Wife for Hire

Chapter 8

Maggie knew the smile was back. When the stars had finished exploding, when her heart had slowed to a normal beat, when that peculiar lethargy of after-loving had seeped into every muscle in her body, Maggie felt the smile return to her lips. She lay very still beside Hank and wondered how her body could be in such a state of euphoric contentment when her mind was such a mess.

Hank had proposed, and she’d said yes. It all had a dreamlike quality. Marriage had seemed perfectly natural fifteen minutes ago…now she wasn’t sure.

Marriage to Hank meant marriage to Skogen, Vermont. It was an idyllic place for a vacation, but she didn’t know if she could manage a lifetime of apple trees. And she didn’t know if she could feel comfortable with the people. What if they were all like Bubba?

Hank was having second thoughts too. He was feeling guilty about having coerced Maggie into marriage when she was in a weakened condition. “About that proposal…”

“You took advantage of me.”

“Yeah. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Of course I mind!” Maggie propped herself up on one elbow. “Were you serious?”

“Absolutely. I love you. In fact, I’ll ask you again just to make it official. Will you marry me?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Too late,” Hank said. “You already said yes.”

“I can change my mind.”

Hank swung his leg over hers. “I suppose I’ll have to wear you down again.”

“What about the dance?”

“Wouldn’t you rather get seduced?”

“No!”

He slid his hand over her belly and kissed her bare shoulder. “Liar.”

“Everyone’s expecting us to be there. What about your new image? What about respectability? What about the cider press?”

Hank groaned. She was right. He needed the cider press.

“Okay, we’ll go to the dance. But when we get home, it’s back to seduction.”

Maggie put her hands to her head. “How bad is my hair?”

“Your hair looks great.”

She sighed and got out of bed to look in the mirror. “Oh my God.”

“You’re not going to spend another three hours in the bathroom, are you?”

Half an hour later Maggie pulled the black dress over her head. She was wearing a slip, and her hair wasn’t nearly as incredible as it had been the first time she’d arranged it, but she decided she was passable. The aftermath of passion had a tendency to lower her standards on these matters, she admitted. She followed Hank down the stairs and patiently waited while he locked the front door.

The light was fading rapidly. It would be dark before they reached the grange, Maggie thought. She climbed onto the bench seat of the battered pickup and winced at the twinge of excitement in her chest. How could she be nervous and fluttery about sitting next to a man she’d just made wild and passionate love with?

She’d always thought intimacy would breed boredom. She’d figured a romance was a lot like a fox hunt. It seemed logical that things would get a little dull after the fox was caught. Evidently she’d been wrong all these years. Now she compared romantic activities to eating peanuts. Once you got started, you were done for.

I must be strong, she told herself. She must fight this disease. She primly sat in the middle of the seat, resisting the urge to scramble next to him, when he slid behind the wheel. Her hands were clasped in her lap, her nose pointed straight ahead.

She wasn’t dumb enough to think love could conquer all. No siree bob, she was going to take her time on a decision like marriage. Just because she felt married and acted married didn’t mean she was going to sign on the dotted line. That was the one thing she’d been wrong about when she’d said yes to his proposal. That formal piece of paper called a marriage certificate really did make a difference. It was legally and mentally binding. It was scary.

“The grange is on the outskirts of town, by the railroad tracks and the grain silos,” he said. “I hope you’re not going to be disappointed. It’s mostly just a big hall on the southernmost side of the fairgrounds. It’s about the only place around to hold wedding receptions and town meetings, so it gets a lot of use.”

He drove past the grain silos and the cold storage ware house and pulled into the grange hall parking lot. It was already filled with cars and trucks so Hank parked on the grass.

“I hope you’re up to this,” he said. “I’m not much of a dancer. I’ll probably step all over your feet. And folks are going to be gawking at you.”

“I can handle it.”

“And I’m probably going to have to knock out a few teeth and flatten a few noses to keep the men away from you and that dress.”

Maggie looked down at the dress. “It’s okay now. I’m wearing a slip.”

“Honey, we’d have to cover you with full chain mail and armor to discourage men from drooling over you in that dress.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“There might be one in there somewhere. Mostly it’s a warning. Don’t expect me to act like a rational person when Slick Newman tries to cut in on a dance.”

The doors and windows of the barn had been thrown open, and the thump of the band spilled out into the darkness. People shouted over the music, and laughter rose above it all. Inside the light was dim enough for romantic dancing but bright enough to see the details on Emily Palmer’s new dress and the red highlights Laurinda Gardner had the beauty parlor put in her hair. Laurinda said the red highlights were natural, but Sandy Mae Barnes had been there when Laurinda was having her hair highlighted, and Sandy Mae had told Kathy Kutchka what she’d seen, and Kathy Kutchka had told Iris Gilfillan which was as good as telling the whole rest of the town.

Children somberly danced with the grownups, or sat sipping soda on the side lineup of wooden folding chairs that had been donated by the funeral home. Three little girls dressed up in party dresses chased a little boy across the dance floor. His face was flushed and white shirttails had escaped from his gray dress slacks.

“That’s Mark Howser’s kid, Benji,” Hank said. “He’s a real terror. He probably dropped a frog down Alice Newfarmer’s dress.”

“Do children always come to the dances?”

“Yup. If there’s a wedding or a dance, everybody in town’s invited and no one would dare stay home or they’d get talked about. There’s no one left to baby-sit the kids, so the kids come too. The Christmas party is the best. Santa Claus hands out candy canes and coloring books, and Big Irma makes her famous eggnog. The Christmas party was the highlight of my life when I was a kid.”

It was the PNA Hall transported to Skogen, Vermont, Maggie thought. There was the same dusty wood floor, the same raised stage for the band, the same cash bar in a separate room. Trestle tables and benches had been lined up on one wall, and a door led off to what she knew would be the kitchen.

It was Riverside all over again. But worse. She was even more of an oddity here, she realized. She and Hank stood in the doorway of the grange hall, and every head turned in their direction. “Good thing I wore a slip,” she whispered.

He slung an arm around her shoulders and grinned down at her. “Feeling conspicuous?”

“This must be what it feels like to stand in the middle of the road at rush hour while you’re naked.”

“It’s just that you’re new, and Skogen’s a little pressed for excitement.”

“It’s not just that I’m new,” she said. “I’m different. I’m from New Jersey. I talk like I’m from New Jersey. I walk like I’m from New Jersey. Look at me! I even have New Jersey hair!”

Hank chuckled. “I don’t think New Jersey should take credit for this hair. I think this is Maggie hair.” He bent down and kissed the top of her head. “I love your hair.”

“You think all these people know about Aunt Kitty?”

“I’d bet my life on it.”

Maggie groaned. “Guilt by association. They probably think you married a loose woman.”

Hank guided her through the crowd to the cash bar, muscling his way in front of Andy White and stomping on Farley Boyd’s instep when he tried to approach Maggie.

“They just think you’re sort of a celebrity since you’re a writer.”

Henry Gooley lurched in front of Maggie and winked. Hank lifted him three inches off the floor by his necktie. “You want something, Henry?”

“Urk.”

“Put him down!” Maggie said. “You’re choking him!”

Hank set Henry onto the floor and smoothed out his tie.

“Jest wanted to say howdy,” Henry said, backing away.

Maggie closed her eyes and counted to ten. “This is fast becoming the most embarrassing night of my life, and considering the life I’ve led that’s really saying something. You’re acting like the village goon.”

“Yeah. You bring out the beast in me.”

Elsie elbowed her way through the crowd to Maggie. “This here’s a humdinger of a party. I bet everybody for fifty miles came to this dance. I bet those guys who broke into our house are here.” She patted her big black patent leather pocketbook. “I brought Little Leroy along, just in case.”

“It isn’t loaded, is it?” Hank asked. “I’d hate to see you shoot up the grange hall.”

“Of course it’s loaded. A woman’s got to protect herself.”

Slick Newman sidled up to Maggie. “Howdy,” he said, “I’m Slick Newman and I was wondering if you’d like to dance.”

Hank gripped Maggie’s arm just above the elbow. “Elsie, you mind if I borrow your pocketbook for a minute?”

Maggie glared at him. “Don’t you dare borrow Elsie’s pocketbook.” She turned to Slick. “I’d love to dance.”

“Oh no, you wouldn’t,” Hank said, still holding tight to her arm. “You promised the first dance to me.” He smiled amiably at Slick. “I’m a little tense to night. I’ve never been married before.”

“Sad,” Slick said, giving him a consoling slap on the back. “You were one of the really great ones too.”

Hank moved Maggie out onto the dance floor. “Okay, here goes,” he said, assuming a dancing position. He took a deep breath and swayed a little. “How am I doing?”

“Good start,” Maggie told him.

He held her closer and continued swaying. “Dancing isn’t so bad after all. I think I’m going to like this.”

“It’d be more interesting if we moved around some.”

“I don’t know-moving around sounds complicated.” He eased her forward and stepped on her foot. “Oops, sorry.”

“You’d better get the hang of this,” Maggie said, “because I’m not marrying any man for real who can’t dance.”

“No problem. It’s just a matter of timing. Oops, sorry.” He carefully steered her around Evelyn Judd and Ed Kritch. “So, are you saying that if I learn to dance you’ll marry me?”

“No. I was making conversation. I was providing incentive. I think I was teasing.”

Evelyn Judd tapped Hank on the shoulder. “Is this Hank Mallone dancing? I don’t believe it. Fifteen years ago we were named king and queen of the fair, and this bum misses my coronation dance! I know you’re newlyweds and everything, but I think Hank owes me a dance.”

Maggie stared openmouthedly as Evelyn deftly maneuvered herself into Hank’s arms and glided away with him. Then she heard Evelyn gasp, and she heard Hank say, “Oops, sorry,” and Maggie felt a little better.

“Guess it’s you and me,” Ed Kritch said.

He was tall and rangy with sandy-colored hair that fell straight down onto his ears and across his forehead. He held Maggie in a loose-jointed slouch as they traveled across the dance floor, making the usual inane dance floor conversation.

“How do you like Skogen?” he said.

“I like it fine,” Maggie answered.

“The weather’s been dry most of this week,” he offered.

Maggie agreed.

There was a pause and they both knew he was working up to the big question. “I hear you’re a writer.”

“Yup,” Maggie said.

“Is it true that your aunt left you her diary with…um, personal stuff in it?”

“My aunt was a madam, and while there are some personal observations, most of the diary consists of pretty mundane information.”

They’d traveled halfway around the grange and were in the shadow of the open side door. “You mind if we stop here for just a second,” Ed said. “The fresh air feels great.”

Maggie momentarily turned her back to Ed and the door, taking the opportunity to look for Hank.

“Sorry to have to do this,” Ed said. “Hope I don’t mess up your hair none.”

And then he snatched her out the door and threw a grain sack over her head. Her scream was cut short by a hand clamped over her mouth. She kicked out, but strong arms lifted her off the ground, carried her a short distance, and dumped her into a car.

The motor kicked in and the car jumped forward. Maggie was thrown off balance on a fast curve out of the parking lot, and then there was just the steady drone of the engine. Ed Kritch took the grain sack off her head and scooted to the farthest corner of the backseat.

“I hope this don’t color our friendship since you’re going to be living here for the rest of your life and we’re practically neighbors and all,” he said.

“You have to understand a million dollars is a lot of money. I wouldn’t ordinarily consider kidnapping or stealing or any of that stuff. Last week Big Irma gave me too much change for a quart of motor oil, and I gave it back to her. The problem is, jobs are real scarce in Skogen. The only job I could get is pumping gas at Irma’s, and it don’t give me enough money to raise a family on. Evelyn and I want to get married, but we can’t hardly afford it.”

There were two men in the front seat. The driver did a half-turn and smiled at Maggie. “I’m Vern Walsh,” he said. “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

He nodded to the large man sitting on the passenger side. “This here’s Ox Olesen. Me and Ed and Ox are gonna split the million three ways. Ox is gonna use the money to go to college to learn about computers, and I’m gonna buy a couple cows with it so I can start a dairy herd. See, we’re not so bad, it’s like Ed said, our roots are here in Skogen but we can’t make any money here. We talked about it, and we figure borrowing your aunt’s diary doesn’t really hurt anyone.”

Maggie shook her head in disbelief. Her initial fear and outrage were overwhelmed by her curiosity. “I can’t follow any of this. What’s this business about a million dollars?”

“Someone…I don’t think we should tell you who, offered a million dollars for your aunt’s diary.”

Maggie felt the breath catch in her chest. “A million dollars? Why on earth would anyone want to pay a million dollars for Aunt Kitty’s diary. I’ve read every word of it. It’s not worth a million dollars.”

“It is now,” Ed Kritch said. “Hey, we could give you some of the money to compensate for taking you away from the dance. We aren’t greedy. We don’t need the whole million. We could divide it up four ways instead of three.”

“I can’t give up Aunt Kitty’s diary,” Maggie said. “She entrusted it to me. I promised to make it into a book.”

“Bummer,” Ed Kritch said. “We didn’t count on that.”

“The way I see it,” Vern Walsh said, “is that your Aunt Kitty was a good old broad, and she’d probably like to help us all out. She’d be glad to know her diary was doing somebody some good.”

He turned into the driveway and gunned the car down the dirt road to Hank’s house. “If we get the diary real fast, then we can get back to the dance in time to see them crown the king and queen.”

Maggie crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes. “I’m not giving you the diary. It’s hidden and you’ll never find it. And have you considered the consequences of kidnapping me?”

“We’re real upstanding citizens,” Ed said. “We’ve never done anything wrong before. We thought we’d just lie like the dickens and folks would believe us.”

“Are you the ones who broke into the house last night and the night before?” Maggie asked.

“Nope. This is our first shot at it. I heard it was Lumpy Mooney who tried to get the diary last night. Word is he damn near broke his backside falling off the ladder.”

Everyone but Maggie got a good chuckle out of that.

Vern stopped a few feet back from the house. Two cars were parked in the driveway, and the lights to the house were blazing.

“Well, will you look at this!” he said. “That’s Slick Newman’s car. And the piece of junk in front of it belongs to that runt-nosed Purcell kid.”

“They’re after the diary,” Ed Kritch said. “Man, that really stinks. They broke right into Hank’s granny’s house. I tell you people in this town are going down the toilet. When I was a kid, you never had to worry about this sort of thing. You wouldn’t think of locking your front door when I was a kid.”

“So, what do you think?” Vern said. “You think we should get the sheriff?”

Ed chewed on his lower lip while he thought about it for a minute. “No,” he finally said. “The Purcell family’s hard up. Seven kids and old man Purcell’s been gimpy ever since Maynard Beasley mistook him for a deer and shot him in the knee. Why don’t we just go tell them it wasn’t polite to break in when nobody was home. Then we can all look for the diary and divide the money up. Hell, there’s enough to go around.”

A car pulled up behind them. Everyone turned around to squint into the headlights.

“Probably Hank,” Maggie said. “You’d better watch out. He’ll break every bone in your body when he gets hold of you.”

“Nah,” Ed said. “It’s not Hank. Hank drives a pickup, and these headlights are too low. Besides, Hank’s a good guy. He’d understand about us needing the money.”

The lights blinked off and several figures got out of the car. One of the men had a body slung over his shoulder. They approached Ed Kritch and looked in the window.

“It’s Spike,” Ed said, rolling down his window. “Hey, Spike, what are you doing here?”

“We got a hostage,” Spike said. “We come for the diary and we got someone who knows where it is!”

Ed opened the door and Spike dumped Elsie into the backseat alongside Maggie.

“I’ll never tell,” Elsie said. “Not in a million years. You could torture me, and I won’t tell you.”

“We don’t know any torture,” Spike said. “We were counting on you just helping out.”

“They had me trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey,” Elsie said. “Brought me here in a flour sack. Can you imagine that? After I paid sixteen dollars to have my hair done too.”

“It looks okay,” Spike said. “And we washed the flour sack out last night so it wouldn’t ruin your dress. We tried to think of everything.”

“You’d need a brain transplant before you could think of anything,” Elsie said.

Spike and Ed exchanged worried looks.

“What do we do now?” Spike asked. “How’re we gonna get the diary?”

Ed ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. Vern, you were in the army. You know any torture we could do on ladies?”

“I never learned how to torture ladies,” Vern said. “You had to be in special forces to learn stuff like that.”

“You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to terrorize a couple of defenseless women,” Elsie said.

“Defenseless, hah!” Spike said. “You just about broke Melvin Nielsen’s knee when he tried to help me jam you into the car. And you got a mean mouth on you too. Shame on you for even knowing those words.”

Elsie smoothed her skirt over her knees and set her black patent leather purse primly on her lap. “This has all been very upsetting,” she said. “You don’t mind if I get a hankie from my purse, do you?”

“No, ma’am,” Ed said. “You go right ahead and get your hankie.”

Elsie reached into her purse and pulled out the forty-five.

“Holy cow!” Ed Kritch said. “What the hell are you doing with a gun in your pocketbook? It isn’t loaded, is it?’

Elsie squinted down the barrel at him. “Of course it’s loaded, you ninny. And just because I’m an old lady, don’t think I won’t use this baby. I could shoot the eyelashes off a groundhog at forty feet.”

Ed had his hand on the door handle. “Maybe you should put the gun away. You wouldn’t want to hurt anybody.”

“Justifiable homocide,” Elsie said, pointing the gun at Spike. “You can’t go around kidnapping old ladies and planning to steal personal property without paying the price. And besides that, you ruined my evening. I probably missed the hokeypokey. Looks to me like you deserve what ever happens.”

Ed Kritch lunged for Elsie, knocking her arm aside, and the gun accidentally discharged in the scuffle. The noise rocked the car, and the bullet blew a gaping hole in the roof.

Ed Kritch, Vern, Ox, and Spike sat in stunned silence for a split second before letting out simultaneous screams and running for their lives. They all piled into Spike’s car and took off down the driveway.

“Bunch of wimps,” Elsie said. “I wasn’t really going to shoot any of them.”

Maggie pushed the hair back from her forehead with a shaky hand. “I knew that. I knew you were just putting a scare into them.”

She took a deep breath and put her hand to her chest to make sure her heart had resumed beating. “What do you think we should do about the men in the house?”

Elsie put the gun back in her pocketbook and snapped it closed. “They won’t find the diaries in a hundred years. We hid them real good. I say we go back to the dance, and if any of those guys makes a mess of the house, we get them to come back tomorrow and clean it up.”

It seemed like a better solution than sending Elsie in there with her six-shooter blazing, so Maggie agreed. She slid behind the wheel and turned the key to the ignition. Now she had to decide what to tell Hank. He’d been ready to duke it out with Henry Gooley over a wink. He wasn’t going to take news of a kidnapping calmly.

“I think I’ll wait awhile to tell Hank about this,” Maggie said to Elsie. “Maybe I’ll tell him on the ride home.”

“Good idea. I don’t want nothing to ruin the rest of my evening. I’ve got a lot of dancing to catch up on, and I hear they serve coffee and cake at twelve o’clock.”

Hank was waiting for them when they drove into the grange parking lot. “Where have you been?” he asked. “And what were you doing in Vern’s car?”

Maggie just stared at him. She hadn’t had the foresight to come up with a story.

Elsie shifted her weight from foot to foot. “It was me,” she said. “I wasn’t feeling so good.”

Maggie nodded. “Yeah, Elsie wasn’t feeling so good. So I took her home. We couldn’t find you, so we borrowed Vern’s car.”

“But then when we got there I was feeling better, so we came back to the dance. Did I miss the hokeypokey?”

“Yeah,” Hank said. “You missed the hokeypokey.”

“Dang. What time is it? I didn’t miss the coffee and cake, did I?”

“No. It’s early yet. Coffee and cake isn’t served until twelve.” He watched Elsie hurry off to the hall before turning to Maggie. “Now, you want to tell me what really happened?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I want to dance. You in the mood for a little cheek-to-cheek scuffling around?”

“I’m in the mood for an explanation.”

“I can’t tell you,” Maggie said.

He narrowed his eyes. “Why not? What’s going on?”

“If I tell you, you’ll go beserk and spoil the dance. Elsie wouldn’t like that because she’s been waiting for the hokeypokey and the cake, I wouldn’t like it because I’m not into violence, and then there’s your new image to consider. Stable members of the community do not start brawls and trash grange halls.”

“Why are you so sure I’d trash the grange hall?”

“Trust me on this one.”

“I assume Vern plays a part in this. Not only did you come back in his car, but he’s in the bar right now belting down booze like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe I’ll just go in and ask old Vern about this big mystery.”

“Okay, I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to get violent.”

“No way.”

Maggie tipped her nose up a fraction of an inch and stuck her chin out. “Then I’m not telling you.”

He looked down at the toe of his boot and swore vigorously. “You can really try a man’s patience.”

“You have to promise.”

“I promise. But I’m not happy.”

“It turns out half the town is after the diary. Someone has offered a million dollars for it.”

“Get out.”

“Cross my heart.”

“It has to be someone from New Jersey,” Hank said. “No one around here has that kind of money.”

Maggie wasn’t sure. There was something about the way Vern wouldn’t tell her the name of the person offering the million dollars. She felt certain Hank could coax all sorts of information from Vern. And she was just as certain she didn’t want to be around to witness the persuasion.

“Tomorrow you can do some sleuthing,” Maggie said. “To night you have to dance with me.”