When I Lie With You

Chapter 24

Rory

I was nervous, very nervous as I sat on the bed and folded my clothes. I needed to keep busy to keep myself from going crazy. Was I ready to hear Jimmy out? Was I ready to accept the reason he’d abandoned his children? Was I ready to talk about Stephen? I wasn’t sure of anything anymore after what had happened over the past few days. I just wanted to escape. I didn’t want to deal with reality anymore, at least for a while. I finished putting my clothes away and went down to the beach. I stood down by the water and thought about Stephen. He would have loved it here. There were so many things he would have loved to have seen and done, but now, he wouldn’t be able to.

“What are you doing out here?” Ian asked from behind.

I smiled. Every time I heard his voice, I felt a sense of peace and protection. I turned around and saw him standing there with a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a smile on his face. I walked up to him and gave him a kiss as he handed me the flowers.

“They’re beautiful, Ian. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. They’re for a beautiful woman.” He smiled as he pushed a few strands of my hair behind my ear.

He put his arm around me and we went back up to the house.

“Those are beautiful, Rory,” Mandy said as she sniffed them.

“Thank you. Do you know where a vase is?” I asked.

Ian grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and, as Mandy handed me the vase, the doorbell rang. Instantly, I felt sick to my stomach. My reaction must have said it all because Ian kissed me and rubbed my back before answering the door.

“Just come into the living room when you’re ready, sweetheart.”

I nodded my head and filled the vase with water. I could hear them talking in the foyer.

“It’ll be okay, Rory. You can do this. Keep your head up and be confident. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met.” Mandy smiled.

I took in a deep breath. “Thank you, Mandy.”

I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Jimmy was sitting on the couch and Ian was sitting on the loveseat across from him. Ian looked at me and gave me a small smile. Jimmy stood up and turned around.

“Hi, Rory,” he said nervously.

“Hey,” I replied.

I sat down next to Ian, feeling as awkward as shit. I picked up the glass of wine that was waiting for me on the end table. I took a sip and a deep breath.

“The only thing I can do right now is apologize, Rory,” Jimmy said.

I sat there and stared at him. God, he looked so much like Stephen. I wanted to burst into tears, but I refused to do it in front of him, at least for now.

“Why? And how did you know that my mother had twins? From what Aunt Nancy told me, you took off the minute you found out she was pregnant.”

“There’s a lot more to it than just that. Things Nancy never knew about,” he said as he sipped his water.

Ian took hold of my hand and held it, trying to offer me some comfort and reassurance. “Do you even know what kind of childhood Stephen and I had? Do you even want to know? If you had stuck around, things could’ve been different. We were raised by an alcoholic and drug-addicted prostitute after my mother died. I was the one who had to take care of Stephen and me. I raised both of us because Nancy couldn’t even look at us, and I never knew why until I went and paid her a little visit. That’s when she told me about you. Do you know that her drug dealer cared more about me and Stephen then she did?”

He sat there and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t stand listening to his apologies anymore. I bolted up from the loveseat and got in his face. “You’re sorry! Sorry doesn’t cut it anymore, Daddy!” I yelled.

Ian got up, grabbed my arm, and led me back to the loveseat. “Sweetheart, keep calm.”

Jimmy reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He smiled as he looked at a picture and then handed it to me. It was a picture of my mom. Tears started to fill my eyes when I looked at it. Ian rubbed my back as I tried not to cry.

“Your mother is beautiful. You look just like her,” Ian said.

“When I came out of the storage room that night and saw you sitting at the bar, I almost had a heart attack. It was like your mom was sitting there. I wasn’t sure at first, but then when you came into the bar the other night, I knew. I could feel it, especially when you played the piano.”

He reached into his wallet and pulled out another picture and handed it to me. It was a picture of me and Stephen as babies. I gasped and the tears I tried to hold back fell down my face, one at a time.

“Your mom sent that picture to me after you were born.”

“She knew where you where?”

He nodded his head as he looked down. “Yes. Your mom and I had a relationship together.”

“But you were with Aunt Nancy,” I said.

“She’s what made everything so hard. I left because your mom asked me to.”

“What?” I asked as I cocked my head.

“She said we could never be together because of my drinking. She gave me a choice: her or the booze. At the time, as much as I loved her, I didn’t think I could give it up. And then there was Nancy. I gave everything serious thought and the best thing for your mom and you kids was for me to leave. I would have been a lousy father. I was messed up back then. Your mom agreed. She was the most caring and selfless woman I’d ever known. It was hard to believe her and Nancy were sisters. She let me go because of you and Stephen. Once I left and got settled, I sent her my address and told her that if she needed anything, to let me know. I received this picture seven months later with your and Stephen’s names on it. I cried that day because I couldn’t believe I had two beautiful children.”

“Spare me the bullshit and the lies. Nancy told me my mother got pregnant after one drunken night with you!”

“That’s what she wanted Nancy to believe. She couldn’t tell her that we’d been seeing each other for months behind her back. I didn’t love Nancy and I wanted to break it off with her, but she was a mess. Finally, after your mom told me to leave, I told Nancy I was sorry, I left, and I never looked back. It took me seven years to get sober.”

“And now? You own a fucking bar!” I yelled.

“The bar is part of my sobriety. I haven’t had a drink in seventeen years. The piano and the music are what helped me through my rehab. I sent a letter to your mother about ten years ago, but it was returned. I figured she still wanted nothing to do with me. I didn’t know she had passed away,” he said as he looked down.

The tears wouldn’t stop falling and Ian got up and got me some tissues. I didn’t know what to think. I wanted my answers and now I had them and I still wasn’t sure about anything. “And you kept these pictures all these years?” I asked.

“Yes. Whether you want to believe it or not, I loved your mother very much and I left because she wanted me to. I loved her enough to let her go. I made a copy of the picture of you and Stephen and I have it hanging on my office wall at the bar. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I don’t think about my children.”

“Did you ever marry?” I asked.

“No. I never found anyone that measured up to your mom.”

I sat there and cried. Ian kept rubbing my back and holding my hand.

“You got the answers you wanted, and now it’s time for me to go. I want you to know that I’m happy you searched for me. Believe it or not, I would look at every guy and girl that came into the bar and I would wonder if they were my children. I want to get to know you, Rory. I hope someday you’ll give me that chance,” he said as he got up from the couch. “I’m sorry about Stephen. He was my son and even though I didn’t know him, there’s an empty place inside me where I kept him all these years. Maybe someday you can tell me all about him.”

Ian got up and walked him to the door. As soon as he shut it, he turned and looked at me. I got up and ran downstairs to the gym. I started punching the punching bag as hard as I could. My knuckles instantly bruised and they were still sore from when I punched Andrew. Ian came downstairs and grabbed me from behind.

“Stop, Rory. You’re going to break your hands.”

I tried to struggle, but his grip around me was tight. I stopped and lowered my head. Ian loosened his grip around me and I fell to my knees, sobbing as I placed my palms on the floor. Ian followed me down and wrapped his arms around me.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. I know how hard this is for you. I’m here for you, baby. You’re safe.”

I cried in his arms until I had no more tears left. “Are you okay?” he asked calmly.

I nodded my head, turned, and looked at him. He carefully wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs and took my hands and softly kissed each bruised knuckle. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs and get some ice for these.”

He helped me up and we went into the kitchen. The staff was gone and it was only Ian and me in the house. He took out some ice cubes from the freezer, wrapped them in a towel, and sat down across from me at the table.

“Give me your hands, sweetheart.”

I laid my hands on the table and he placed the towel with ice cubes over my knuckles. I pulled my hands back slightly because it hurt.

“Rory,” Ian said.

“It hurts, Ian,” I whined.

“I know it does, but you need to keep the ice on them just for a little bit.” As he held the ice on my knuckles, his thumbs softly stroked mine as he soothed me.

We sat across from each other at the table and stared into each other’s eyes. “I love you,” I said.

“I love you more.” He smiled.

“What do I do about Jimmy?”

“You need to figure that one out on your own. I can’t make that decision for you, sweetheart.”

“A part of me feels bad for him, but the other part of me still hates him.”

“It’s going to take time. You can’t change the past, but you can change the future. Just remember that his blood runs through your veins and he is your father.”

“The same goes for you too, buddy,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“Your dad and your mom. You can’t change the past, Ian, but you can certainly change your future.”

“Don’t throw my words back at me, sweetheart.” He smiled.

He took the ice from my hands and got up and put it in the sink. I stood up from my chair and waited as he walked over and wrapped his arms around me.

“I have an idea,” he said. “Let’s order a pizza and go eat it on the beach.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Yep. We’ll spread out a blanket, eat some pizza, drink some wine, talk, and then maybe we can make love once it gets dark.”

“I love your ideas.” I smiled.