Why I Write: Essays

Firecrackers

Manto loved India’s culture, which he did not see as belonging to any one faith. On reaching Pakistan, he was distraught to learn that the government was discouraging firecrackers and kites, seen as Hindus’ way of celebration. Muslims in India had long been emulating Diwali through one of their festivals, Shab-e-Barat. In response to the puritanism that had begun creeping even in the early 1950s, Manto wrote this piece of short sketches to show the absurdity of cultural bans. Even today, kite-flying is discouraged in Lahore during the spring festival of Basant. The politicians and courts give out the logic that it is to prevent people from getting cut by kite-string. Here is Manto’s absurd response to such absurd thinking.

News item:

To save Pakistan’s children from the curse of fireworks, an organization was formed recently. The Anjuman Insidaad-e-Patakha jaat (Organization for the prevention of setting off fireworks). Its president will sit in the head office at Baroodkhana. It is hoped that branch offices will soon open in Russia, America and England.

Second news item:

This year twice as many children died from firecracker burns as last year. Pakistan’s parents are anguished by this and have asked the government that it should legislate the maximum number of children who may be burnt to death in a given year.

The government in response has constituted a new ministry. The man running it will be called Minister Crackers. It is reported that two senior refugees from Indian Punjab are squabbling over the job.

A conversation:

A father: It isn’t right to set off crackers.

Boy: Why not?

Father: It’s a waste of money.

Boy: We set off so many explosions in war. Isn’t that a waste of money?

Second conversation:

A boy: I’m not going to set off crackers.

Father: Why not?

Boy: I’m very responsible.

Father: What’s that?! Let’s go see a doctor. I’m sure there’s something wrong with you.

A lesson:

Don’t ever eat radish (mooli) in the winter. And on the night of Shab-e-Barat, don’t set off crackers.

Another lesson:

Eat radish only in the summer and other than on the night of Shab-e-Barat, set off crackers every day.

An investigation:

Experts on religious purity after much investigation have concluded that it is natural for humans to set off fireworks in celebration. Twenty thousand years ago, in the time of Prophet Az, a human head was used as a firecracker. But later, slowly, as people came to realize that each cracker burst meant one less human being, they invented other crackers.

Another investigation:

Experts on religious purity have concluded that humans invented firecrackers to scare away demons.

But when humans themselves began to turn demonic, the firecrackers were turned into bullets and bombs.

A request:

A boy: I don’t want these crackers.

Father: Why not?

Boy: They make a frightening sound. Bring me one that’s quiet.

Another request:

A boy: Dad, what’s an atom bomb?

Father: The world’s largest firecracker.

Boy: Get me one, then. I’m going to set it off on

Shab-e-Barat.

A problem:

A man takes his infant son to a faqir.

He says: ‘Master, I stay near Shah Alami. God knows what’s happened to my son. It seems like he’s a shadow of heaven. On hearing a cracker’s noise, he goes into fits.’

Another problem:

A man takes his infant son to a faqir.

He says: ‘Master, I’m a refugee from Amritsar. Give me a charm for this boy of mine. Whenever he gets a chance, he gathers things and sets fire to them.’

A phuljarhi (sparkler):

A boy: In Anarkali (Lahore’s red light area), a girl was passing through. Seeing her, a man said to his friend: ‘What a firecracker!’ (Kya patakha hai!)

Second boy: ‘Did it go off?’

First boy: ‘Yes, she took off her sandal and, patakh se, smashed it on his head.’

Second phuljarhi:

A boy: ‘Why are we stopped from setting off crackers?’

Second boy: ‘These people are orthodox types. No use saying anything to them.’

First boy: ‘What idiots! On the radio, in the newspapers, in speeches, they spew this nonsense. “Children should be kept away from the curse of firecrackers.” And yet the cracker shops are full. Instead, why don’t they just stop making crackers?’

Second boy: ‘Ssssshhh. Hope nobody’s heard that.’

— (Originally published as Patakhay)