To Conquer Mr. Darcy

Two

As soon as she was able, Elizabeth walked out to recover her spirits, or in other words, to dwell without interruption on those subjects that must agitate them more. She puzzled over why he had come, first inclining to believe that it was to watch over Bingley, but then guided by her instincts to think it related more to her. But how could a man of such pride bring himself to approach her after her insulting behavior? His changed manner toward her family seemed to suggest that he had taken her reproofs to heart, but she did not wish to assume too much.

Her own feelings were less a mystery to her. She was complimented, to be certain, that he apparently valued her opinion to the extent of heeding her reproofs and altering his behavior, but she had previously felt no desire to see him again. But was his steadfastness a reason to change her estimation of him? There was so much that remained unknown. She resolved to think no more about him until she had a better sense of his intentions, but this resolution proved difficult to maintain for more than a short time at best, as thoughts of him kept intruding at odd moments.

She did not expect to see him again until Tuesday, when he and Bingley were engaged to dine with them, but was unsurprised when two days later he rode up to her as she was walking through the countryside. As she saw him approach, unable to avoid noticing the fine figure he cut on horseback, she resolved to meet him with composure and civility for Jane’s sake, but found her pulses racing as he swung off his horse and drew near her.

“Mr. Darcy,” she murmured as he bowed.

“Miss Bennet, this is indeed a fortuitous meeting. I was just thinking of consulting with you on a certain matter.”

She smiled playfully. “One can hardly call it fortuitous, sir, to encounter me on a ramble on such a fine day as this one. It is more a foregone conclusion, I would say.”

From the brief look that passed over his face, her attempt at light-hearted conversation had hit an unintended mark. She wondered whether he had indeed been looking for an opportunity to encounter her alone, and was conscious that her cheeks were warm.

“It does seem that we both have a propensity to enjoy the air. May I join you?”

“If you indeed wish to consult with me, it would seem a wise idea,” she said gravely.

He glanced down at her, noting that she had neatly avoided stating an opinion on his presence, and wondering whether it was mere politeness that precluded her from refusing his company. The wrenching sensation this thought caused was almost enough to lead him to abandon the effort, but he forcefully reminded himself of his intention to show her that he had changed.

“I wished to speak with you regarding my sister,” he said stiffly. “As I mentioned, she is anxious to make your acquaintance, but I am reluctant to bring her to Longbourn to make the introduction, as I am concerned she would find the situation difficult to manage.”

Elizabeth felt a swell of disappointment. I should have known better than to think he would truly change, she thought. He does not wish to expose his sister to the defects of my family and our intolerable social connections. “Indeed, Mr. Darcy, I can suppose that she, like some others, might find me more appealing in the absence of my family,” she said tartly.

Darcy turned to her in obvious distress. “Miss Bennet, I fear you have mistaken my meaning. I hope that Georgiana will meet your family very soon.” Aware that he was stumbling badly in his attempt to convey himself, and fearing that he had already lost any ground he might have gained, he said, “May I speak frankly, Miss Bennet?”

“You may be as frank as you please, Mr. Darcy; I doubt that there can be worse than what I have already heard in the past,” she said, growing more heated by the minute.

Darcy cursed himself silently. “Miss Bennet, I do not deny that I richly deserve your reproaches for what I have said in the past,” he said with all the humility he could muster. “But I beg of you to listen to what I am saying now. My sister is quite painfully shy. She finds it extremely difficult to speak with people she does not know, and is accustomed to a very quiet life. If I were to bring her to Longbourn, or any other household full of unknown lively people who are unafraid to speak their minds, I can guarantee she would be unable to say a word, and would leave convinced of everyone’s dislike of her. I very much would like her to come to know you, but I cannot see any way to accomplish this unless I can find a more quiet setting for you to become acquainted.” He forced himself to pause, aware that his words were rushing out of him with some desperation.

Her silence told him he had failed, and that his hopes of forgiveness were in vain. Sick at heart, he said, “I apologize, Miss Bennet, for my clumsy words. I have obviously made a misjudgment in broaching this matter. I assure you that no offense was intended, and I am sorry to have caused you any distress. I shall no longer disrupt your morning; please be assured that I shall not trouble you again.” With a formal bow, he turned to leave.

Elizabeth was heartily ashamed of herself. To have jumped to such a conclusion could perhaps be understood, but to not allow the poor man a chance to explain himself before she began abusing him yet again—had she not learned anything from that humiliating experience at Hunsford? Was she forever to be mistaking this man? “Mr. Darcy,” she said quietly, her eyes on the ground, “I am the one who needs to apologize, for the misjudgment was mine. I arrived at an unwarranted conclusion and should not have said what I did. If you are still willing, I would like to hear what you have to say.”

Elizabeth could not bring herself to look up, but had she done so, she would have seen Darcy stop at her words, and a look of great relief come over his face. He took a moment to collect himself, and then said, “I would like that as well, Miss Bennet.”

“Perhaps you could tell me in the kind of setting Miss Darcy is most likely to be comfortable with,” Elizabeth said in a somewhat subdued voice as they began to walk again.

“I hoped you might be willing to meet her at Netherfield,” he said tentatively. “Then, perhaps, once she knows you better, I could bring her to Longbourn.”

“I would be happy to come to Netherfield, sir. Would you care to suggest a convenient time?” Elizabeth’s eyes were still downcast.

“Miss Bennet,” said Darcy in a tone of emotion. “At the moment I would rather say how sorry I am to have distressed you, and to ask if there is anything I can do to relieve your discomfort.”

Elizabeth looked up at him with a hint of a smile. “Your aunt, Lady Catherine, condescended to tell me on several occasions that I would never play the pianoforte really well unless I practiced more. By that measure, I must be developing true virtuosity in the art of feeling ashamed of things I have said to you, since I have had a great deal of practice at it.”

“The difference, perhaps, being that I derive a great deal of pleasure in listening to you play pianoforte, and I would not have you berate yourself, especially since your response was understandable given the insufferable things I have said to you in the past. I have acknowledged to myself the truth of the reproofs you made in April and I have attempted to attend to those matters, but I realize you have no cause to believe that as yet.”

Elizabeth could not begin to imagine how much those words must have cost a man of such pride. “There was also a great deal of untruth in the accusations I made that day, though I did not realize it at the time. I should apologize to you for believing without question the falsehoods of Mr. Wickham. Ever since reading your letter, I have felt ashamed of my lack of discernment.”

“Mr. Wickham’s manners can be most persuasive when he so chooses. Had I told you immediately upon seeing him in Meryton what I knew of his past, the situation would not have arisen, but since I thought it beneath me to lay my private actions open to the world, I have no one to blame but myself for your misunderstanding.”

“Sir, you are very harsh upon yourself, and seem to expect me to take no responsibility at all for making misjudgments of my own.”

“Have I not reason to be harsh upon myself? Since you are apologizing for what you see as your errors, should I not express regret for my abominable condescension and ungentleman-like behavior? I do not do so, Miss Bennet, not because I do not believe there to be cause, but because I do not believe any apology to be within my power, other than to demonstrate that I have seen the error of my ways.”

“We had best not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to that evening,” said Elizabeth. “The conduct of neither, if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but I must and will hold myself responsible for the errors I have made, despite your generous attempts to exculpate me, sir.”

“Miss Bennet,” he said gravely, “perhaps we could demonstrate we have both improved in civility since that time by agreeing to begin anew and attempting to see one another without preconceptions.” If she refuses this, I know not what I shall do. Now that I have seen her again, how can I accept she will never be mine? he thought, awaiting her response with trepidation.

Elizabeth could not but be aware of the significance of his request, but was unsure what her response should be. She was relieved to have cleared the slate by expressing her regrets to him, and would be pleased by a cessation of hostilities, for the sake of Jane and Bingley if nothing else. But did she wish to allow anything more? She could not imagine developing a tender regard for Mr. Darcy, and it would be cruel to raise any false hopes in him, yet refusing this overture that he had clearly come all the way to Hertfordshire to make would certainly be hurtful as well, and she was beginning to appreciate that he was a man of greater depth than she had realized. Glancing up at him, she saw a drawn look that clearly bespoke the tension that he was feeling, and discovered she had less capacity to disregard his feelings than she would have thought.

“I would be willing to entertain the possibility that we might yet be friends, sir, but as I do not wish to raise hopes for any future understanding that might come from it, I would ask you to reconsider whether this is a path you wish to tread,” she finally said, gazing into the clouds in the distance, wondering how she would feel if he in fact demurred.

At least she did not refuse completely, he thought, surely that must be promising. Her statement was disappointing in its view of the future, but he could not forget that she had made an effort to resolve their earlier misunderstanding at some cost to her own pride, when it would have been far easier for her to simply let him go. He wondered whether her actions spoke louder than her words in this case, or whether they were no more than a manifestation of a sense of honor that would not permit her to leave him under a misconception. He could not be certain, but perhaps it was enough simply to be allowed to be with her for now. Yes, it was enough, more than enough. “I believe that I shall take my chances, Miss Bennet.”

Elizabeth felt a not completely unpleasant sort of tension from his response. She had not thought he would be so open about his intentions. Any other gentleman of her acquaintance would have agreed to be friends, and not suggested a desire for more at this stage. What was it he had said at Hunsford? Disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Clearly, she would need to accustom herself to a greater degree of frankness than she usually encountered. “I do not know whether you are brave, foolhardy, or both, Mr. Darcy,” she said, attempting to lighten the atmosphere.

“‘Nothing ventured is nothing gained,’” he replied with a smile.

“‘Fools rush in where angels fear to tread,’ Mr. Darcy,” she said in lively retort.

“‘Fortune favors the brave,’ Miss Bennet.”

“Let me see… ‘the fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.’”

Darcy smiled wickedly. “‘None but the brave deserves the fair.’”

Elizabeth, knowing she had been outdone, asked, “Was that Lovelace?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Dryden, actually.”

She laughed. “Well, sir, you have bested me for today. I shall have to retire from the field.” And I have made the startling discovery that the sober Mr. Darcy, despite all rumors to the contrary, appears to have a sense of humor.

“I believe that I shall claim a penalty, then, and request that you come to Netherfield to meet my sister,” he said.

She gave him a sidelong glance. “Right now?”

“Unless you are otherwise engaged.”

She inclined her head with an arch smile. “No, sir, I am not. You may lead on.”

“I could, Miss Bennet, but that would be foolish, since you no doubt know the route better than I.”

“A fool who knows his own limitations, then,” she said playfully.

“A fool that knows his own heart, at least.”

Elizabeth colored. “I believe the shortest route to Netherfield is that way, Mr. Darcy.” And fortunately it is not very far, she thought. Thinking it was high time for a change of subject, she asked him to tell her about his sister, a subject that kept them occupied most of the journey.

Elizabeth felt embarrassed arriving at Netherfield in the company of only Mr. Darcy and then entering without a chaperone into a bachelor household. She knew this would likely occasion some talk among the servants, and hoped none of it would find its way back to Longbourn. She was relieved of these societal concerns when she finally encountered Miss Darcy in the music room, where she had been practicing the pianoforte. She seemed startled to be interrupted, but gave a quick, bashful smile when Darcy introduced Elizabeth to her.

Darcy had not overstated her shyness, Elizabeth decided. “I am delighted to meet you at last, Miss Darcy. Your brother has told me so much about you,” she said with her warmest smile.

“I am sure he has been far too kind in what he has said,” Miss Darcy said softly, “but I am very pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Bennet.”

“I have heard great praise for your musical abilities.”

Miss Darcy glanced at her brother. “I fear he is prejudiced in my favor, but I do love music.”

Elizabeth put aside her own sense of discomfort by expending all of her considerable abilities to put Miss Darcy at ease. She was pleased to discover that underneath her shyness lurked an intelligent young woman eager to have a friend. Elizabeth entertained her with stories about her sisters, and encouraged her to talk about her time at school.

Darcy participated but little in the conversation, seeming quite content to observe Elizabeth, who found his gaze the more disturbing now that she understood its true nature than when she had thought he watched her only to criticize. As soon as civility would allow, she made her excuses, claiming that she would be needed at home. Miss Darcy stumbled through an invitation to call again soon, which Elizabeth warmly met with an invitation to visit at Longbourn. She stole a sly glance at Darcy to see how he bore the suggestion, but saw no evidence of concern or displeasure.

As she rose to leave, Darcy stood and said, “Miss Bennet, may I request the honor of escorting you back to Longbourn?”

Elizabeth, taken by surprise by this application, scarcely knew what to say. She would in fact much rather he did not, as she certainly had enough worry on his account already, but as there was no polite way to decline in front of his sister, she agreed to accept his company.

She felt distinctly nervous as they started off, and resolved immediately to behave as if nothing was out of the ordinary, which meant of course that it became completely impossible for her to behave in a natural manner. They walked in silence for some time, until Elizabeth, growing uncomfortable, decided that it was better to have conversation. “I enjoyed meeting your sister. She is quite charming, underneath that shy exterior.”

“I was pleased that she opened up so much to you; it is not that common for her.”

She stole a sly look at him. “But not, it seems, unheard of; Miss Bingley always claimed to have a close friendship with Miss Darcy.”

He gave her an amused glance. “Do you believe everything that Miss Bingley says?”

“Implicitly,” she said, looking up at him artlessly. “Doesn’t everyone?”

Darcy laughed, delighted that Elizabeth was teasing him again. “Perhaps you should ask Georgiana about that. If she is feeling brave enough, she just might tell you what she thinks of Miss Bingley.”

“I shall be fascinated, I am sure.” He should laugh more often, she thought. It quite changes his demeanor, and makes him look quite handsome. “I will look forward to discovering what sort of student of human nature Miss Darcy is. I somehow suspect that there is more to her than meets the eye.”

“When she is comfortable enough to speak freely, she has a great deal to say, and, although I admit to a certain bias, I believe she does have some good insights.”

“When does she feel comfortable enough to speak freely?”

“More rarely than I would like, I confess; she has a rather short list of people she trusts—Colonel Fitzwilliam, her companion, our housekeeper at Pemberley, who practically raised her after our mother died, and one or two others. It is something of a worry.”

Elizabeth had not meant to open up a delicate topic, and sought a way to change the subject, not realizing that Darcy, who had great hopes for her help in understanding his sister, was actually quite anxious to speak with her about his concerns about Georgiana. She took the opportunity to ask him about the health of his aunt and his two cousins whom she had met in Kent, which she was able to expand into an exposition of his extended family, but her patience and her ideas were nearly over by the time they approached Longbourn. With some relief, she said, “Well, Mr. Darcy, I thank you for your company, but I think it might be best for me to continue on by myself, as I do not particularly care to make explanations of your presence to my parents.”

“By all means, let us not disconcert your parents,” he said with a slight air of teasing.

She curtsied. “I will bid you good day, then.”

“Until we meet again, Miss Bennet,” he said. Catching her eyes with a serious look, he took her hand and raised it to his lips.

Elizabeth felt the shock of his touch linger even after he had departed. What have I done? she asked herself as she walked down the lane to Longbourn.

Elizabeth’s impatience to acquaint Jane with the events of the day was great, and she related to her that night the chief of the scenes between Mr. Darcy and herself. Jane was less than astonished by these revelations, having already surmised that Darcy’s presence at Netherfield suggested a continued partiality to her sister.

“I simply do not know how to handle his forwardness, Jane,” exclaimed Elizabeth. “No sooner had I said that I could offer no more than friendship than he as much as said that he wanted more! Jane, what must I do to convince him that I do not wish for his addresses? Must I be as rude and unfeeling as I was at Hunsford?”

“He should, indeed, have respected your request, and not said so much as to make you uncomfortable with his intentions. But consider his disappointment, Lizzy. Are you not grieved for his unhappiness, which must be great indeed for him to venture to re-open your acquaintance? He must be very violently in love with you.”

“Since you consider his disappointment so touchingly, dearest Jane, I shall consider myself free from the need to think of it at all, since I know that you will do it such ample justice! If you lament over him much longer, my heart will be as light as a feather.”

“Oh, Lizzy, pray be serious. Does it truly mean nothing to you that he has altered his behavior so strikingly? That he has acknowledged his errors in the manner of his previous proposal? It is not every man who would be willing to do so much.”

“I did the same in apologizing for my misjudgments, without it meaning aught but that I dislike being in the wrong! Why should he not do the same?”

“Was it only disliking being in the wrong that led you to call him back when he was leaving? Truly, Lizzy, I think that you are not as indifferent to Mr. Darcy as you would like to believe.”

Elizabeth thought of the indescribable sensation she had felt when he kissed her hand. Slowly she said, “I cannot claim that the compliment of his affections is unfelt, but how can it be more than that when I have always disliked him, and have no startling new reason to change that opinion?”

Jane sighed. “Lizzy, I have never understood why you thought so ill of him in the first place, and it certainly seems to me that his behavior has been perfectly gentlemanly since his arrival if, as you say, somewhat forward.”

Because I hold him responsible for destroying your happiness with his influence over Mr. Bingley. “Jane, since you can think nothing but good of everyone, his being in your good graces is not much of a recommendation.”

“Can you think of nothing good about him? Come, I challenge you to find some positive feature in him. Even you, dearest Lizzy, must be able to find one or two!”

Elizabeth studied her reflection in the mirror. “He clearly cares a great deal for his sister. He appears to take his responsibilities seriously, even when it means visiting Lady Catherine, which is a cruel fate indeed. He is well-read. He is willing to admit when he is wrong, at least when sufficiently motivated to do so. There, that is four good features, and you asked only for one or two. But he is also ill-tempered, arrogant, condescending, controlling, lacking in social graces, and he values only wealth and social status. Like Miss Bingley, he is all too happy to obtain his pleasure by demeaning others. Is that not enough?”

“You are very harsh on him,” said Jane with a smile. “I wonder which of us you are trying to convince. By the by, I would have to add that he is constant, honest, and valued highly by his friends. You will, of course, do as you wish, but it seems to me that perhaps you do not know him as well as you should if you are to make some sort of decision, and, since he seems determined for you to know him better, perhaps your best course would be to wait and let matters take their course. If, in time, you still feel about him as you do now, why, nothing is lost for you, and he can hardly claim that you led him on.”

With a sigh, Elizabeth said, “You are, as always, annoyingly reasonable, and since I will be leaving with the Gardiners in little more than a fortnight, it would appear I am not risking much.” Then why do I have a foreboding that it will not be as simple as it sounds? Her mirror provided no answers.

They did not see the gentlemen again till Tuesday; and Mrs. Bennet, in the meanwhile, was giving way to all the happy schemes, which the good humor and common politeness of Bingley, in half an hour’s visit, had revived. On Tuesday there was a large party assembled at Longbourn, and the two who were most anxiously expected, to the credit of their punctuality as sportsmen, were in very good time. When they repaired to the dining-room, Elizabeth eagerly watched to see whether Bingley would take the place, which, in all their former parties had belonged to him, by her sister. Her prudent mother, occupied by the same ideas, forbore to invite him to sit by herself. On entering the room, he seemed to hesitate, but Jane happened to look round, and happened to smile; it was decided. He placed himself by her.

His behavior to her sister was such, during dinner time, as showed an admiration of her, which, though more guarded than formerly, persuaded Elizabeth that if left wholly to himself, Jane’s happiness, and his own, would be speedily secured. Though she dared not depend upon the consequence, she yet received pleasure from observing his behavior. It gave her all the animation that her spirits could boast, for she was in no cheerful humor. While her feelings on seeing Mr. Darcy were decidedly mixed, she could not help but be aware of him, and she was distressed to find that he was seated on one side of Mrs. Bennet and almost as far from her as the table could divide them. Observing closely, Elizabeth noted that he had lost none of his recent civility toward her mother, but was mortified to see her mother’s flirtatious response to his consideration.

She wondered whether the evening would afford some opportunity of bringing Darcy to her, or whether the whole of the visit would not pass away without enabling them to enter into something more of conversation than the mere ceremonious salutation attending his entrance. The period that passed in the drawing-room, before the gentlemen came, was wearisome and dull to a degree that almost made her uncivil, yet she could not determine whether she most feared for or wished his appearance.

The gentlemen came, and she thought he looked toward her, but the ladies had crowded round the table, where Miss Bennet was making tea, and where Elizabeth was pouring out the coffee, in so close a confederacy that there was not a single vacancy near her that would admit of a chair. Darcy walked away to another part of the room, but followed her with his eyes, and she was unsurprised by his bringing back his coffee cup himself. She was determined to be composed, and said, “I hope your sister is well?”

“Yes, she is enjoying a quiet evening to herself. She was happy to make your acquaintance, and hopes you will visit again.”

“It would be my pleasure; she is a very sweet girl.” She could think of nothing more to say, and they stood in silence for some minutes.

“Miss Bennet, I recall when you were in Kent, you were partial to early morning walks. Is it a pleasure you continue at home?”

The memory of their meetings in the grove at Rosings, which she had thought to be accidental, made her blush. “When I am able, and the weather permits, I still enjoy an early ramble.”

“Perhaps, since you know the neighborhood so well, you could recommend some walks to me.”

Her pulse fluttered in response to this evident request for an assignation, and she recalled her agreement to acquaint herself further with him. Certainly, it would be best if that were not done under her mother’s eye; heaven itself could not protect her if Mrs. Bennet became aware that Mr. Darcy and his ten thousand pounds a year had intentions toward her daughter. Yet it should be nowhere too private; the warmth in his eyes when he looked at her did not predispose her to a sense of security regarding his behavior. “The walk to Oakham Mount is pleasant at this time of year,” she said.

His face warmed becomingly as he allowed himself a slight smile. “My thanks for the advice, Miss Bennet.” She found herself caught by his intent gaze, and had to force herself to look away. Clearly he had no intention of observing the fiction that he was interested primarily in her friendship.

When the tea-things were removed, and the card tables placed, she felt rather relieved by seeing him fall a victim to her mother’s rapacity for whist players, and in a few moments after seated with the rest of the party. They were confined for the evening at different tables, but his eyes were so often turned towards her side of the room, as to make him play unsuccessfully.

Mrs. Bennet had designed to keep the two Netherfield gentlemen to supper, but their carriage was unluckily ordered before any of the others, and she had no opportunity of detaining them. “Well girls,” said she, as soon as they were left to themselves, “What say you to the day? I think every thing has passed off uncommonly well, I assure you. The dinner was as well dressed as any I ever saw. The venison was roasted to a turn—and everybody said they never saw so fat a haunch. The soup was fifty times better than what we had at the Lucases’ last week, and even Mr. Darcy acknowledged, that the partridges were remarkably well done, and I suppose he has two or three French cooks at least. And, my dear Jane, I never saw you look in greater beauty.” Mrs. Bennet, in short, was in very great spirits; she had seen enough of Bingley’s behavior to Jane, to be convinced that she would get him at last; and her expectations of advantage to her family, when in a happy humor, were so far beyond reason, that she was quite disappointed at not seeing him there again the next day, to make his proposals.

Elizabeth, meanwhile, was thrown into a discomfiture of spirits that kept sleep away for some time, and for every thought she had of Darcy’s reformed behavior, she thought even more of being able to escape this anxiety on her trip to the Lakes. Only two weeks, she reminded herself.

By the end of the following morning, Elizabeth was fully convinced of the impossibility of becoming friends with a man whose every look bespoke desire for far more than companionship. No matter how innocent the conversation—and it ranged from books to music to nature—she found herself flushing alternately hot and cold, and excruciatingly aware of the nature of Darcy’s interest in her. Instead of being invigorated by the walk, she felt on edge and nervous, and it was to this that she attributed her agreement on their return to pay a visit to Miss Darcy, when in fact she desired nothing more than to return home.

Nonetheless, she was able to enjoy her visit with Miss Darcy, and appreciated that her brother left them to themselves, instead of hovering protectively over his sister as Elizabeth had half-expected him to do. It would have been unnecessary, in any case; Miss Darcy brought out the protective instincts in Elizabeth as well, and she could readily understand why her brother worried as much as he did about her, and could see why she would have been an easy target for the likes of Mr. Wickham. When the conversation turned to how Georgiana liked Hertfordshire, she discovered that the younger girl had actually had little chance to see the area, having spent almost all her time at Netherfield.

“Well, I shall have to convince you to take some walks with me, so that you can see some of the local sights. Although they may not be as dramatic as what Derbyshire has to offer, they are still well worth the seeing.”

Georgiana’s face lit up. “That would be delightful! I have wanted to explore, but since I do not know the area, I have been afraid of losing myself.”

“Why, it sounds as if Mr. Darcy has been quite neglecting you!” Elizabeth teased. “I shall have to have words with him.”

“Oh, no!” cried Georgiana with a look of alarm. “He always does anything I ask; he is far too good to me. I just have not wanted to… trouble him. He is doing so much better than he was in London, and that is more than enough to make me happy.”

“I assure you that I was only teasing, Miss Darcy; I am well aware of your brother’s devotion to you,” Elizabeth said with what she hoped was a reassuring manner, but inwardly somewhat amused by the gravity in which her charges had been taken. Perhaps seriousness was a Darcy family trait.

Georgiana looked relieved. “Oh, I am glad. I would not want him to feel guilty in any way, not now, not about me. I have been a great trial to him of late.”

“I can hardly imagine that,” said Elizabeth warmly. After all, I believe that it has been my role to be a trial to him of late.

“Oh, it is true. He has been so unhappy lately, and I have been so worried about him, and it is all my fault. You see,” she hesitated for a moment, and then plunged ahead. “I did something, made a terrible lapse of judgment last summer, and it upset him a great deal, although he never said one word of reproach to me. But I can see that it weighs on him, and these last two months have been terrible. He has been so withdrawn, and so unhappy, so you see why I do not want to cause him any trouble, not now that he finally seems to have been able to forget it a little. But I am sorry, Miss Bennet, I should not be telling you all of my problems; please forgive me.” She looked down, clearly most embarrassed by her confession.

Oh, dear, thought Elizabeth. What a tangled web we weave! She placed her hand over Georgiana’s. “There is nothing to forgive, my dear. I am honored you feel able to tell me your worries. But I think that you blame yourself far too much; I feel sure there are many things in your brother’s life that might be disturbing to him of which you may be unaware, and whatever has upset him these last two months probably has nothing at all to do with you.” She felt abominably guilty, as she suspected that she knew all too well the true cause of Mr. Darcy’s distress.

Georgiana shook her head wordlessly, tears in her eyes.

Elizabeth sighed, deeply torn as to the proper course of action. “Now I am afraid it is my turn for a confession, and I hope that you will be able to bear with me, since it forces me to violate a confidence, and I must request that you not ask me questions about it so that I may protect as much of that confidence as I can. You see, as it happens I do know why your brother has been upset these last two months, and while I may not tell you what the cause is, please believe me when I say that it has absolutely nothing in the world to do with you.”

Her face reflected hopeful disbelief as she turned to Elizabeth. “Truly?”

Elizabeth nodded, and, putting her arm around Georgiana as she dried her tears, offered what comfort she could until a few moments later when they were interrupted by the return of Mr. Darcy himself.

Darcy, somewhat stunned to find his tearful sister in Elizabeth’s arms, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, and then finally managed a creditable, “Is something the matter?”

Elizabeth fervently thought that the Lakes could not be far enough from the Darcy clan to suit her. Drawing with an effort on her best playful and flirtatious manner, she said, “Why, Mr. Darcy, surely you know better than to ask such a question of two ladies who are in each other’s confidence! We must have our secrets, you know.” With her eyes, she implored him not to ask any further.

Happily, Georgiana took the lead by approaching Darcy and wrapping her arms around him. “Truly, William, everything is fine,” she said, with an obvious note of truth in her voice that reflected the relief she had received from Elizabeth’s earlier words. Elizabeth could not help but be touched by the tender embrace that Darcy gave his sister, nor but be amused by the baffled look on his face.

“Well, then, I am glad to hear it,” he said. “I did not, in fact, come in to eavesdrop on your secrets, but to offer the use of the carriage to Miss Bennet, since I realize that we have kept you from home for quite a while, and your family must be wondering what has become of you.”

“I will accept that offer gratefully”—particularly if it takes me as far away from here as possible—“as even I have had enough walking for the day.”

The orders being given to prepare the curricle, it was only a short while until Elizabeth was bidding her adieus to Miss Darcy, while Mr. Darcy, who was clearly planning to drive her home, prepared to hand her into the carriage. No sooner were they on the road than Darcy expressed concern regarding his sister’s behavior.

Elizabeth was reluctant to enter onto the topic, but knew she would be doing Miss Darcy a disservice if she did not. “Mr. Darcy, there is indeed something I should tell you, but I do not expect that you will be happy to hear this.” She felt him stiffen perceptibly, and a glance at his face showed a frozen look that did not go far to mask a feeling of devastation. Feeling quite out of patience with his single-mindedness regarding her, she placed her hand lightly on his arm and said with some exasperation, “No, it is not that. I am beginning to suspect that jumping to the worst possible conclusion is a Darcy family trait! This is something you will dislike, if I read the subject correctly, but it is not that. Pray forgive my bluntness; I seem to have exhausted my entire store of tact for the day with Miss Darcy.”

The look of relief on his face told her she had guessed rightly. “Well, then, Miss Bennet, you may do your worst, and I will do my best not to jump to dreadful conclusions.” He managed somehow to catch her hand in his before she could withdraw it.

She took a breath, prepared to protest the action, then decided instead to ignore it and save her energy for the conversation at hand, a conclusion that would have been more practical had his touch not proved to be significantly more distracting than she had anticipated. “Sir, Miss Darcy made several confessions to me, at least one of which I am sure you would have preferred that I not hear, but since I am concerned for her feelings I feel it appropriate to risk wounding yours by telling you the source of her anxiety, as it is one that you may wish to address.”

“If it concerns Georgiana, I would prefer to know, even if I find it unpleasant,” he replied unhesitatingly.

“She confided that you have been in a particularly black humor these last two months, and that this was her fault,” she began.

“Where in God’s name did she get that idea?” he exclaimed with more feeling than politeness. “I beg your pardon, Miss Bennet.”

“She attributes it to a serious lapse of judgment that she made last summer. She did not give any details, although I assume that we both know to what she was referring. She has been blaming herself acutely for the situation and for being the cause of your distress, and apparently has been afraid to say anything for fear of making matters worse.”

As she spoke, she saw his face set in grim lines, and suspecting that some of his annoyance must be directed towards her, she made a tentative attempt to withdraw her hand from his, only to have him tighten his grip. She subsided and tried to calm herself with thoughts of leaving for the Lakes. No, she decided, the Lakes were not far enough away. Perhaps the Continent, or the frozen wastes of Russia would do. No one would have ever heard of the Darcys at the court of the czar. An involuntary smile curved her lips at the thought.

Darcy, having regained control of his temper, said, “If there is some humorous aspect of this situation, Miss Bennet, I would appreciate your sharing it, as I could certainly use some laughter.”

“It was nothing at all,” she hastened to reassure him. “I was thinking about the czar of Russia, in fact.”

He stared at her in momentary disbelief. “I confess there are moments when you baffle me completely, Miss Bennet.”

“Thank you,” she said gravely. “I work quite hard at baffling you, and I am glad to know that my efforts are not in vain.”

He could not help laughing. Despite all the difficulties Elizabeth presented, he could not fault his taste. There was no other woman like her. That she could on such a short acquaintance elicit from Georgiana something that had troubled her for months, tell him the unpleasant truth, and then make him laugh! And she was allowing him to hold her hand, albeit with some ambivalence, if he read her correctly. Thoughtfully, he allowed his thumb to lightly trace circles in her palm, and noted with pleasure that her color was rising and her eyes dropped. At least she was not completely indifferent to him—surely that was something.

Elizabeth herself was unsure whether the sensations coursing through her were more horrifying or pleasurable. How could she respond so strongly to his touch when she was wishing him half the world away? She schooled herself to offer no response that might give away the extent of his effect on her, and consequently forced herself to allow her hand to relax in his, with the unfortunate outcome of allowing his thumb even more scope for its exploration, and more latitude for wreaking havoc with her composure.

“Thank you for telling me about Georgiana,” he said. “I apologize that it put you in a difficult position. I try my best with Georgiana, but there are times when the mind of a young girl is quite beyond my understanding.”

“Sometimes a stranger has an advantage in these matters.” What was wrong with her, Elizabeth wondered, that she was feeling throughout her whole body the effects of his attentions to her hand?

“If it is the right stranger,” he allowed. “But I cannot and do not fool myself into thinking that I can offer her everything she needs.”

“That would seem to be an impossible task. It appears to me that you have done admirably well, given the predicament inherent in the situation of a man of your years trying to raise a girl at the most difficult age.” Elizabeth was surprised to realize that she meant it.

“It is a continuing challenge,” he acknowledged. It would be so much easier with you by my side. Since they were nearing Longbourn, he asked, “May I have the privilege of seeing you tomorrow?”

He sounds almost humble, she thought, but I cannot possibly bear to do this again so soon. “I do not believe I can get away in the morning,” she said, and then was shocked to hear herself continue. “Perhaps you and Mr. Bingley might call later in the day.”

“Thank you,” he said softly, and raised her hand to his lips to give it a kiss that was more a caress than a formality. The sensation was exquisite, much though she hated to admit it.

She felt enormous relief when she was able to take her leave of him. Drained by her efforts and the unfamiliar sensations he had induced in her, she decided to go straight to her room to refresh herself before facing her mother and sisters, but no sooner had she entered the house than Mrs. Bennet saw her.

“Lizzy!” she cried. “There is a letter from your aunt Gardiner.”

Elizabeth took the letter with a smile, amusing herself again with the idea of the frozen wastes of Russia. Her amusement faded as she read the letter, which at once delayed the commencement of the tour and curtailed its extent. Mr. Gardiner would be prevented by business from setting out till a fortnight later in July, and must be in London again within a month; as that left too short a period for them to go so far, and see so much as they had proposed, or at least to see it with the leisure and comfort they had built on, they were obliged to give up the Lakes, and substitute a more contracted tour, and according to the present plan, were to go no farther northward than Derbyshire. In that county, there was enough to be seen, to occupy the chief of their three weeks.

“Derbyshire,” Elizabeth said numbly. She was excessively disappointed, having set her heart on seeing the Lakes, but the last place in England she desired to visit at present was the one place that would continually remind her of Darcy. And an additional fortnight before she could be free of him and his disturbing effect upon her—suddenly it was too much, and she made a hasty retreat to her room, where she could lament in private.

When the gentlemen from Netherfield arrived the following afternoon, Elizabeth was still feeling distinctly out of spirits and, apart from the pleasure it would give Jane, none too glad to see their visitors. She made little effort at conversation, but found this seemed to cause no distress to Darcy, who, as he had so often in the past, seemed to feel no discomfort at simply enjoying her presence in silence. Before long Bingley proposed their all walking out, and it was agreed to. Mrs. Bennet was not in the habit of walking, and Mary could never spare time, but the remaining five set off together. Bingley and Jane walked slightly behind, while Elizabeth, Kitty, and Darcy were left to entertain each other. Very little was said by either; Kitty was too much afraid of him to talk, and Elizabeth too dispirited.

As they walked past the road to Lucas Lodge, Kitty expressed a wish to call upon Maria, and as Elizabeth could think of no sensible reason to object, she agreed to allow Kitty to leave them. She pressed firmly onward without looking at her companion.

“Miss Bennet,” he said after a silence of several minutes, “I cannot help but observe you seem somewhat out of spirits today. May I be so bold as to inquire if I have offended you in some manner?”

Elizabeth sighed, not wanting to explain herself, yet was still too fair-minded to take out her displeasure on an innocent—well, perhaps not completely innocent—party. “Mr. Darcy, I am in a prodigiously uncivil state of mind today, and you merely have the misfortune to be in my company at such a moment. I apologize for being such poor company; please do not construe my regrettable behavior as in any way related to you.”

“You have no need to apologize, Miss Bennet. I would not have you pretend to feelings you do not possess.” He said nothing more for some time, and then asked, “May I ask if there is anything that is troubling you?”

Elizabeth, who had begun to feel irritated he had not asked this very question, perversely discovered she was annoyed he seemed to assume he had the right to ask it. “It is nothing of any concern to anyone beyond myself,” she said shortly.

They walked on, Darcy struggling with a frustrating feeling of impotence that she would not allow him to help in whatever was troubling her, and an unhappy suspicion that he must be in some way responsible for her distress, despite her words to the contrary. Elizabeth, meanwhile, made the awkward discovery that, having gone to the trouble of pushing aside his concern, she now felt that she would like to tell him of her disappointment, and was further baffled as to why she would feel the desire to talk to him, of all possible people, about it. Finally, as she was not by nature of a sullen disposition, her wish to express herself won out.

“Sir, again I must regret my lack of civility. To be honest, I am merely sulking like a fractious child who has been denied an expected treat, and deserve no sympathy whatsoever.”

With some relief at the change in her tone, he said, “My sympathy is not contingent on whether you feel it to be deserved, Miss Bennet.”

“You are too kind, sir, but in fact I am being quite petty. I received news that my northern tour, which I have been much anticipating, is delayed, and that we will not be able to travel as far as the Lakes, which was a great wish of mine.”

Darcy’s first reaction was one of relief that he was not in fact the culprit, followed by a feeling of frustration that he did not have the right to relieve her distress by offering to take her to the Lakes himself some day. “That must be a great disappointment; I recall how much you were looking forward to it.”

She felt a surprising degree of relief after for having spoken of it, and resolved to be in kindlier spirits.

“I appreciate your thoughtfulness in telling me, and thus sparing me the need to jump to the worst possible conclusion,” Darcy added.

She gave him a sidelong glance. Was he in fact making a joke at his own expense? “I will try to keep your frailties in mind.”

“And speaking of frailties…” Darcy glanced over his shoulder at Jane and Bingley, who were a short distance behind them. Speaking noticeably more quietly, he said “Your sister is, I believe, concerned with observing the proprieties, is she not?”

Wondering where he could possibly be leading, she said cautiously, “That would be a correct assumption.”

“Then I fear that she is determined to stay properly near us, which is unfortunate for poor Bingley, who was hoping for some time alone with her, as he has something very particular to discuss.”

A delighted smile spread across her face as she realized what he meant. Remembering the last time the subject was raised between them, she said, “I… am pleased to hear it.”

He glanced down at her. “Well, it remains to be seen if he will find the opportunity, given that we seem to be in the way. A pity, is it not?”

If he had been anyone else, she might have thought this a suggestion to take steps to improve the situation, but she found it hard to believe that he would approve either the sentiment or the lack of propriety. On the other hand, when she glanced up at him, she saw that he had an amused smile on his face. Perhaps she had misjudged him. “Mr. Darcy, I am beginning to suspect that you have some nefarious scheme in mind.”

“No, in fact, I was counting on you to come up with the nefarious scheme, since you know better than I how to convince your sister, while Bingley will accept any excuse, no matter how weak, to steal away with her.”

Elizabeth thought she might have to revise her opinion of him. “I will give the matter some consideration, sir,” she said with a saucy smile. But separating themselves from Jane and Bingley would also have the effect of leaving her unchaperoned again with Darcy. Elizabeth felt a peculiar sensation at the thought of it and knew that she must be blushing. She did not feel ready to be alone with him again, though no doubt he was desirous of the situation. She was willing to give him what he wanted in this case, though; if the price of allowing Bingley to propose to Jane was time alone with Darcy, she would pay it. After all, she had survived the previous day, and she could do so again, although she would need to take care given his increasing forwardness of the day before. She would be prepared this time, though. She would watch him closely and not permit any liberties. He might not be the easiest of men to refuse, but she had managed to do that before as well.

She considered how best to effect the separation of the couples. It needed to be something that Jane would perceive as temporary, yet capable of being extended to allow enough time for Bingley to say his piece. She decided to opt for a simple approach, and just as they reached a small thicket, without a word of warning to Darcy, she made a sudden exclamation of pain and caught at his arm as if to balance herself. He immediately turned and supported her arm, his face alive with concern, as Jane hurried up to help.

With a look of embarrassment toward Darcy, Elizabeth beckoned to Jane and whispered in her ear that she had a stone in her boot, and if Jane would take the gentlemen on ahead, she would remove it and rejoin them in a few minutes. As she expected, Jane, conscious of her sister’s modesty, immediately urged Bingley and Darcy to accompany her. Darcy looked momentarily confused, but after a moment said, “No, I cannot support leaving Miss Elizabeth Bennet by herself. I shall remain here in case she needs any further assistance.”

Elizabeth hobbled to a fallen log, and said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, “As you wish, but I must insist that you remain where you are, sir, and turn your back.”

“No, I must be the one to wait,” said Jane.

In a voice rich with embarrassment, Elizabeth said, “Jane, please, just go on!” Her sister looked indecisive, but with Bingley’s urging, eventually continued down the lane.

In the interest of verisimilitude, Elizabeth unlaced and removed one of her half-boots. Looking up to see Darcy watching her unashamedly with a slight smile on his face, she said dryly, “Why, imagine that! There appears to be no stone in my boot after all.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Indeed?”

“However,” she said judiciously, “I believe there is still sufficient pain that it is best to remain here until it improves.”

“Certainly you must. And it would be unmannerly of me not to bear you company while you wait.”

“Quite unmannerly,” she agreed as he sat by her side, and she smiled at him in satisfaction at the success of her plot.

Her playful smile evoked a very different response in Darcy, whose eyes darkened as he gazed intently into her eyes. Elizabeth forgot to breathe, and as he dropped his gaze to her lips, felt a disturbing surge of sensation. She looked away from him abruptly, realizing that she was at a certain disadvantage as to avoiding his advances while she sat with one boot off and one on.

Darcy, seeing her discomfort, had rarely wished so fervently for that happy fluency of speech possessed by Bingley and Colonel Fitzwilliam. How in the name of heaven was he supposed to apologize for the way he looked at her, especially since he could hardly claim that he had not wanted to do more than look. Finally he said quietly, “I apologize, Miss Bennet. I shall endeavor to remember that I must be patient.”

“I cannot argue with that conclusion,” she replied, her eyes still averted. She hardly knew what to say or do; she was becoming uncomfortably aware that there was a rift between the distance she wished to establish between them and her response whenever he touched her or looked at her with those smoldering eyes. She could not but disapprove of herself for having such a reaction to a man toward whom she had no serious intentions. However, regardless of her inner conflict, she could hardly continue staring at the ground until Jane and Bingley returned, so with firm resolve but little self-confidence she looked up at him, only to find that he was now staring off into space.

“Do you suppose Mr. Bingley has realized yet that we have abandoned him?” she asked lightly.

The corners of his mouth turned up in a valiant attempt at a smile. “I would imagine so, since he was hoping for something of the sort. I suspect that he may have been surprised at your involvement, however.”

“Well, you may tell him that I am prepared to injure myself on his behalf whenever the need arises.”

He seemed to reach some sort of decision and turned to look at her. With a question in his eyes, he extended his hand, palm up, towards her. She looked at it, told herself that she would be out of her mind to be encouraging him, wavered, and, deciding that he was in need of the reassurance, placed her hand in his. A shock of sensation surged through her as he closed his hand around hers, and he rewarded her with an expression of unlooked-for warmth, leaving her full of unanswered questions about why she cared about reassuring him, why she was so warmed by his smile, and above all why having his hand on hers pleased her so.

After sitting in a companionable silence for some time, Darcy said, “You mentioned that your tour with your aunt and uncle is delayed. May I ask when you will be leaving?”

“In a month.” She smiled at his transparency. Had it always been this simple to tell what he was thinking, and had she simply never given it a thought before?

“Georgiana will be pleased to have an opportunity to see more of you before you disappear into the wilds of the north.”

“The wilds of the north, indeed,” she said, then, recalling that she had not told him that the new plans involved Derbyshire, suddenly found the entire situation overwhelmingly amusing. She began to laugh, and found herself barely able to stop.

He raised an eyebrow. “Let me guess—it is the czar of Russia.”

This only encouraged her, and she was wiping tears of laughter from her face when Jane and Bingley reappeared. Jane’s face was shining with joy, and Bingley wore a rather silly smile. Elizabeth, having rapidly extracted her hand from Darcy’s and restored her boot to its rightful location, immediately went to her sister and embraced her, and had the joy of hearing her acknowledge, with the liveliest emotion, that she was the happiest creature in the world. Elizabeth’s congratulations were given with a sincerity, a warmth, a delight, which words could but poorly express. Every sentence of kindness was a fresh source of joy to Jane, while Bingley was receiving the equally warm congratulations of his friend.

Jane, desiring to go instantly to her mother with the news, and Bingley, equally anxious to obtain the permission of Mr. Bennet, quickly urged the party homeward. As they walked, Darcy asked, “Someday, Miss Bennet, will you be so kind as to tell me what is so humorous about the wilds of the north?”

Elizabeth, too full of happiness for Jane even to object to the idea of Derbyshire, looked up at him with an impudent smile. “I imagine you would know far better than I, sir; after all, you live there and I have never been north of Hertfordshire.”

He could come up with no response to this beyond a bemused smile.