To Fight the Black Wind

Epilogue

Dear Future Carolyn,

I do not know whether you will believe everything I have had to say when you read this in the coming years and consider your past, but I feel I must write what I remember of my time in the Dreamlands and of my patient, Josephine Ruggles.

Three days have passed since the hypnotherapy session with Josephine that changed our lives forever. Josephine’s bleeding nightmares are gone, but the reality of her loss is still settling in. There is no question of trust between us. We journeyed through hell together and came out with a bond that can never be broken—whether or not I want it to be. She trusts me. She relies on me. She talks to me. She is so much better. I feel I honor Malachi’s memory with every successful turn she makes.

My duty as her doctor is to be there to a point. That line has blurred with our shared experience. I must tread carefully in our sessions. There will come a point where we discuss the fact that I was unable to save her from the bandits in the Dreamlands—that I chose to leave her body behind—and that resulted in the loss of access to her beloved “dreaming home.” Then I will find out if she blames me in any way. I am an easy target and she still has so much rage and grief within her.

In truth, much of what happened in the Dreamlands has faded from my mind. I find myself referring back to previous notes with wonder and some skepticism—despite the fact that I lived these memories. I know it all happened, but as with dreams, only specific details remain. All else fades, leaving an incoherent string of thoughts and images.

Still, I continue to write down everything I can remember. Every detail of every creature encountered: the zoog, the cats of Ulthar, the shantak, the feathers from the little red bird of Celephaïs, the goat-legged bandits with hooves and horns, the guardians at the gates between the Seventy Steps of Light Slumber and the Seven Hundred Steps of Deeper Slumber, and the Dreamlands themselves.

I admit my fear to writing down anything about the Black Wind. I fear bringing the god’s attention to me again after I thwarted the plan to use Josephine as a gateway between our worlds. That hunger I felt will haunt my dreams—waking and sleeping—forevermore. It is why the fading of details does not upset me as much as it could. I know when I look back on these notes and read them with a more experienced and jaded eye, I will read them without the immediacy of memory or fear.

Tell me, future Carolyn, does the nameless dread I feel now in the pit of my soul ever go away? How many more times do we fight the Outer Gods? Or the Elder Gods? What do we lose each time we do?

I am being dramatic. I will move on before the fear grows again.

In other news, Dr. Mintz is less than pleased at Miskatonic University’s renewed attention to Professor Sati Das. It seems that the university is more than pleased to have piqued the interest of a well-to-do young woman such as Miss Josephine Ruggles and, of course, the Ruggles pocketbook.

Once Sati is ensconced within the Ruggles household, I will be able to speak to her in depth about the Dreamlands. I can only hope she will able to answer some of my lingering questions. I have some concerns as to her mental well-being now that she carries the awakened book that drove Josephine mad.

Until then, I will care for Josephine as best I can. The next couple of weeks will bring interesting changes. I look forward to them.

This afternoon, I will walk through Arkham with renewed eyes. I wonder which details, that once held no meaning, will come to light and change my perspective of my home? Sati is right. The scales have fallen from my eyes and I am changed forever. I find myself both eager and afraid to discover what I will see with my newborn sight.

Until next time,

Present day Caroline