Tuesday The Rabbi Saw Red

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

It wasn't a party; a few of the Selzers' closest friends just decided to drop in to congratulate them on the release of their son. Now they listened to him with rapt attention.

"So the rabbi comes in and I offer him a cup of coffee. Not that I was particularly interested in entertaining visitors at that time, you understand, but if I told the Boss Lady the rabbi was here and I didn't give him something, well. I'd sure hear about it." He glanced affectionately at his wife beside him on the sofa and she patted his hand.

"But he says he's in a hurry, he can't stay, and then he says: 'I think it would be a good idea if you speak to Mr. Goodman. Tell him to file a motion for your son's release on his own recognizance or on reasonable bail.’ Just like that!" Well, you know, ever since it happened I've been getting advice from people— not only from friends and acquaintances but from people I hardly know, even perfect strangers. One calls me to tell me I should get this lawyer that's been in the newspapers, how he always gets his clients off, another one calls to suggest I ought to write a letter to all the papers and start a publicity campaign, then there are some real crackpot calls to say how if I surrender to Jesus, he'll handle it. Believe me, and one guy actually came to see me and he said I could get Abner home tomorrow if I just concentrated certain vibrations in my own head, which would link up with the same type vibrations in the head of the judge or the D.A, and tell them they had to release Abner and send him home. Honest to God, he was dead serious and he spoke like a college professor. Listening to him, you'd swear it was legit, like making a telephone call."

"My kid brother is a reporter." said Ronald Berkowitz. "and he tells me they get these crackpots calling up the paper all the time."Selzer nodded. "I guess you're right, but you know something? It was kind of nice— I mean, that he was concerned and wanted to help me. Because there were others— letters and even phone calls— that were just the opposite. Like one night a lady calls up and asks if I'm the fattier of the boy who is in jail, and when I ask who I'm talking to, she lets out a string of dirty words. I didn't hear such language even when I was in the Navy."

"You got to remember. Malcolm, crackpots come in all shapes and sizes."

"I know." said Selzer. "And there were plenty of my friends who didn't call me or come near me—"

"We were out of the country. Mai—"

"Oh, I'm not blaming you, or them." Selzer assured Berkowitz. "These friends of mine weren't avoiding me because they were ashamed of me, or anything like that. It was just that it was embarrassing for them and they thought it would be embarrassing for me."

"So get on with the story." his wife urged.

"Right, hon. So here was the rabbi telling me what I should tell my lawyer, he didn't say I should discuss it with Goodman, mind you, or that I should ask him if maybe it wouldn't be a good idea. No, he says. 'Tell him.' But you know. I'm a guy like this: if I get sick, or some member of my family, God forbid. I'm not going to call a doctor and then tell him what pills he should give me, he's the expert, that's why I called him. Right? And that's why I pay him. It's the same way with a lawyer. If I'm going to tell him what to do, what do I need him for?" Selzer looked around the room. "On the other hand. I'm not going to tell this to the rabbi's face because— well, because he's a rabbi. I mean, maybe I'm funny that way, or maybe it's the way I was brought up, but I don't talk to a rabbi the way I would to a regular-type person. If a rabbi told me to do something. I might do it and I might not, but I wouldn't argue with him. Now it so happens that I think Rabbi Small is a good man and we're lucky to have him," said Selzer. "But that's as a rabbi, you understand. This is a practical matter, and I just don't think of Rabbi Small or any rabbi as a practical man. So I thanked him very polite for his interest, and I would’ve forgot all about it but I happened to walk down to the drugstore for a copy of the Times and who do I run into but old Jake Wasserman taking a walk with Al Becker."

"Oh yeah?" said Berkowitz. "How is the old boy? I haven't seen him in months."

"He looked fine." said Selzer, "just fine. Of course he's terribly thin and his skin it's so pale it's almost transparent, and he shuffles when he walks, and he holds onto Becker's arm like he'd fall down if he let go, but otherwise he looked pretty good to me. So naturally, we stop to shmoos for a few minutes, and he asks me what's new with my boy's situation and I tell him that there's nothing new, everything is status quo, and while we're talking. I happen to mention that the rabbi was down to see me and what he said. "So Wasserman says, 'So did you tell Goodman?' So I explain to him how I couldn't see any sense in my telling a lawyer how he should practice law. But old Jake shakes his head like he don't agree with me and then he says, 'The rabbi came to see you? You didn't happen to bump into him like to us just now?' 'That's right.' I says, 'he came to see me.’ So then Al Becker asks. 'Was it just about this, or did he come to see you about something else?' 'No, just about this.' I says. So then Wasserman, he puts his hand on my arm and he looks me right in the eye and he says very serious. 'Believe me. Mr. Selzer, if the rabbi went out of his way to tell you, then that's what you should do.'"

Selzer looked around at the others. "Well, to tell the truth. I was going to kind of laugh it off, because Wasserman, after all, he's an old man."

"And everybody knows he thinks the sun rises and sets on the rabbi."

"That's right." Selzer agreed. "That's why I was going to pass it off, but then Al Becker who is a practical and successful businessman says. 'That's good advice. Selzer, and if you don't follow it, you're apt to spend a long time wishing you had.' 'Well, sir. I don't mind saying I began to worry a little. I mean, a man like Becker, a big businessman, he's had all kinds of dealings with lawyers. I mean he knows what's what, and I began to think, maybe I'm passing up a chance, and what am I afraid of Paul Goodman for? I mean, I'm paying him, ain't I? I'm not a charity case. So when I got back home. I called him, and to make a long story short, he files the motion, and what's the result? Thanks to our rabbi, Abner is upstairs, catching up on his sleep right this minute."