Whack A Mole

CHAPTER FIFTY

Hey, Pete. That you?”

“Yes, Gus.”

“About time. Thought you might not have your ears on tonight. Over.”

“Sorry. I've been busy. Down on deck.” Cap'n Pete's voice sounds pinched coming out of the small radio speaker.

“You running a charter tonight?” Gus asks.

“No. Came out for a little R and R. Found a good spot.”

“So what's hitting out that way?”

“Mr. Mako took the close line.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Forty pound S-fin.”

“What'd you use for bait?”

“Mackerel.”

“Really? I'll have to remember that one. Mackerel.”

“Would you like another tip, Gus?”

“Sure, Pete. What the hey. If you're givin’, I'm takin’.”

“Stay out of the Hell Hole, my friend. It's deader than dead tonight.”

Gus chuckles, even though I can tell it's searing his soul to pretend to be this maniac's buddy. “Ain't that the truth! Deadest spot in the seven freaking seas….”

“Gus?”

“Yeah?”

“We've been friends a long time, right?”

“Sure we have, Pete. We go way back.”

“Twenty, thirty years.”

“Something like that. Sure.”

“You know my wife. Our sons.”

“Of course I do….”

“You were a pallbearer at my mother's funeral.”

“Yeah. Sad day.”

“That was fifteen years ago.”

“Was it? Jeez, seems like yesterday.”

“Gus?”

“Yeah, Pete?”

“In the coming days, you might hear things about me. Things I'd rather keep from Mary and the boys.”

Gus looks to Ceepak.

“What sort of things, Pete?”

“Ugly things. Untruths. Lies. Falsehoods.”

“What? Somebody gonna say you're a lousy fisherman? That you couldn't catch a cold running naked in the snow?”

“Worse, Gus. All I ask is that you tell people the truth.”

“Whataya mean?”

“Tell people I made my mother proud. Tell them I finally finished my mission.”

Gus raises his shoulders to tell us he doesn't know what the hell Pete's talking about. Or what to say next. He dabs some sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm.

“Uh, what's your mission there, Pete? Over.”

There's this pause.

“Gus, I will not tolerate sinners. I cannot abide those who defile His laws.”

“Hey, I know what you mean, pal. I used to be a cop, remember? Laws should be obeyed. I agree.”

“And yet I, myself, did not fully fulfill all His Commandments. My mother told me so. She said I was being selfish.”

“When'd she say all this? Before she passed on?”

“About a month ago.”

Gus shoots Ceepak a look that says he's hearing the cuckoo clock down in his den counting off midnight.

“Mother told me I was a greedy tub of lard. Always choosing the young girls. Disobeying His Commandments. Violating Ezekiel's law just so I could caress their supple flesh. Flesh already sullied and stained by other men. This is why I never completed my task, Pete. Do you understand?”

Ceepak nods. Suggests Gus continue to play along.

“Sure, pal. Sometimes a pretty girl can turn your head, make you forget your own name.”

“These girls were gorgeous on the outside, Gus, but their souls were wretched and ugly. Yet, repulsive as they were, I needed to fondle them. To feel them. And so, I never did all I was meant to do. Do you understand?”

“Sure, pal. Sure.”

“I fear, by being selfish, I may have allowed certain sinners to relapse. Is Ceepak with you, Gus?”

Ceepak is about to speak. Gus holds up his hand.

“Ceepak? Nah. He's from freaking Ohio. They don't do deep-sea fishing in Ohio.”

“Are you lying to me, Gus?”

“Lying? Me?”

“Gus, did you know that Johnny Ceepak forces himself to tell the truth, no matter how injurious it might be to his own personal well-being?”

“Yeah, I think I heard him say something about that once or twice back when I was….”

“Did you also know that he will not tolerate lies told by others? Did you know that, Gus? Oh, he's quite rigid about that one. But he's the true offender, the foul….”

Ceepak grabs the mike out of Gus's hand.

“This is Ceepak.”

“Of course it is. Hello, Johnny. How sweet to hear your voice. Yes, indeedy. Johnny Ceepak. The last honest man on earth. Oh, yes. You would never bear false witness against me, would you, Johnny?”

“Where is Rita?”

“The lovely Miss Lapczynski?”

“Where is she?”

“Did you know she once fornicated with a young man to whom she was not married and then gave birth to his bastard? A child she named T. J.”

“Where is she?”

“Reverend Trumble encouraged Miss Lapczynski to renounce her sins and beg God's forgiveness. But Rita left the church and has become something of a backslider. What we call a ‘recidivist.’”

“Where is she?”

“Here, Johnny. Here with me. But I suspect you already knew that. Am I right?”

“Did you hurt her?”

“No, Johnny. No. Of course not! Not yet. She needs to repent first. God granted her a new life-free from the stigma of her original sin. Yet she chose to throw it all away, to spit in His holy face, to copulate once again outside the sanctity of marriage. Oh yes, Johnny. I know she has shared your bed on a regular basis. I suspected it for months. Your partner, young Danny, he confirmed it.”

Damn. I did. I made that stupid crack about Rita sleeping over at Ceepak's. I said it to Pete that night at his dock.

“Rita is the unrepentant, shameless harlot the Lord has placed in my path as a final test.”

“Mullen, if you harm her….”

“If I do so, it will be the Lord's choice, not mine! I am but His hands here on earth! I do but His bidding! Tell him, Miss Lapczynski, tell Johnny why you must be punished!”

The radio cuts out. Cuts back in.

“John?”

It's Rita. Her voice weak. Terrified.

“John?”

“On your knees!” The charter skipper from hell rattles out of our radio. “Beg the Lord for forgiveness! Tell Him how you sinned! How you spread your whoring legs and took this man, this man who is not your husband, this man to whom you are not even betrothed! Confess how you took him inside your loins over and over and over….”

Ceepak is pale, straining to hear.

I hear a tremendous gush of jagged breath rasp out from the radio speaker. Cap'n Pete exhaling or worse.

The radio goes silent.

“Forgive me, gentlemen,” Cap'n Pete says finally. “Sorry for that little outburst. It has been quite a long day. I'm certain we're all very tired. And so, we must say good night, gentlemen. His will shall be done. Sleep well, Johnny. Gus. Sleep well, my dear ones. Over and out.”