Wives and Lovers

3

Gordon Foster’s office was one of ten pink stucco bungalows built around a court on the upper end of Main Street. Nine of the bungalows were occupied by physicians specializing in various fields; Gordon was the only dentist.

Whenever Elaine Foster came to call for her husband she took particular care with her grooming and her costume. As she walked through the court, past the goldfish pond and the lantana hedges, she held her head high, not exactly pretending that she was one of the physicians’ wives, but half-consciously hoping that passers-by would mistake her for one. It was always a disappointment to her when she had to turn in at Number Seven, which was plainly marked, “Gordon W. Foster, D.D.S.”

Elaine believed that Gordon could have been a real doctor if he had had more initiative, or if he’d met her earlier in life, so that she could have supplied the initiative. As it was, when they met, Gordon was already a dentist, and even Elaine’s considerable powers couldn’t make him into anything else. Their marriage had been colored by Elaine’s bile-green feeling that she had been cheated, that Gordon should have become a real doctor because she herself had all the attributes of a perfect doctor’s wife. She was energetic, competent, smartly groomed, and she had a low, cultured voice, excellent diction and a smattering of grammar: I’m very sorry the doctor is not in... You may reach him at his office... Yes, I shall see that he receives the message...

Elaine was at her best on the telephone. She used it as an actress uses a role, to project her personality and at the same time to hide behind the projection. As a real doctor’s wife she could have spent a great deal of time on the telephone, leaving the details of the house and the three children to a maid. As a dentist’s wife, she couldn’t afford a maid. She couldn’t even afford a second car, so that when she needed the Oldsmobile for shopping or errands, she had to drive Gordon to work in the morning and call for him when he had finished for the day.

She went around to the back door of Number Seven and let herself in. She could hear Gordon moving around in the lab, whistling. Elaine was, by nature, extremely suspicious of music or happy sounds in general, and she wondered what Gordon had to whistle about on such a hot day, with the house payment overdue and the tuition fee of Judith’s school raised again.

The medicinal smell in the office made her cough. Gordon heard the cough and came out of the lab into the hall, carrying a full set of dentures in his hand.

Elaine turned her eyes away. “Honestly, Gordon.”

“What’s the matter?”

“You know I can’t stand the sight of — those things.”

“Oh. Sorry.” He put the dentures in his pocket. “I’m not quite ready to leave yet.”

“I was hoping you would be. The children have been looking forward to this all day. You know how they adore the beach.”

“Beach?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”

“No. I—”

“But you have. I knew as soon as I walked in that you’d forgotten.”

“I have other things on my mind, Elaine. I can’t remember everything.”

“We talked about it only this morning. You said at breakfast that it was going to be a hot day, and I said, let’s get Ruth to look after the baby and you and I and Judith and Paul will go down to the beach... You couldn’t possibly have forgotten.”

“No.” He couldn’t possibly, but he had. He remembered Elaine mentioning Ruth, but after that his mind had wandered because the name Ruth had reminded him of the name Ruby.

Elaine was watching him, not reproachfully as she had at first, but with careful intensity like a cat about to pounce.

“I hate to mention this, Gordon, but everyone has noticed how absent-minded you’ve become lately.”

“I’ve been working pretty hard.”

“Hard work or not, you still have ears. You heard me talking about going to the beach this afternoon.”

“Yes, I suppose I did.”

“But you didn’t care.”

He put his hand in his pocket. The dentures felt cold and smooth to the touch, not like real teeth, which were warm and often a little rough. The owner of the dentures needed them by tomorrow morning. Elaine needed to go to the beach. It was up to Gordon to decide whose need was the more urgent.

He said, “I didn’t really promise that I’d have the afternoon free, Elaine.”

“You implied a promise.”

“I’d like to go to the beach as much as you, perhaps more.”

“I’m not concerned with myself. It’s the children. You know how much they enjoy the water.”

“I know how much they don’t.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Nothing.”

He was sorry he’d spoken, even though it was the truth. Like Elaine, both of the children were afraid of the water, and yet the beach seemed to hold an intense fascination for all three of them. Elaine would sit staring uneasily at the waves and wonder aloud about the tides and complain about the sand fleas. Paul would wander off by himself to pick up a group of strangers who would be very amused at first by his antics, then bored by his demands for attention, and finally exhausted and unkind. Judith, the seven-year-old, had a subtler approach to self-satisfaction. She would dig vast holes in the sand, large as graves, some of them, and here she would sit and eat her way through the contents of the picnic basket. A day at the beach, which always seemed so much fun for other families, was often a nightmare for the Fosters. Neither Gordon nor Elaine knew why this was so, but in self-defense each blamed the other.

“I don’t care about myself,” Elaine said. “I’m used to disappointments, all kinds, all sizes.”

“I guess you are.”

“It’s the children I’m thinking of... Other families go places together, even the Harrisons, and he’s a real doctor. I saw them at the horse show, the night you worked late.”

Gordon rubbed his eyes, knowing what was coming, yet feeling utterly powerless to stop it.

“You work late so often recently.”

“I have to.”

“If your practice is really that good, perhaps it’s time to hire an assistant.”

“I couldn’t make ends meet if I did.”

“They’re not meeting too well right now.”

“Well, I’m doing my best.”

“Yes. Yes, I really believe you are, Gordon.”

She sounded so sincere and kindly that he turned to look at her in surprise. She was a tall woman, nearly as tall as he. Her self-assured manner, her air of owning the world, had been one of the first things about her that he had noticed and admired. As the years passed Gordon had come to realize that it was not an air or a manner; Elaine really did own her world, and she allowed him to live in a little corner of it at a rent that he found it nearly impossible to pay.

“The trouble with some people’s best,” Elaine said, “is that it isn’t good enough.”

“Nothing will ever be good enough for you, Elaine.”

“Other women are more easily satisfied, are they?”

“I don’t know... I don’t even know what we’re talking about, money or sex.”

“You know I never discuss sex,” she said stiffly.

“Then it must be money. Is that what you want, Elaine? Money?”

“All I want is for our family to be together, to have a decent home life, with warmth and affection.”

“I’d like that, too.” But he knew that what Elaine meant by warmth and affection was not what he meant. To Elaine, warmth was gay conversation in front of the fireplace after dinner, and affection was a quick hug or a peck on the cheek, and, “Not now, Gordon, the children might still be awake—” or it was getting late, or she was tired, or she thought she heard the baby stirring upstairs or a prowler out in the yard.

She stood twisting her wedding ring, pulling it up over the second joint of her finger and pushing it back again. Up and over, over and down, with the diamonds glittering like tears. “What a lovely scene this has been, eh, Gordon? And what a charming couple we make. Somebody called us that once — remember? — a complete stranger said it when we were walking down Main Street on a Saturday night.”

“I think that’s what you really want out of life — to be one half of a charming couple walking down Main Street on a Saturday night.”

“I don’t know what you mean. All I know is that this whole argument started because I made a simple little request. I wanted you to take the children to the beach like any normal father.”

“Sorry,” he said with a wry smile. “I’m feeling a little abnormal today.”

“Is that meant to be a joke?”

“I guess so.”

“Well, it’s not funny. You have been acting abnormal recently — losing all that money on a horse race last week, going for those long walks alone every night, drinking down in that awful café and staying so late I have to phone you to come home.”

“I like to walk. And I drink coffee, almost exclusively.”

“There’s coffee at home.”

“Yes.”

“But you prefer to go down there.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

He had a sudden impulse to tell her the real reason but the impulse went lame before it could move. He knew he would never have the nerve to tell her even half of the truth. “Gomez is an old patient of mine. I feel obliged to patronize him.”

“Very considerate of you.”

“Besides, when I go for a walk I like to have some kind of destination. Gomez’s place is just the right distance.”

“Does anyone ever see you in there?”

“If they look around, I imagine they see me. Why?”

“The place seems awfully low class. I wouldn’t want any of our friends to see you there.”

“Any real doctors, you mean?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, I’ll make you a promise, Elaine. If I ever see any real doctor coming in the front door I’ll sneak out through the kitchen.”

He expected her to get angry or at least to accuse him of sarcasm. She did neither. “Thank you, Gordon,” she said calmly. “That will be very kind of you.”

“Elaine, before you go, I’d like to ask you one question.”

“Ask it.”

“How did you first find out I went down to Gomez’s place?”

“You can’t keep a secret in this town. Only a fool would try.”

“You’re sure I have secrets?”

“Your face is crawling with them.”

Hazel had come in the back door but they were too engrossed in the quarrel to notice her. They stood in the hot, dark little hall, eyeing each other like fighters planning the next, the most devastating blow.

“Pardon me,” Hazel said.

They both turned and looked at her as if she had dropped from another planet to invade their private world. Neither of them spoke.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Hazel said, addressing Elaine. “I just came back to help Dr. Foster pour up an inlay... My, it’s certainly hot, isn’t it?”

Elaine blinked. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

“A perfect day for the beach.”

“Yes, I thought so too. Apparently I was wrong.” She buttoned the little bolero she wore over her yellow linen sundress, and slung the rope straps of her beach purse over her left shoulder. “Well, I’ll be going now, Gordon. I don’t want to interfere with anything you and Hazel had planned.”

“I’ll take you out to the car.”

“Don’t bother. I’m quite accustomed to finding my way around alone.” She walked down the hall to the back door, passing Hazel without a glance. “When you’re ready to come home, Gordon, give me a call.”

“All right.”

“Unless you’d prefer a nice long walk.”

Gordon colored. “I’ll walk.”

“Good. And I’ll have a pot of coffee waiting for you. You like coffee so much.”

She closed the door behind her very softly to indicate to Gordon that she was not in the least angry.

She went out into the court, past the goldfish pond and the lantana hedges, holding her head high, looking like a real doctor’s wife. But when she reached the sidewalk she began to tremble so violently that she could hardly walk. She stood for a moment and pressed the palms of her hands over her eyes. Behind her closed lids there were no pictures, only a moving mass of colors, the reds of rage, the grays of terror.

Gordon turned to Hazel. “Don’t say anything.”

“I had no inten—”

“In fact, it might be a good idea if you went home.”

“But—”

“Now.”

“All right.”

When both the women were gone, he began to whistle again.