Winter of the Wolf Moon

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I was alone in the ice shanty, alone except for two men dead on the floor and Bruckman underneath us somewhere, wearing my coat, either sinking to the bottom or bobbing against the ice itself. The heater was dead. Molinov had taken the lantern. It was completely dark and getting colder by the minute.

Okay, think. You’re alive. You want to stay alive. What do you do?

I started to remember something. I’m sitting in the barber shop, waiting for the chair. An old copy of Michigan Out of Doors there, pick it up, there’s an article about hypothermia and frostbite. What the hell did it say? I wish I had paid more attention…

I felt my shirt, frozen solid where I got splashed, like having a block of ice strapped to my chest. That was the first problem.

No, wait, my hands. They are so cold. Where are my gloves? I went down on my knees, felt around on the floor for them. I couldn’t even remember taking them off. Maybe when I went digging in the dead man’s pockets for the car keys.

I felt around on the rough wooden floor. There! There’s one of them. I put it on my left hand. Now, where’s the other one? I felt around with my bare right hand. It’s here somewhere.

What’s that? Oh fuck! I shifted my weight before I realized what I was doing, felt the icy sting of the cold water all the way up to my elbow.

That’s just what I need right now. Fall through the fucking hole in the ice. Say hello to Bruckman on the way down.

I sat back and shook my hand. When I put it back down, I felt leather.

Great, it was right under me. I put it on. Okay, now what do I do about this wet shirt? What did that article say? Something about how snow soaks up water. When you’re wet, you’re supposed to roll around in the snow.

No, I don’t think so. I’m not going out there and rolling around in the snow. I don’t care what the magazine said.

The dead men. What about their clothes? Molinov took their coats. What a wonderful thing to do. But what about the rest of their clothes? Two shirts, two pairs of pants.

Yeah, I’m going to go find the two dead guys in the pitch black, strip their clothes off.

Easy, Alex. Listen to your breathing. You’re using up all your energy. Just sit here for a minute. Relax and think about it.

I found the bench, the one I had been sitting on from the beginning. My hands felt cold even with the gloves on, especially my right hand after the ice bath. I tucked them under my armpits. The wind picked up again outside, rattling every inch of the place. I put my head down and felt the shivers take control of my body.

This is not good, Alex. This is not good at all.

I tried to remember what the place looked like. I went down on my hands and knees again and crawled toward the back corner, feeling for the heater. When I came to it, I picked it up. It was too light. I shook it. Nothing. Maybe there was more kerosene somewhere. I felt around the back wall. I came upon the heavy metal ice spud that they used to break through the ice. I kept feeling against the wall.

There! A metal can! I picked it up. It was empty.

Matches. Could there be matches somewhere? I could start a fire, burn some wood or something. I came to a wooden box, took my gloves off and opened it. A fish hook bit into my finger. It was just a tackle box.

What a stupid fucking sport, anyway. Sitting in a little shack in the middle of a frozen lake with a fishing pole.

As my eyes became adjusted to the darkness, I saw that there was some light coming through the back window. It was the faintest light you could ever imagine, just one shade above black, but it was enough for me to start making out the general shape of the room. I stood up and looked out the window. There was enough ambient light from wherever the moon was hiding to see an endless expanse of snow and nothing else.

All right, you’re going to have to do this. You have no choice.

The two dead men were just shadows on one side of the floor. I went down on my hands and knees again, crawled over and reached out toward them. I touched a hand, recoiled from the shock of it.

You’ve got to do this, Alex. Don’t think about it. Just do it.

I reached out again, felt the arm, moved up to the chest. I started to unbutton the shirt. I could feel the blood. It was still warm enough not to have frozen.

Blood. This is all I need right now.

I made myself breathe in and out a few times. Then I kept unbuttoning the man’s shirt. When it was unbuttoned, I struggled to lift the man’s body. I had to get the shirt off him. His arms wouldn’t bend. It’s just a mannequin, I thought. A big heavy mannequin with some blood on it.

When I finally got the shirt off, I thought about what to do next. Take my wet shirt off, put this one on instead? This one might be just as bad, now that this blood is freezing. I tried putting the shirt on over my own. It smelled like cigarettes.

Core body temperature. That’s what the article said. That’s the number one priority. Keep the core body temperature up. When it starts falling, you’ve got big problems. There was even a little table with the different temperatures, what kind of symptoms you get as your core body temperature goes lower and lower. When you’re shivering, when your hands are starting to go numb, that’s mild hypothermia, right? That’s me right now. I’m off to a running start.

I moved over to the second man. It was harder to unbutton the shirt this time. My hands were getting worse. Not a good sign. He was the heavier of the two, so I had to strain to lift him, working the shirt off his body. I put it on over the other shirt.

Okay, Alex, you’re all set now. You’ve got three shirts on now, one wet with water, the other two with blood. Now you’re all ready to freeze to death.

Do I take their pants, too? I could stuff them inside my shirt.

Yes, Alex, you have to.

“I hope you gentlemen will excuse me for what I am about to do,” I said. I took the boots off of each man, unzipped their flies and then pulled the pants off them. I stuffed one pair of pants inside my shirt, between the frozen fabric and my skin. The other pants I wrapped around my neck.

This is much better. Now I might live for a whole hour.

That smell again. Cigarettes. The shirts, the pants. They all smell like cigarettes. And when you smoke cigarettes, you have matches. Or a lighter.

I felt the pants around my neck, felt for the pockets. I took a wallet out, threw it aside, felt around for anything else. Nothing.

I pulled the other pair of pants out from under my shirt, felt the pockets. Another wallet. And something else. I reached inside with numb fingers.

A lighter. One of those little butane lighters you see everywhere. God bless you.

I can break up the bench, maybe pull some wood off the walls if I have to. Just a few minutes of fire, that’s all I need.

Better make sure it works. I put my thumb on the little wheel, tried to give it a turn. Nothing. Damn it, I can barely feel what I’m doing.

I blew warm air on my right hand. Come on, thumb, don’t fail me now.

I gave it another try. Nothing.

Another try. Nothing.

I blew on my hand again. Come on, baby. Who wrote that story, Jack London? The guy who had to start a fire to save his own life. I think he had matches, though. Not a fucking piece of shit lighter that wouldn’t light.

I gave it a good turn. Nothing.

I shook it. I didn’t hear anything. Does that mean it’s empty? Why the fuck would he be carrying a fucking empty lighter in his pocket?

I cranked it again. And again. And again.

I can see the spark, Goddamn it. I know I’m doing this right. I’m giving you the fucking spark, why don’t you light already?

Crank. Spark. Nothing.

Crank. Spark. Nothing.

I gripped it like I was going to throw it, then stopped myself. Hold onto it. Give it another try in a few minutes. Maybe it’ll work.

I put my gloves back on, then found the nearest corner and sat down against it, drawing my knees up to my chest. I rocked back and forth slowly, riding a wave of shivers.

I breathed warm air on the lighter. Hell, maybe that’ll help. I took my glove off, gave it a try. And then another. And then one more.

And then I dropped it.

Okay, so I’m not going to build a fire. I’m as warm as I’m going to get here. Which isn’t a hell of a lot. Goddamn it, I’m cold. Am I supposed to wait here until morning? I’ll never make it. I’ll just sit here all night with two dead bodies on the floor. In a little while I’ll start hearing Bruckman knocking on the ice, trying to crawl his way back up.

If I move, I’ll feel warmer, right? I’ll generate body heat? Or will I just use up my energy faster? But if I can make it back to the main road, maybe somebody will see me. Maybe. If I make it that far.

I pulled myself up off the floor. “Okay,” I said. “Okay, okay. Here we go.” I went to the door. “Don’t get up, guys,” I said. “See you around.”

I opened the door and stepped out into the snow. The cold air attacked me, seeking every inch of my body. “Oh, this was a great idea,” I said. “I am such a fucking genius.” I started making my way over the lake, back toward where the Jeep had been parked. I looked in all directions as I fought my way through the snow. The surface of the lake disappeared into total darkness no matter where I looked. There were no lights, no sign of life anywhere. Lacking any other idea, I would have to try to make it back down the access road. I had no other choice.

I kept my hands tucked under my arms as I stepped through the snow. Even with good gloves on, I could feel my fingers growing more and more numb. I tried to follow whatever trail we had made coming out to the ice shanty. Molinov must have come back the same way, as well, but the wind was filling in the deep footprints.

Keep going. The road should be here somewhere. You’ll get a little more shelter from the wind.

I looked back at the ice shanty. It was just a shadow. I tried to remember how long we had walked on our way out. Ten minutes? Maybe fifteen? It felt like more than that already. The lake should have ended by now. I felt the panic rising through my body, starting in my stomach. I’m going to get lost and wander around in circles on the lake. They won’t find me until the spring.

This was a mistake. I should have stayed in the shack and taken my chances. You can’t do anything right, McKnight. Now you’re gonna die out here because you’re such a fucking idiot.

No, wait. Up ahead, I began to make out a dark band. It had to be the edge of the lake. I kept going, fighting through the snow, keeping my head down as the wind picked up again, blasting me with a million tiny bullets. The insane howling of the wind rang in my ears.

When I got closer to the shoreline, I looked for the opening where we had come through. All I saw were trees.

Goddamn it, I can’t waste energy like this. I’ve got to get to the main road. Where did we come through?

I walked along the edge of the trees, looking for the opening. The snow hung on the branches, making a solid curtain. I tried walking close to the trees, hoping they would shield me from some of the wind.

Down here, a few more yards, then you gotta double back. You can’t get lost. You cannot get fucking lost here or it’s all over. Is that it there? No. Wait, maybe. Yes, there it is!

I found the depression in the snow where the Jeep had been. This must be a boat launch in the summer, I thought. Now, how long did we have to drive down here once we left the main road?

I headed straight down the access road. In the dim light it was no more than a narrow opening in the trees. My feet were numb. My hands were hurting. I didn’t know which was worse.

I lost my footing and fell into the snow. When I got up, I wrapped the pants more tightly around my neck and kept going. What did that article say about the next level of hypothermia? You get the “umbles.” Fumble, stumble, mumble, grumble. Is that me yet? I kept walking, rhyming the words in my head. Fumble, stumble, mumble, grumble, bumble, rumble, crumble.

At least the snow isn’t as deep here. And the wind isn’t so bad. It’s downright balmy, isn’t it? I do believe I’m starting to feel quite warm here. This would make a lovely vacation spot.

I fell down into the snow again. I pushed myself back up to my knees and stopped.

Get up, goddamn it. Get on your feet. If you stop, you’re dead.

I got up. I kept going.

Just keep walking. Straight ahead. The road is this way. Get to the road.

Bumble. Tumble. Trumble. What’s trumble? It’s the name of a street. But it’s spelled Trumbull. Michigan and Trumbull. Tiger Stadium is on the corner of Michigan and Trumbull.

Keep walking. Get to the road.

Things to do when I get back home. Take a hot bath. Sit by the fire. Drink some hot coffee.

I fell down again.

Get up. Get up or die.

I got up, snow clinging to my face.

Move to Florida. Lie on a beach. Get a suntan.

I kept walking. One foot and then the other, through the snow, straight ahead through the trees.

How long did we drive down this road? I don’t remember. How long have I been walking? I don’t remember starting. I’ve been walking in the snow all my life.

God, my hands hurt. God, my face hurts. My feet aren’t numb anymore. My feet hurt now, too. This is how Bruckman felt. Curled up there in that shack. Waiting to die. I wonder if he felt that water when he went in.

Humble. Lumble. Is that a word? Jumble.

Finally, I came to the main road. There was only a few inches of snow. It had been plowed recently.

This is it, Alex. This is the main road. Where’s the rescue party? Where’s the receiving line? Where’s the man with the big trophy and the beauty queen ready to kiss you on the mouth? Sorry, ma’am, my lips are frozen.

Which way? Right or left? Which way did you come? Which way did you turn when you came in? If you turned right then you gotta go left. If you turned left then you gotta go right. Or is it the other way around?

Fuck, like it matters. Like it makes any difference. Just keep walking. Or don’t. Just lie down right here and wait for them to come get you. They’ll be here any minute.

I’ll walk. Might as well. It’s such a lovely night. I’ll go this way. There seems to be a little more light this way.

What’s that, headlights? Here they come. I see headlights.

No, false alarm. Just your eyes playing tricks on you. Eyes are funny that way. Always playing tricks.

You know. Maybe I’m crazy. I don’t even feel that cold anymore. My hands aren’t cold. Wherever they are. My hands. I’m sure they’re here somewhere. I hope I didn’t leave them somewhere.

Headlights. Here they come. For real this time.

Nope. No headlights. I keep seeing lights. Down the road. But not headlights. Maybe it’s a UFO. That could be it.

The trees. On the side of the road. All that snow on them. They look like monks wearing white robes.

What’s that music? It sounds like a saxophone.

I should lie down here. Take a nap. I’m sleepy. What time is it? It must be late.

No. Keep walking. Alex. Alex.

The music is getting louder. It’s too slow to dance to. Just as well. I’m too sleepy to dance. I should lie down.

No. Alex.

It doesn’t matter. I don’t care anymore.

This snow is soft. I’m going to lie down now.

What is that music? I know this song. I hear it every night.

What is that light? It’s a UFO. I was right. The aliens are here. I’m going to lie down now.

I’m lying in the snow. It is so soft.

The aliens are here now. The machines are next to me. One on each side. The aliens are looking down at me. One big eye in the center of their heads.

Welcome to the planet Earth. I hope you like it here. We call this white stuff snow. It’s very soft. Perfect for lying on. Now if you’ll excuse me. I’m going to sleep.