To Command And Collar

Chapter Eighteen

The US District courthouse was intimidating, and the quizzing Kim had gone through hadn’t helped her nerves any. She sat on a bench in the long hallway, trying to make her insides stop shaking as she waited for Vance to return. She’d done her duty, given her information. With Lord Greville dead and the Overseer cooperating, she was mostly filling in the gaps.

She’d been able to identify the photo of the man who’d tried to buy her before Lord Greville had, and the two buyers at the sale house. The one who’d taken Holly. Her heart twisted. Beaten to death.

“There’s a pretty girl.” The rough voice brought her head up, and she checked the hall. Sam.

And Master R.

Every tiny cell in her body yearned toward him so violently it was a wonder she didn’t fly down the hall.

He just looked at her with his dark eyes. He looked tired-deep lines beside his mouth, his color almost muddy.

Are you all right? she wanted to ask but didn’t. “Hi guys,” she managed. “Are you here for FBI stuff too?”

Master R didn’t speak.

Sam frowned and then nodded his head. “The place is filled with witnesses. But we’re done now.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Can we take you somewhere?” Master R asked finally, and the wonderful sound of his rich baritone had her eyes filling with tears.

Behind the men, the door opened. Two uniformed police walked out, escorting…the Overseer. His tone, sharp and oily, struck her like a blow, the unexpected sound making her guts twist. He wore patches over his eyes, and the memory of her thumbs, the squishing-his scream…

Her stomach turned over. Gagging, she ran for the bathroom down the hall.

Raoul watched her flee and closed his eyes, despair washing over him. To have her run from him…

His heart had stopped when he’d seen her sitting on a bench near the end of the tiled hall. He’d given a bitter laugh and started to turn away-every dark-haired woman made him think of her-but it really was her. His Kimberly. He’d headed straight for her, leaving his brains-and Sam-behind him.

Sam had caught up after a step, seen where Raoul was looking, and given a grunt of…satisfaction?

The distance had seemed interminable, almost as long as the preceding weeks. When he’d been released from the hospital, he’d returned to a house as empty and cold as if in the far north. He tried watching the waves, searching for the solace she’d always received from her time on the beach. All he found were memories of her hair streaming back in the wind, her little toes wrinkled from walking barefoot in the surf, her skin smelling of salt air as if he’d caught a mermaid.

He abandoned the shore after a couple of days, the tower room soon after. The dungeon he couldn’t face at all. The kitchen had echoed with her laughter and the memories of sharing meals, her kneeling at his feet to take food from his fingers, pulling her into his lap to get her closer.

He started avoiding his kitchen as well.

When Z and Cullen had showed up unexpectedly and discovered that he’d forgotten to eat that day, Z had been…blunt.

Raoul had flown to a job site in Costa Rica, returning only a couple of days ago. He was doing better. He could get past this and move on.

He frowned at the restroom door. She didn’t look healthy, with dark circles under her eyes and gaunt cheeks. And when they’d seen her, she’d had her arms around her knees, holding herself in a tight ball. She must have talked to the Feds. He hadn’t been there to hold her, to give her a feeling of safety. Anger sparked in him, that Kouros hadn’t told him that she’d be coming.

If she’d wanted him to know she was in Tampa, she knew his phone number.

And seeing him nauseated her. His body felt like a lead robot as he turned to Sam. “I’d better go before she comes back out.”

Sam said a foul word, then nodded reluctantly. “Maybe so. Is tomorrow still on?”

Raoul hesitated, then nodded. He couldn’t cancel the party without hurting little Kari’s feelings. That would be unworthy of a man. “Sí.”

On Sunday, he’d return to Costa Rica.

Sam watched his friend bow his head and walk away. Tenderhearted bastard. The girl’s reaction had ripped his guts right out. After all Raoul had suffered, he didn’t deserve that crap. What the hell was she thinking?

He stalked over to the women’s restroom, shoved the door open, and walked in. A woman stood at the sink, decorating her face-and doing a lousy job of it. “Out,” Sam snapped.

With a squeak, she fled, leaving her lipstick behind. Sam shook his head. Coward. He had a feeling his redheaded Linda wouldn’t have run. The thought only made him more furious. She had run, in a way. No call. He’d asked Galen about her and seen the answer in the agent’s face. She’d requested no contact from him.

Fine.

The sound of jagged breathing came from the end stall, and Sam pushed the unlatched door open. One little subbie, on her knees, half in tears. Served her right. Trying to ignore the welling of pity, Sam wet a few paper towels. “Wipe your face.”

She jerked at the sound of his voice and obeyed, tried to stand, and failed.

Sam took her arm and yanked her to her feet. Not politely. “Clean up, and I’ll see you in the hallway.”

“I’m fine,” she said. Her voice was hoarse, and she was muddy white.

He frowned as he stepped into the hall. Odd she’d react so violently to Raoul when she’d worried so much about him after he’d been knifed. Had something ugly happened in the hospital?

Unfortunately, she was in no shape to get back to wherever she was staying. Why the hell was she here by herself anyway?

That was his first question when she came out.

“Gabi has appointments,” she answered, looking up and down the hall. “Marcus was in court. They wanted Jessica or one of the others to come with me, but I thought I’d be all right.” She straightened her shoulders. “Vance is planning to return and escort me out. I’m fine now.”

“Sure you are, girl.” He flipped open his phone, called the FBI agent, said, “I’m taking Kim home,” and shut it without waiting for an answer. He took her arm, ignored her trembling, and led her out to the parking lot. She tried to pull away at the taxi stop, and he gave her a stare that stopped her right fast. There were benefits to escorting submissives.

Once he got her in his truck and was safely on the freeway, he asked her the question that had been bothering him. “Did something happen the last time you saw Raoul?”

She looked up from her hands, her brows together. “N-no. He handed me over to my mom and said good-bye.”

“So what the hell happened that the sight of him makes you upchuck?”

“The sight…? You think I was sick because of Master R?” She stared at him.

Was the man insane? Kim’s hand curled around the strap of the seatbelt as she frowned at him. How could he think…?

Maybe they hadn’t seen the people leaving the courtroom behind them. Probably hadn’t even heard that oily voice-it wasn’t as if they’d painfully learned to pay attention to every nuance in it. “The Overseer came out of a room behind you. He spoke.” She shuddered, and her stomach roiled queasily. “I saw him.” Bandages…because his eyes… She tried to swallow.

“Hell no. Take a breath, girl.” Sam flipped the air-conditioning to high. “You puke in my truck, and I’ll wallop your hide, no matter what Raoul says.”

The air-and the snap in his voice-wiped away the memories and settled her stomach. Her hands unclenched. Then her brain kicked in. “You thought seeing Master R made me sick? God, Sam, did he think that too?”

“Yep.”

“Oh no.”

“You planning to see him while you’re here?” Sam asked, his fingers tapping impatiently on the wheel as the traffic slowed, horns blaring.

“I…” She sighed. Her flight out on Saturday had been a compromise. Rather than leaving today, she’d left herself time to call him this evening…if she decided to. “I’ve changed my mind so many times I’m dizzy. I want to see him so…so…” So badly that her insides went all quivery at the thought. “Then I remember he wants a-a”-not a slave, he’d said-“a full-time submissive. Not me.”

“You didn’t like serving him?” Sam asked easily, as if his question was no more important than asking if she liked Chinese food.

“I…” Yes. “Dammit, no. I was pretending.” I’m a bedroom submissive. No more. She stared out the window at the cars in the next lane. Old man-probably retired here. A married couple with young children-vacationers.

“Pretty good pretense, subbie,” he said, his voice level. “You looked contented as a cat in cream sitting at his feet.”

The stab slashed painfully, and she scowled. “Well, I lo-like him. A lot. That doesn’t mean I want to…to slave for him.”

Sam snorted. “Missy, when I pick a woman to scene with, I don’t choose a lightweight who enjoys a widdle spanking. I pick a masochist who wants what I can give her. I look for someone whose need for pain matches my need to give it.”

“I-”

“Shut up, girl.” He switched to the fast lane to get around a slow semi and returned to the middle lane. “A master like Raoul looks for a woman whose need to serve and submit matches his need to protect and take command. It’s a balancing act, missy, and in the best relationships, the master is as involved as the submissive. If you hadn’t loved being at his feet, neither one of you would have looked happy.”

Had Master R been content?

“So you ask yourself this: being under Raoul’s command and serving him, did it fill a need inside you? Make you feel whole when you might have not even realized something was lacking until then?”

“I-”

“Did I say you could speak?” The chill in his voice kept her silent, and in silence, he finished the drive, then escorted her to Marcus’s house.

Marcus let her in. “Sam, what are you doing here?”

“Met her at the courthouse.” His light blue gaze pinned her in place. “Do yourself some thinking, girl. And you call Raoul and explain why you ran, or I’ll beat your ass myself.” He gave her another hard look and stalked away.

After refusing to join Marcus and Gabi for supper, Kimberly did what Sam had ordered. At least the thinking part.

God, she’d loved seeing Master R. Had wanted to throw herself in his arms. Damn the Overseer for messing everything up. Master R might have hugged her, held her, kissed her. She sighed. But would that have answered her questions?

Kim scrunched down farther on the patio chair and watched the giant inflated swan drift aimlessly in the pool, batted by the tiny breeze. Just like me, she decided. Unable to make a decision at all.

She sighed and started thinking, trying to discard the past bullshit and her preconceived notions of how the world should be. I love Master R. That was a given.

Did she want to live with him? God, yes.

Did she want him in charge? Because he would be. He couldn’t help it. And okay, she liked it. Mostly. No matter how much she’d told herself otherwise, when she’d asked him to be her master again, it hadn’t been totally because of the slavers and her recovery. She wanted him in charge more than just in the bedroom. The acknowledgement made her wince. How much more?

Would he try to make her into something she didn’t want to be?

Do I trust him?

How could she not? Like her mom said, he’d taken a knife for her. But risking your life to save a person was very different from being in command over them in all the day-to-day stuff. She put her feet on the chair and laid her head on her knees.

The memory of his family’s accusations was like sand in her shoes. She could walk, but it abraded her nerves. She didn’t believe them, yet she needed to find out what had happened with Master R’s wife before she could resolve any of the other questions.

Her plane left tomorrow morning.

She returned to the living room where Gabi was playing with her cats, Hamlet and Horatio. “Where’s Marcus?”

“He had to run back to his office for something. Did you finish your thinking about Raoul?”

Kim gave her a rueful smile. There was nothing like a girlfriend to know what was going on without explanations. “Mostly. But I need some help. I met Raoul’s family in the hospital. He’d told me his family doesn’t talk to him because of his lifestyle, but they said he was abusing his ex-wife. I… It’s been bothering me.”

“Damn, I bet. But Raoul? Abuse someone. No way.”

“That’s what I told them. But, Gabi, I need to know.”

“Mmm. I get that.” Gabi tossed the fuzzy mouse, and the two cats gave chase. “He was already divorced before I met him. Before Marcus and Jessica too. But I bet Jessica can tell us who to ask.”

One phone call and a nice drive later, they met Jessica at the door of the Shadowlands. Despite her nerves, Kim laughed at the look on the guard’s face when he saw them. Ben didn’t approve of their casual shorts and T-shirts and had made them remove their sandals and sneakers. He also carefully explained that Z, Marcus, and Master Raoul weren’t present…as if the knowledge would give them second thoughts. Not.

This early on a Friday night, the Shadowlands was just revving up, and only a few stations were occupied. Cullen manned the bar, his back to them, and from the way Gabi and Jessica headed for the nearest, darkest sitting area, Kim started to worry. “You aren’t going to get in trouble, are you?”

The two exchanged glances and snickered. Jessica said, “I’m not allowed to be here without Z. Ever. If he sees us, Master Tattletale Cullen will be sure to tell him-if he doesn’t toss me out all by himself.”

Gabi gave Kim a rueful grin. “Same here. Marcus’ll throw a fit. See how much I love you?”

“Oh God, I’m sorry. Just point the trainee out and leave before anyone sees you. I can-”

Jessica shook her head no. “Sally doesn’t know you. She might be gossip girl, but she’s really discreet who she shares with.”

“Kim, we love our doms, but there’s times when a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.” Gabi grinned at Jessica. “Besides, we’ve been so angelic lately, we’re in danger of losing our official ‘brat’ status.”

“Can’t have that,” Jessica agreed. “And there’s our target.” She pointed to the food tables and waved, catching the eye of a pretty brunette who grinned and headed over.

She had an energy that reminded Kim of a child, all enthusiasm, no worries about dignity. Then Kim frowned. Wasn’t this the submissive who that nasty dom had slapped?

“Hey, guys.” The brunette glanced around. “Where’re your masters?”

“You don’t want to know,” Jessica said firmly. “Sally, this is Kim, who is-”

“Master Raoul’s submissive.” Sally’s eyes widened. “I didn’t see your fireplay scene, but I saw you together afterward. God, he really dotes on you, doesn’t he?” Her envy was obvious and heartening.

“I-” Kim sighed. “Maybe. But I have a question about his past. Can you help?”

“Sure. If Jessica says it’s okay, then I figure it’s okay.” Sally nodded to a group of chairs by the munchie tables. “Sit and I’ll get provisions. Gossip is hungry work.”

“She’s so cute,” Kim whispered to Jessica as they sat down, and Gabi headed for the bottled water. “I can’t believe she doesn’t have a dom of her own.”

Jessica grinned. “She’s totally sweet and fun, but during a scene, usually some poor sucker of a dom finds out she’s also incredibly smart. She’s had a couple of relationships, but she can’t give up control unless a guy is sharper and stronger than she is.”

Gabi set down bottles of water, giving the bar a wistful look. “I sure could use a drink.”

Sally brought over a plate of tiny egg rolls and another of minipizzas, then dropped into a chair. “Okay, what information do you need?”

Kim hesitated. This felt like a betrayal, poking into Master R’s business, but-

“Raoul’s ex,” Gabi said firmly, winking at Kim. “Something ugly happened with her, and Kim needs to find out what.”

“Oooh,” Sally waved her hand in the air. “Pick me, teacher. I know the answer.”

Jessica and Gabi laughed.

Oh God, there really was something. Kim’s stomach clenched.

Sally sobered and said slowly, “There’s like two parts to this, and I shouldn’t know this first part, right? But it’s not like I snooped or anything. See, Master Raoul had just filed for divorce, and he was here real late with Master Dan, and they’d both been drinking more than normal.” She grimaced. “Um, I’d rather they not find out I spilled. I got the impression Dan’s the only person who knows.”

“I won’t tell him,” Kim promised firmly.

“Dan drinks?” Jessica asked.

“He stopped a while back.” Sally munched down an egg roll. “It boils down to this: Master Raoul came home, went into his dungeon, and found his wife screwing her sister’s husband. Very willingly.”

“Holy shit,” Gabi said. “Poor Raoul.”

“Yeah.” Sally opened a bottle of water. “It gets worse. The bro-in-law had whipped the hell out of her first.”

Kim frowned. “She made love to the guy after he hurt her? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Oh, it does. See, she was a serious pain slut-even kinda warped about it, you know? Into scars and blood, anything. I’m not sure she even had limits, but Raoul-well, you know him- he’s got a line he doesn’t cross. He’d deal out bruises and welts and stuff, but not permanent damage. They were definitely mismatched.”

Alicia’s injuries hadn’t come from Raoul? Kim frowned.

“God, this is good gossip,” Jessica said. “I mean, it’s horrible of us to share, but…” She wiggled. “Go on.”

“So there I was, carrying over their drinks with Raoul talking about it. Just totally wrecked.”

“God, that must have hurt him bad.” Kim felt the ache deep in her bones. Master R was so careful of everyone and so insistent on honesty. To have his wife cheat on him-and in his home. “But didn’t he have a clue? He always knows if I’m lying.”

Jessica wrapped an arm around Kim and squeezed gently. “Even the Shadowlands Masters are only human-although it’s not easy to remember sometimes. When they’re in dom mode, they’re really, really perceptive, but they can’t stay that way all the time.”

“You could see their marriage had problems. Raoul, he’s so honorable, he wouldn’t give up, but Alicia-” Sally shrugged. “She was nice enough, and everybody liked her, and she had this great sarcastic sense of humor, but she was…hmm…maybe not all that honest.”

Adultery wasn’t exactly honest, no. But why had Alicia gone to Master R’s family with that bullshit story? It wasn’t like he’d been the one screwing around on her. “So she divorced Master R, and they went their separate ways? I heard…” How could she put this? “I heard she said some stuff about him.”

Sally popped an egg roll in her mouth, holding up her hand for them to wait. “Okay, this is the second part of the story. I got it from Vanessa, who got it from Alicia since they were BFFs back then. And it’s not a big secret. See, Alicia demanded a prenup ’cause Master Raoul had just started his company not long before, and she was making the big bucks. She didn’t want to share, you know?”

The woman sounded like a cast-iron bitch, Kim decided.

“What a loser,” Gabi muttered.

Sally continued, “But then Raoul’s company takes off, and he’s mad at her cheating, and he sticks to the prenup-yours is yours and mine is mine. Even worse, he filed for divorce the day after he found them. So she goes ballistic, saying he’d screwed her over.”

“Only she was the one doing the screwing.” Gabi shook her head. “Poor Raoul.”

“Yeah. She came here after she’d gotten the papers and was screaming her head off in the dressing rooms. She stripped to show off all the damage-and the bro-in-law had really messed her up. But she was saying Raoul did it.”

“Oh my God,” Gabi said. “I bet people believed her too.”

“Not for long.” Sally grinned. “This was before Raoul was a master, so Z hadn’t a clue about what had really happened, but you know how Z is. Superpsychologist-plus and a layer of dom on top?”

Jessica snickered. “That’s him, all right.”

“Anyway, he, like, stalks into the women’s room-and really flusters some naked women too-and Alicia has her back to him. He listens to the bullshit.”

Kim realized she was holding her breath. “Were you there?”

“Yeah, all us trainees were getting dressed.” Sally gave a mock shiver. “Z was-God, he listened, and his face got that really pissed-off, cold expression of his, the one that can shrivel everything up inside you? And he says right to her face that she’s lying.”

“Oooh,” Jessica said. “Z never makes a mistake about liars.”

“What happened?” Gabi grabbed Kim’s hand.

“She didn’t even try to deny it. Not to Master Z.” Sally waggled her water bottle. “He told her she had one minute to put her clothes on. Then he booted her out and canceled her membership.”

That explained why Master R’s ex had been out for revenge. But what about the other part? That he hadn’t let her leave. “And was she his s-slave?”

Gabi said, “Kim-”

“I need to know.”

Jessica frowned. “He and Z and I were talking one night. Z’d swatted my butt for being impertinent, and he told Raoul about how we’d started off keeping the D/s stuff to scenes and bedrooms, but how it had edged out into our lifestyle.” She shrugged. “It really has. Knowing Z might pick up the reins at any minute means it’s always simmering under the surface-and I love it.”

Sally gave an audible sigh.

Jessica grinned at her. “Anyway, Raoul said his went the other way. He and Alicia started off in a Master/slave relationship, but it had died away.” She bit her lip. “He looked, I don’t know, empty.”

Kim could feel the ache in her chest. “So-why start and then stop?”

Sally shook her head and said slowly, “I think new love makes you crazy, and if you’re new to BDSM, maybe it’s difficult to tell what’s what. But if you don’t have that need to serve or submit, then a power exchange won’t work very long. On the other end, there’s solid M/s and D/s relationships where the people aren’t in love, but they’re both fulfilled.”

“That’s pretty convoluted, but I almost understand what you’re saying,” Gabi said.

Sally grinned. “Anyway, Alicia wasn’t into service or even submission. Straight-shot masochist. And it was obvious. But it was hard on Master Raoul. He’s dominant right down to his bones.”

Could I keep Master R happy? Kim frowned. Do I want to serve him just because I love him? Oh, wonderful. More questions. But for right now… “What time is it?”

“A little after nine. Why?” Jessica asked.

“I have a visit to make.” She rummaged in her purse and pulled out the note she’d made earlier. It was downright scary how easy it was to use the Internet to get a person’s address.

She started to ask Gabi to lend her the car, then rethought. Panicking on someone’s doorstep wouldn’t be smart-she should have brought her escort dog. “Gabi, can you come with me?”