Chapter 39

I’d always hated hospitals. Saw them as cold, impersonal, and full of people long past caring. To me they seemed like a place where the dead went to be told the news. I avoid them if at all possible. The last time Nana and I went into one, we’d followed the ambulance carrying my grandfather. He was DOA, but we still got a bill from the hospital.

University Hospital in Lubbock wasn’t what I expected. When they helped me get Nana out of the van, not one of them asked if I had insurance or could I pay in advance.

By the time we got to Lubbock, Nana’s lap was full of blood and I was long past panic. I drove right up to the door and started screaming for help.

Nana held my hand as tight as she could all the way to the examining room. People in scrubs moved around us, doing all kinds of things to her. I kept my eyes on her face, not wanting to see the knife wound. Not wanting to see the blood.

Nana looked like she might pass out, but she didn’t say a word about the pain. I took over answering all the questions I could, mostly feeling like an idiot. How could I have lived with her all my life and not know her blood type or if she was allergic to any medicine? I couldn’t even remember her mother’s maiden name, but did have enough sense to wonder why they asked.

I did my best to give them the facts as they hooked her up to tubes.

“We’ve given her something for the pain,” a large woman, who could have been an Amazon in a past life, said. “She’ll relax and probably fall asleep soon.”

I glanced up at the woman with no makeup, but kind summer green eyes. “She’ll be all right, won’t she? She won’t feel a thing when you stitch her up? That’s all that is wrong-a cut. Just a cut.”

The woman in scrubs looked sad. “She’ll need a little more than stitches, but don’t you worry, we’ll take good care of her.” I was afraid to ask more.

She turned to Nana. “Now if you’ll lie down, dear, we’re going to help you rest for a while. The doctor is on his way and the operating room is on ready.”

“I have to start the bread for the rolls at five,” Nana answered. “You can’t hurry yeast. It has to take its good time.”

“We’ve plenty of time.” Amazon Nurse glanced at me, then back to Nana.

“The kids like my rolls.” Nana leaned back as if she didn’t notice the room was crowded with strangers. “I put cheese in them, you know.” She grinned and closed her eyes. “They do love my rolls. I had one little boy ask if I’d go home with him and teach his mother to make my rolls.”

“That’s nice, dear.” The nurse checked her vital signs. “Just relax.”

Nana slowly let go of my hand.

The nurse slipped an oxygen mask in place. “If you’ll wait outside, someone will let you know as soon as we’re finished.” The nurse touched my back, directing me out as the others wheeled Nana away.

She pulled her gloved hand back and stared at fresh blood. “I think we’d best see you now. You should have told us you were cut as well, dear.”

Amazon Nurse seemed kind, but I wasn’t sure I liked being her next “dear.”

I followed as if walking in a dream. The cuts on my back and neck didn’t hurt. My whole world was shifting. I could feel it as plainly as if I were standing on a fault line. I don’t think I would have noticed if all the blood had run out of me.

Nana had looked so fragile, so old. All my life she’d been old, but when had she shrunk to frail? Her hair was thin and mousy white. Her fingers twisted, almost deformed. Her arms spotted with age marks.

I wanted to run back and hold her one more time. I wanted to see her through my child eyes, the way she’d been when I was little. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to know that she heard me. That she understood.

“If you’ll have a seat right here,” the nurse said, unaware my world was spinning.

How could I explain that in the operating room a few feet away lay the only person who loved me, the only one who had ever believed in me? The one person on Earth that I didn’t have to prove anything to, or earn her love. Nana just loved me, she always had.

“The cut’s not deep.” The nurse lifted the back of my blouse. “I’ll bandage it for you. Try to keep it dry for a few days, then you can take the bandage off.”

I nodded as if I understood.

“Would you like to wash up?”

I looked down. Blood covered my best blouse and left darkened spots on my jeans. The ones I’d worn for my date with Luke. Our midnight date seemed a million years ago.

“No,” I said thinking that I’d toss these clothes on the fire out by the dock. I’d watch them burn and forget all about what happened tonight.

“You could leave and go change. Your grandmother will be in surgery for an hour or more. Then she’ll be in recovery for a while.”

“I’ll wait.”

She nodded as if she understood. “Is there someone you’d like to call who could wait with you? A relative, maybe?”

My mother crossed my mind. She hadn’t left her number with us, only saying she could be reached through the lawyer. If I could have reached her, she would probably say the same thing she had said the time we ran out of money, “Now how is that my problem?”

The nurse leaned down, her voice soft and caring, “Is there someone who might need to know you’re here, dear?”

“Yes.” I looked up for the first time and she smiled, knowing she’d finally gotten through to me. “I’d like to call Mrs. Eleanora Deals, but I don’t have the number. She’s the only one who has a phone out at a place called Twisted Creek.”

The nurse nodded. “In a few minutes the doctor will be in. As soon as he checks you out, I’ll try to have the number for you.” She rotated up the top half of the table I was on, and with a gentle tug on my shoulder, leaned me back. “Just rest here until he signs you out.”

I leaned back and closed my eyes, wishing I could hear the water at the lake. Wishing I was home.

I must have dozed off. It only seemed like a few minutes after the nurse left, but the clock in front of me read 2:30 A.M.

“Sorry.” Amazon Nurse rushed in with her hands full of paperwork. “All the doctors have their hands full with a big fight coming in from one of the bars. I finally caught one to get him to sign for you to leave.”

“Have you had any word from my grandmother?”

She stepped farther into the room. “I’m sorry, I thought someone already told you. She made it through surgery about half an hour ago, but her heartbeat is irregular. They rushed her into ICU. They’ll probably be wanting to keep her a few days. She lost a lot of blood and for a woman that age it’s always a concern.”

“I understand,” I said, even though I didn’t. “When can I see her?”

“Take this to the desk and they’ll point you in the direction of ICU. They are pretty strict about visiting hours, but they might let you see that she’s resting nicely if you promise not to wake her.” Her smile reached her summer green eyes for the first time. “Oh, and I told your family to call Mrs. Deals.”

I thought she had me confused with some other patient, but I was too tired to question. I took the papers and thanked her.

When I walked out of the emergency doors, Willie, Mary Lynn, and Paul Madison were waiting for me.

I smiled. The nurse had thought they were my family.

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