Chapter Twenty

“We are stronger than we look. We are stronger than we think we are. Don’t ever forget that, sunbeam.”

– SUNNY COLLINS


Lori awakened to the sensation of Jackson ’s body against hers. She loved his masculine scent. She loved his broad shoulders and the way his strength permeated his body and his mind. She loved being close to him.

She loved… him.

The realization slipped into her consciousness. Her usual arsenal of denial and self-defense must have still been asleep. Lori looked at Jackson ’s face and knew she was in love with him.

How? When? Her lungs squeezed tight, taking her breath away. She’d known she could trust him. She’d known she was attracted to him. She’d known he would watch out for her. She’d also known he would never fall for her.

Crap. So now she’d fallen for her so-called husband, was stuck with him until she was thirty, when they would amicably divorce.

Panic raced through her. How was she going to manage this? How was she going to keep it from him? Because heaven forbid, Jackson would probably just feel sorry for her, and she couldn’t bear that.

Desperate for a moment alone, she rolled over to get up. A large, warm hand snaked around her waist and she closed her eyes. “Where you going?” he asked in a sexy, deep voice.

“I need to take Kenny outside. His bladder won’t wait.”

“Are you coming back?”

“I need to get my shower,” she said, scooting the rest of the way out of bed and pulling on her clothes. “I’ll see you at breakfast. Okay?” she said, more than asked, then raced out the door.

By the time Lori took care of Kenny, tried to wash away her feeling of panic during her morning shower, and arrived in the kitchen, Jackson was drinking his coffee at the breakfast table. Alone.

Darn, she’d hoped for a buffer from someone else this morning. “You beat me down. Have you already eaten?” she asked, picking up an egg biscuit from the warming pan on top of the stove. “Do you want a biscuit?”

“Already had mine,” he said.

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she sat across from him at the table. Feeling his gaze on her, she took a bite of the biscuit but found it hard to swallow. She wondered if he could sense a change in her. For such a practical man, Jackson could be incredibly intuitive. Her stomach felt like a jumble of nerves. She wondered if she could hide her feelings. Or would it be useless to try? Would he be able to read the fact that she loved him, as if she were wearing a billboard?

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she quickly replied but nearly knocked over her coffee cup. “Oops.”

“I repeat. What’s going on? You seem jumpy,” he said.

She forced herself to smile. “I guess I don’t have the morning-after routine down yet.”

He took a sip of his coffee and leaned back in his chair. “We’re married. You don’t have to do anything special,” he said. “Unless you want to go back to bed.”

She felt a wicked thrill at his suggestion but shook her head. “Someone would notice. There would be questions I’m not ready to answer.”

“Why not?” he asked with a shrug. “Can’t keep it a secret forever.”

She bit her lip. “I know, but I haven’t figured out what to say. How to explain.”

“You just say you’re married,” he said.

“People will ask questions, like when did we decide to do it? And when did we realize we have feelings for each other?”

“Keep it general. We’ve had feelings for each other for a while and decided getting married was the right thing to do.”

“Easy for you to say. Women are expected to give more details.”

“How long do you want to keep this on the down-low?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Lori,” Jackson said. “Are you embarrassed that you’re married to me?”

“No,” she said immediately. “No. I just don’t know how-” She broke off, flustered. “I don’t know-”

“I’m curious how you plan to handle come-ons from other men.”

Another wave of confusion rolled over her. “Other men? There aren’t a lot of other men around the ranch, except for summer-camp leaders, and they’re gone within a week, since they arrive and leave with their specific groups. Geoffrey’s gaga over Maria, so that takes care of him.”

“What about Cash?” he asked.

“I didn’t even think about him. If he approaches me, I’ll just tell him I’m not available.”

“So what are the rules, Lori? Do you expect us to be exclusive? Or are you and I just business partners with benefits?”

His question caught her off guard. “I thought we would be exclusive. We are married, even though-” She felt a heaviness in her chest. “I guess I can’t require it, but-” She cleared her throat, feeling a rising tide of panic. “I did say there should be discretion. What is this about? Have you met someone? Is there someone else?”

He lifted his hands. “I’m not the one who wants to keep it secret.”

She sighed. “It’s my sisters.”

“Your what?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Oh, no, his eyebrows were talking to her again. Unable to sit another second, she stood. “My sisters are madly in love with their husbands, and their husbands are madly in love with them. How in the world can I explain you and me to them? What do I say? I married you so I could get my inheritance, and I’m paying you to be my husband. Oh, and the rest of the deal is that we get divorced when I turn thirty.”

Jackson shook his head and stood. He looked fed up. “Let me know when you figure out what you want. In the meantime, I’ll head back to Dallas.”

Her heart sank. “So soon?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Call me if you need anything,” he said and left the room. Staring after Jackson, Lori heard steps behind her and turned to see Maria, who must have entered from the back door. Lori searched the other woman’s face to see if she could read how much Maria had heard of her conversation with Jackson.

“Hi,” Lori said after a long moment of silence.

“Hi,” Maria said and wrapped up the remaining biscuits and put them in the refrigerator.

Lori chewed her lip. “I don’t know what you may have heard-”

“It’s none of my business,” Maria said.

Lori cringed. Her statement said it all.

“But,” Maria added, “I don’t know a woman who would not be proud to call Jackson her man.”

Lori sighed. “It’s not that I’m not proud of him.”

“It didn’t sound that way,” Maria said, lifting one of her dark eyebrows. “You sounded very wishy-washy.”

Lori heard the front door close and knew it was Jackson leaving. She closed her eyes for a second at the searing pain that stabbed her. “He doesn’t love me,” she finally said, the words feeling as if they were torn from her.

“How do you know?”

Lori popped open her eyes. “I had to talk him into marrying me. I had to give him money.”

“Did he ask for money?”

“No, but I know he expected it. As soon as we were married, he invested the money in a construction deal.”

Maria frowned. “I still don’t understand why you did this. You’re skinny and a little spoiled, but you’re pretty enough. Many men would take you.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” Lori said dryly. “I didn’t want to marry just anyone. I wanted to marry someone I trust.”

Maria’s mouth formed a perfect O. “You are in love with Jackson.”

“I didn’t say that,” she quickly said, not ready for the words to be said aloud.

“You are,” Maria said. “You are in love with him.”

“But he’s not in love with me.”

She shrugged. “You’re married to him. Make him fall in love with you.”

“Like it’s so easy,” Lori said. “Excuse me, but I’m fresh out of fairy dust and I’ve lost my magic wand.”

Maria gave a careless shrug. “It’s not so hard. Men are easy. You show them love, you tease them and please them, and they will beg. It happens all the time.”

“Maybe for you,” Lori said, envious of Maria’s confidence. “ Jackson is a very strong man. I’m not sure any woman could make him fall in love.”

“Then maybe you’re not the right woman for him. Maybe you’re not strong enough for him,” Maria said lightly. “Maybe you should let another woman have him.”

A sizzling possessiveness raced through her with the power of a freight train. “Absolutely not. Why would I let another woman have him? He may not love me, but he’s married to me.”

Maria put her hands on her hips and cocked her head to one side. “You’ll have to decide if you are strong enough for him.”

Maria’s words haunted Lori during the next days. The woman seemed to boil it all down very nicely, but Lori knew that seducing Jackson didn’t mean he would give her his heart. If she were a different person, she would go after him and tell him she loved him, but she was terrified he would feel awkward because he couldn’t return the affection. Her quandary drove her crazy.

After she didn’t hear from him for two days, she decided to buck up and initiate the call. She dialed his number, and the rings continued so long that she almost hung up, unwilling to leave a message. Just before she decided to hit the disconnect button, his voice came on the line. “Jackson James.”

Her heart raced at the sound of his voice.

“Hello? Jackson James,” he repeated, impatient.

“Hello?” she blurted.

A half second of silence followed. “Lori?”

She nodded even though he couldn’t see her. “Yes, it’s me.” She cleared her throat. “How are you?”

“Okay,” he said. “Busy as hell, but okay. Is there a problem?”

Yes, I miss you. “Not really. I just wanted to check in with you.”

“Hmm. Do you need more money? Did you want to make another donation?” he asked.

“No,” she said, feeling more awkward with each passing second. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, after all. “Well, I’m glad everything’s okay with you. I guess I’ll talk to you some other-”

“Wait,” he cut in. “Why did you call?”

“I told you,” she said. “I just wanted to check in with you.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, mustering courage. “I wanted to hear your voice.”

Silence followed. “Okay. Everything keeps moving very quickly on the construction deal. I never imagined it would move this fast.”

She heard the excitement in his voice and smiled. “That’s great. Did you decide if you’re going to have a pet park?”

“Yes. Good idea. The construction people love it. What about you?”

“I’ve been helping Maria with classes with the campers,” she said proudly.

“Really? You’ve been riding?”

“So far just leading, no riding, but it’s been a lot of fun. Those kids are amazing. They have all kinds of problems, but their disabilities don’t keep them from trying.”

“Yeah, it’s fun to watch. Wait. Excuse me a minute,” he said, and she heard him say something to someone else. “Listen, I’m meeting for drinks with some of my new business contacts. I’ll give you a call tomorrow or the next day.”

“That would be great,” she said, the longing inside her stretching like the Grand Canyon. “Good to hear your voice,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Good to hear yours, too. Bye.”

Pushing the disconnect button, she replayed his last words five times in her head. Then another five. And another. Then she stopped, because she knew she was being goofy.

They talked every other day for the next week. Short calls that made her wish for his closeness. Every time they talked, she hoped she meant something special to him, but she couldn’t be sure. She hated her sense of uncertainty.

Thursday dragged by. Rain started in the morning and didn’t let up all day. Outdoor classes were cancelled, and Maria and Lori played games with the children. One of the children, Reese, was especially challenging. Although mentally handicapped, red-haired Reese was physically strong and active, full of energy that Lori tried to help defuse by running races with him around the cabin.

In early afternoon, Maria announced that she and Geoffrey were going to town.

“Is it a date?” Lori asked, feeling a pinch of envy at the open affection Maria and Geoffrey shared.

Maria’s cheeks bloomed. “Geoffrey wants to take me to dinner.” She paused a half beat and lowered her voice. “We’re also going to apply for the marriage license.”

Lori couldn’t help feeling a rush of joy. She was glad someone would get the marriage thing right. “Then you really need to decide on a dress.”

Maria nodded. “I never thought I would be marrying an English duke. I never really thought I would be getting married at all. I still can’t believe that Geoffrey thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. Even with my scar,” she said, lifting her hand to the jagged mark on her cheek. She sighed, then shook her head. “But yes, I want to get a dress. Did you wear a dress for your wedding to Jackson?”

Lori shook her head. “No. It was all done so quickly there wasn’t time.”

“Didn’t you miss that? Didn’t you want that romantic experience?”

Lori felt a knot form in her throat. “It wasn’t supposed to be romantic. We don’t have that kind of relationship,” she said.

“Maybe you could if you would stop hiding your marriage,” Maria said.

“That will happen eventually,” she said. “But we weren’t discussing my wedding. We were discussing your wedding.”

Maria shot her a look of disapproval, but she couldn’t hold it long. Her lips curved into a big smile of joy. “He is the sweetest man in the world. Thank you for not agreeing to marry him.”

Lori laughed. “He wouldn’t have been able to go through with it with me. He fell for you the first time he met you.”

“True,” Maria said. “Now, if you have any problems at all, just call my cell. Hopefully we wore out the little kiddies enough that they will settle down easily tonight. That cutie Reese was a little terror, wasn’t he? I couldn’t believe how many times you raced him around the cabin.”

“And in the rain,” Lori added. “There shouldn’t be any problems here. Enjoy your afternoon and evening. You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” Maria said, then impulsively hugged Lori. “You’re not as much of a stuck-up, clueless rich girl as I originally thought.”

“Thanks,” Lori said. “I think.”

After Geoffrey and Maria left, Lori stayed indoors until dinner, when she delivered the evening meal to the campers. She and Virginia organized simple relays to entertain the children, then followed up by reading books to help the campers calm down.

Since Reese was still wound up with energy, Lori opened a big umbrella and took him for a walk to the barn. He enjoyed visiting the horses and protested when she took him back to the cabin.

Worn out from the day, Lori climbed into her bed and stared at her cell phone, willing it to ring. It remained silent, and she felt the distance between her and Jackson more than ever. She couldn’t help wondering what the future for the two of them held. She fell asleep, cradling the phone in her hand.

A knock on her door woke her in the middle of the night. “Lori, Lori,” Virginia said from the other side of the door. “We have an emergency.”

Lori immediately sprang out of bed and flung open the door. Dressed in her robe, with an expression of fear tightening her face, Virginia shook her head. “One of the children is missing. He must have left after the camp counselors fell asleep. They’ve looked all around the cabin and the barn and can’t find him anywhere.”

Him. Lori had a sinking sensation. “Reese?”

Virginia nodded. “We have to find him. It’s still raining out there. The streams are overflowing and the road is rained out. Maria and Geoffrey are stuck in town, and Cash can’t get through, either.”

“Oh, no,” Lori said, feeling helpless. “Let me get dressed so I can start looking, too.”

“I would take out one of the horses myself, but my arthritis has been giving me a fit,” Virginia said. “Lori, I know the conditions are terrible, but our best bet is if someone takes Lady to do the search. She’s sure-footed, gentle, and can always find her way back to the barn.”

Lori’s stomach clenched. Virginia needed her to step up. Virginia didn’t know what she was asking, and Lori was terrified she couldn’t deliver. “You think Lady can do this?” Lori asked at the same time she was asking herself if she could do it.

“I do,” Virginia said.

Lori knew what she had to do.

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