What the Hell Did I Just Read

CONTENTS

Title Page

Copyright Notice

Dedication

Prologue

1. A Child Got Kidnapped by a Demon or Something

2. A Screaming Clown Dick

3. Joy Park

4. A Monster’s Pictures, a Grieving Widow, Sex

5. Amy’s Breakfast with Evil

6. The Rain Continues, and Also John Dies

7. The Battle of John’s Living Room

Book II

8. Attack of the Fuckroaches

9. Another Child Goes Missing

10. A Flashback to Amy’s Traumatic Waffle Experience

11. This Isn’t What it Looks Like, I Swear

12. Diogee Wasn’t a Good Dog

13. Wait, What the Fuck?

14. A Brief History of Invasive Fish Species in the Mississippi River and Their Impact on International Commerce

15. Soy Sauce

16. The Great Dildo Flood

17. Joining Maggie for Breakfast

Book III

18. Once Again, Marconi Selfishly Tries to Steal the Spotlight

19. The Crew Encounter Some Additional Complications

20. The Ass Letter

21. We All Must Learn from Kurt Russell’s Tragic Mistake

22. The Heroes Agree to Help Murder a Dozen Children

23. A Plan with No Possible Flaws

24. An Experiment Yields Some Inconsistent Data

25. Well, They Certainly Fucked that Up, Didn’t They?

26. Grappling Hooks Aren’t Cheap, You Guys

27. This Womb of Mine

28. A Completely Successful Plan that Ends the Story, This Is Probably the Final Chapter Right Here

29. The Danger of Acting on Incomplete Information

30. Mobile Surgery

31. The Undisclosed Hospital Was Recently Renovated and Is Now a Pretty Nice Facility

32. Five Days Later

33. A Completely Uneventful Denouement. We Can Probably Cut this Part, Seriously, Stop Reading

Afterword

Also by David Wong

About the Author

Copyright