go nowhere.”

“Just for a walk, that’s all.”

And then I saw him. I could not believe it at first. It was so unexpected. For there, in the shrubbery, was Carl Zimmerman. My mind went back to the last time I had seen him, standing uncertainly outside the cubbyhole and then again inside it talking to us until Robert took him to the dining room.

He stared from me to Anna B.

“Why…” he began.

“You were at our home…do you remember?” I said.

He nodded.

“It is so strange to see you here…at our school….”

Anna B looked a little exasperated. She said, “I knew Carl was here. I saw him the other day and he explained to me.”

“Explained…?”

I could not stop myself from looking at him. He was very different from the previous occasion when he had been immaculately dressed for the evening. He was now wearing a loose jacket which had smudges of earth on it; and so did his trousers. Moreover, he was carrying a rake.

“Carl works here…in the gardens,” said Anna B.

He smiled at me. “Yes,” he said. “That is so.”

“He doesn’t want anyone to know…exactly,” went on Anna B.

“What do you mean?”

“It is a…er…joke,” Carl said. “A gamble…a bet I entered into. Ah, I mean a wager, I think. A friend of mine, he say I would not do manual labor for three months. He meant to take a job.”

“What about the embassy? Don’t you belong to an embassy?”

“Yes…yes. This is something I must do because I say I can. I say I will do it for two months. My friend say ‘You will not remain so long.’ I say I will, so I do.”

“A wager,” I said. “I have heard of people doing things like that.”

“Yes…that is what it is. I will win…I have made up my mind.”

“Does Madame Rochère know that you are here on a…wager?”

“Oh, no, no, no. She would send me off. She thinks I am a bona fide gardener’s boy.”

“It’s a bit of a joke,” said Anna B. “And I think you are very brave to do it, Carl.”

“Oh…but it does not require bravery…just work.” He looked ruefully at his hands. “It is work to which I am not accustomed.”

“You are doing very well,” said Anna B. “I am sure they are very pleased with you. How marvelous it will be when you have won your wager! You will be rightly proud of yourself. How much is it, Carl?”

“Twenty thousand francs.”

Anna B pursed her lips and looked impressed.

“Oh, but it is not the money,” he said.

“The honor of Switzerland, eh?” said Anna B jocularly.

“Something like that.”

“Do you live here?” I asked.

“Over there.” He waved his hand. “There are some little cottages…more like huts really. But I manage…for my wager. The gardeners all live there together with others employed here. It is adequate.”

“I see.”

“Well…I should not be speaking to young ladies from the school, of course.”

“We can’t be seen here among all these trees,” said Anna B. “At least, I hope not.”

We walked through the shrubbery and Carl pointed out his living quarters in the distance.

“There you see my dwelling,” he said. “And now I take my leave.”

With that he bowed and left us.

Anna B looked a little cross, and I gathered it was with me. I was about to mention this when she said, “I wouldn’t say anything about meeting Carl if I were you.”

“Why not?”

“Well, it’s a bit secret, isn’t it? I don’t know what old Rochère’s reaction would be—the old snob. She wouldn’t want people coming to work here to settle wagers, would she? She would expect a properly trained gardener.”

“Well, he is only here for a little while.”

“She does not know that. So don’t say anything, will you?”

“You didn’t say you’d seen him.”

“It was only the other day I did. Then I came upon him accidentally…like now.”

“I suppose we might never have seen him if you hadn’t come across him by chance.”

“No, we wouldn’t.”

“Do you think he was a bit put out because we have discovered him?”

“Perhaps. He wouldn’t want it generally known about the wager, would he?”

“He told you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t mention it to Caroline or any of them. It would be all over the school if you did.”

“I won’t.”

“What are you supposed to be doing now?”

“Just taking a little walk before I go back. It’s conversazione at six. I don’t know what we are going to talk about.”

“Let’s wait and see, eh?”

She walked with me a little, and after that we went in.

It was a few days after my encounter with Carl and I had ceased to marvel at the coincidence of his choosing our school in which to work out his wager.

I said to Anna B, “He seems to be one of those people who turns up in odd places.”

She smiled to herself.

“Well,” I went on, “he was there at our house…outside the cubbyhole…and then to find him here. It’s odd.”

“He’s a diplomat, of course.”

“He gets long holidays at that, I suppose. How strange for a diplomat suddenly to become a gardener!”

“He explained. I suppose he has an exciting time.”

She was smiling. She looked different and had for some time. I thought it was because she was enjoying school. She and Lucia were always whispering together; there was a touch of superiority about them both, as though they knew something that the rest of us didn’t.

That night, when I had been fast asleep, I was abruptly awakened by someone calling. “Lucinda…Lucinda!” It was insistent, dragging me out of a pleasant dream.

Caroline was standing by my bed. She was wearing her dressing gown.

“Wake up,” she said. “I can hear something. Listen.”

I sat up in bed, trying to shake off my drowsiness.

“What…?” I mumbled.

“Footsteps,” whispered Caroline. “I heard them go along the corridor and down to the hall.”

“The ghost!” I cried.

“Get up. I’m going to look. Come with me.”

“It’s late…”

“Listen.”

I did, and then I heard it, too. It was definitely the sound of footsteps and they were going down the staircase in the direction of the hall. I felt my heart begin to beat faster. Now I was as curious as Caroline.

Yvonne was awakened. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“It’s the ghost. We’ve both heard it,” whispered Caroline.

“Where?”

Caroline jerked her head toward the door. “In the corridor and now on the stairs….Listen.”

We stood very still.

Helga was now awake. We explained quickly.

“We’re going to look,” said Caroline.

Helga hastily got out of bed and put on her dressing gown while Caroline quietly opened the door, and we went out into the corridor.

We descended the staircase and were in the hall. We gasped, for ahead of us, standing by one of the windows, was…the ghost.

It was the slim figure of a young woman, her hair loose about her shoulders; she had her back to us so we could not see whether she wore a veil over her scarred face, but in those first moments we were sure she did.

And then it dawned on us that she was not wearing the robes of an earlier century, but she was in a dressing gown very like those we were wearing. As we stood there the figure turned, and, instead of the pockmarked beauty, we saw that our ghost was Marie Christine du Bray.

“Marie Christine!” whispered Caroline.

She laid a hand on my arm, and as she did so, Marie Christine walked slowly toward us, her hands slightly outstretched, as though she were feeling her way. She gave no sign that she saw us.

“She’s walking in her sleep,” Caroline whispered.

“What do we do?” asked Yvonne.

“Go and get Mademoiselle Artois,” said Caroline.

“What?” cried Helga.

“Hush. We mustn’t wake her. We don’t know what to do. We ought to get her back to bed.”

Caroline herself took on the task and hurried upstairs to the room where Mademoiselle Artois slept. It was at the end of the dormitory, where she had two rooms, a bedroom and a study.

Marie Christine by this time had walked down to the end of the hall and sat in an armchair. Caroline had told us to stay quietly and watch her, in case she went somewhere else.

It was not long before Mademoiselle appeared, looking unlike her daytime self, with two rather thin plaits hanging down her back and a look of consternation on her face.

By this time several other girls had arrived on the scene, Anna B with Lucia among them.

Mademoiselle Artois immediately took charge.

“You girls go back at once to your dormitories. Marie Christine has walked in her sleep. Be very quiet. She must not be disturbed.”

The first shock of seeing Mademoiselle in dishabille had passed and the sound of her authoritative voice was as effective by night as it was by day. She went to Marie Christine and took her arm gently. “It’s all right,” she said soothingly. “We shall go to your room. You will be comfortable there.”

Marie Christine stood up and allowed herself to be led. The girls silently watched as Marie Christine ascended the stairs. Mademoiselle was too taken up with Marie Christine to have noticed that we were still there.

We all started to whisper.

“I thought it was the ghost.”

“So did I.”

“Marie Christine looked very strange.”

“So did Mademoiselle.”

Giggles followed.

“Do you think Marie Christine was looking for the ghost?”

“All that talk about it may have preyed on her mind.”

Mademoiselle appeared suddenly.

“Why are you not in your beds? Go to them immediately. All is well. Marie Christine has merely been walking in her sleep. It is not unusual for people to do this. Now, back to bed…all of you.”

The next day everyone was talking about the previous night’s adventure. In the morning Dr. Crozier was called in to see Marie Christine. We were told that she was resting for the day.

At conversazione when we were all assembled, Madame Rochère herself addressed us.

“You girls will be aware that there was a little disturbance in the night. I want to talk to you all very seriously. Marie Christine has suffered a great shock recently, and it has naturally unsettled her. Dr. Crozier has seen her. There is nothing wrong, I am happy to say…except that she is a little disturbed…as we all should be in her position. This has made her uneasy at night when she should be resting, and it has resulted in this sleepwalking. She may not do it again, but if she does and you girls hear her, I want you to do nothing. Do not speak to her or disturb her in any way. Dr. Crozier informs me that it is best to leave her. She will go back to her bed when she is ready and will be unaware of what has happened. I am assured that this is the best way to deal with the matter. She is resting now and will do so during the day. I want no more gathering together and talking, whispering, disturbing everyone, as there was last night.

“Be very gentle with Marie Christine in your contacts with her. Remember that she has suffered a great ordeal, from which she is recovering. And remember this: I want no more walking about in the night. Mademoiselle Artois will deal with everything. That is all.”

Madame Rochère had spoken in French, and her speech was immediately repeated in English, Italian and German—to make sure that everyone understood perfectly what was expected of them.

This impressed upon us that the matter was very serious, although there was nothing unusual about sleepwalking. Lots of people did it. If it had been the ghost, that would have been far more exciting. As it was, what most people remembered about that night was Mademoiselle Artois’s plaits.

The nights were getting longer. We were approaching Christmas and there was a great deal of excitement because most of the girls were going home for the holiday. Aunt Celeste wrote that she would come to the school and take Anna B and me to the Princesse’s house where we would spend a night before making the journey home. The girls talked continuously of the arrangements that were being made.

It was November as yet—dark days, just the time for ghosts. Mists in the air, shadows in the rooms, to remind people of them.

Marie Christine seemed better; we would see her laughing now and then. She was going to her aunt’s for Christmas and she had several jolly cousins.

Then rumors about the ghost were started.

One of the senior girls declared she had actually seen it and it was not Marie Christine sleepwalking. She had heard footsteps in the corridor and had opened her door and looked out. She thought that she ought to report it to Mademoiselle Artois if it were Marie Christine sleepwalking, but as it was not, she did no such thing. What she had seen was a figure, a girl, her hair hanging loosely about her shoulders, and over her face was a veil. She had seen it distinctly. There was a full moon and it shone right through the window. There was no mistake. She had seen the veiled woman.

Everyone was talking about it. Janet Carew, the girl who had seen the ghost, was seventeen, and therefore her word should be respected. She had been at the school for three years and was known to be an unperturbable type, not given to flights of fancy. Instead, she was predictable—or more precisely, in the opinion of the girls, rather dull. Yet she insisted that she had seen the ghost.

“What did it do?” she was asked.

“It just…walked.”

“Where did it go?”

“Into one of the dormitories.”

“Which one?”

“I couldn’t see. I think it possibly disappeared into the wall.”

After that, other people said they saw it. There was an uneasiness throughout the school. We were all watchful, anxious not to be alone in any of the big rooms after dark.

There was one night when I could not sleep. It was surprising, because we had all had rather an exhausting day. There had been a long ramble in the afternoon. Miss Carruthers, who taught English and physical training, had said the winter would soon be upon us and we must make the most of the fine days, the “season of mists and fruitfulness.” She was always happy to bring literature and physical exercise together. “A healthy mind and a healthy body” was one of her favorite maxims.

So we had sprinted through fields and thickets almost to the edge of the town of Mons, which we saw in the distance. It was invigorating, but we were all a little weary during conversazione; and as soon as we were in bed most of us were fast asleep.

I had dozed and awoke. The others were all asleep. I could see them clearly because the moon shining through the window was so bright.

I lay there for some time but sleep seemed elusive, and suddenly I thought I heard a sound below.

I got out of bed and went to the window. The dormitories looked out from the back of the house onto the kitchen garden and the orchard. I started with amazement. There was someone down there. I saw her clearly, speeding from the orchard to the back door.

It was Anna B. I would know her anywhere. Her black hair was loose and she was coming purposefully toward the house. I stood watching her…fascinated. She came to the side of the house, opened a window and climbed in.

Where had she been? What had she been doing? It was strange but, in spite of her somewhat superior attitude toward me, I always felt a need to look after her. I had a feeling that she might get into serious trouble.

I turned to look at my roommates. They were all fast asleep.

Anna B would have to come up to her dormitory. I would surprise her. I would tell her what a dangerous thing she was doing. It could result in her expulsion.

I crept out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind me. I went swiftly along the corridor and waited in the shadows.

She came. She did not look like the girl who had recently climbed through the window. She was wearing a veil over her face.

The ghost, of course!

She came silently up the stairs. I saw her clearly in the light from the window. She would never have deceived me into thinking she was the ghost. I would have known her anywhere.

She opened the door of her dormitory. I followed her in. Lucia lifted herself from her bed and said, “You’re late.”

Then both she and Anna B were staring at me.

“What are you doing?” demanded Anna B.

“Where have you been?” I countered.

She just continued to stare at me, puzzled and furious.

“You should be more careful,” I said. “I heard you below. I looked out and saw you come in through the window. I waited for you.”

“You…you spy!”

“Be quiet!” said Lucia. “Do you want to wake the school?”

“You’ll be in trouble, young Lucinda,” said Anna B. “Walking about the dormitories at night.”

“Not as much as you will be, going out and climbing through a window.”

“Listen to me,” said Lucia. “Go back to your dorm. Talk in the morning.”

I could see that was good sense.

I nodded. “All right. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Anna B sat on her bed glowering at me. She was still holding the veil in her hand. Lucia had begun to giggle.

I crept back to my room. The three girls were still fast asleep and unaware that I had been away.

I got into bed and lay there shivering. What could she have been doing? And this was not the first time. I guessed Anna B was the “ghost” whom Janet Carew had seen.

But where did she go? One thing was certain: Lucia was in on the secret.

I had to wait until the following afternoon before I could encounter Anna B, for we attended different classes and our paths did not often cross.

When I saw her, she said, “Come into the garden.”

I followed her there.

“What do you mean by spying on me?” she demanded in a bellicose manner. She was clearly on the defensive and distinctly rattled.

“I was not spying!” I retorted. “I heard you and I looked out as anyone would. It could have been someone else who saw you…Mademoiselle Artois for instance.”

“That old fool!”

“She’s not an old fool. She’s probably a good deal wiser than you are. Tell me, where did you go? Why did you go? It’s not the first time, is it?”

“Who are you—the Grand Inquisitor?”

“No. Just someone to whom you owe an explanation.”

“I owe you nothing.”

“I could go along and tell Mademoiselle Artois what I saw last night…creeping into the house…pretending to be a ghost. So you are the ghost Janet Carew saw!”

She began to laugh. “So you are a sneak as well as a spy! It was a jolly good idea. It scared them. I got the idea when Marie Christine went walking. I thought if they heard me, they’d think she was sleepwalking again and wouldn’t bother. I thought the veil would be a good idea if anyone should see. They wouldn’t recognize me under it.”

“I recognized you.”

“Oh, well, you’re my dear old friend Lucinda, aren’t you?”

“Annabelinda,” I said, reverting to her proper name. “What were you doing?”

“That’s better,” she said. “I hate ‘Anna B.’ Never call me that again once we are away from here.”

“You’re changing the subject. What were you doing?”

“I felt like a walk.”

“Where to?”

“Just round the grounds. Perhaps I liked playing the ghost.”

“It was very dangerous. Do you want to be expelled?”

“I wouldn’t be.”

“I guess you would.”

“Of course not. Grandpère Bourdon is a great friend of Madame Rochère’s. They would work something out. He would plead for me.”

“You were taking a risk.”

“Haven’t you yet learned that I like taking risks?”

“Tell me what all this is about. I don’t believe you did all that just because you felt like a midnight stroll in the grounds.”

“You’re getting too clever, little Lucinda.”

“Which means you are not going to tell me. But Lucia knows.”

“Lucia’s a good sort.”

“She’s another such as you are.”

“Well, that may be so.”

“Where did you go, Annabelinda?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re eighteen.”

“Don’t be absurd!”

“You’ll understand then. And perhaps you will have done the same thing yourself.”

Her eyes were dancing. I felt it was so mysterious, but I knew she was not going to tell me.

“I’m going in now,” she said. “Mustn’t be late for conversazione, must we? So let’s be good little girls. Come on.”

Later, when I saw her giggling with Lucia as though they were sharing secrets, I felt bitterly hurt.