Where Serpents Lie

Twelve

He hefted Item #3 over his shoulder and backed out of the side door of the van. The automatic opener had already shut the door behind him and the garage was lit only by a bare bulb, but it was enough to see by. The blinds on the window were down. He steadied his load as he straightened and walked toward the door to the guest house. The Item kicked and made noises, but its mouth and hands and ankles were taped and it was in the thick duffel and couldn’t move very well. When he was inside the bedroom he set it on the bed and opened the top of the bag wide.

He tried not to look directly at its face while he tied the little black velvet hood over its head. He’d made the hood himself, with small holes at the bottom so they could breathe but couldn’t see. During the brief time it took to fit the hood over its head he got a brief look at it — a lot like the mother — slender and pretty. But dark hair. Its eyes were brown, and wide with unutterable terror. The tape around its head was still tight over its mouth. With its eyes bugging out like this it looked like a rat being constricted by a snake, like his mother had looked when Moloch was wrapped around her. He snugged the drawstrings firmly and knotted them. Then he dug the Hiker’s Headlight out of the duffel, where he’d put it after stripping it off his head once he was back inside the van.

He didn’t worry that it would be able to describe him later because he was hidden behind the oversized, wraparound angler’s sunglasses — polarized to cut glare and reveal trout underwater — the baseball cap pulled down right on top of the frames and the bandanna over his nose and mouth like a bandit. His breath smelled extra terrible, trapped up close to his nose like this. When he had the hood secured over Item #3 he stripped off the hat and shades, pulled the bandanna down around his neck and dropped some cinnamon breath drops onto his tongue.

Stop crying and don’t worry, he said amiably, screwing the top back onto the little bottle. Fresh. You’re going to be just fine.

He set up the three tall tripods and affixed his cameras to them — one video and two digital stills. He used a stool to get them aimed down at the bed where Item #3 lay and get the still cameras focused right. Then he climbed down and took the extra long remote exposure cables and set them on the floor just under the bed where he could reach them easily.

Brittany lay on her side, breathing fast, her heart pounding. She felt her ankles wrapped tight together and her arms tied behind her back. Not being able to move was the worst feeling in the world. Her nightie was all twisted up and half choking her. She had thought just minutes ago, when she was inside the heavy bag, that she might faint from the lack of air. She just couldn’t draw enough in with her mouth taped shut and the bag all around her. And she could hardly move. They were in a white van then, she knew that. He hadn’t put her in the bag until they were inside and the door was shut.

Now she was on a bed and there was some kind of opening near her nose and she was getting deep breams that didn’t smell like canvas tennis shoes. Instead, she smelled someone else’s smells, like when she stayed at her grandmother’s house. These odors were kind of similar — bed smells, blanket smells — sweet and personal. Then they would go away and she would smell something sticky and industrial that she understood was the tape beneath her nose.

The hood he had just put over her was already damp on the side from her tears. She had only gotten that one quick look at him in the sudden light. Sunglasses. Cap. And a scarf around his face. He could be anybody, but she named him Dead Gopher Man because his breath was awful. She’d first noticed it when he carried her from her room to the front door of her house, the way he held her head right under his chin. At first she thought he was Daddy, but she realized quick he wasn’t. Daddy wasn’t that rough, that much in a hurry, and his breath didn’t smell like the dead gopher they’d found in the corner of the playground at school. Daddy wouldn’t wake her from sleep by wrapping a piece of tape around her face. Daddy didn’t have one giant bright eye shining at her from his forehead.

She opened her eyes inside the hood but saw only darkness. She closed them and the darkness got darker. She could hear him across the room, talking quietly to someone.

Like it? I thought you would. See, I can get them to like me any time I want. They see me like Collie and Valee saw me. Like you never did. Oh, fuck you, bitch, and stay where you belong.

Brittany decided again that this was just a bad dream. And, like any other bad dream, she could get out of it by shaking her head real fast, squishing her eyes shut real hard and screaming real loud. And when you screamed you shook your whole body as hard as you could and that’s how you broke out of a bad dream. When you opened your eyes again, you were out of it. It worked. It worked when Finger Man was chasing her and she couldn’t run. It worked when Slow Man came up at her from under the bed. It worked when she was falling. She called it Dream Busting. You just closed your eyes and shook hard, and when you opened your eyes again you had busted out.

She took a deep breath through her nose.

She closed her eyes as hard as she could.

She screamed against the tape, but the scream stayed inside her throat and sounded against the inside of her ears.

She shook her whole body as hard as she could.

She shook it some more.

What are you doing, you little idiot?

She shook it even more than that.

It’s having a fit. What shall we do about that, Mom?

His mom is here?

Brittany gave her body one last supreme shake — head to toe and everything in between. Then she opened her eyes.

She saw only the darkness and felt the stifling closeness of the hood.

Her sobs pulsed down in her neck and she could hear them with the inside of her ears instead of the outside. She could feel the wet part of the hood higher on her cheek now because it had moved when she shook. The open spot that let in the air was still down by her nose, but she could see a little light now. She could feel the new tears running down toward the tape. When she cranked her eyeballs all the way down she could see through a real small slit in the open part: a red bedspread.

Don’t go full convulsive. Everything’s cool. Just lie there and get used to your habitat.

His voice was kind of high, like it was coming through his nose. It was a dull voice. It sounded like he was talking to someone he didn’t believe was there, or maybe talking in a dream.

Better now?

She lay still and listened to the hiss of breath coming in and out of her nose. She strained her eyeballs down and saw the sliver of red bedspread. She smelled the bed she was lying on — someone else’s, an old person’s bed — and she closed her eyes again.

Somehow, Brittany thought, if you saved up and concentrated real hard and did it just right, the Dream Busting might work — even if you weren’t dreaming. You could just burst your way out of one place and into another. I’m going to do that, soon as I stop crying. Soon as I stop crying. Soon as I stop crying.

He opened a can of ravioli, dumped it into a pan and turned the gas up high. He filled a tumbler with ice and poured it three-quarters full of tequila, the rest with water. Predation made him hungry and thirsty. He was in the little guest house kitchen, but he could look through the doorway to the cage room and see the bed and Item #3 upon it and the tripods with his gear attached, aimed down. It was a feisty one. The way it would shake and try to scream, then stop and lie still, as if it were trying to break out of a nightmare. Maybe it was, he thought. He thought about what he might describe to the Midnight Ramblers in the chat room. You had to be careful, but you also wanted to let them know what a good thing you’d had.

When the ravioli was hot he got a spoon and picked up the pan by the handle and went back into the living room with it. He brought the highball, too. He sat in the overstuffed chair — the old floral thing with his mother’s matching arm protectors still on it — and looked at Item #3 on the bed, then past the bed to Mike’s huge glass tank.

He admired the tank and its construction. Twenty-seven feet long, seven high and seven deep. It intruded well into the room. Hypok could walk around in it, no problem, so long as he stayed alert. Full-spectrum light and heat lamps ran behind the bars on top, and underneath the gravel stratum on the cage floor were electric heat elements. The left one-third of it was a deep pool with a running waterfall. In the middle was a pile of big flat rocks overhung by the trunk and branches of a big orange tree he’d trimmed to fit. The right section of the cage was taken up by a child’s playhouse. Hypok sometimes thought of the tank as a separate world, with its own air, light and water, its own shelter — all created by him.

The playhouse looked something like a Victorian dollhouse, with a gabled roof and shingles and even a spire. It was a remarkably sturdy little house, strong enough for kids to climb in and out of the door and windows. It was purchased for Hypok’s sisters when he was five, and they had loved the thing. His mother had forced him to play with them in it — not as “Father,” which he’d wanted to be, or even “Brother,” but “Baby” or “Jeannie” like the girl’s name, or sometimes “Little Sister #3.” It had stayed behind when his sisters outgrew it, and Hypok had brought it here — to stately old-town Tustin — when he moved himself and his mother into more appropriate quarters.

Moloch was piled high inside the playhouse, with his head — about the length and width of a phone book — poking out near the top of the door. Moloch got curious when Hypok was in the room because it usually meant food. You wouldn’t really see him move inside the house, unless you were watching hard. That’s the way it was with big snakes — they didn’t locomote so much as simply adjust One second you’d look through the playhouse door and see two huge inert green coils lying atop each other, still as mossy logs, then the next time you looked his head would be there and he’d be eyeing you. Like now. Hypok could see his big silver eye with the black vertical slash of a pupil through it, and the heavy black tongue going patiently in and out of his closed mouth. Moloch — Eunectes murinus — his beloved anaconda from Paraguay, was close to thirty feet long now, and Hypok guessed his weight at a rather obese five hundred pounds. Realistically, though, how do you weigh such a thing?

Item #3 burst into another fit on the bed but Hypok ignored it. Was it epileptic? Whatever. He drank down the tequila — still warm — then went back to the kitchen for another couple of inches and some fresh ice.

When he came back to his chair he was reflecting upon, for the thousandth time, what a miracle it was that the snake was even alive. Yes, his own mother had tried to kill it when it was just a newborn, hardly twenty-four inches long, by spraying it every morning with bug killer. He was eleven when he bought the reptile, from a friend. He had long been sleeping in the “den” of the house, a miserable, windowless little room that Wanda locked him in during the night. This, due to some curious explorations on the part of Collette and Valeen, starting when he was four. The snake’s cage was in his “room,” and his mother would slide the outside deadbolt early, come in, check to see if Genie — her nickname for Gene — was asleep. And if she was convinced he was — he was great at faking it and lifting one eyelid from the depths of his pillow — she’d produce from the big pocket of her housecoat a red can of roach killer, slide open the cage top and shoot the poor thing right in the face with it. This went on for almost a week, until Hypok had gotten a small padlock and hidden the key. Moloch — he was named Mike, back then — had quit eating, lost his skin in little patches and generally grown depressed. Hypok’s own skin had started turning bad about that time, and he attributed both of their sufferings to the roach spray, but he was more worried about the snake than about himself. He thought the little anaconda would die. But slowly Mike got strong again, then he started growing extra fast. Hypok believed then, and still did now, that the roach killer had actually boosted Mike’s growth rate. A short two years later he was four feet long and taking large rats. Now he was high twenties, at least! The Brooklyn Zoo had just acquired a reticulated python that measured twenty-three, and that had made the news. So much for Mom and her stupid fucking hateful ideas on things. Even twenty-two years ago, as Hypok faked sleep and watched his tiny, wretched, perpetually drunken mother spray his snake, he had imagined how great it would be if Mike could just get big enough to eat her someday. Any woman who tried to turn her boy into a girl, then treated him like a criminal when it didn’t work, deserved what she got, in Hypok’s opinion. And the more he thought about it, the angrier he got.

Three Dream Busts later, Brittany was dispirited and exhausted. She’d almost fallen off the bed during the last one. She was certain that Dead Gopher Man would come over and hit her, or at least drag her back to the middle of the mattress, but he didn’t. She could hear him across the room, eating something right from the pan, muttering to someone she was now convinced was not there. So she scrunched herself back onto the bed using the side of her head and feet as pivots, raising the middle of her body like a big inchworm, wriggling backward, her ankles aching against each other and the black hood riding up so far onto her head that she could now see through the airholes if she moved her eyeballs down a little.

She lay on her side. Dead Gopher Man was somewhere in the room behind her. When she tilted back her head and looked down through the breathing hole, she saw a big window with a naked tree, a pond and a playhouse behind it. There were walls inside at both ends. It was lit from above and looked clean. Was it a cage? A playroom for a toddler? Where were the toys?

Soundlessly, Dead Gopher Man came into her view. He had his back to her and he was looking through the glass. He looked neither tall nor short; neither fat nor skinny. He wore a jacket like Daddy did sometimes when he picked her up after his work. With his cap and bandanna gone she could see his short, white, brushed-back hair. It wasn’t a hairstyle you saw a lot. When he turned to the side, his face looked kind of tight and mean. He was holding something in one hand that looked like a little girl’s dress — pink with white trim, like you’d wear to church. In the other hand was some kind of white lacy thing. He was looking at the playhouse behind the glass.

Then he turned all the way and looked at her. She closed her eyes. But she did see his face first — a regular face, maybe a little thin, with brown eyes. It was a serious face, one that you wouldn’t want to talk to if your mouth was full of food. That was a big thing with her dad. Dead Gopher Man looked like he would spank you for anything. She started sobbing again, thinking of her dad, and the way he was big and strong and would beat the crap out of this guy if he was here. He was never there when you wanted him to be.

Maybe just one more big giant Dream Bust would work and she’d open her eyes to find all of this gone.

She opened her eyes again and looked down toward the breathing hole and she didn’t see the glass cage at all, but instead, a face up close and looking in at her. Then she smelled his breath again. She tried to keep her body from shaking as she scrunched her eyes shut hard and sobbed, but it didn’t do any good at all.

Hypok rearranged the hood over its head, just to make sure it was getting breath and not looking out. Then he took out the big scissors and cut the nightgown from neck to hem, then the sleeves, then he peeled it away like a skin. It shivered and pressed its hooded head into one of the pillows. Its skin was pale and perfect, its panties white. He wanted to see and maybe touch what was under those. Hypok put one of Valeen’s old dresses on Item #3, touching it as little as possible but consuming every inch of it with his eyes. When it was arranged, he stood and looked down at it, pleased.

He went into the bedroom and got his good skin from a drawer in the old dresser. He took off his clothes and stepped through the leg openings. He didn’t look in the mirror because he’d seen himself enough times in all these years to have the image branded in his memory: the raw pink stretchy patches that invaded all of him except his face and neck and hands, the lesions, the rock-hard scars left by two-plus decades of chronic psoriasis that no amount of Lidex or UVA baths could control let alone cure, the vanishing wilderness of his original skin, his birth skin, his good skin, the way God had intended him to be before his mother got to him with the spray. No, he didn’t even look. One worked with what one had. The cards one is dealt. He slipped his legs into the thin cotton suit, pulled it up snugly to his waist, then over his shoulders, then put his hands through the armholes and stretched them out straight to bring the thing taut against his back. He reached down to his crotch and zipped himself all the way up to his chin and in.

Now he looked in the mirror. And there he was, newly hatched in a skein of overlapping bright silver blue metallic scales that housed him in a supple, holographic shimmer. He gave a turn. The polyester scales picked up the dim light and gathered it into a rainbow of reflected color. Next, the booties and gloves. And a lingering final assessment in the glass: yes, reptilian and celestial all at once, he thought, essential and ideal, yet tactile and present. The best he could be. Hypok transcendent. Touchable.

His heart was beating slow and smooth as he went back to the living room. He finished the tequila and poured more. He felt capable with the good skin on him. His shoulders were relaxed, loose and low, and his neck was strong but flexible. He walked, feeling himself. His head was quick on a neck this powerful, and it was pleasurable to feel it swiveling left, straight ahead, then hard right, as he took the measure of his environment. He felt like he could smoothly glide around any obstacle — rock or brick or branches. He felt as if he could enter a swamp, slowly and noiselessly, and account himself well in the mysteries of dark water. Item #3 was behaving now, curled into itself atop the old red blanket he and his sisters had slept under all those years ago, its hooded face toward the tank. Moloch stared at him from the depth of the pool. Hypok reached up and turned on the video recorder.

He gulped the tequila, set the glass on the chair arm, then guided himself down beside the Item, lying between it and the glass. His scales slid without resistance against the wool. He basked for a moment. For a while he watched the unmoving head of Moloch and sensed the breathing behind him. To his heightened sense of smell, the old blanket smelled like it did three decades ago — of thickly fatted mammal and juvenile human females. But thirty years ago was right now. And right now was the past, too — all the way back to the black sloughs where life begins — and whatever future he chose to take. He reached down to the floor and got the two remote exposure controls. These he transferred to his left hand. Without looking he reached behind himself with his right arm and set his brightly scaled hand on the small of the Item’s back. It began sobbing.

Shhhhh.

Hypok closed his eyes and inhaled the smells — the girl, the blanket, the faint fecal aroma of Moloch. He pressed the cable controls: shoot, shoot, shoot. The Item had a soapier smell than Collette and Valeen, though Valeen’s old clothes undercut that freshness with the dank richness of time. This is close to how it was back then: the scent of the available female, the dark liquid power of his instincts, the punishing reality of the maternal nearby, overhead, perhaps, like a bird of prey:

All the nascent power returns to him in the memory, along with all the power of his subsequent years. The past has crawled forward to swallow the present, and together, this thirty-year span of desire resides in Hypok with all the sharpness and immediacy of a spark. He feels present in the past and present in the moment because it is all just one huge thing, a chain of hours linked to make a life. He begins to undulate in his good skin. He peers out at Moloch and groans as if in sleep: here you are, you hateful bitch if you can see me. Then he closes his eyes again and knows that she’ll never beat him with the belt for what his sisters loved to do, will never lock him away in the small cold room with the loaf of bread and the jug of water, will never humiliate him for his shyness, punish him for his breath, ridicule him for his skin or pound him for his desires again. Moloch has blessed him with that. So he undulates in his beautiful skin, the power of the years gathering. He feels beneath his scaled hand the body he has always needed. He doesn’t even need to see it. There it is: the object of all desire. He will never be that body. It will always be another. To possess it would mean to inject it with his life, and offer it to Moloch. This is the direction of his years, the shape of his destiny. He has been here before and he has lost his courage. He has been here before and not lost it. He wonders if he is truly ready to attain the summit again. He opens his eyes. Moloch stares at him from the tree. Shoot, shoot, shoot.

Brittany could still see through the airhole she was meant to breathe through. Dead Gopher Man was covered in silver scales like a fish and lying just a few feet away from her. His back was to her and his whole body was moving, slowly and rhythmically, like he was swimming in slow motion. He made noises every few seconds, but nothing she could understand. It was kind of moaning, kind of talking. She heard this funny sound above her every once in a while — kind of a short click with a rattle after it. Two or three times. Then it stopped. His hand was still on her back and she could see his arm extending back toward her, covered in the shimmering scales. She could see just a tiny bit of the dress he had put on her and she knew it wasn’t one of hers. Beyond Dead Gopher Man this slow dark shape moved through a tree. Dead Gopher Man kept moving, faster now but still evenly — what was he doing?

Brittany closed her eyes as hard as she could and tried to scream and shook herself into a Dream Bust. She shook so hard she thought her bones would come undone. But the scream wouldn’t get out past the tape and she realized why the Dream Bust had failed her today: because the scream was the most important part; it frightened away everything else in the dream, but she couldn’t do it because of the tape.

Suddenly she was on her back and she felt two strong hands on her arms pinning her down and she couldn’t see past the hood but when he spoke she knew he was just inches from her face. His voice was a quick, foul hiss:

Stop it! Mother’s watching!