We Know

Chapter 6

My head swam with nightmare images dredged from a thick slumber. I grasped for my timeworn mantra: You 're not seventeen anymore. You 're safe now.

My memory clicked, and my eyes flew open.

The nurse's face resolved from the bleached white of the room. Blond, pinched waist, clipboard-the whole nine. I was naked, it seemed, under a papery hospital gown.

"The agents told me what you did," the nurse said, "and I just want to thank you."

I squinted into the sudden bright. "How did I get…?"

"Do you know your name?"

"Nick Horrigan."

"What month is it?"

"September."

"Who's the president of the United States?"

"Andrew Bilton." Unfortunately.

"Do you remember what happened to you?"

A rush of images. The bullet-riddled Jeep. The aqua glow of the pool. The bundles of spent-fuel rods under the glassy surface.

"Guy named Charlie. There was an explosion."

"You sustained no serious injuries, except some bruising and the small wound in your right cheek. Don't be surprised if you have some tenderness for a few days, maybe a whiplash that rears its head in a week or two."

The digital clock said 9:18 A.M. My brain was still playing catch-up, but I had a vague recollection of an interview I was supposed to be at in twelve minutes. I had graver concerns now. My fingers rose to my cheek, found a bandage and some tape.

She said, "I wouldn't take that-"

But I'd already peeled it back. I sat up, my stomach muscles burning. The skin on my face and chest felt raw, as if sunburned. The floor was cool beneath my bare feet.

The nurse said, "I think you should take your time getting-"

I trudged across the room to the mirror, my ass hanging out the hospital gown's gap, and looked at my face. A hole in my cheek, the size of a pea, with surprisingly little blood. The skin dimpled in around it. "Shrapnel?"

"You could call it that," the nurse said. "It's actually a bone fragment."

My eyes ticked right, picking up her reflection in the mirror. "Not mine?"

"No."

I swallowed hard.

"It's embedded in your cheekbone and it won't do any damage, so rather than have you undergo an invasive procedure, the doctor figured she'd let it be."

A little piece of Charlie Terrorist permanently lodged in my skull. My head throbbed a few times, hangover style, and I shuffled back and slid into bed. I took a few deep breaths. "Where's my stuff?"

"You mean your clothes?" The nurse pulled a plastic tub from under the bed and set it beside me on the sheets. My Pac-Man shirt had been sliced off my body by the paramedics. It was torn beyond that, too, the ripped fringes charred from the explosion. The heap of pajama pants was in similar condition. The Pumas sat neatly under the rags.

"The doctor'11 be in soon on rounds to take a look at you and probably discharge you." She offered her hand, which I shook. "A pleasure meeting you, Nick."

She left me alone in the private room. I was high up, maybe the fifth floor, my window overlooking Beverly Boulevard. Cedars-Sinai Hospital. Circling the room, I tried to slow my panicked thoughts.

I picked up the nightstand phone and called my place to see if anyone had left a message. After two rings someone picked up.

"Hello?" I said.

Silence. Not even breathing, but I could hear enough background noise coming over the line to know that it wasn't just a dropped call.

"Who is this?" I asked.

The connection went dead. I called back, got my voice-mail recording, and punched in my code. No messages. Had I misdialed the first time?

Your life is now on the line.

I shook off a shiver. Everyone lives with a shadow, whether it's a lump under the skin or an abusive ex-husband or an addiction that comes knocking when it's hungry. For seventeen years I'd done everything to forget what was hanging over my head. I'd tried my best to rebuild my life. Bad weekend volleyball at Santa Monica Beach. Happy hour at El Torito with "the gang" from work. The occasional date. It had been quiet for so long that I told myself I might be out of the woods. The past few years, I'd even relaxed into believing, Yes, I can have this. But no matter how hard I pretended, deep down I knew that it couldn't be true. And now, finally, the spooks had come out of their holes.

I grabbed my left sneaker from the tub and shook it-the rattle was still there. Charlie's key. I pinched my eyes, rubbing hard. Kanji script appeared in the darkness behind my lids- Charlie's TRUST NO ONE tattoo. Okinawa. War buddies. I recalled his rasping words: I trusted Frank. I trusted him with my life.

I found a remote on the nightstand, clicked on the overhead TV. The morning news showed helicopter clips of the car chase down the 405, but only stock footage of San Onofre; the airspace over the nuclear power plant must've been cleared last night. Standing on the Culver City street where the shoot-out had taken place, the reporter didn't mention my name or Charlie's, merely claiming that a high-speed pursuit had ended in a standoff at San Onofre and that the terrorist had been killed. A whirl through other channels revealed similar footage and vagueness.

MSNBC, however, was running highlights from the presidential debate. Not surprisingly, they were largely of Senator Caruthers. Caruthers had made changes since the days Frank helped protect him. The move to Capitol Hill was the most obvious, but there were subtle refinements, too. He wore his razor-sharp suit more casually, the soft power-green tie picking up his striking eyes. A slight lean on the podium now offset his perfect posture. Despite being the heir to a textile fortune, he managed to project a man-of-the-people image. He was who we'd want to be if we were rich.

"Since I've promised a transparent campaign," Caruthers said, "let's state the obvious. Why are we in Harlem? We're both courting the black vote. The difference between me and my opponent is, I've actually come here to meet with community leaders numerous times in the past decade under circumstances far less contrived. How many times has my opponent?"

A cutaway to Andrew Bilton in his gray suit, lips pursed as if in amusement at youth's folly, though he and Caruthers were both in their sixties. An old, bitter rivalry, reaching back a decade and a half to when Bilton, as rising-star California governor, had acted as party hatchet man against the fiery then-vice president, cutting down Caruthers's first bid for the Oval Office.

I remembered my disappointment back then, watching Bilton paint Caruthers as too progressive for the time. Sneering from talk-show couches, riling up packed union halls, Bilton was paying his dues by acting as the public face of his party's negative campaigning, while allowing the nominee to remain above the fray. And Caruthers had failed to preempt and respond in the fashion he'd now perfected. There'd be no catching him short this go-around.

From the TV Caruthers continued, "Well, Mr. President, this is your first visit to Harlem, is it not?" A welcoming smile. "I'd recommend the deep-fried catfish at Sylvia's on Lenox."

Before the erupting crowd, Bilton wore the same postsurgical expression that had frozen Quayle's face after Lloyd Bentsen told him he was no Jack Kennedy. I'd seen it live, but the replay was just as enjoyable.

Bilton produced his same even smile, and I almost felt sorry for him. A dutiful front man for his party, he was a pleasant-looking guy who filled out a suit nicely, spoke in clean, on-message paragraphs, and gave off an old-fashioned, subdued authority. But against Caruthers's aquiline nose, brilliant green eyes, and explosive charm, he seemed reduced to a divorce lawyer playing himself in a commercial.

I checked the clock again. Did I have to wait for the doctor before I could get out of here?

To soothe myself, I clicked over to Cartoon Network. A favorite-Bugs as a snake charmer teased an electric razor out of a clay bowl to pursue a hapless Elmer Fudd across an opera stage.

I love Looney Tunes. I love how Acme makes everything from flypaper to disintegrating pistols. I love how when a character goes through a wall, he leaves behind a perfect silhouette. I love how steaks are always shaped the same and make everyone drool.

I love how no one really dies.

A tap at the door and Reid Sever entered. I stiffened, unsure and a bit rattled. The door sucked closed behind him, and he took note of my reaction and smiled-not an expression that came naturally. "Congratulations, hero."

Telling my muscles to relax, I pulled my ruined clothes into my lap.

"We'll pick you out something nice from the gift shop. Or we can send an agent to your place, get whatever you need. Hell, after what you did for us?" Sever gave a little shrug. The civilian clothes accented his solid build. "Your bill's covered, too. We understand that your COBRA insurance isn't the greatest." He waited for a reaction, but I didn't give him one. "Listen, I have a couple questions I need to run through with you. I'm sorry to do it so shortly after you've come to, but…"

"Go ahead."

"Did the terrorist give you a fake last name also?"

I dug through the pajama bottoms, found my money clip in the pocket. "I'm not following."

"The nurse said you referred to him as Charlie. Did he give you a last name?"

It took me a moment to get my head around the nurse's reporting back to Sever. Or was the room bugged?

"No," I said slowly. "Just Charlie."

"His real name was Mike Milligan."

"The guy I met in there may have been a nutcase, but he wasn't a terrorist."

"You've dealt with a lot of terrorists?" A follow-up smile sprang up fast on Sever's face, an attempt to extenuate his tone.

I fanned my thumb across the money clip. At the center of the bills, I always kept my driver's license and credit card back-to-back to protect the magnetic strip. But the credit card was flipped the wrong way. A lazy effort by whoever had searched my pockets, but then I was just an average dipshit who wouldn't notice. My heart rate ticked up another notch.

"Did you guys talk at all before we called?" Sever pressed. "You and Milligan?"

I pictured the loose flesh beneath Charlie's eye, how it hadn't moved with the rest of his face when he'd winked at me. Trust no one.

I said, "There wasn't much time."

"So does that mean 'no,' or 'a little'?" A tight smile. "He asked specifically for you. He must have said something when you first got there?"

"Nope. You pretty much blew him up first."

"Well, we can all exhale now."

"It's over?"

"Yup. Our intel shows Milligan was just a loose cannon looking to cause a disruption before the elections. We're convinced he was acting alone."

Before I could respond, the door opened and

Wydell entered breathlessly, as if he'd rushed over. He nodded at Sever, who stepped back deferentially, ceding the stage to his boss. Wydell crossed and sat bedside. "How you feeling?"

I just looked at him.

"You did a great thing."

"Listen, Mr. Wydell-"

"Joe." His lean features had arranged themselves into an accommodating expression.

"Okay, Joe. You almost killed me in there. And you lied to me-"

"We never lied to you, Nick. We misled you, and I apologize for that, but we needed you calm. You're not an agent, and unlike everyone else in L.A., you're not an actor. We couldn't send you into that building knowing you were delivering a cell phone packed with C-4. It wouldn't have worked, and if you think about it, you know that. We weren't only concerned with the bigger picture. Your own safety was at stake." Wydell studied me, waiting for a reaction he didn't get. "A major terrorist act was prevented, thanks to you."

"A major terrorist act," I repeated.

I sensed he wanted to ask if I knew that there'd been no bomb, but there was no way he could without showing his hand. Instead he said, "This can be an enormous opportunity for you. Son of a former Secret Service agent, the whole thing. We have a press conference in an hour. We'd like you to be included."

"I'm not gonna talk about my relationship with Frank."

"You don't have to. There's plenty else to talk about after what you accomplished last night."

"I'm not going to any press conference. I don't want my name released."

Sever looked surprised at that-maybe even confused. "Anything you do want?" he asked. "This is a pretty big moment for you. A lot of powerful people will be looking to express their gratitude."

I thought about what Frank had said that night I'd come upon him watching the Zapruder film, how people damn themselves with a thousand small decisions. One compromised choice leads to six more, and it goes from there.

"I don't want anything," I said. "You guys tricked me. I wasn't a hero. I was just the dupe who carried the bomb."

"I think that's the least flattering interpretation possible."

The bedside phone sounded, and Sever picked it up on a half ring. He'd been waiting right next to it. "Yes, he's here." He pressed the handset to his considerable chest. "President Bilton wants to express his gratitude to you."

I swallowed dryly. "As in the commander in chief?"

"That's right. He'll have a window in about half an hour."

I glanced from my scorched clothes to the clean white walls, my lungs feeling tight. "Sorry, but I need to get out of here. I, uh.. Claustrophobia gripped me, and I couldn't finish the thought.

Sever looked at me, his mouth slightly agape. Then he muttered something into the phone and hung up.

Wydell fixed his dark brown eyes on mine. "If you want to stay off the radar, that's fine by us. But it's important-no, essential-to national security that we don't confuse the press or the public. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"Not really."

"The threat is over. It's important that the public be made to feel at ease again."

"Listen," I said, "I don't want to have to go home and puzzle out what you're trying to say. So just be clear about what you mean. Please."

His brow furrowed. "Okay. If you choose not to be officially recognized, we'd like you not to talk about the events of early this morning. Least of all to the press or media. It's a closed chapter that's best left that way. If there's anything you have to say about it-anything at all, ever-our understanding is that you're to come to us first. And as I said earlier, if there's any way we can thank you for what you did, please let us know."

"There is one thing I'd like," I said.

"Anything."

I looked across at Sever. "Evelyn Plotkin, my neighbor. The one you shoved back into her apartment. She's a nice lady. Collects Hummels. Member of Amnesty International. T-shirt with a picture of her grandkids on the front. That sort of stuff. I'd like you to apologize to her."

Sever's tan face flexed, accenting the muscle beneath his cheeks.

Wydell said, "That's it? That's all you want?"

"That's all."

He nodded at Sever. "I think we can arrange that."

I pulled on my sneakers. "Oh-sorry. One other thing."

Sever looked less obliging now. "What's that?"

I stood, cinching the hospital gown around my waist as best I could. "Can you help me get home?"

I followed them out, Charlie's key rattling soundlessly inside the heel of my shoe.