Whale Fjord

Thirteen

September 2023

Erla was better the next morning, so Vigdís was able to take her into day care. She called Magnus to ask him if she could be late for work because she had to check on her mother.

She was furious. Absolutely furious. But she was also worried.

Her mother should be at work — at the Bónus supermarket on the outskirts of Keflavík — and, somewhat to Vigdís’s surprise, she was.

She looked haggard at the checkout, but Vigdís was pleased that she hadn’t just gone home and started on a multi-day bender.

Audur reddened with shame when she saw Vigdís. ‘I’m on a break in ten minutes,’ she said. ‘Can we talk then?’

Vigdís met her at the back of the supermarket. Two other employees were puffing greedily at cigarettes, but Vigdís took her mother by the arm so they were safely out of earshot.

‘How could you do that, Mum?’

Audur looked at her daughter with red-rimmed, watery eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You completely abused my trust in you. Something could have happened to Erla. And then you almost killed a jogger!’

‘You know about that?’

‘I saw it! Through the window. And I called you a cab. I told you to take a cab. Why didn’t you? You were drunk and you hit that guy. And then you drove off. What were you thinking? Why didn’t you just do what I asked you to do?’

‘I wasn’t thinking. I was angry with you.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you were being so bossy.’

‘Someone had to be bossy! Someone had to tell you what to do!’

Audur winced. ‘I know, Vigdís, I know. It’s not because you were wrong. It’s because you were right. I’ve let you down and Erla down.’

‘But why, Mum? Why? You were doing so well. Or I thought you were doing well. When did it start?’

‘I had a drink last month. I was in a bar here in Keflavík with a woman from work. She didn’t know my history. She bought me a drink and I was confident I could just have the one. It was a glass of white wine. It tasted good, and I stuck at one. No problem.

‘And then I did it again, two weeks ago. One drink, no problem.’

‘And yesterday? You drank almost a whole bottle of gin?’

Audur glanced at Vigdís nervously. ‘I was in such a good mood that you had let me take care of Erla. She went down for a nap. I saw the bottle of gin. I thought, one little drink to celebrate. I know I can handle one drink.’

She sighed. ‘So I had the one drink and the gin tasted really good — better than the wine had done. Erla carried on napping. I thought if I can have one drink, I can have two.’ Audur raised her hands in a gesture of helplessness. ‘What about the guy I hit?’

‘Oh, he’s OK. I was worried at first — he was knocked unconscious, and it looked like he had a broken rib — and they took him to hospital. I called the hospital last night. They said the rib was just bruised and the man was fine. Because there was a head injury, they were keeping him in overnight, but he’s probably out by now.’

‘You said you saw me hit him. Did you report it?’

‘No,’ said Vigdís. Her mother smiled. Vigdís didn’t. ‘Not yet.’

‘Are you going to?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Mum. I can’t let you see Erla when you’re drunk. And I can’t ever let you be alone with her.’

A tear appeared in Audur’s eye. ‘Look, Vigdís. I know I screwed up, but I’ve done really well these last couple of years. And it was all because of Erla; I know I have to stay clean if I’m going to be a proper grandmother for her. I’ll keep going to AA meetings. If you like, I’ll go back to rehab. I just got overconfident and stupid. I think I can catch it now. If you help me.’

‘But you’ve said that so many times before!’

‘Not like this,’ said Audur. ‘I mean it. You know I mean it! For Erla’s sake.’

Vigdís watched her mother. She believed she did mean it. And it was true that in past years when she fell off the wagon she had fallen right off it and stayed off it. This time felt different.

‘You know, if you tell them you saw me hit that guy and drive off, they’ll send me to prison again,’ Audur said.

‘I know, Mum. And you’d deserve it.’ Audur had spent a couple of months in prison several years before for assaulting a boyfriend while drunk. So she had a record.

‘Maybe I do deserve it. But if I go to prison, then I’m damned sure I won’t pull myself together.’

‘Are you threatening me?’ Vigdís said, anger rising once more. ‘What — if I report you, you’ll get drunk again?’

‘No, love,’ said Audur sadly. ‘It’s not a threat. It’s just what will happen. You do what you have to do.’