Tome of the Undergates

Thirty-Three

‘So,’ Denaos spoke loudly to be heard over the sound of hammering, ‘why the sudden interest in the fairer sex?’

Lenk paused and looked up from his duty of nailing wood over their wrecked boat’s wound, casting his companion a curious stare.

‘Sudden?’ he asked.

‘Oh, apologies.’ The rogue laughed, holding up a hand. ‘I didn’t mean to suggest you liked raisins in your curry, if you catch my meaning.’

‘I. . really don’t.’

‘Well, I just meant you happened to be all duty and grimness and agonising about bloodshed up until this point.’ Denaos took a swig from a waterskin as he leaned on the vessel’s railing. ‘You know, like Gariath.’

‘Does. . Gariath like raisins in his curry?’

‘I have no idea if he even eats curry.’ Denaos scratched his chin thoughtfully. ‘I suppose he’d probably like it hot, though.’

‘Yeah, probably.’ Lenk furrowed his brow. ‘Wait, what does that mean?’

‘Let’s forget it. Anyway, I’m thrilled to advise you on the subject, but why choose now, in the prime of your imminent death, to start worrying about women?’

‘Not “women”, exactly, but “woman”.’

‘A noble endeavour,’ Denaos replied, taking another swig.

‘Kataria.’

There was a choked sputter as Denaos dropped the skin and put his hands on his knees, hacking out the droplets of water. Lenk frowned, picking up another half-log and placing it upon the companion vessel’s hole.

‘Is it that shocking?’ the young man asked, plucking up a nail.

‘Shocking? It’s immoral, man.’ The rogue gestured wildly off to some direction in which the aforementioned female might be. ‘She’s a shict! A bloodthirsty, leather-clad savage! She views humanity,’ he paused to nudge Lenk, ‘of which you are a part, I should add, as a disease! You know she threatened to kill me back in Irontide?’

‘Yeah, she told me.’ Lenk began to pound the nail.

‘And?’

‘And what?’ He glanced up and shrugged. ‘She didn’t actually kill you, so what’s the harm?’

‘Point taken,’ the rogue said, nodding glumly. ‘Still, that’s the sort of thing you’re lusting after here, my friend. Say the Gods get riotously drunk and favour your union, say you’re wed. What happens when you leave the jam out overnight or don’t wear the pants she’s laid out for you? Do you really want to risk her making a necklace out of your sack and stones every time she’s in a mood?’

‘Kat doesn’t seem like the type to lay out pants,’ Lenk said, looking thoughtful. ‘I think that might be why I. .’ He scratched his chin. ‘Approve of her.’

‘Well, listen to you and your ballads, you romantic devil.’ The rogue sighed, resting his head on folded arms. ‘Still, I might have known this would happen.’

‘How’s that?’

‘Well, you’ve both got so much common,’ he continued. ‘You, a grim-faced runt with hair the colour of a man thrice your age. And her. .’ Denaos shuddered. ‘Her, a woman with a lack of bosom so severe it should be considered a crime, a woman who thinks it’s perfectly fine to smear herself with various fluids and break wind wherever she pleases.’ His shudder became an unrestrained, horrified cringe. ‘And that laugh of hers-’

‘She has her good points,’ Lenk replied. ‘She’s independent, she’s stubborn when she needs to be, doesn’t bother me too much. . I’ll concede the laugh, though.’

‘You just described a mule,’ Denaos pointed out. ‘Though you grew up on a farm, didn’t you? I suppose that explains a lot. Still, perhaps this particular match was meant to be.’

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘I mean you’re both vile, bloodthirsty, completely uncivilised and callous people and you both have the physiques of prepubescent thirteen-year-old boys.’ The rogue shrugged. ‘The sole difference between you is that you choose to expel your reeking foulness from your mouth and she from the other end.’

‘Glad to have your blessing, then,’ Lenk muttered, hefting up another log. ‘So, what do you think I should do?’

‘Well, a shict is barely a step above a beast, so you might as well just rut her and get it over with before she tries to assert her dominance over you.’

‘Uh. . all right.’ Lenk looked up, frowning. ‘How do I do that?’

‘How’d you do it the first time you did it?’

‘What, with Kat?’

‘No, with whatever milkmaid or dung-shovelstress you happened to roll with when you first discovered you were a man, imbecile.’

Lenk turned back to the boat, blinking. He stared at the half-patched wound for a moment, though his eyes were vacant and distant.

‘I. . can’t remember.’

‘Ah, one of those encounters, eh?’ Denaos laughed, plucking up the waterskin from the sand. ‘No worries, then. You might as well be starting fresh, aye?’ He brushed the dirt from its lip and took a swig. ‘Really, there’s not much to it. Just choose a manoeuvre and go through with it.’

‘What, there’s manoeuvres?’

‘Granted, the technique might be lost on her. . and you, but if you’ve any hope of pleasing a woman, you’ll have to learn a few of the famous arts.’ A lewd grin crossed his face. ‘Like the Six-Fingered Suldana.’

‘And. .’ Lenk’s expression seemed to suggest a severe moral dilemma in continuing. ‘How does that go?’

‘It’s not too hard.’ The rogue set down the waterskin, then folded the third finger of each hand under it, knotting the two appendages over themselves. ‘First, you take your fingers like this. Then, you drop a gold piece on the ground and ask the woman if she wants to see a magic trick, then you-’ He paused, regarding Lenk’s horrified expression, and smiled. ‘Oh, almost got me to say it, didn’t you? No, no. . that one’s a secret, and for good reason. If you tried it, you’d probably rupture something.’

‘Maybe all this is for nothing,’ the young man said, turning back to the boat. ‘I mean, it’s not usual to. . do this sort of thing right after confessing your feelings, is it?’

‘Love has nothing to do with feelings, you twit. Or at least, lovemaking doesn’t. It’s an art, created to establish prowess and technique.’

‘I’m. . I’m really not sure I want to do that, then.’

‘Fine.’ The rogue sighed dramatically. ‘I was trying to spare you some embarrassment, since I severely doubt your capabilities of conveying anything remotely eloquent to her. Then again, she is a barbarian, so perhaps just grunting and snorting will do.’

‘I was planning on something like that,’ Lenk said, grinning. ‘But, out of curiosity, if Khetashe does smile upon me … what manoeuvre do I use?’

‘Something simple,’ Denaos said, shrugging. ‘Like the Sleeping Toad.’

‘The Sleeping Toad?’

‘A beginner’s technique, but no less efficient. You simply request that your lady wait until you’re asleep, then have her do her business with such delicate sensual eroticism that you barely even stir.’

‘Huh. . have you ever tried it?’

‘Once,’ the rogue said, nodding.

‘Did it work?’

Denaos looked out over the sea thoughtfully, took a long sip from the waterskin. ‘You know, I really have no Gods-damned idea.’

The coconut was a hairy thing, a small sphere of bristly brown hair. Kataria scrutinised it, looked it over with an appraising stare as she took out her hunting knife. With delicate precision, she jabbed two small holes into two of the nut’s deeper indentations. Quietly, she scooped a chunk of moist sand out of the forest floor and smeared it atop the coconut.

It looked at least vaguely silver in the shimmer of the sunlight, she thought, but there was still something missing. After a thoughtful hum, she brought her knife up and gouged a pair of scowling lines over the nut’s makeshift eyes, finishing the product with a long, jagged frown underneath.

‘There,’ she whispered, smiling as the hairy face scowled at her, ‘looks just like him.’

She traipsed over to a nearby stump sitting solemnly before a larger tree and set the face down upon it. Then, backing away as though she feared it might flee if she turned around, she reached for her quiver and bow. In a breath, the arrow was in her hand and drawn to her cheek, the bowstring quivering tautly.

The coconut continued to frown, not an ounce of fear on its grim, hairy visage. Just like him, she thought, perfect.

The bow hummed, the arrow shrieked for less than a breath before it was silenced by the sound of wood splitting and viscous liquid leaking onto the sand. The face hung by its right eye, the arrow having penetrated it perfectly and pinned the nut to the tree trunk behind it. Its expression did not change as thick milk dripped out of the back of its head and its muddy hair dribbled onto the earth.

The shict herself wore a broad, unpleasant smile as she stalked back to her impaled victim and leaned forwards, surveying her work. She observed the even split in the nut’s eye and nodded to herself, pleased.

‘I could still kill him,’ she assured herself. ‘I could do it.’

He was the tricky part, she knew, the only one she would have trouble killing. The rest were just obstacles: shifty hares in a thicket. He was the wolf, the dangerous prey. But that was hardly a matter. She could kill him now, she knew, and the rest would be dead soon after.

With that, Kataria jerked the arrow out of the face’s eye and watched it fall to the earth. Wiping the head off on her breeches, she slid the missile back into her quiver and turned to walk away. She had gone less than three paces when she felt a shiver run up her back.

The nut was still staring at her, she knew, still frowning. It demanded an explanation.

‘All right, look.’ She sighed as she turned around. ‘It’s nothing personal. I mean, I don’t hate you or anything.’

The coconut frowned, unconvinced.

‘You had to know this was going to happen, didn’t you?’ She scratched the back of her head, casting eyes down to the ground. ‘How else could it end, Lenk? I mean, we’re. . I’m a shict. You’re a human.’ She growled, turning a scowl up. ‘No, you’re a strain. You’re part of the human disease! It’s up to us to kill you before you become unsatisfied with the parts of the world you’ve already contaminated and infect the whole thing!’

The coconut did not appear to share the same sentiments. As she fell to her rear, Kataria realised she didn’t either.

‘We had fun, didn’t we?’ she asked the nut. ‘I mean, I had fun at least. After a year around you, I’m not infected.’ She sighed, rubbing her eyes. ‘That’s not true. I am infected. That’s why I had to do what I did. . sorry, why I have to do what I’m going to do.’

She didn’t bother explaining the rest to the coconut. How could he understand? she asked herself. Humans didn’t understand the Howling, couldn’t hear it, couldn’t comprehend what it was like to hear it again after a year of silence.

But Kataria did.

She had heard it, in fleeting echoes, during her battle with Xhai. And in those few moments, she had felt it, everything that it meant to be a shict. She could hear all the voices of her people, her ancestors, her tribesmen.

‘My father,’ she whispered.

Quietly, she reached up and ran her finger down the notches in her long earlobes, counting them off. One, two, three, she switched her hand to the other ear, four, five, six. The sixth tribe. Sil’is Ish. The Wolves. The Tribe that Hears.

And what good was it to be a part of the sixth tribe if she was deaf to the Howling? What would her people say if they knew such a thing? To know that she only used her ears to be a glorified hunting hound for a pack of inept, reeking, diseased monkeys?

What would her father say?

A brown shape caught her eye and she spied another coconut, this one apparently having landed on a rock when descending from its leafy home. Its face looked sunken, frowning, disapproving.

Much like him.

‘Naturally, I’m disappointed,’ she imagined the coconut saying, ‘you are a shict, after all.’

‘What does that even mean, though?’ she asked.

‘If you’ve forgotten already, then the answer as to what you should do is quite clear.’

‘But I don’t want to do it,’ she replied.

‘If we could all do what we wanted to, what would that make us?’

‘Human.’ She sighed, rubbing her eyes.

‘Or?’

‘Tulwar,’ she recited with rehearsed precision, ‘or Vulgore, or Couthi, or any number of monkeys that claim to be a people.’ She looked to the coconut with a pleading expression. ‘But it’s not like we have to kill them all.’

‘Just the ones that make us forget what it is to be a shict.’

‘It’s not like that-’

‘Was it not you who just said such a thing?’

‘It’s complicated.’

‘It is not.’

‘He’s complicated.’

‘He’s human.’

‘I have no reason to kill him. I don’t hate him.’

‘It’s not a matter of hate.’ She could hear the deep, resonant tone of a voice used to speaking to a people, for a people. ‘Any monkey can hate, no matter what race he claims to be. Shicts are as beyond hate as the human disease is beyond redemption. We do not hate the disease, we cure it. We do not kill, we purify. This is simply what must be done and no other race has the conviction to do it. After all. . we were here first.’

‘Right …’

Her father had always been hard to deny, for both herself and her tribe. He had shed little blood himself in years past, but had kept their home free of filth and degenerates. It was his leadership that turned back three individual human armies seeking to cross their domain. It was his confidence that led the three tribes to unite under him.

It was his plans, the houses that burned, the wells that were poisoned, the lack of mercy for anything with a round ear, regardless of age or sex, that kept humans far away from their borders.

No one could say what might happen if a human did contaminate a shict. Her father had made certain there would never be an opportunity. Now that Kataria herself felt it, felt the distance, felt the need to ask what it meant to be a shict, his speeches and sermons made much more sense than they ever had when she was small.

And yet, she wasn’t quite ready to pick up arrows and start firing.

It could have been something else that infected her, something else that made her forget the Howling. She had been around many humans, after all, and other races as well. Any number of them could have been the cause.

But then, she told herself, you wouldn’t have been exposed to any of them if not for him.

Kataria lay back upon the sand. Her head throbbed, ached with the weight that had been put upon it. Her father was right, she knew; humans had done too much damage to be considered anything but a threat. She was proof enough. But if he was right, why hadn’t she done what needed to be done in the first place?

Opinions contradicting her father’s were few, but there was one that could be counted on always.

At that, she folded her arms behind her head and stared up at the sky, wondering what her mother would have said.

‘Well, it’s not like it’s some great loss for a human to die,’ the crisp, sharp voice came cutting on the wind, ‘but when is it really necessary?’

‘You killed humans at K’tsche Kando,’ Kataria retorted, ‘many.’

‘Hundreds.’ There was a morbid laughter on the wind. ‘But that was different.’

‘Forgive me for not seeing how.’

‘A human encroaching on our land is no different from any other race encroaching on our land. If they stay on their own side, they can do whatever they want. It’s when they start pretending they belong somewhere else that they need to be culled.’

‘Not quite the message I’d hoped to receive.’

‘Well, you’re forgetting a very important aspect.’

‘What’s that?’

‘I didn’t go to K’tsche Kando for any shict. I went there for you.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘If you did, you wouldn’t be hallucinating now, would you?’

‘I thought this was the Howling,’ Kataria said, frowning. ‘Am. . am I actually going mad?’

‘If you choose to. After all, no matter what your father says, it’s all down to choice. He didn’t want me to go, but I chose to, because if the humans set one foot upon our sister tribe’s land unchallenged, they’d come to our land, too, bolder and more virulent than ever.’

A brief silence hung over them. Kataria absently sighed up to the sky, hoping that whatever was looking down upon her did so with a frown that matched her own.

‘Did you choose to die there?’ she asked.

‘Can you choose that? I chose to kill there. What do you choose?’

‘I’m. . not sure.’

‘Then what do you want?’

Kataria sat up, staring at her hands as they lay in her lap, calloused and well used to the shape of the bow, feeling the breeze kick the feathers in her hair against her notched ears, hearing the distant howl upon the wind.

‘I. .’ she said reluctantly, ‘I want to feel like a shict again.’

‘Then,’ the sky and coconut answered as one, ‘you already know the answer.’

The hunting knife seemed much heavier when she picked it up. Her body felt like lead as she pulled herself up to her feet. The realisation that they were right was so thick as to choke her when she took in a deep breath.

The coconut with its eye put out now looked cold, stale. In the moments before the last of its milk had sloshed onto the sand, its face had changed. No longer did it demand explanation or look at her with disapproval. It merely seemed to stare blankly, as if to ask what it had done wrong to deserve such treatment.

She had no answer for it, no answer for herself as she tucked the knife into her belt and turned to join her companion for the last time. All she had left was a question that she asked herself with every footstep.

How else could it end?