When I Die: Lessons from the Death Zone

Acknowledgements

There are many people to thank in the creation of this book. First, Keith Blackmore, who agreed to become the book’s editor, taking time off from The Times where he is deputy editor and behaving with such compassion and commitment to the project. Ed Victor, friend and agent extraordinaire, for relentlessly championing Philip and his writing and for being such a great neighbour and friend to the whole family. It was while sitting with Ed on our weekly ritual of Sunday afternoon coffee that Philip asked for a ‘deadline’ for the book, missing the irony of his request.

Alastair Campbell was as close to Philip as it was possible to be, both as a friend and a political ally, an unfaltering presence, coaxing him on with humour and support. All the Campbells–Millars have been stalwart through these miserable years, an extension of our family, providing respite for us all in France and Scotland. Tony Blair became such a crucial and strong pillar of both spiritual and intellectual support for Philip. He texted us from all over the world and his concern was a great comfort to Philip.

Matthew Freud entered Philip’s life in 2000, wearing leather trousers as he recalls, but despite that they became close friends and intellectual sparring partners. Both showed a deep sense of personal integrity and constantly sought out purpose both in their own lives and in those of their clients. All at Freud’s have been complete rocks, none more so than Nicola Howson. Matthew and his wife, Liz Murdoch, have become a central pillar in all of our lives and their generosity has no limits. Pete Jones, whom Philip met at university, was a wonderful and constant friend to him all his life.

Thanks through this period also go to Stephen Badger for his spiritual wisdom and support, to David Kamenetzky and Anna-Lena Wetzel, to Noreena Hertz, a founding member of the ‘Ask Philip Club’, to John Thornton, and to Antonio Lucio who immortalised Philip in a leadership award and continues to be a great friend and mentor. And a very special thank you to all who have contributed to Philip’s charities. You know who you are and you will help make Philip’s legacy a reality.

Thanks also to Philip’s Labour family. The day after he died the house was filled with his political friends: Peter Mandelson, Tessa Jowell, Margaret McDonagh – the New Labour version of the Jewish shiva. Our house has been full of letters from party staff, from the politicians Philip spent countless afternoons discussing politics and purpose with: James Purnell, David Miliband, Ed Miliband, Douglas Alexander, Gordon Brown and his friends from No. 10 days, Sally Morgan, Anji Hunter, Peter Hyman and many more he never told me about. I know that the Labour Party was always a home from home for Philip and that the friendships he made there sustained him right through to the end. In his book The Unfinished Revolution, Philip thanked so many more who had helped and sustained him.

I would like to thank The Times newspaper and James Harding for the beautiful way they presented Philip’s words and the support they gave to Philip and this project.

Thanks to the innumerable medical staff who supported Philip through his cancer journey, for the care, kindness and dedication with which they took us through the hardest times. Particular thanks are due to the brilliant Professor Mike Griffin, who operated on Philip when few else could and gave us an extra year, and Claire Sedgwick, who was always at the end of a phone for all the crises. Thanks too to Professor David Cunningham, who never gave up on Philip and lifted us through some of our darkest days, and all at the Marsden, especially Dr Kaz Mochlinski, Dr Jervoise Andreyev and Dr Craig Carr, and all at the Intensive Care Unit.

Thank you too to all those who wrote so beautifully on Philip’s death. Philip had too many close friends to begin to mention here, but we appreciate deeply all the support and love we have had over the last few years.

I must also thank my colleagues at Random House for their support through these difficult times. Thanks to our authors who have become friends, to Nigella Lawson for bringing smoked salmon and bagels to feed everyone on the night Philip died, to Ian McEwan and Annalena McAfee for insisting I go out when all I wanted to do was disappear and Carmen Callil who was so supportive throughout. And thanks to so many more authors for your words of comfort and inspiration.

A thank you, too, to all at Little, Brown, especially Tim Whiting for his sensitive editing and to Ursula Mackenzie for supporting all Philip’s projects.

Thank you to my dear friend Susie Figgis, the best casting director in Britain, for her unwavering support and for being there on this whole journey, forever at my side. That is real friendship, built up over forty years. To my parents and brother, who have known Philip since I first introduced my gawky university friend nearly forty years ago and who took him into the family. To Philip’s sister, Jill, who gave him so much comfort in his final months. And finally to the girls – Georgia and Grace – the Three Gs, as we are now known – for their love, compassion, humour and wisdom beyond their years. They are Philip’s true, lasting legacy.

Editing this book has been a privilege for which I must first and foremost thank Gail Rebuck and Georgia and Grace Gould, whose kindness and patience made it a simple task indeed. Ed Victor’s help and advice was, as ever, invaluable. I must also thank my colleagues at The Times, especially my indomitable boss and friend, James Harding, for allowing me the time to do it. I am also especially grateful to Roger Alton, Anoushka Healy, Simon Pearson and Anne Spackman for filling whatever gaps I left behind at the paper. Richard Whitehead edited the original newspaper serialisation so thoroughly that my work in that area was greatly reduced. Adrian Steirn kindly gave permission to use material from his interviews. Lastly I must thank my wife, Winifred, and children, Sian and Ben, for putting up with me as I plunged into Philip’s extraordinary world for days at a time.

All royalties from this book will go to:

The National Oesophago-Gastric Cancer Fund, to target national awareness of oesophageal cancer and to research early diagnostic tests that could significantly improve life chances.

Donate online at www.justgiving.com/nogcf or by post to:

The National Oesophago-Gastric Cancer Fund

c/o Newcastle Healthcare Charity (Reg. 502473)

Charitable Funds Office

203 Cheviot Court

The Freeman Hospital

High Heaton

Newcastle upon Tyne NE7 7DN

and to:

The Royal Marsden Cancer Charity. This money will support a full-scale study into Dr Andreyev’s groundbreaking digestive symptom control protocol for chemotherapy and radiotherapy patients, and Professor Cunningham’s cutting-edge research into genetic predisposition to develop oesophageal cancer and appropriate targeted drug responses.

Donate online at www.royalmarsden.org/philipgould or by post to:

The Royal Marsden Cancer Charity

Downs Road

Sutton SM2 5PT