Words Heard In Silence / Xena Uber

"And you think you belong here, with her? I am not trying to cause you distress, Charlie. I am just playing devil’s advocate. How does she feel about you?"

"She is taking it slow and carefully, but I think she wants me. Wants me to be here with her. At least, I hope so."

Polk sat down in the chair nearest the fireplace and just shook his head. "I have known you for nearly thirteen years, Charlie, and this is the first time I have ever heard you talk like this." He looked up to his friend. "So what are your plans?"

"This is so new, we really have not had time to make plans. I think the war will be over soon, so I will see my duty out with it, then we will have to see."

The second in command sighed, and then smiled at his friend. "Well, Charlie, if this is what you want and she truly makes you happy, I shall look forward to dancing at your wedding."

"I fully expect you to be there, my friend. Um.... Perhaps? Um... Well, that is, if she accepts my offer, um..."

"Yes?"

Well, if she accepts my offer, I would like my executive officer to stand with me."

"I would be honored, Charlie. It will be my pleasure to give you to someone else that will have to put up with your bullheaded ways. I hope the lady has better luck with you than I have."

Charlie laughed out loud, a full, rich laugh unlike any Richard had ever heard.

"Yes, I do think this lady is good for you. Congratulations, my friend."

"Well, my friend, first I have to get her to say yes."

Richard rolled his eyes. "Somehow I think you will have no problems."

Elizabeth cleared her throat as she and Rebecca entered the room. "I hope you boys are done talking about us."

Charlie and Richard both executed courtly bows. "Never, Mesdames, never when there are such lovely ladies to fascinate us." Charlie was being the charming Charlestonian.

Elizabeth shared a smile with Rebecca. "Such romantic gentlemen we have before us Rebecca."

"Indeed." She winked at Charlie before setting the tray on the table. "They do know how to turn a lady’s head. I know Colonel Redmond certainly turned a couple earlier today."

Both men remained standing by the fireplace as the ladies settled themselves. "And which heads would you be referring to, Miss Rebecca?"

"Well. It seems that two of Culpeper’s young ladies seem to have an eye for our charming Colonel."

Charlie's right eyebrow raised. "I hardly think so."

Rebecca giggled at Charlie’s response. "Please, Colonel Redmond. Those two were eyeing you like you were the catch of the day." She poured a glass for him and held it out. "The moment you said hello, they simply melted."

"I hardly think so, Miss Rebecca. More likely they wilted under Mrs. Williams onslaught."

Elizabeth chuckled. "Hardly. I heard them whispering about you as they were leaving. Miss Reynolds thinks you are just the most handsome thing she has ever seen and Miss Simms thinks you have wonderful blue eyes."

Charlie blushed. "Clearly the result of an extended lack of masculine company. Were we at peace, they would not have looked at me twice."

Now it was Rebecca’s turn to laugh. "Right." She tried to quell the laughter by sipping her brandy. "Colonel Polk, has Colonel Redmond always been delusional or is this something new?"

"Charlie has always been a modest gentleman, and rarely one for the ladies."

"Then I believe I am doubly honored to have caught the Colonel’s eye."

"My dear lady, you have caught more than my eye." Charlie dropped to his knee beside Rebecca's chair and gathered her hand into his.

She smiled, feeling him running his thumb over her hand. "Have I?"

He looked into her eyes and asked, "Can you doubt it, dear heart?"

Rebecca reached out, tracing her finger down Charlie’s cheek. "Not when you look at me like this." She brushed her thumb over Charlie’s chin. "You have indeed won my heart, Charlie."

Charlie gathered her hands in his and turned them, tenderly kissing the palm of each. Elizabeth and Polk quietly slipped out of the room, leaving the two lovers to themselves.

--*--

Rebecca removed her dress, placing it in her sitting room for Lizbet to collect for laundering. Dressed in her chemise she returned to her bedroom and turned down the bed. She puttered around the room absently, readying it for the night, while waiting for Charlie to come in. He had gone to the infirmary with Elizabeth to check on the condition of Major Montgomery.

She pulled her nightgown from the dresser and placed it on the bed. Then she slowly began undoing the buttons of her chemise. She slid it from her shoulders then gathering it at the waist she bent to push it to the floor. Stepping out of it, she turned to find Charlie standing in the doorway.

Suddenly she was frozen, the sound of her heart pounding loud and hard in her ears. A huge part of her hoped that the Colonel would come take advantage of the situation by laying his hands on her.

Charlie stood like a statue, drinking in the beauty of this woman with his eyes, torn between offering her the privilege of privacy and taking her in his arms then and there.

Finally, he remembered to breath. "Rebecca?"

The sound of his voice broke her entranced state. Startled, she reached for her nightgown, and quickly pulled it over her head. She could not look at him; her embarrassment and shame were too great.

Charlie stood there the whole time, his eyes closed, his breathing shallow. He was trembling. The voice in his head was alternating between screaming at him for being an unmannered, ungrateful clod for taking advantage of Rebecca like this, and laughing at him for dreaming that she could really love him. Between the aching want that burned through his chest and the black truth that he could never have the love he so craved, it took everything that Charlie was to remain standing. He wanted to curl around that searing pain and try to find some surcease, if only for a little while.

"Forgive me, Colonel. I did not hear you come in." She kept her eyes on the floor, too embarrassed to look at him. He must think I am awful for letting him catch me like that.

Charlie looked up at her, confused, in pain. She was saying something to him. He could not quite understand the words coming from her mouth. All he could see was that she could not look him in the eyes. "Ahhh. Uhhh. I am sorry. I did not mean to intrude." Somehow, he had to get away, but he could not seem to get his feet to work.

"You did not intrude. It is your room too. I should have changed in the other room." She gestured to the door. "I am sorry, I did not mean to embarrass you."

Charlie swallowed, hard. Somehow, he needed to get his voice back, his control back. "You did not embarrass me, dear. It is just that you are so beautiful, you take my breath away."

I am beautiful? Oh, he has been alone too long. She blushed at the compliment. "You are very kind to say such things, Charlie."

He took one step toward her. His voice dropped to a deep rumble. "I am not kind. I am truthful. To me, you are beautiful." If she had had the courage to look, she would have seen the truth of those words shining out of his eyes.

She did look to him. She smiled, trying not to cry at his kindness. "Charlie, you are the first person to ever tell me that. Is it any wonder you have won my heart?"

He saw the tears threatening to fall, the pain in her eyes. Like a moth drawn to a candle flame, he moved close, gently cupping her chin in his hand. He whispered to her, caught in a moment of awe and longing. The pain burned in his chest. Here was the only cure for the pain that ate his soul away. "Rebecca, dearest lady, you are beautiful. Your face is beautiful, your eyes are as lovely as the new green of spring, and your body draws me so that I want to hold and caress and protect you for the rest of my life. And your heart and soul are pure beauty." He knew that she saw him as a man. He knew that when the reality of loving one such as he was truly sunk home, she would go. He knew that when it did, she would take with her more than his heart. She would take his soul, too.

She placed her hands on his chest, looking at him to try to make him understand her simple words. "I love you, Charlie. And I want to know if you will do something for me."

"I will do anything you ask of me."

"I know what I feel for you is true, Charlie; that I love you. I know what that means and all that goes with it. I need you to trust me, Charlie, to help me, to go slow and easy. I have desires I have never felt before and I find them a bit frightening. I need to learn to deal with them."

Charlie reached up and tentatively cradled Rebecca's shoulders in his hands. On his face was a look that tore at Rebecca's heart. It was the look of a child, lost, wanting so much to please and to be loved, totally bewildered at what to do, and terrified of doing something wrong. "Whatever you need, Rebecca. Whatever you want." She could feel him trembling under her hands.

"Then," She looked down and then back up, a furious blush heating her cheeks. "When we go to bed...would you, would you hold me?"

"I have to confess something. I wake in the night sometimes with you in my arms." Shamed at his own weakness, he lowered his eyes from hers. "I know I should have moved away, but I could not. I could not let you go. Yes, I would very much like to be able to hold you and know that it is what you want." In a much smaller voice, he added. "And I crave the warmth of you."

She smiled, placing a hand gently under his chin to make him look up. "A time for confessions, my dear Charlie. Once I know you are asleep, I roll as close to you as I can get. I crave your warmth and strength, dear Charlie. I feel very safe in your arms."

A shy smile lit his face. "Then you shall have my arms around you for as long as you want them, dear lady."

"Charlie?"

He quirked an inquiring eyebrow at her.

"Let us go to bed."

"Do I have time to change clothes? I am a little overdressed." All of a sudden, Charlie, standing in his uniform, was nervous as a cat.

"Yes of course. I will go and brush my hair. Call me when you are ready." She leaned up on her toes and gave a gentle kiss to his lips then left the room for her sitting room.

Charlie moved quickly to strip himself of his uniform. As he released the binding around his breasts, the voice came back again. The transformation from male to female was once again complete. Ah yes, she does love her strong, gentle Colonel Charlie. But that is not who holds her at night, is it? You are not the person she is falling in love with. She is falling in love with the image you created –– she is falling in love with a fraud. Certainly, you can give her what she thinks she needs for now. Companionship. Comfort. A warm body at night. She has missed these things and you are there and convenient and safe.

And what will she think when you ask for more? When you want her to touch you? When your womanhood is obvious to her hands and eyes? What then?

With a heavy sigh, Charlie washed up at the basin then pulled on her nightshirt. She spent a few moments on purely domestic issues. With a shovel full of hot coals from the fireplace dropped into the warming pan, she carefully heated the sheets to make their bed a warm and comforting space. She fluffed the pillows, and smoothed the sheets, then stepped to the door. "Rebecca?"

The door opened slowly. Rebecca looked to Charlie with a shy smile. Rebecca ran her hand over her hair, which she had been brushing non-stop for the last few minutes. She giggled nervously. "Charlie."

Charlie extended her hand to Rebecca and waited for her to enter.

Rebecca took Charlie’s hand, hoping Charlie would not notice how much her own was shaking. She tried but just could not wipe the silly smile from her face.

A soft, almost bittersweet smile lit Charlie’s features, and she lifted Rebecca’s hand to her lips, whispering a touch of lips over her knuckles. Charlie helped her into the high bed, then banked the fire to burn slow and warm all night, doused all the candles and lamps except for one, and climbed into bed.

Rebecca waited for Charlie to move to her. She did not want to upset Charlie by doing something she would not like. Rebecca felt like a new bride, only this time she was enjoying the feeling and the slight giddiness in her stomach.

Carefully, Charlie moved toward Rebecca, and then gently slipped one arm under her shoulders. "Is this all right with you?"

"It is perfectly all right." Rebecca sighed and cuddled as close as she could. "It is wonderful."

Charlie shifted and drew her tighter against her chest. She buried her face in Rebecca’s hair and savored the unique smell of it, with hints of lavender from her shampoo. A small sound, almost like a whimper, escaped Charlie’s lips.

"Charlie, are you all right?" Rebecca started to pull away. "Should I move? Have you changed your mind?"

"Shhhhh. I am fine." Charlie drew Rebecca gently back to her chest. "Please, do not leave. I... I need to... " Charlie’s voice almost broke. She tried again, in a much smaller voice. "I need to be close to you." Rebecca could feel the tension in her. A fine, subtle tremor quivered through the muscles of Charlie’s body. Charlie could not tell Rebecca that having her in her arms eased that burning hole in her chest, in her soul. That her internal demons warned her that this would not last, that Rebecca would someday walk away. That she was memorizing every moment, every sensation to take out in the future and examine like a cherished prize. That she knew that someday these memories of Rebecca in her arms would be the only thing she had, and that she would use them to both sustain and torture herself for the rest of her life.

Rebecca hummed, getting closer to her. "I love this, Charlie. Love being close to you. Feeling you hold me," she looked up slowly. "Will you do something else for me?"

"Anything." Charlie managed to make her response sound almost normal. It was not easy.

"Kiss me."

Charlie’s eyes fluttered shut. Her breathing stopped for a second. Then she slowly shifted, bringing her body around so that Rebecca rested in the curve of her arm as she held herself above the smaller woman. As she did, Rebecca shifted to slide her arm under Charlie and around her back. With her free hand, Charlie caressed Rebecca’s face then cradled Rebecca’s head in her hand. Charlie lowered her face to Rebecca’s, then very slowly, and very gently, their lips met. It was a dream of a kiss, a reverent salute, sweet and tender and undemanding.

"Hmm," Rebecca moaned, smiling a little. "That was...so nice."

Charlie stayed hovered above Rebecca’s body for a moment. Then she laid her face in the crook of Rebecca’s neck, and wrapped her arm around her waist, pulling her closer still. "Oh, yes."

Rebecca's heart was hammering in her chest and her body was feeling sensations she had never before experienced. "Oh yes." She echoed, her hands running over Charlie’s back.

Charlie felt as if she was suspended halfway between heaven and hell. Rebecca’s touch was like fire. Rebecca’s innocence was a bastion Charlie refused to assault. Nothing had ever felt like having Rebecca in her arms, warm, compliant. Her affection was so tender it brought tears to Charlie’s eyes. The heat from her body ignited Charlie’s core. The knowledge that this would all be taken from her someday beat at Charlie’s soul. She was helpless in Rebecca’s arms.

Happy and safe, Rebecca settled in and closed her eyes to enjoy the security of this moment. Her breathing settled in to the soft, regular rhythm of sleep.

--*--

I lie here, holding this beautiful woman in my arms, my body hungering for more than just holding her. Oh God, dear God. What have I done?

It has been so long, and she feels so soft and sweet. She feels so right in my arms. I want to stay here. I want the damned war to go away. I want this to be real. But tomorrow I will rise, and eventually orders will come and I will have to ride away.

Will I take her heart with me?

I will leave my soul behind.

Dear God. What have I done?

I want to stay. I want to winter here in this beautiful place, with this beautiful woman and pretend that this is not the winter camp of an army at war, but instead a fine horse farm, breeding the most beautiful beasts in the state. A happy home, a place where others may come and be safe.

Please God.

I am so tired. I just want to lie in this lovely soft bed, holding this lovely tender woman and rest. I want to rise in the morning and have it all be real. I want to have a life that is not mud and miles, sweat and stuffy tents, waiting and being afraid, bleeding, death and more mud. Always mud. Sometimes brown, sometimes red with the blood of men and horses, but always mud. What would it be like to have a home, to have the love of a woman like her? But it cannot be, can it?

That hated voice in Charlie’s head spoke into the darkness –– that voice of the proper southern woman, of Charlotte. You gave up any hope of real love, of family, of a normal life that day when you left, did you not Charlie? That day when you killed me.

Charlie is not real, you fool. Charlie is your armor, the place you hide. You can never marry. You cannot raise a family. What woman would want you, Charlie –– really want you? You are no man. You act like one, you talk like one, you dress like one, but take away the title, the clothes and you are not one. When the reality sinks in, she will not want you.

Yes, you are safe. You are worlds better than the men out there who will use her and hurt her. You are better than that. You are safe. For the simple price of her body, you give her protection from rape or worse. And you are novel –– something she has never felt before –– her dirty little secret that she can take out on cold nights and remind herself that once she was naughty and bad and wicked and sinful. On those nights when the dullness and drudgery of her life are more than she can stand. That is what you are good for, Charlie Redmond.

Something stirred in Charlie’s soul. Some small light of hope had been kindled in the tenderness of this night, of Rebecca’s trusting love. For the first time, Charlie answered that taunting voice. What if you are wrong? What if she really does love me? Have not I paid my prices? Is it so bad that two people can find some comfort, some love in this world? I do not care what it costs. I am going to try. And I will be here. I will love her. I will give her whatever she is ready to accept from me. For as long as she wants me.

When sleep finally came, Charlie had a small, hopeful smile on her face.

CHAPTER 11

Thursday, November 24, 1864

Rebecca rolled over, reaching for Charlie, who was long gone from the bed. She smiled and stretched, allowing the memory of the previous night to wash over her. Her body still felt Charlie’s touch and she relished it, "Oh, Charlie."

Sighing, she rose from bed and called for Lizbet. She was slipping into her dressing gown when the young woman entered the room. "Yes, Ma’am."

"Have you seen Colonel Redmond this morning?"

"Yes, Ma’am. The Colonel rose early and went to camp. He said to tell you he would return for lunch."

"Thanks you. Could you please draw a bath for me."

"Yes, Ma’am. What would you like to wear today?"

Rebecca smiled, an indulgent look crossed her face. "Something bright and pleasing. I feel good today, Lizbet, and I want the world to know it."

The young woman smiled, crossing to the wardrobe. "I would guess that Colonel Redmond is feeling very good today as well, Miss Rebecca. He had a very bright smile on his face all through breakfast this morning. I have not seen him eat so much since we arrived. Sarah said if his appetite stays like this, he will need to have his uniform altered."

The blonde snorted at the thought. Knowing what she did about Charlie and his uniform, she could only imagine what kind of alterations he could make.

--*--

Charlie looked around his tent and the furnishings that had been packed up. Jocko was placing the last of his things in a crate. "Well, it will be nice to have the spare tent," the batman mumbled as he moved the crate to the opening.

"If you would like Jocko, you can take it for yourself. Give yourself the treat of a little privacy."

"And what do you think the boys would do without me yelling at them?"

"Give me a medal for getting you out of their hair?"

Jocko looked to his friend. "So tell me, Colonel C, what has you acting like a man reborn overnight?"

Charlie smiled gently. "I found a healing to a part of me that has been wounded for so long I did not realize it still hurt."

"And I take it that this healing has happened in the company of one Miss Rebecca?"

"Well, she has been tending to my injuries and illnesses." .

Jocko gave his friend a sly grin, before turning away and adding. "I think she is tending to more than your physical body. Charlie, she soothes your soul. Do you have any idea how much you smile now?"

"Who me? I always smile when I am relaxed. You just rarely see me relaxed. Seriously, though, old friend. She is a very special lady, one I hope I will be allowed to see grow old."

"Is it that serious now? What are you thinking, Charlie?"

"Between us, old friend, I am thinking that when this conflict is over, I will take my twenty year retirement and come back here and properly woo and marry the lady. If she will have me."

"Marry the lady?" He turned around, the shock registering clearly on his face. "You are serious."

"I am."

"And what does the lady say about this?"

"I do not know. I have not asked her."

"Marriage? Good Lord, Charlie, has it slipped by your good senses that you have only known this lady for a month?"

"No, it has not. That is why I am taking things slowly, and why I will not take any radical action until the war is over."

"I hope for your sake, and the sake of the lady, you know what you are doing, Charlie. I want you to be happy; I do not want you to be hurt. And I do not want to see the lady hurt either."

"Nor do I, Jocko. I want her to be cared for and loved as she deserves to be." A wistful look came over Charlie's face. "And if someone came along who could do that better than I...."

"Well, I doubt that will be the case. I think you are the man for the job, Charlie. Now all we have to do is get you through this war in one piece so you can come home to your lady." Jocko gave a quick laugh. "Of all things I thought we would be discussing about the end of the war, this was not among them."

"Jocko? You and I started at the same time. What had you planned to do when your time in the army is up?"

"Colonel C, I have lived in the army all my life and I am sure I will die in the army. I will probably be sent off to some post where they need a hotheaded Irishman to keep the boys in line."

"Well, my friend, if you change you mind, I will find a way to keep you occupied."

"Oh is that so? You think that you and the lady will need a hotheaded Irishman to help you keep the place going?" He smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. "Or maybe you want me around to protect you from the lady. I know she is almost has hard headed as you are."

Charlie threw his head back and laughed. "My friend, maybe I am just trying to keep you from destroying the morale of the western forces - 'cause none of them will be able to keep up with you. More seriously, the time after the war will be hard - very hard. We could use your charm and your skill."

"Well, I suppose Virginia is just as good a place as any to settle. Some mighty pretty ladies in town that will be husband hunting after the war." He winked. "Might even find myself a lovely just like you did."

"Well, let us see what we can do to help make the end of the war less painful - at least for a few folks."

"I will be right there with you, Colonel C. Just like always."

Charlie slapped Jocko on the shoulder. "Good plan, my friend, good plan. Now, lets go see how the boys are doing at getting ready for winter."

--*--

"Ma’am?"

Rebecca turned to find Corporal Nailer and several other troopers carrying various trunks, boxes and crates. "What can I do for you, young Duncan?"

"These things belong to the Colonel, Ma’am. Sergeant Jackson told us to fetch them up here. Where should we put them?"

"Well you may put his command items in the managers office and his personal things at the foot of the steps. I will have Reg take them upstairs."

"Yes, Ma’am."

She held the screen door for the men to pass through, then she stepped out on the porch for a breath of fresh air. She turned when she heard the soft clomping of a horse. Charlie was riding toward the house slowly, obviously enjoying the crisp autumn air.

"Why look at you, Colonel Redmond. Out for a lazy ride?" She smiled as he climbed down from his mount.

"No, Miss Rebecca. I have been out riding fence this morning to see how repairs are coming."

"Are they suitable?"

"Indeed. My boys are doing a fine job."

She held out her hand. "Come, Colonel. Sarah has prepared a wonderful lunch for us."

"If it is all right with you, Miss Rebecca, I will be having my officers in for a meeting after lunch." He said as he wrapped her arm through his.

"I told you that the manager’s office was yours. You may do with it what you will." She gave him a coy smile. "It is only fitting that the gentleman of the house should have his private office."

Charlie stumbled slightly. The gentleman of the house. I think I like that. A lot.

Right. You think you can play this role forever, Charlie Redmond? What are they gonna do when you slip and someone finds out just what you are.

Shut up! I have pulled this off successfully for 19 years. I am not about to slip now. "Thank you, Rebecca. You offer me a home and a place when I have not had either for many years. I am more grateful than I can tell you."

--*--

Immediately after lunch, Charlie adjourned to his new office. The staff officers gathered for their daily meeting, some grousing and some being amused that the Colonel did not join them in the mess, opting for joining the lovely lady instead of his scruffy officers. Overall, Charlie’s choice of luncheon companion did him no harm in the men’s eyes. If anything, they were proud of their Colonel, who had suddenly manifested as a lady’s man. It had certainly squelched the rumors that the Colonel preferred the personal company of men.

Charlie could not help but smile as he heard the quiet whispers between the men as they filed in for the meeting. He hid the smirk with a twitch of his lips.

"Well, Gentlemen. Welcome to my new office. Shall we begin? Company A, report."

The meeting went on as expected. The issues of wintering in, regimental morale and immediate needs were all discussed at length. Finally, Charlie announced that the regiment would hold a gymkhana, a traditional series of competitive events that demonstrated various aspects of horsemanship. Appropriate awards would be made to all of the winners. Charlie’s staff agreed that this would help to meld the troops together into a cohesive team, a critical factor for his patched together regiment.

As he escorted the staff to the door and sent them on their way to attend to afternoon duties, Charlie looked around at the office, piled with boxes of papers, many of which he needed to read and file. It was a long, boring afternoon that stretched into evening and a hastily eaten supper on a tray at his desk.

--*--

Rebecca was upstairs in her sitting room, reading, when Charlie finally finished and came to find her. "All finished with your paperwork?"

"For today," Charlie sighed, taking a seat on the settee to remove his boots. "I learned very quickly when I became an officer that there is never an end to the paperwork. That is one thing I shall not miss about the army." He turned and looked at her. "Actually, I do not think I will miss anything about the army."

"I am sure all your training will come in very handy in getting our farm up and running again."

"I am sure it will. Between knowing how to keep the books and manage insufficient supplies and figuring out how to keep a herd of horses going regardless, I think I might be very good at this."

"I think," Rebecca laid her book aside, "you will be very good at this. I do believe that we will have the finest program in all of Virginia."

"I hope so, dear lady. I would love to give you all of the comforts that you deserve."

"Charlie, having you here with me is the only comfort I desire."

"Beloved, I will do my very best to be here for you. You know that I have responsibilities to see to until the war ends, but I promise, I will come back to you. I will take very, very good care of myself."

For a moment Rebecca’s heart stopped beating, her breath caught in her throat as the thought that Charlie might not come home ran through her mind. She reached over and placed her hands on Charlie’s shoulders. "You must come back to me, Charlie. If you do not……I……I shall not be able to go on. Promise me you will be careful and not take unnecessary risks."

"Having you to come back to is the best incentive I could possibly have for being very, very careful. They will not call me Lucky Charlie any more, they will call me the cowardly Charlie." He laughed gently and pulled her into his arms, "My dear, I will do everything in my power to come back to you. I want to have time to explore our relationship, and to discover all that is possible for us."

She sighed, nodding at his reassurances. "I know you will." She opened her eyes and looked at him. "But we have a while before you will have to leave. So there is no need to worry about it now."

"Do I have you to come back to? I hope so with all my heart." Charlie released his hold on her, and slid from her side on the settee. Holding her hand in his, he knelt at her feet.

"You know you do, Charlie. Please do not doubt that."

He looked up at her. She was struck by the look of fearful hope in his eyes. "You know that I love you with all my heart."

"And I you, my dear Colonel."

He swallowed, hard. Clearly, whatever he was trying to say was not easy.

"Charlie?" She was worried about his color, suddenly he looked very pale.

The voice spoke up. Charlie, you fool. Why are you even...

Shut up! She loves me. I have to believe she loves me.

"Rebecca. Mrs. Gaines. Dear lady. I do not have a lot to offer." God, help me. This is so much more difficult than facing a charging line of pike men.

"What is wrong, Charlie? Please tell me."

He looked down at her hand, so small and delicate in his own. Damn. I do not even have a ring. "Rebecca." He drew a deep breath. "When I return after this war is over, would you... would you consider doing me the honor..." His throat closed for a moment.

Rebecca looked at him expectantly. She did not want to assume what he was going to say but that giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach was back. "Yes?"

"Would you consider doing me the honor of being my wife? I know that someday a real man may come along that will meet your needs, but until then, please. I would do whatever you want, be whatever you ask of me, whether that be friend or lover. Please?" There. It was out. The scariest thing he had ever done was over. And the nasty little voice had stayed quiet. Now all he had to do was wait.

She smiled, cupping his face in her hands; she leaned forward, placing a kiss to his lips. "Yes. Yes, Charlie, I would be honored to marry you, but on one condition."

He looked at her, waiting to learn her condition. She had seen that expression on his face once before - the look of a child who did not know if they were going to be hit or hugged. Yet, for all of that, there was hope in his face.

"That you never speak of stepping down again. I love you, Charlie. I want you. There will be no other."

A look of wonder dawned on his face as her words slowly seeped into his brain. He caught both of her hands, pressed them together and covered them with light kisses. "Thank you. I love you so, my dear, dear Rebecca." He turned the palms of her hands up, and placed reverent kisses in each one. "I love you."

He pulled the small garnet ring from his little finger, the only thing he had of his mother and gently placed it on her finger. "I am sorry, but I have not had time to go to a jewelers to get you a ring. This was my mother's; would you wear it until I can get something more appropriate?"

Her hand covered her mouth as she gasped. "Oh, Charlie, I love you, so very much, but I cannot take a ring that belonged to your mother."

"Why not? When we marry, everything that is mine will be yours. And you already own my heart and soul."

"Charlie, that ring belonged to your mother. You should keep it close to your heart."

Charlie smiled at that. "Rebecca, if it is on your finger, it will be closer to my heart than it could ever be on my hand."

Rebecca was beyond words. Very gently, he leaned forward and gathered her into his arms. They stayed like that for long moments, his kneeling form embracing her gently. Finally, the awkwardness of the position forced them to shift. But the tenderness remained. It was a night of tender caresses and softly whispered words of love.

--*--

Monday, November 28, 1864

Charlie rose early, as was his habit. The illness that had plagued him had also kept him from his regular routine of exercise, something that was critical to maintaining his public deception. The work uniform that he habitually wore for running in was clean, much to his relief. He disliked taking any chances.

He ran the longer version of his circuit, behind the stables, around the small pond, up Gaines Run, back down the other side of the pond and back across the stream. It was roughly ten miles, across sometimes rough country. It felt spectacular, with the cool air keeping him from overheating too badly, but not so cold as to be uncomfortable. He missed the morning officer’s mess, because of the duration of his run. As he approached his office thinking that perhaps Beulah could bring him something from Sarah’s now fully functional kitchen, he was quite startled to notice the Reverend William’s carriage approaching not the main entrance to the house, but the side entrance to his office.

He stood, waiting for the carriage to stop, flushed, sweaty, hair disordered by the wind, wearing the tight britches and short tunic that were his regular clothes for running. He forgot that the britches showed every detail of his anatomy, including the padding he used to sustain his masculine image. To the two women in the carriage, he was indeed the image of a stalwart man in that moment.

Mrs. Williams sniffed. "He just stands and waits, in all of his dirt."

Grace Cooper was much more realistic, "What would you expect him to do, see us coming and run to get a bath and clean clothes?" To herself she thought, my, my Rebecca, I do see what you mean. He is absolutely delicious looking.

Charlie stepped to the side of the carriage, and offered a hand to the ladies. "Good morning, ladies. If you care to come into the office, I will send for some tea. To what do we owe this early morning visit?"

Mrs. Williams ignored Charlie’s hand and his offer. "Colonel, we will not stay. I just wanted to let you know that we are starting to get an influx of refugees from your war. What are you going to do about it? We have no resources to take care of these…… these waifs."

"Refugees? How many, ma’am?"

Mrs. Cooper cut in, fully aware of how little information Mrs. Williams could convey when she was on one of her righteous streaks. "Colonel Redmond, in the past twenty-four hours, we have seen seven groups of refugees, mostly women and children, come to the steps of the church looking for sustenance and shelter. We have given them soup and a roof in the form of the church, but with winter coming on, we cannot care for these people. Since you so generously offered to help, we hoped you would be able to do something."

"Of course, Mrs. Cooper, Mrs. Williams. We will do whatever we can. Can you tell me if there are any buildings available that could be turned into refugee quarters?"

Mrs. Williams sniffed. "I do not know about such things. You would have to ask my husband or the other gentlemen in town. And furthermore, these people are your responsibility, not ours."

Charlie looked down for a moment. Something about this woman just plain irritated him. "Well, then, ma’am. We will find a way to take care of them. I will have my quartermaster attend to it as soon as possible."

"See to it, Colonel. See to it." Without further comment, Mrs. Williams urged the horses on, leaving Charlie standing at the side of the road. He shook his head and walked into his office.

Refugees meant more people, more people meant more cots, more blankets, more shoes –– damned shoes, more medicine, more food, more clothing, more space, more firewood, more of everything. He was having enough problems with getting supplies for his own men. But he had promised.

A long letter went out that morning to General Sheridan, explaining the situation. Food he could do at least some things about, such as organizing hunting expeditions into the great forest on the lower slopes of the Blue Ridge. But the rest of the things he would need to care for these people would have to come from supply. Charlie had the mess deliver lunch to his office, and the meeting with his officers was long and querulous that day, as they wrestled with the problems that this would present to their already stretched resources.

By the time late afternoon arrived, Charlie was tired of the demands of command. A quick trip over to the infirmary confirmed that Montgomery was not yet conscious, but was slowly showing signs of returning to the world of the living. Charlie and Elizabeth spoke briefly, both concerned that at the rate of recover, Monty would suffer one of the common ailments of hospitalized people, pneumonia or pleurisy and succumb to that before his head had time to heal sufficiently for him to return to consciousness.

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed, and still dressed in the uniform he had worn to run in so many hours before, Charlie decided to quit early. Anyway, there was nothing more he could do until he heard back from Sheridan.

--*--

Charlie entered the parlor where Rebecca and Lizbet were going through the chests Rebecca had recently gotten out of storage.

The maid lifted the wedding gown from the chest. "Oh Miss Rebecca, it is beautiful. What should I do with it?"

Rebecca considered the gown. "Just launder it and pack it away. I have no need for it."

"But……"

"Please Lizbet, trust me with this." She smiled and patted the young woman’s arm, before looking up and seeing Charlie in the door. "Colonel, you are finished early today. That is good, I hope." She gave Lizbet a pat on her shoulder to send her on her way.

"The mountain of paperwork was pretty tough today. I think I have a headache just from reading all of the excuses from the Quartermaster General's office." Charlie flopped into a chair in front of the fireplace. "I also had some visitors from town today. There are some serious problems starting to arise because they are getting a constant stream of refugees from some of the areas that are now under siege. We will have to do something about it."

Rebecca slid up behind him and began a firm massage of tight and tired muscles. "Then maybe an early supper then off to bed for a good nights rest? We can worry about other things tomorrow."

He really had not paid much attention to Rebecca's interaction with her maid when he came in, but something was not quite right here. Something in her voice signaled some strain or concern. "Rebecca, dear, what is bothering you?"

"Oh, it is nothing Charlie. Just trying to vanquish some old demons." She took a deep breath and continued to rub his shoulders. "Would you like some tea? I will have Beulah make some fresh for you?"

"I think that tea and some quiet talk would be good for both of us, dear. Old demons are something you and I can dispel together."

"Then take off your boots and get comfortable while I see to it." She gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

Charlie pulled his boots off and slipped on the pair of carpet slippers that Rebecca had found for him. He thought carefully on what he had seen as he came in, and remembered the dress. It had been white, with a good bit of lace. Oh God, it was her wedding dress. I hope she is not regretting her relationship with me, and missing her husband. Charlie was feeling more than a little nervous, waiting for her return.

Within a few minutes they were seated side by side sipping warm tea and resting, watching the flames in the fireplace. Rebecca glanced to Charlie. "Better? How is your headache?"

"Yes, love. Just being with you is enough to ease my stress."

"I am glad." She reached over and intertwined her fingers with his. "How is winter camp coming? Is everything coming together for the men?"

"You know it is. You want to tell me what has you upset and what you are avoiding, love?"

"I fear you are getting to know me too well. I assure you it is nothing. Simply old memories, but now is not the time to look back. Now is the time to look forward. We have much to plan for when you come home to stay."

"Rebecca, darling, we both have many ghosts in our past. We will have to face many challenges in the future, as well. I think it would serve both of us to find those things that lurk in our memories and expunge them - both for ourselves and for our future." The gentleness of his voice softened the bluntness of his words.

She looked down at her teacup. "It is my husband." She looked to her lover. "I swear to you it is not important anymore, Charlie. I do not know why I let it bother me so."

"Love, if it bothers you, it is important. Tell me. Let us lay that ghost to rest together, dear." As long as that ghost is around, eventually he will come between us. And I swear, if I can do anything to dispel that, I will.

Yes, certainly, you will, Charlie - the knight on the white horse, displacing the real man with the false one.

"He hurt me, Charlie." She blurted it out before she had a moment to think about it. Now her biggest fear was that Charlie would view her as damaged goods and want to be as far away from her as possible. She prepared to let him walk out of her life.

Hurt her? He hurt her? His first reaction was anger. Immediately, he realized that she did not need his anger; she needed his understanding and love. Instead of lashing out, he gathered her in his arms. "I am so sorry, love. I do not know how he hurt you, or even why, but I do know that you could never do anything to deserve to be hurt."

She fought tears that threatened to overwhelm her from Charlie’s tenderness. "Thank you," she whispered.

Charlie braced himself, knowing perfectly well that when anyone had faced a painful and violent situation, talking about it was important. Time and again, he had sat and coaxed stories of pain, and fear and bewilderment out of his men. He could do no less for this gentle woman. "Can you tell me about it, love?"

"I do not know what to tell you, Charlie. It was an arranged marriage; we certainly did not love each other. He was several years older than I was; he made it quite clear from the very beginning that my place in this house was at his pleasure and his leisure. I tried to be a good wife, Charlie, I really did, but very little seemed to please him."

Charlie was very careful. The tone of her voice told him there was much more under these simple statements. "I am so sorry, it sounds like a very lonely and sterile existence. Perhaps if you continue, you will feel better."

She seemed to be thinking back and slowly detaching herself from the present, to pull up those old memories. "He used to decide everything for me, including what I was allowed to eat and wear. One time I spilled something on my day dress and I changed my clothes. When he came in he was furious," She paused, trying to sniff back the tears. "He grabbed me by the arm and took me to the wash room. He ripped the clean dress off me and made me put the other back on……" She stopped, her face twitching and lips quivering with the memory.

The image that came to Charlie's mind was clear. The deceased and not lamented Mr. Gaines clearly tried to control her, and may have enjoyed humiliating her. Charlie was very familiar with such harsh treatment. In fact, Gaines was sounding painfully like his own father after his mother's death. Gently he stroked Rebecca's back. "Its all right, my dear. You are safe now; just let it go. Give the memories to me and together we will put them in the past."

"He……ah……he used to tell me I was worthless and stupid and that I was lucky to have him. That I was fortunate that he took pity on me and married me. That he provided me a home and food and the clothes on my back." She wiped a tear way. "He was furious when I did not give him a child in the first year and that is when it started."

Charlie continued to softly stroke her back. He kept his voice low and neutral and continued to gently probe, trying to give her a safe space to let out all of the pain and all of the shame that went with such treatment. "Love, was it always like this, or did something happen that marked the start of this... harsh behavior?"

"When my father arranged the marriage, I know he thought I would be all right or he never would have done it. But from the very first day, he started telling me how he only married me because my family needed the prestige of being related to the Gaines’. That if he had his choice he would have picked a pretty woman, but I looked good and strong and would be well suited for giving him a son every year. And when I did not, he started drinking and then the beatings started." She gave a little laugh. "My family thought I had become the clumsiest human begin on Earth. I was always having an accident of some type. He told me that if I ever said differently, he would kill me and then say he caught me with a stable hand and did it in a moment of passion."

Strong arms held her gently. If she had broken down and sobbed, it would have been easier, but this flat, almost emotionless discussion, broken only by that little, painful, embarrassed laugh, frightened Charlie beyond words. It suggested that she actually believed the bastard's lies. "Rebecca, look at me, please."

She looked up, tears pooling in her eyes. "I swear, Charlie, I tried to be a good wife to him and I will try for you. I promise." The tears finally gave way and rolled down her cheeks.

Charlie held her gently and yet firmly. "Rebecca, look at me and listen to me very carefully. I want you to know that everything I am going to tell you is the absolute, unflinching truth."

She nodded, that frightened woman who lived in the back of her mind waiting for Charlie to tell her the same things. But her heart told her it could be different. "Yes?"

"To me, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I can get lost in your eyes; I joy in the sight and feel of your hair; your skin is like silk against my hands and lips. You have shown over and over how gentle you are and how caring, for me and for others. I am awed that you have managed to keep your home together as you have, facing the ravages of war alone. I am humbled by your bravery and your courage. The problem is not you, dear. It was never you. It was him."

"I have lived as I was taught by my parents, Charlie. To be kind, to care for others. I have lived by those teachings. I have only done what I need to. I am not special, I just want to love and be loved. I did not think that was wrong. But he made me feel like it was. He made me feel like a worthless whore sometimes. He used to tell me that is what I was when he forced himself on me. That I was nothing more than a brood mare, like the ones we kept in our stables."

Charlie held her close and stroked her hair. "He was wrong, beloved. He was so very, very wrong. There are some people in the world; people who are dead inside and who only feel alive when they can make someone else hurt. That is the only time that they can actually see that they can affect others. I do not understand it, but I have seen this on occasion. It is evil, reprehensible in every way, but it does happen. And these angry, broken people go through life hurting others, just as a rabid dog will lash out and injure anything or any one that gets in their way. I am so sorry that you fell into his hands, my heart. And I am even sadder that you bear the scars of his illness. But it was not your illness, it was his, I promise you."

Charlie cleared his throat and then plunged on - into the area that was hardest for him. "My love, I know what kind of scars someone like that can inflict. I told you about my father, some. How he beat me. What I did not tell you is how he acted for most of my life. When my mother died, I think that something in him died, too. Somehow, he was angry at the whole world, and since he could control me, he took it out on me. Finally, I could take it no more, and so you see me as I am. I chose to give up my identity, everything I was or could be to escape. You had the strength to remain true to yourself and withstand his illness."

"Oh, Charlie, I never would have had your courage. The courage it took to leave and never look back. I do not think you ran way. I think you were very courageous for doing what you did. Had my husband not left and died when he did, I am not sure I would have survived much longer. After Andrew was killed I really did not have a reason any longer." She caressed his cheek and smiled. "But now I think we were brought together from our terrible pasts. We both have so much that makes us different that we understand each other as no one else could. And I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life doing my best to give you the happiness you deserve."

"All you need to do, my dear, is to do your best to be happy for yourself. I love you. I want what is best for you. I will give you everything I can, and everything I am to keep you safe and give you the kind of life you deserve. The next words came like razors over his lips, but he said them anyway. "And if a real man should come into your life who can give you what I cannot, I will let you go to him."

Rebecca laughed as a thought crossed her mind and she looked up to Charlie. "Are you prepared for the sympathy you will receive when it becomes apparent that your wife cannot give the distinguish Colonel children?" She laughed again, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "And I assure you, Charlie. There is no one in my life but you and there never will be."

"For you, my dear, I would attribute that to a war wound."

"You most certainly will not." She grinned, "The town whispers about my inability now. May as well let them think that still."

"They would know differently, if the right man came into your life. I will not do that to you, dear." Charlie's heart cried. She had ignored his offer to stand aside if the right man came along.

"You are the right man, Charlie. There will be no other. I have learned what love is and I intend to hold onto you for dear life."

As darkness fell, the two sat, drained, cuddled together and quietly rejoicing in the simple comfort they offered one another’s wounded souls.

Chapter 12

Tuesday, November 29, 1864

Rebecca paced outside the door of Charlie’s office. He was still in his midday meeting and the fact she had been summoned made her wonder what was going on. In the time that Charlie had been there, he had never called her to his office when he was working.

She twisted her hands nervously, waiting for the meeting to end and the officers to leave. Finally, the door opened and the officers filed out, each of them smiling and offering various greetings to the woman.

"Good day, gentlemen." She smiled back before peeking into the office and rapping on the doorframe, "Charlie?"

"Come in, Rebecca, and please, have a seat." He rose from his desk and stood while she settled herself. "I know I am being a little presumptuous in asking you to join me here, but since this is official business, I thought it might be easier. We have a problem in town and I hope you can help fix it. There are refugees showing up from some of the harsher battle zones. The most charitable Mrs. Williams made it very clear that the people of Culpeper do not have the resources to help these folks. While I do not believe her, I do not know where to start."

"My goodness, for a woman who does not want or need our help she certainly was quick to bring this problem to us."

"Yes, well, she coerced your friend, Mrs. Cooper, into riding out here and dropping this in my lap. Got an eyeful, too, as I had just finished my morning run."

Rebecca chuckled, picking a piece of lint from her dress. "Charlie Redmond, you keep it up and I will have to beat the women of Culpeper off with a stick. But before that I suppose we should try and figure out what it is we can do to help. Your men have taken over most of the buildings on the land. I am not sure we have room for more people. Unless you have any ideas." She smiled at him. "You know I am always open to your suggestions."

Charlie tugged at his earlobe for a moment, obviously a little uncomfortable with what he was going to suggest. "I was thinking that if each of the leading families in Culpeper took one refugee family into their homes, and I saw to it that there were extra rations, extra blankets, that sort of thing, we would be able to handle much of the influx. You have a big house here, with lots of bed rooms that are not being used and I was hoping you would set the mark for the rest of them."

"Ah, I see. Well, yes I suppose we could take in a few of them, Charlie. But it will require lots of work to ready the house. Are your men finished enough with camp that you could allow them to lend a hand? I could not expect Duncan and Reg to do all the work."

"I could give you a squad of men –– what do you need? Or do you want to leave that to Duncan?"

"We will have to make sure the rooms are clean, find a way to prepare beds and storage. I think we will have to find and install stoves in some of the rooms. The fireplaces warm the house enough if you have proper clothing to ward off the chill, but I imagine these people will not have much. And Charlie, if there are any men among them I am afraid we will have to find spots for them with your troops. I just would not be comfortable having strange men residing in the house with displaced women and children."

"My dear, I am afraid that if there are any men among them, I will have to look very closely to see if they are potential enemy spies. As for the clothing and cleaning, I can do something about that. I am not sure I can find stoves, but we can make sure there is enough wood to keep all the fireplaces going, and I can get raw woolen material - nothing fancy, mind you, but at least I can get the material."

"They are probably sick and half starved too. Will Dr. Walker and her staff be able to offer medical care?"

"Absolutely. Elizabeth brought extra drugs with her and we have several medics working under Samuelson and Whitman who can provide care. I am a bit worried about taking care of the women; they may feel uncomfortable about day-to-day care from a man. However, I can hire more of Beulah's family to help."

She nodded. "All right, Charlie. We will do what we need to do to handle this problem. I suppose I should make a trip into town to see about this situation. Maybe the Coopers will be willing to help us with some of the supplies we will need, if they have them. Can I have Duncan take me into town this afternoon? That will give me time to talk with Elizabeth, if she is available." She shook her head. "I must say Colonel, your arrival has certainly made life very interesting."

"If you would like, I would be happy to drive you myself. I suspect it would be a good thing for me to meet with Mr. Cooper, Reverend Williams, and Mayor Frazier. That way, Duncan can get the crews working at the basic clean up and such."

She rose from her chair and moved to him, gracing him with her brightest smile. "I would love to have you take me." She gave him a sweet little kiss. "But now I should go see if I can find Elizabeth and speak with her. I will also get Duncan started, if that is all right with you."

"Tell Duncan that I will authorize him to select the ten men from the troops he feels will best help him. Polk knows about the problem; all of the company commanders were informed of it at the staff meeting, so he has all the cooperation he needs. When do you think you will be ready to go?"

"I think I can be ready in two hours. Is that good for you?"

Charlie rose from his chair and stepped over to stand very close to her indeed. He ran one finger under her chin and lifted her face to his, whispering, "Anything you want is good for me, darling." A soft kiss sealed the agreement.

She smiled when the kiss ended, rubbing her hand up and down his arm, taking a deep breath between clenched teeth. "Yes, I will have to get myself a big stick while I am in town, too."

Charlie looked confused, "A big stick?"

"Yes, Charlie, for beating the women away from my charming, gallant Colonel," she teased with a wink.

"You know you have no problem with that. No matter how many women are around, I only have one in my heart."

She tugged on his uniform, then smoothed the front of it. "Hmm……you just remember that, Charlie Redmond. I am afraid I have discovered I have a bit of a jealous streak."

"Well, love, you do have green eyes." Charlie smiled into those green eyes, enchanted and a little stunned that anyone would actually be jealous and possessive of him.

"Yes I do." She gave him another quick kiss and sighed happily. "But now I must take them and find Doctor Walker. I will see you in two hours time."

--*--

"This room will serve nicely as a ward where we can put several beds, but I am concerned about the chill." Rebecca waved her hand around the room as Elizabeth looked on. "I hope I will be able to find a spare stove in town. We are going to need to set up a room for you to use as an examination room are we not?"

"Yes, I should have one. It does not have to be as sterile as the surgery. If I need to perform surgery, I will want to do it there anyway, rather than try and move my tools around. A small, warm room would be good."

"There is a small room at the end of the hall we can have Duncan and the men prepare." She released a deep breath. "I never thought I would be turning my home into a half-way house for refugees, but Charlie is right, if we are going to heal this wound we need to set the standard. It will also make it easier for Charlie when he comes home."

Elizabeth looked at Rebecca questioningly. "You two are very serious, are you not?"

She nodded, trying to convey her sincerity to Elizabeth. "In confidence I tell you this, Elizabeth. Charlie has asked me to marry him when this war is over. And I said yes."

Elizabeth's hand covered her gaping mouth. When the power of speech had returned to her, she blurted out the first thing that came to her rather acerbic mind. "Well, you certainly have an interesting definition of taking it slowly and carefully."

Rebecca straightened, a bit thrown by the doctor’s reaction. "I realize it is quick. But I assure you, I love Charlie and will spend the rest of my life trying to make him happy and give him the life he wants. Is there something else? Do you not think Charlie and I should be together?" Rebecca’s stomach fluttered and she felt her body tingle with nervousness. She knew Charlie valued Elizabeth’s opinion and if she had reservations that might be enough to change Charlie’s mind about returning.

Elizabeth thought for a moment. "I am sorry, you know my tongue gets the better of me at times. Yes, it is quick. I suppose my concern is that the two of you may be getting involved because you are both lonely and each of you offers the other something you need very badly - safety, tenderness, a sense of belonging, an anchor in a very uncertain time. But if you and he are sure, well then, my dear, I will dance at your wedding."

She smiled, feeling the tears in her eyes recede. She took Elizabeth’s hand, giving it a squeeze. "My dear Elizabeth, had I married my first husband for such good reasons I might have loved him, but I did not, in either case. But, I assure you, I adore Charlie. I feel for him as I have never felt before. We are very sure about our feelings, but I would ask you to speak to Charlie about it as well to make sure. We would love for you to dance at our wedding."

An evil little grin sidled onto Elizabeth's face. "So does this mean that the rumors are true now?"

Rebecca blushed deep red immediately. "Elizabeth! I cannot believe you would ask such a thing." She tried to pretend she was shocked but failed when an equally wicked grin perched on her lips. "No. I have some concerns of my own to deal with, and I am not quite ready to take that step. I am not sure Charlie is either."

The blonde patted her friend’s hand. "And now I must go fetch the Colonel so we can make our way into town. Will you and Colonel Polk join us for supper tonight?"

"I would be glad to join you. As for the good Colonel Polk, you will have to ask him yourself. I certainly do not control his social calendar."

"I think for the opportunity to dine with you, Elizabeth, the Colonel would clear a meeting with Lincoln himself."

Elizabeth just smiled. "I will see you at dinner, then. Please suggest to Charlie that he invite Richard, if you want." I will work with Duncan and his lads to start getting this in order."

"Thank you. We will be home in a few hours. If you need anything at all just let Beulah or Reg know and they will fix you up."

"Thank you, dear Rebecca. Enjoy your visit with the biddies."

--*--

Charlie helped Rebecca into the little carriage. Shannon stood like a proper lady waiting patiently for the ride to begin. Charlie carefully tucked a blanket round Rebecca’s legs then climbed in next to her. She was quick to move the blanket so it was settled over both their legs. "Shall we, Colonel? Let us see if we can get a few more tongues wagging."

He snapped the reins, before glancing at Rebecca. "I do believe, my dear, you enjoy taunting the biddies."

"Colonel, would I do something like that?" She asked with the most sincere voice she could manage under the circumstances.

"Yes. Yes you would." He clucked his tongue, gave the reins another snap, sending Shannon into a gentle, but quick trot.

She looped her arm through Charlie’s, she had discovered she did so enjoy being with him and being able to touch him. "What would make you think such wicked things about the woman you want to marry?"

"Why, dear, it is simple. It is your spirit and spunk, your sense of humor, and the rebel in your soul that I do so love."

"I am glad we have found each other, Charlie. It seems that something good has come out of all of this."

Charlie transferred the reins to one hand so he could cover Rebecca's hand with his own. "You have given me so much, my dear. You have given me a future, when I had none. I love you."

I am giving him a future? Cannot he see it is me he is rescuing from an unknown fate? We will be together when this is over and we will both have something we never could have expected. "Oh Charlie, I love you too. You have no idea how much." She cuddled as close as she could to him, resting against his side.

Charlie settled in, just enjoying the contrast of the crisp fall air and the warm loving woman beside him. It was a moment to capture and hold, like a gem in his heart.

"Charlie, I want you to know something very important."

"What, my dear?" The tone of her voice had captured his total attention.

"I loved my brother as a sister should, and I loved my parents as a daughter should. ButI have never loved another the way I love you, the way a wife should love a husband. I want you to know that. I want you to take that with you and let it keep you safe, so you can come home to me."

The honesty of her words took his breath away. He pulled Shannon to a stop, and then turned to the small woman beside him. Reverently he took her hands in his larger ones. "I promise you, I will do everything in my power to come back to you, dear. I must go; I have given my oath. But no man ever had as much reason to come back alive as I do to come back to you. You know if you ever need me, for anything, all you have to do is call and if I am at all able, I will be here for you."

She raised his hand to her lips and brushed his knuckles over her cheek. "I know you will have to leave, and believe me it will be the hardest day of my life, letting you go. But I know you are going to come home and I will be here waiting." She gave a sad little smile, trying to hold back tears that wanted to fall as she thought of Charlie leaving. "I will be making wedding plans. You will wonder what you have gotten yourself into, my dear Charlie."

Charlie softly wiped her tears away, brushing his thumbs over her eyelids. "That reminds me. I need to make a trip to Washington. And I need to know your ring size, love."

"Oh Charlie, do not spend your hard earned money on something like that. I only need you. I could wear a band of copper and to me it would be the most precious thing because you gave it to me."

Charlie smiled. "I am not a rich man, but I have had few expenses in the last twenty years, and have accumulated enough to be more than comfortable. Anyway, I want you to be able to announce to the world that a man of substance has claimed you. If for no other reason, it will set the biddies on their ears. Will you want gold and diamonds? Perhaps an emerald for your eyes?"

Rebecca laughed, cuddling closer to him. "Whatever you desire, my love. And if you want to set the hens clucking with your choice I will be more than happy to flaunt my good fortune." She looked up at him, her brows drawn together. "Well, now that was not very charitable of me, was it?"

Charlie threw his head back and laughed. "My dear, look at what you are doing - taking in a broken down old colonel, a whole regiment of boys, and some stray refugees - and you think you are not charitable. Mrs. Williams needs to take lessons from you."

"Oh, Charlie, you are many things." She gave him a little leer. "Broken down and old are not among them."

They continued into town, and as they approached the church, Rebecca straightened and patted Charlie on the leg. "Let me off here, dear Charlie. I would imagine this is where I will find everyone I am looking for."

"I will go on to the courthouse first, then visit with Mr. Cooper, and meet you here. I want a word with Reverend Williams, myself."

"I will be here, and with any luck, I will not blow up and take the roof off the church." She gave him a wink.

"Darling, be gentle. The refugees are our concern, not the biddies. And remember Mrs. Williams will have all her allies around her here. It is not a good idea to walk into an enemy camp single handed if you are not carrying a white flag."

"Hmm, good advice from an expert. I will remember that, Colonel Redmond. Now have a good chat with the gentleman. I promise to be as kind as possible."

"And I promise to come riding up with the cavalry just in case you forget the rules of truce talks." Charlie pulled Shannon up in front of the Episcopalian Church and stepped down from the trap to hand Rebecca down. As he did, he whispered in her ear, "And be good."

"Why, Colonel Redmond, I thought you would have learned by now," She paused and ran her hand over his arm. "I am always good." She laughed then turned on her heel and walked toward the church.

Feeling a little dazed, and a lot teased, Charlie climbed back into the trap and headed up the street to the little red brick courthouse, where he knew he would find Mayor Frazier. Time to be the gentle conqueror again.

--*--

Rebecca entered the church to find the sight before her nearly horrifying. There were women and children huddled together under thin blankets around the fireplace and a small stove. No one was talking and the only noise heard was the occasional whimper of a frightened child.

"Oh dear." She sighed. "Well, Daniel, this is quite a battle we are going into." She looked around and saw Mrs. Cooper coming from the back. She raised her hand in hello as she made her way over.

"Rebecca, I am so glad to see you."

"Grace, I did not know things were this bad. When did they start arriving?"

"A few days ago. Rebecca, I just do not know what were going to do with all of them."

She scratched her chin, looking around the room. "Colonel Redmond and I are preparing Gaines Cove to take as many as we can handle. That will be twelve or so. We hope by doing this, others who have room will also take some in."

"You are a gift from God, Rebecca. I was at a loss as what to do with them. Reverend Williams, of course, offered the church for as long as it was needed, but Mrs. Williams had a right fit and said we did not need the burden of cleaning up after them so we could have services on Sunday. I swear to you, Rebecca, I do not know what that woman is going to do when she is at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks her to name one good deed."

Rebecca tried not to laugh and quickly placed her hand over her mouth. "Grace! As a very wise man just told me, be nice."

"Would that very wise man be the good Colonel Redmond?"

"It would." Rebecca took her friend by the arm and turned her around for a bit of privacy. "Tell me, Grace, what is the general consensus about the Colonel and his men? Can we expect any real problems, because the Lord in Heaven above knows we have enough problems already?"

"No, I do not think so. Most folks know that their being here is actually a good sign. We hope that this will all be over soon."

"Colonel Redmond believes it will be, but at what cost I am not sure and I am afraid to consider it too seriously."

"What more could it possibly cost us? They have taken everything we had."

"Grace, in all this destruction and this horrible time, I have found something very important and I cannot bear the thought of losing it."

"What have you found dear?"

"Love. I have found love."

"You and the Colonel?"

"Yes. He is truly a wonderful man who, if I am learning to understand him correctly, hates this conflict just as much as we do. He simply wants it to end so he can come home and have a life."

"A home and a life with you?"

"Yes. Please, Grace, be happy for me, I am finally going to have a good life with Charlie and he is only going to be an asset to our community."

The older woman smiled, "Of course I will be happy for you, child. Your mother and I talked many times before she passed and all she ever wanted for you was for you to be happy. She knew you were never happy with Mr. Gaines and right before she died, she was going to ask you to come home."

"I could not have done that. I would have disgraced my entire family. But now I have a chance at happiness and I am going to take it."

"You should. Colonel Redmond is, umm," she smiled. "Well, let us just say I will expect to see you with child within a few months."

Rebecca managed not to laugh out loud. "We will see." She turned back to the women and children. "We need to get these poor souls settled over at Gaines Cove. Having a sense of stability would be good I think. Corporal Duncan said we could probably be ready to take them by tomorrow evening."

"We have some old down mattresses we can send with them to help until new supplies can be gotten."

"Wonderful. Maybe the Colonel can have his men make some rough frames to keep them off the floor."

"If you need anything like hammers and nails let me know, and I will see what I can get Mr. Cooper to scare up at the store."

"Thank you. One of my concerns is keeping them warm enough. Do you think we could take the stove from the church? You still have the fireplace and the building only needs to be warm for services."

"We can ask the elders. And you know I have a say there and I will certainly take up your cause. If we are not going to care for these people here, we should support those willing to take them in and you have more than enough in your life right now. I certainly do not know how you keep giving of yourself like you do."

"It is as my mother always taught me, Grace, ‘‘Do unto others’."

"Mrs. Williams had better not hope it comes back tenfold."

--*--

Charlie tied Shannon at the hitching post in front of the courthouse. He walked into the brick building, which housed the county's records, the small county court room, and the office of the city administrator. Virginia was rather odd; counties and towns did not overlap, so there were separate administrations for each. However, with the catastrophic reduction in Culpeper’s population, the mayor had taken over what little administration was possible for both county and town. Charlie quickly sought out the office of the Mayor and knocked lightly on the door.

"Come in." The voice bidding him enter was brusque and a little squeaky. Mayor Horace Frazier was an old man, grown crotchety with age, rheumatism, and the stresses of the past four years. Charlie entered the small, cluttered office, barely warmed by a tiny iron stove in the corner. The place was an invitation for a fire; there were ledgers and papers piled everywhere.

The mayor looked askance at the Colonel standing awkwardly in front of him. "Well, what do you want? As you can see, the only thing I have plenty of is old paper. If you want them, you are welcome to them. Otherwise, make it quick."

"Mayor Frazier, I understand we have some refugees and that we may be facing an influx of more in the future. I would like to form a joint civilian/military committee to work together to find places for these people, provide medical care, and see to it that they have at least basic food, clothing, and a warm place to stay."

"Bluntly, Colonel, neither the city or the county of Culpeper has any resources left. We have not enough to feed our own people, let alone support some rag tag collection of refugees. We might be able to find room in some of the houses around here, but nothing more. And most of the houses that have stood empty are badly damaged. You would have to repair them if you want to use them. Put your committee together; Reverend Williams, Mr. Cooper, some of the others around here might be willing to help. I suggest you talk to the ladies; they are more equipped to figure these things out. But expect no official support from me. You can only get so much blood from a stone."

With that, the Mayor turned back to studying the papers in front of him. Charlie had clearly been dismissed.

Exiting the building, he gathered Shannon's reins, but instead of remounting the little trap, he walked, leading the horse down the main street to Mr. Cooper's shop. As he passed the few people on the street, he cordially tipped his hat and bowed. Every one of them pointedly ignored him. Again tying off the patient horse, Charlie went into the store hoping to catch Cooper alone. He was not so fortunate, and so waited patiently until the customer was served and departed. The whole time he waited, the woman, who was buying a spool of thread, looked at him askance. She left quickly, clearly uncomfortable with being seen with the Union officer. Charlie sighed. Trying to forge relationships with these people was just not going to be easy.

"Colonel Redmond, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit today?" Mr. Cooper was open and cordial, a distinct relief after the reception Charlie had gotten from the others.

"Good day to you, sir. Mr. Cooper, I will get right to the point. I want to organize a joint civilian / military committee to deal with the refugees and with those in the community who need assistance this winter. However, given the reception I have gotten so far, I have about as much chance of doing so as I have of ending the war tomorrow."

"Well, if I may be perfectly honest, Colonel, you are the conqueror. You have to expect a certain level of resentment and resistance."

"I know. I have to tell you, Cooper, this is far harder than facing a battle. In battle, you know your enemies and your friends. You can see the lay of the land. You know what your resources are, and where reinforcements can be gotten. Here, I am lost. I feel like I am forever about to step on a land mine, usually carried by the most innocuous looking woman.

"Well, Colonel. These are southern ladies. They know more about covert warfare than any man ever will." The merchant laughed at his own joke. "Seriously, sir, I think if you and Miss Rebecca keep on the path you are on, providing support consistently, being there when needed, offering things that this community has been desperate for and too proud to ask for, they will come over, one at a time, but they will come over. Mrs. Cooper and I are certainly aware of what you are trying to do and will do our best to support you. It is time for this to be over and for this country to look to healing itself. What you are doing is important to that end."

"I think so. But I seem to be in the minority."

Charlie reached into his inside coat pocket and retrieved a cigar. "Mind?"

"Not at all."

Charlie could see the wistful look on the merchant's face. "Want one?"

"Do not mind if I do."

The two men enjoyed their cigars together for a few minutes, discussing the logistics of supplying both the refugees and the most urgently needy in the community. Charlie felt more reassured in his plans as he cordially parted with Cooper. And perhaps he had made his first male friend in the community, which Charlie knew was vital to his own future.

--*--

Rebecca had made a list of those that would be coming to the house. She had four women with seven children and one on the way. There was the pregnant woman, who was several months from giving birth, but she already looked ill and Rebecca wanted to get her to Dr. Walker as soon as possible. The woman’s daughter, a tiny girl of between eighteen months and two years hid behind her mother, peeking out to give Rebecca a bright smile with tiny teeth showing through pink gums.

The blonde knelt down and offered her hand to the child. "It is all right sweetheart, I am not going to hurt you."

The girl’s mother helped her daughter toddle to Rebecca. "Her name is Emily."

"Hello, Emily. How would you and your Mama like to come and stay at my home for a while? I know a very nice gentleman who will show you a horse."

The baby smiled. Rebecca knew the child was probably shy with strangers, but the little smile made her heart swell. She looked to the girl’s mother. "What is your name?"

"Constance, Ma’am. Constance Adams."

"I am glad to meet you Constance, please, I am Rebecca." She gestured to the woman’s slightly swollen midsection. "Is your husband a solider?"

"I am widowed, Ma’am. My husband was killed at Seven Pines." She caressed her stomach. "And I am afraid that this child is because of a group of renegades I had the unfortunate luck to……" She stopped lowering her eyes, shame written all over her face.

"Constance, do not dare be concerned what I or anyone else might think. You are doing what every good mother does; you are caring for your children. They are gifts from God. Now that you have shared with me, let me share with you. I will never have children. Not that I do not want them, I do, so very much, but I am afraid it will just never be possible for me. And I know there will always be a spot empty in my heart from it. We have lost so much because of the war, we must cherish what we have been given and you have been given two children. Love them as only a mother can."

"Thank you, Rebecca, I will."

"Good. Now if I sent a young man to get you tomorrow will you be ready to travel? It is not far to my home."

"Yes, Ma’am, I will be ready. Thank you."

--*--

The last stop was the most critical. Without the backing of the Reverend Williams, any hope of creating the kind of relationship with the community Charlie envisioned was futile.

He left Shannon in front of the church, and walked around to the rectory to knock on the door of the minister's office.

"Come in." Charlie eased into the little den. It was neat and orderly, in a comfortably shabby sort of way. A small fire in the fireplace took the chill off the room. A large, battered desk dominated the area, but there were easy chairs around the fireplace where one could sit and talk. The minister was searching in his bookshelves, looking a little distracted and wearing a dusty shawl over his shirtsleeves and waistcoat.

"Ah, Colonel Redmond. Come in. Come in. Please, have a seat. I would offer you something, but I am afraid Mrs. Williams is over at the church and I have no one here to ––"

"No, thank you, Reverend. I am fine." Charlie gently intervened in the man's rambling welcome. He sat in one of the chairs in front of the fire.

"I will get right to the point, sir." Charlie explained his plan once again. He concluded with a simple plea, "Without your support, sir, I am perfectly aware that I have no chance of creating this bond between my men and your citizens."

Soft blue-gray eyes, slightly bleary from reading without the correct glasses, regarded him seriously. "You realize, sir, that you have the attitude of folks, such as my own wife, to overcome?"

"I do, sir. That is why I have come to you. Your voice, raised in behalf of brotherhood, will be of great benefit."

"Well, as you have seen, I cannot control my own wife. To be honest, I cannot see where I will be of much use to you in swaying the others in this community who share her attitude. But in the spirit of Christian brotherhood, I will do what I can."

"That is all I can ask, sir."

"And I expect similar cooperation from you. For example, I expect to see you in church on Sunday - this coming Sunday and every one thereafter. Of all the people whose souls need guidance and sanctuary, you, as a soldier and a leader of men, are certainly in need of God's gentle protection."

"Sir, I was raised as a Presbyterian. However, if it serves my goals, I will certainly attend your services."

"God does not make distinctions among sects, Colonel. God only makes distinctions between men of good will and those of evil intent."

Charlie rose and nodded. "Then I will see you on Sunday, sir."

--*--

Very thoughtful about what Reverend Williams had said, Charlie walked slowly from the small church office in the rectory to the main building. His hands were going to be very full in the coming months, if the conditions and the attitudes the minister had described were to be met and shifted. Perhaps he and Rebecca together would be able to find a way to sway some of the stalwarts. Perhaps not. But for now, there were women and children who needed help, not only those who were refugees, but also within the community. Damn this war. Damn it all to hell. Too many innocent people have paid too many terrible prices. I pray for it to just be over.

Entering the church, Charlie stopped for a moment. The quiet in this sacred space was not the same as the one encountered at a Sunday service; instead, it was the quiet of people whose souls had sustained more battering than they could stand. It was the quiet of a beaten dog, cowering, waiting for the next blow, and lacking the will to fight back any more. In the midst of this, Rebecca, with her gentle caring and her stubborn will, shone like a beacon.

He moved quietly, stopping to give quiet words of encouragement, praise the beauty of a child, the bravery of a young boy trying hard to be adult before his time. Finally, he reached Rebecca, who was talking to a frail looking young woman with a young girl peeking out from behind her skirts. He bowed courteously to the woman.

"Mrs. Gaines? I am sorry to interrupt, but do you have a moment?"

"Of course, Colonel."

The two stepped away to the side of the church where their softly spoken comments would not be overheard. "How bad is it, Rebecca?"

"Well, it could be worse. We can handle everyone that is here now. That young woman I was talking with, she does not look good, Charlie, and she having another baby in a few months. I want Elizabeth to look at her as soon as possible."

"I was afraid we would see more of that. Trying to carry multiple pregnancies in a short period of time without plenty of healthy food is a recipe for problems. I fear we will see more. And as bad off as these folks are, there are people here in the county that are only slightly better –– they at least have a roof over their heads."

"We will get them out to the farm and get them settled, I am sure that will help them. Right now, they are just scared."

"I am concerned there will be more. And from everything I can determine, there are no resources here to help them except some roof space. God, Rebecca. What are we going to do to get the local folks to help? Cooper is a good man, but Rev. Williams tells me that his wife’s attitude is the rule. I am just not sure what needs to be done here. We have already taken over Gaines Cove –– you are rapidly running out of space." The good colonel was babbling. Charlie, Lucky Charlie who could figure his way out of any battle situation, was at a total loss.

Rebecca laid her hand on his arm, giving him a gentle smile. "Charlie, we will manage. My house is large and we can take a few more bodies in. We will be fine. My dear, I do believe that together we can accomplish anything. Come with me and I will show you one very good reason to believe."

She led him back across the room and lifted Emily into her arms. "Colonel Redmond, I would like you to meet Emily." She smiled at the child then looked to Charlie. "Emily this is the gentleman I told you about. He has a very pretty horse I am sure he will show you." She tilted her head to the baby’s mother. "And this is her mother, Constance Adams. Mrs. Adams, may I introduce Colonel Charles Redmond."

The woman slowly lifted her hand, sizing up the Yankee Colonel as she did. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Colonel Redmond. I want to thank you and Mrs. Gaines for coming to our aid.

Charlie gently took her hand in his. "It my pleasure, Ma’am. It is the least we could do."

The small child looked into the face of the man with blue eyes and black hair, similar to her own. She had a vague memory of a man who was like him, but dressed in gray, not blue. One finger hooked into a soft lower lip and a lisping voice asked, hesitantly, "Papa?"

With a strange combination of tenderness and grief for this little, trusting soul who already was forced to face the harsh reality of the world around her, Charlie lifted her from Rebecca’s arms. "No, little one. I am not your papa. But I will be your friend. My name is Charlie. Can you say ‘‘Charlie’?"

Rebecca smiled at the scene in front of her. "You look so much alike. No wonder she thinks you are her Papa."

The baby smiled and pulled on Charlie’s tunic, bringing her face to his. "Papa."

Charlie chuckled, a little embarrassed. "No, honey. Charlie. I am Charlie."

The child continued, undaunted. "Papa!"

Charlie looked helpless and more than a little embarrassed. Looking beseechingly at Rebecca and then at the child’s mother, he mumbled, "I do not know why…… I am sorry, I do not mean to make this awkward."

Constance watched the Yankee Colonel with her daughter. He was gentle and tender with her. The woman wondered if he had children of his own he was anxious to get home to. She considered this thought and found herself thinking of the Colonel as just as much a victim as she was.

"Looks like you have a new friend, Charlie." Rebecca took the baby and held her close. "Or at least another admirer." She winked at him. "I promise not to get jealous over this one." She gave the baby a kiss on her forehead. "Time to go back to your Mama, sweetheart."

As Rebecca started to give the child back to her mother, the baby reached for Charlie, "Papa!"

Blushing under the intense gaze of the small child and the rather bewildered looks of her mother, Charlie looked to Rebecca for help. Not seeing any assistance coming from that source, he turned to the woman holding his young admirer. "Ma’am. Your daughter seems to have taken a shine to me. And you look like you could use a warm place and perhaps some medical attention." He turned to Rebecca, and asked plaintively, "Perhaps they could come back with us now and we could send for the others tomorrow?"

"Of course, Charlie. We will make room for them tonight. I think Emily has decided you are her new Papa." She laughed and turned to the baby playing with her hand. "Excellent choice, my dear. Constance, I will be happy to take her while you get your things together."

"Thank you, Rebecca."

Once again, the child was passed to Rebecca, but she continued to stare and smile at Charlie.

Charlie waited patiently for the woman to gather her belongings, such as they were. All the time, he flirted with the little imp in Rebecca’s arms. And in his mind, he thought of how perfect Rebecca looked with a child in her arms and how insufficient he was as her partner. He could never give her this joy. His heart sank deeper and deeper. The ugly little voice in his head just laughed maliciously.

"Charlie? Are you all right?" Rebecca noticed the shuttered look that had overcome the Colonel’s face.

Charlie looked down at his feet, and then out over the other refugees huddled in the church. "Yes, I am fine. Just thinking."

"I know it seems very daunting, Colonel, but I am sure we will make it through just fine." She adjusted the baby in her arms so she could touch Charlie’s shoulder. "We just have to do our best."

The eyes that met Rebecca’s were filled with sadness and regret. "We will do our best. I just hope our best is enough." I hope my best is enough for you, my love, my heart, for there are so many things I will never be able to give you.

Rebecca could see something was terribly wrong. She reached out and cupped his cheek, not caring who might see them. "Oh please, Charlie, do not worry. Everything will be all right. You have to believe that."

Before Charlie could respond, Emily let out a loud laugh and lunged for Charlie, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. "Papa. Good."

Charlie caught the tenacious, flying child in his arms. "All right, little one. I have you. Or more accurately, you have me. Miss Constance? I am afraid your daughter is very persistent." Charlie smiled at her shyly. "I hope you do not mind. I truly do not want to usurp her father’s place."

The woman smiled. "Colonel, my daughter is happy and it is you that is making her happy. She is very determined. I do not mind that she calls you Papa. I hope it does not bother you."

"Well, ma’am, when her father does return……"

"He will not be returning, Colonel. He was killed at Seven Pines."

"I am sorry, Ma’am. You have my sincerest condolences."

"Thank you, sir." She lifted her small bag, which Rebecca took since Charlie had his hands full of determined baby.

"Tell me, Charlie," Rebecca giggled. "How do you intend to drive and hold the baby? I do not think we are going to be able to pry her out of your arms."

"We are just going to have to do our best." He softened the echo of her words with a gentle smile. The four unlikely companions walked out into the crisp fall air. Charlie walked over to the hitching post and very seriously introduced Shannon and Emily. Her little hand reached out to the broad white stripe down the big horse’s face. "‘Orsy. P’etty ‘‘orsy." Charlie looked at the two women watching him.

Rebecca did not even try to hide the huge smile on her face. Charlie looked so natural with the child. She assisted Constance into the buggy then moved to Charlie. "Maybe she will sit on my lap next to you on the way home." When she held her hands out, the baby shook her head and tightened her arms around Charlie again.

"No!" The child simply refused to be separated from him.

"Or," Rebecca smirked. "You could hold her and I could drive."

"Or I could drive one handed. It is not like I am driving a full team. Shannon will go on verbal commands only."

"As you wish, Colonel. I say you do have a way with the ladies, do you not?" She teased. "I wonder what Sergeant Jackson will have to say about this." The blonde climbed into the buggy. "I imagine he will be very amused."

Charlie groaned. Jocko had been slipping around quietly. He was not quite sure who was really running the house, Rebecca or Jocko. He was very sure the two of them had created some kind of agreement, since his clothing was always there and ready, his office was impeccable and what he needed was normally at hand. But Jocko himself had managed to stay scarce lately, except for the ritual morning shave. Charlie made a mental note to check on the activities of his batman. Carefully balancing the bundle of energy in his left arm, Charlie climbed into the little trap, gathered up the reins in his right hand and clucked Shannon into a sedate walk towards home.

--*--

Upon returning to the farm, Charlie dropped his passengers at the house and excused himself to go brief his officers. He could only smile and promise his littlest friend he would be back soon. Emily was not a happy child. She was very vocal about it, shouting, "Papa. No. Go!" as the Colonel drove away.

The crying child brought Beulah and Lizbet to the door right away. "Good Lord, Miss Rebecca, who do we have here" Beulah asked as Emily’s sobs for Charlie, lessened to hiccups and sniffs against Rebecca’s shoulder.

"This is Mrs. Adams and Miss Emily. They are going to be staying with us for a while. Let us get them settled." She smiled to Lizbet. "Please take Mrs. Adams’ bag to the room on the second floor next to Dr. Walker’s and have Reg start a fire in there."

"Yes, Miss Rebecca." The young woman did as she was bid.

Rebecca then turned to Beulah. "If you would find Corporal Nailer for me. We need to figure out what Emily here can use as a crib."

"Yes, Ma’am. And Sarah has a fresh stew and hot tea in the kitchen."

"Thank you." Rebecca turned to Constance. "Come, let us get you some solid food while your room is put together."

"Miss Rebecca, I really do not want Em and I to be a burden to you. If you will just tell me where my room is I will be happy to just go there and be out of your way."

"Nonsense. You have to eat and it is wonderful to have the company. I am starting to feel like maybe everything will be all right again. I know it is going to be a long road, but the fact that we are coming together again is evidence we are ready for the healing to begin." She took the woman’s hand. "Come on now, you will love Sarah’s stew, it is the best in the county."

--*--

Rebecca watched indulgently as Constance finished a second bowl of stew. It was apparent she had not been eating properly. The blonde was sure she had been giving what food she could get to young Emily. The baby sat quite happily in Rebecca’s lap, chewing on a hardtack biscuit and trying to sip from a cup of cooled tea.

"Constance, I think in light of your condition you should stay in a private room with its own fireplace and close to Dr. Walker."

"Oh that is too much. I cannot accept more than what you can comfortably offer."

"Then do not argue with me, because I can comfortably offer this to you." She looked down at her little friend. "Besides, Colonel Redmond resides in the house as well and I think Emily will enjoy being near him."

"She certainly did take to him right away, did she not? I have never seen her act that way with a man before."

"The Colonel is a very special gentleman and Emily just knows that."

The back door opened and Charlie and Elizabeth stepped inside. Emily was quick to squeal her delight. "Papa!" She squirmed, until Rebecca put her down and she made her way over to Charlie to tug on his pants leg. "Papa. Up Papa."

The look on Elizabeth’s face was priceless. She tried not to smile as she sized up Charlie and his new little friend. "Something you forget to tell me, Charlie?"

"No," he grumbled, even while hugging Emily. "The little one just seems to have picked me as a surrogate father."

Elizabeth smiled and gave an amused nod. "I can see that."

"Papa. ‘‘Orsey Papa."

"Well see the horsy later, little one. Right now, Charlie needs a cup of coffee."

Rebecca was quick to get up and pour Charlie a cup of coffee. "Elizabeth?" She offered, holding up another cup.

"Maybe later, Rebecca, thank you. Right now I thought I would have a look at our newest patient." The doctor smiled at Constance. "Charlie, do you think you can keep Little Emily occupied while I take care of her Mama?"

Charlie looked down at the child who was quite happy chewing on the button of his tunic. "I think we can manage."

Emily did perk up a bit when her mother stood up, but relaxed back against Charlie when she was assured Mama would be right back. She picked up her biscuit from the table and offered it to Charlie. "Bite. Papa."

Charlie just sighed, completely unsure what to do next. "No, thank you. You eat that. I will have my dinner later."

"Speaking of which," Rebecca handed the baby a slice of apple. "A couple of your men brought Sarah two nice rabbits, so we are having roast rabbit for supper. Would you like to invite Colonel Polk?"

"Would Elizabeth like me to invite Colonel Polk?" Charlie had to ask past the piece of apple Emily was trying to put in his mouth.

"I think the doctor would be delighted."

"I will see to it then." Charlie looked down at the little girl, who looked back with adoring eyes. She smiled and reached up, pulled herself up and grabbed Charlie's cheeks.

"Papa good!" She squealed then kissed Charlie on the cheek.

The colonel had the grace to blush, but not enough time to react to the fact his batman had just come through the kitchen door in time to see the little brunette continuing her sloppy kiss to Charlie's cheek.

The Irishman burst out laughing. "Little young for ya', I would say, Colonel C."

Chapter 13

Wednesday, November 30, 1864

Supper was –– different. The addition of a toddler to the household caused disruptions in a number of ways. The addition of a toddler who refused to let go of the Colonel added to the excitement. Charlie found himself lightly coated with mashed squash and some undefined cooked cereal. For the meticulous Colonel, this was something of a rude awakening. Charlie had never dealt with the messy aspects of day-to-day childcare. It was a revelation. He handled it with surprising good cheer.

After supper, Charlie and Rebecca watched as Constance put the little imp to bed. They adjourned to Rebecca’s back parlor, where, after a polite cup of after dinner coffee, Charlie excused himself to go write some needed dispatches.

Once in the quiet of his office, Charlie built a small fire to disperse the chill of the evening. For long minutes, he sat in the soft light of the fire, staring at the flickering flames. He forced himself to focus on the requirements of his position. That habit ran deep, duty before all other things. Consciously, he pushed his confusion and, to be honest, his rising frustration about his relationship with Rebecca to the back of his mind. Confronted with the hostility of the citizens, their abject poverty and the wave of refugees from the war, Charlie was overwhelmed. He knew he had to do more than just find food and clothing for these people to last the winter. He had to find a way to help them start rebuilding their lives, if only on a basic level.

He lit one lamp on his desk, drawing paper before him to write his dispatch to Sheridan.

November 30, 1864

Outside of Culpeper, Virginia

Lieut. General Philip H. Sheridan

Department of the Shenandoah

Dear General Sheridan,

Appropriate steps are being taken to settle the 13th Pennsylvania into their winter quarters. As discussed, we have set up our infirmary with a surgery for Dr. Walker. She is well pleased with our arrangements.

The heavy nor’easter that moved through the region several days ago has done little lasting damage. Colonel Polk’s supply and inventory reports are attached.

Montgomery has undergone surgery. We wait anxiously to discover if the surgery was successful. His situation highlights one of the greatest challenges I face this winter, creating a coherent regiment out of the scarred remnants of two very different forces. I find that my personal history and heritage, as well as my accent, are linked to problems with this integration of forces. Some of the Pennsylvanians cannot seem to overcome the impact that my southern accent has on their faith in my leadership. It will be an interesting process.

Yet a greater challenge faces us in the coming weeks and months, one that I am sure every officer who is wintering in conquered territory is facing. The citizens of this community are beaten down, bereft of resources and lacking in the basic elements of human survival. All they had has been taken from them, either by forces moving across their lands or through lack of human resources to tend to their properties. To this is added an influx of refugees, primarily women and children escaping from the front line regions around Richmond and Petersburg.

I recognize that the influx of additional personnel brings with it the threat of an influx of agents of espionage. I have discussed security and silence with my officers as we consider ways to deal with this latest challenge.

General, we have to provide at least a modicum of support to the people here. They have no food stores; no proper winter clothing, no money or resources to repair their homes against winter cold. Some do not even have the tools or strength to gather wood for the fireplaces to warm them this winter. Nor do they have the means to till the ground or plant for the coming months. General Grant, in his stay earlier this year, said he thought Culpeper was the most devastated part of Virginia. I believe he was correct, given the abject poverty I see all around me. A thriving town of over fifteen hundred people has been reduced to perhaps a hundred or a hundred and fifty tenacious survivors. I cannot help but think we owe these people some modicum of hope.

I have started creating community service details. This is beneficial in several ways. It allows me to build teams that include both Ohioans and Pennsylvanians, encouraging the integration of my command. It also allows us to create personal links to the people of the community. It is very hard to hate the Yankees who come and repair your roof, stock your wood shed, repair your fences, and till the ground for the spring, asking for nothing in return but a drink of cool water to ease the sweat of honest labor.

Yet I lack the resources to address the most pressing and immediate needs. Something as simple as a supply of flour, beans, rice, and salt pork to share with the citizens would go a long way to improving things here. Woolen goods would also help, as these people lack clothing for the winter.

I believe we could make a huge step forward in our relationships with the civilians if we could add one more resource to our support for the community. If we had seed stocks that we could make available, we would be able to help them reestablish their basic economy. More than anything else, this would serve to give them hope and a vision for a future that is not as bleak as they currently expect.

Your direction and assistance in these matters would be greatly appreciated.

Cordially

Chas. Redmond

Regimental Colonel

13th Pennsylvania Light Cavalry

Having addressed what he could for the evening, Charlie’s thoughts turned to the situation with Rebecca. The woman was driving him crazy. Every night, she lay in his arms, sweet, warm, and trusting. Her hands caressed him gently, never overtly sexually, but often very sensually. Sometimes Charlie thought she wanted more than his gentleness, and sometimes it was clear she was terrified of greater intimacy. But whatever she wanted of him, Charlie had given his word they would progress at her speed.

The peculiarities of people baffled Charlie. Everyone thought they were lovers in all senses of the word. Charlie had made his intentions clear. He would marry her if she would have him, would offer her all of the protections of his honor, name, estateand love. They slept together every night. She cuddled into his arms and reached out for him in her sleep if he left the bed. They talked nightly, sharing their history, their fears, their hopes and dreams. But physical intimacy beyond mostly chaste kisses and tender embraces was not part of their relationship.

Dear God. Please help me. Every time she touches me, every time she looks at me with those trusting, welcoming eyes, I can feel it all through my body. She inflames me and there is no way to quench that fire. I do not want to frighten her, but I have to do something. Anything.

The evil little voice in his head just laughed at him.

Charlie shook himself. Perhaps a brisk walk in the chill night air would help cool his need, at least for the time being.

He banked the fire and extinguished the lamp. Shrugging on his lighter overcoat, he stuck a couple of cigars in his pocket and went out into the night to pace until he was more tired than he was desirous.

His brisk strides took him down to the lovely little terrace overlooking the pond. There, sitting huddled in the cold under the willow, he found Mr. Whitman, quietly smoking an old pipe and just watching the shadows dancing over the little wavelets generated by the light evening breeze.

Whitman looked up as the Colonel approached. "Good evening, Colonel. What brings you out at this time of night?"

"A host of night demons, Whitman, a host of them. What about you?"

"Ah, well, my friend Samuelson finds himself held to the bedside of Major Montgomery. We have been trading shifts to keep watch on him. I was not yet ready to sleep, and so came here to perhaps do a little thinking."

Charlie laughed. "In your case, Whitman, you are either composing poetry or thinking of things I am not sure I want to know. On the other hand, you could be doing both."

"Does that mean you have read my little efforts, Colonel?"

"I have indeed, Whitman, I have indeed. The poetry is outstanding, but I fear that many of our more……" Charlie paused, searching for the right word. "……our more tradition bound brothers and sisters may find it difficult." Charlie and Whitman had found common ground the previous year when Whitman had assisted Dr. Walker in treating Charlie for a minor injury.

Whitman laughed, a slightly bitter laugh. "Well, the soul of a man is his own, yet so many have sold their souls to propriety. Neither of us will ever find a place in that world of propriety, will we, Colonel?"

"No, Whitman, I fear you are right. I fear there is no place in this world for the likes of us."

The two men sat on the cold stone, each smoking their chosen form of tobacco, both staring into the infinity of reflections in the broken moon mirrors of the pond.

Charlie shrugged off his immobility. "Come, Whitman, this is a cold place to ponder the coldness of the world. There is a bottle of good French brandy in my office and a fire in the hearth. Will you join me?"

"Colonel, I would be honored."

The two men walked in companionable silence back up the lawn to the private entrance to Charlie’s office. Charlie built up the fire until he had a cheery blaze, then shed his coat. Whitman broke out the brandy and glasses Charlie had pointed out to him.

The two settled into comfortable chairs before the fire, refreshed their tobacco and sat quietly, savoring the brandy. Whitman broke the silence.

"Good quality brandy is hard to find."

"Yes, well, I have an associate in Washington who keeps me supplied when he can."

"Must be a very good friend."

"He is as a good a friend as I pay him to be." Charlie laughed. "You can get anything for the right price, my friend."

"Ah. I would beg to differ, Colonel. The important things in life you cannot buy for all the money in the world."

"True enough. And sometimes the important things in life are unattainable."

"So, Colonel, what are the important things in your life? I would think, from what I have heard of you and Mrs. Gaines, that you are well on your way to attaining what every man dreams of."

"Ah, Whitman, that is what concerns me. I fear that I may well be dreaming and will awaken one morning to find myself back in my tent, alone, surrounded by mud and miserable men, with no hope for the future beyond another day of waiting interspersed with bloody conflict." Charlie knocked back the last of his glass of brandy and poured himself another.

"It seems you and I have the mirror image of one another’s fear, if I may be so presumptuous."

Charlie raised an eyebrow, waiting for Whitman to continue.

"You, sir, have your dream before you and you fear you may never be able to grasp it. I have held my dream and find it slipping away to the duty that makes him who he is."

"Samuelson?"

"Yes."

"Well, at least you know where you stand."

The two men looked at one another, then by unspoken consent, silently toasted their respective loves. Once again, glasses were refilled.

"Yes, well, I may know where I stand, sir, but I certainly miss knowing where my head will lie –– on a cold pillow or a warm shoulder." Whitman’s smile was rather rueful.

"I have read your works, sir. And I am not clear that a warm shoulder is exactly where you choose to rest your head." Charlie’s grin was slightly licentious.

"Ah, Colonel, you must be referring to

I mind how once we lay, such a transparent summer morning;

How you settled your head athwart my hips, and gently turn’d over upon me,

And parted the shirt from my bosom-bone, and plunged your tongue to my bare-stript heart,

And reach’d till you felt my beard, and reach’d till you held my feet."

"That was the quatrain that came to mind."

"Colonel, I presume, but I think I know your heart. For did I not capture it when I wrote

I am the mate and companion of people, all just as immortal and fathomless as myself;

(They do not know how immortal, but I know.)

Every kind for itself and its own——for me mine, male and female;

For me those that have been boys, and that love women;

For me the man that is proud, and feels how it stings to be slighted;

For me the sweet-heart and the old maid——for me mothers, and the mothers of mothers;

For me lips that have smiled, eyes that have shed tears;

For me children, and the begetters of children."

Charlie stood, restless and angry with himself and the world. Another brandy was poured and consumed. "Yes, indeed. And there is the crux of the matter. For I am one who has been a boy and who loves women. And for me, I can never be the begetter of children. But she, she deserves to have that; she deserves the family and the ability to leave a legacy that I can never give her. And what is the reason for intimacy but to beget a legacy."

Whitman looked at the brooding Colonel. While his senses were slightly numbed by the alcohol, the pain of the figure standing before him was obvious. "Colonel, there are more reasons than just children for two people to come together. What you are describing is intimacy, when two people come together because their hearts call them together. You know that children do not require intimacy, only the physical act. And you know the physical act without intimacy is nothing more than release. But when intimacy is involved, then the heart and the soul are involved, then physical pleasure is unlike anything you have ever experienced."

Whitman paused, considering the nature of the woman in question. From the little he knew of her, Rebecca seemed to him to be a careful, clear thinking woman who would go to any length to please her Colonel. "Your lady will come to realize that, Colonel. Just as you will come to realize that there are more ways to build a family and leave a legacy of love than through the begetting of children."

With that, Whitman finished his brandy. "I leave you, Colonel, to consider the nature of love. It is broader and more varied than most believe." Quietly, Whitman donned his own cloak and slipped out of the office, leaving Charlie standing and brooding before the fire.

With a deep sigh, Charlie finished his last brandy and banked the fire. He walked upstairs to the main floor, and pulled his boots off before mounting the stairs. Stopping in the small sitting room outside of their bedroom door, Charlie slipped off the rest of his clothes. Naked, he slid into the room he shared with Rebecca. She was lying, half turned toward where he usually slept, hugging his nightshirt to her. Her face was relaxed, her breathing even and slow. The fire in his belly that plagued him almost non-stop now flared again. More of Whitman’s words came to mind.

Undrape! you are not guilty to me, nor stale, nor discarded;

I see through the broadcloth and gingham, whether or no;

And am around, tenacious, acquisitive, tireless, and cannot be shaken away.

Charlie looked at Rebecca’s face, at the lovely form hidden only by the light flannel of her nightgown. Yes, I am around, tenacious. To me you are not guilty. You are not stale, nor discarded. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Oh, Rebecca, I ache for you. I burn for your touch. I hunger for your passion. She slid into bed beside Rebecca, and looked at her, illuminated in the soft moonlight from the window and the faint glow of the banked embers in the fireplace. As she looked at her, her hands slowly began stroking her own body. One hand played with her nipples, the other caressed the nexus of nerves at her center. She gazed on her face, imagining it was Rebecca’s hands and not her own that were toying with her body. In a matter of minutes, she arched into her own hand, and softly cried Rebecca’s name. With the most urgent of the flames eased for at least a moment, the brandy took over. Sliding her arm around Rebecca’s sleeping form, Charlie fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

--*--

Thursday, December 1, 1864

Charlie awoke early and went for his usual morning run. As was becoming his habit, Jocko prepared a hot bath in the bathing room and was enjoying a cup of coffee while waiting for the Colonel to return.

Charlie slammed into the bathing area, sweating and limping slightly. He had fallen over a root and slammed his knee into the ground. Coupled with a mild hangover the run had not managed to clear completely, he was not in the best of humors.

"Good morning, Jocko." Charlie growled his greeting, barely civil in his current mood.

"Morning, Colonel C." Jocko knew better than to get in Charlie’s way when he was in this kind of a mood.

Charlie stripped off his work clothes, and threw the trousers out to Jocko. "See if you can fix them."

Jocko looked them over. One knee was shredded and slightly bloodstained. They would have to be replaced. Jocko sighed. Sometimes Charlie was hard on clothes.

Charlie emerged a few minutes later, clad in shirt, britches, socks and weskit. Shaving was performed in silence. When Jocko was finished, Charlie turned to him. "Do you have any commitments today?"

"Just the normal, Sir."

"Good. Get Black Jack saddled up, get yourself a horse and a note pad, and meet me out front in a half hour. Send Polk to me before you get the horses."

"Yes, sir, Colonel, Sir." Jocko was not inclined to be Charlie’s whipping boy when the universe had served up the normal reaction to an overdose of the grape.

"Being a little overbearing this morning, am I?"

"A bit, sir."

Charlie laughed, a wry and rather self-deprecating chuckle.

"Well, I will tone it down. Thanks for the warning."

"Oh, by the way, sir, why Black Jack? Lately, you have been riding Shannon."

"I am leaving Shannon for Miss Rebecca. I believe she and Duncan will go into town today to collect up the other refugees."

"Oh, aye. I did hear tell of that. A little admirer of yours gave it away."

"Enough of that, Sergeant." Charlie softened the admonition with a grin.

"So what do I need a horse and notepad for, Colonel"

"You and I are going to tour the county and try and figure out just how badly off these people are."

"You and I alone?"

"Yes, you and I alone."

"Charlie –– you have lost your mind. You will be the biggest target these folks have had in ages. What if somebody recognizes you? They are as likely to shoot you as speak to you."

"I know that. But we will never get anywhere if we go with an armed entourage. We ride alone. Sidearm only."

Jocko shook his head. He loved Charlie like a brother, was unfailingly loyal to him. But sometimes he knew his boss was just plain crazy.

Jocko turned to leave.

"And Jocko?"

The batman turned to look inquiringly at Charlie.

"Do not dawdle. We need to get a move on. I will be in my office."

--*--

Charlie finished dressing quickly. He wanted to be out of the house and on his way before Rebecca made her way down for breakfast. In fact, he wanted to put as much distance as possible between them this morning. Maybe if he pushed himself hard enough and limited their encounters, he could, somehow, manage, a little, to control the effect she had on his libido. Maybe.

While waiting for Polk and Jocko, Charlie prepared his orders for the day. Polk would handle the transfer of the refugees and the daily staff meeting. He had briefed Polk on the plans for work details to support the civilian population the day before. The company commanders would have to manage a great many details to implement his wishes. His meticulous mind made Polk a good second. He was outstanding at patiently handling these kinds of administrative details.

Polk entered his office first. "Thanks, chief. I needed to be rousted out at the crack of dawn. Why can you not wait for reveille like a normal person?"

"Because I cannot ask the men to get up unless I am already up waiting for them."

Polk poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot that Sarah delivered to the office every morning. "So what is so urgent that I am here before breakfast?"

"I am riding out to see for myself what needs to be done to pull this county together and set them on the road to return to the Union. We have to survive winter here, and so do the civilians. I am taking Jocko as my clerk."

"So you want an escort. I will go rustle one up."

"No. We are going alone."

"Sweet Jesus, Charlie. You are crazy."

"No, I am not. If I go with a guard, I know for a fact they will not talk to me. If I go with just Jocko, they may recognize that I am not coming to try to take anything from them. This way, I have at least a hope of them listening and talking."

Like Jocko minutes earlier, Polk just shook his head. Charlie had been known to pull off some hare-brained stunts in the past. He just hoped his commander knew what he was doing this time.

--*--

The day was brisk and clear. Black Jack, Charlie’s big black stallion, had not been ridden for days. He had been at pasture since they had arrived, due to a slight bruise to his hock. He was full of energy; nervous, jittery and full of beans. Everything distracted him. He shied at the slightest provocation. In fact, Jack’s mood fit Charlie’s exactly. Jocko was mounted on an ugly old buckskin with a foul temper and the endurance of a dray. Between them, they had the means to cover a great deal of ground in a short time. Just as Rebecca was coming down the stairs for her breakfast, she saw the two men set off at a brisk canter down the main drive.

Charlie had spent some time the previous evening examining the map of Culpeper County. Dividing it roughly into four quadrants, he decided to start in the eastern part of the county. He had planned a loop that took him to Alanthus, through Brandy Station, over to Kelly’s Ford, down to Lignum and back through Stevensburg. It was a brisk day’s ride. If all went well, he would be back in plenty of time for dinner.

;

Alanthus was his first stop. Having left so early, Charlie and Jocko rode into town just as the small general store was being opened. It never seemed to fail; the local general store was the gathering place for news and gossip in every small town Charlie had ever been in. Charlie and Jocko left their horses tied at the rail and entered quietly. The soft buzz of normal morning banter faded to a cold and hostile silence as the people in the small building realized who had just joined them.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen."

Silence.

"My name is Colonel Charles Redmond, of the 13th Pennsylvania Cavalry. We are wintering over in Culpeper, and I am conducting a tour of the area to determine what we can do to assist you with winter coming on. My men are prepared to do basic repairs, fix fences, chop firewood, or winter-till fields to prepare for the spring. All we ask in return is that you be willing to recognize that we are all citizens of the same country, the United States, by signing our oath of allegiance. I have issued strict orders that no men of mine are to harass or show any disrespect toward you or yours. If such an event does occur, please come to me and I will ensure the individuals responsible are appropriately disciplined.

"Now, Sergeant Jackson and I are conducting a survey of the work that needs to be done so we can assign men with the correct skills to assist you. Is there anything we can do to help you out?"

The men and women in the small store looked at one another, confusion combining with hostility toward this crazy Yankee.

Finally, one man stepped out. "Colonel. We are Virginians. We need no help from you. Take your troops and leave us in peace."

"I have no one with me but Sergeant Jackson. We will be around town for a little bit, and either he or I will be through periodically, so please feel free to contact either of us if you need something. Otherwise, I bid you good day."

Charlie and Jocko walked out of the store and turned the corner. Charlie grinned at his partner and leaned up against the wall of the store. A pair of cigars came out of his breast pocket and he offered one to Jocko, making a sign for silence at the same time. Jocko looked at him like he had lost his mind, until he heard the voices coming out of the window they were standing near.

"My God. What did that man think he was doing here?"

"He has courage, I will give him that. Walk into enemy territory all alone."

"I would rather accept assistance from the devil himself than let some Yankee see how hard it has been."

"I do not know about you, but I would rather have a fire in the fireplace this winter than sustain my sense of pride. Anyway, think of it this way –– Yankees doing servants’ work seems pretty appropriate."

The arguments went on, each of them having something to say. After listening for a few more minutes, he motioned to Jocko to come away from their listening post. Slowly they strolled down the one street of the village, looking at the handful of shops and offices, noticing that every building needed at least paint and most needed some kind of repair. Several houses no longer had a woodpile, or only had a very small one. Jocko made some notes as they strolled. Finally, like so many small towns, Alanthus had a little park. They stopped in it, choosing a sheltered place to sit and wait. It did not take long.

A woman approached them hesitantly. Charlie rose and doffed his hat politely, waiting for the lady to speak.

"Colonel. Did you really mean what you said about helping?"

"Yes, ma’am, I did."

"I really do not know how to ask this, but I just have no idea what else to do."

"Well, ma’am," he said very gently, "we have all seen what war can do to people. There is no shame in asking for our assistance, for I do believe that we are all our brothers’ keepers."

"My husband was killed at Gettysburg and the one servant we did have ran away. I fear that without help, I will have no wood this winter."

Jocko stepped up. "Ma’am, I am John Jackson. I would be happy to personally make sure you are prepared for the winter."

"Pleased to meet you, Sergeant Jackson. I am Esther White. My, what a lovely accent you have. You are an Irishman?"

"Yes, ma’am. I am that."

"Then, Sergeant Jackson, I look forward to seeing you soon. And I am very grateful for your assistance."

"Ma’am. I will be there as soon as the Colonel permits."

Charlie inserted himself into the little tableau between Jocko and the attractive widow. "Mrs. White, will Monday be soon enough?"

"Why yes, Colonel. That will be fine. I have about half a cord of wood left, which should last me until then."

"We are at your service, ma’am."

Charlie and Jocko bowed to the lady and quietly departed. As they mounted up Charlie commented, "You know, Jocko, you will find plenty more where she came from." Jocko just grinned.

The rest of the day proceeded in approximately the same pattern. The level of hostility varied, depending on the degree to which the individual town had been affected by the war. Brandy Station was particularly hard, as they had recently fought a skirmish there. Kelly’s Ford was rather strange, as the local residents, who had provided ferry services for both union and confederate forces, viewed Charlie’s presence with indifference.

But the message was going out. And in every town, the fact that Charlie chose to ride with only his clerk as his escort made an impression.

--*--

Friday, December 2, 1864

Rebecca watched as Constance left the breakfast table with Emily. She smiled as the child talked of 'Papa' all the way out of the room. Papa and Colonel Polk had already left for the day. Charlie was back out early to continue his mission of canvassing the county. This left Rebecca and Elizabeth sitting at the table.

"Emily certainly has fallen for Charlie." Rebecca smiled, pouring them both another cup of coffee.

"Yes, she has, has she not? It is amazing to watch Charlie play 'papa'. I personally expected him to have apoplexy over the mashed squash and cereal."

The blonde smiled. "Secretly I think he loves it, even if he is a little unsure of it all. Last night while we were having tea after dinner, he kept talking of Emily. I think he is just as smitten."

"It is startling how much she resembles him." Elizabeth detected a note of something not quite right or comfortable in Rebecca's tone.

"Yes," she agreed before sipping her coffee. "Charlie could certainly pass for her father. They even have the same chin." She leaned back in her chair and played with her napkin. "Charlie would make a wonderful father."

"And you, my dear friend, would make a truly wonderful mother."

"You are very kind, but I am not sure about that. Not that I would not love to try, but you have seen the affinity the child has for Charlie. It is astounding. She certainly does not light up like that when I walk into the room. And given the choice, she would much prefer Charlie's lap over my own." Rebecca sighed. "But she does have her mother near."

"Rebecca, think on this for a minute. That child's affinity for Charlie is for one reason and only one reason. He looks like her daddy. And she misses her daddy more than she can express at her age." Elizabeth thought for a moment. "You know, you resemble her mother somewhat. If her mother had gone away when she was eleven months old and then you appeared in her life and were gentle and loving, she would adore you the way she adores him. You would be the mother she misses returned to her."

"I suppose that is true." She smiled at her friend. "But whatever the reason, that child is totally in love with our Charlie. He manages to charm the ladies, no matter what the age." She drew a deep breath. "Elizabeth, I have a question and I do not know who else to turn to for the answer. Do you mind?"

Elizabeth looked at Rebecca closely. She appeared concerned, confused and embarrassed all at once. Ah. Another round of lessons from the unconventional doctor. Well, this should be interesting. "Of course not, Rebecca. I told you that you could ask me anything and I would do my best to give you an honest answer."

Rebecca moved from her seat to the one occupied by Colonel Polk over breakfast, the one closest to Elizabeth. "Uh... I must admit I am not sure how to put this. It is about…… intimate matters."

Elizabeth bowed her head and patted her lips with her napkin, because that is what proper ladies did when they wanted to hide a terrible smirk. Introductory same gender sex. This should be interesting indeed. "Yes? I will certainly help if I can. After all, is that not what doctors are for?"

"Oh Lord," Rebecca ran her hand over her face trying to remove the blush. "You see, marital duties with my husband were just that…… duties. I never actually enjoyed my interludes with him." She took another drink of her coffee waiting to see what that admission would bring from her friend.

Elizabeth's professional face was firmly in place, kind, accepting, understanding, and non-judgmental. "I know that is true for many women, unfortunately. Their husbands fail to take the time or effort to teach them intimacy can, and should, be an expression of deep love for both partners."

"I am sure it would have helped if we had loved each other." That was out before Rebecca thought about it. She shook her head. "I am sorry, I am getting off course here. Obviously, I want to ask you about something else. You see, Charlie and I have agreed to take things slow. And since then, at night we have been cuddling and sharing small kisses……" She looked to the doctor trying to hide her smile. "I have discovered I rather like that."

"I would imagine so. Charlie can be very gentle and very tender. So what is it about this that bothers you?"

"Oh, that does not bother me!" She was quick to defend. "I really do enjoy it and Charlie is very patient, but I am afraid I may be hurting Charlie."

Elizabeth had a very clear picture in her mind of a rather excited Charlie trying very hard to be gentle and to restrain himself. She suspected under that very controlled surface lay an extraordinarily passionate soul, one for whom tender kisses and sisterly embraces would be little solace indeed. "Hurting him how, dear lady?"

"Umm," She blushed deeper red. "He is never going to forgive me for knowing this. Night before last, I retired before Charlie as he had paperwork to do. He came up sometime later and came to bed. He thought I was asleep, but I was not. He smelled of cigars and brandy." She bit her lip and looked to her friend.

"Well, perhaps he stopped to have a drink and chat with one of his officers. I understand gentlemen often do such things." Where was this going? Just because Charlie had a brandy with one of his men did not indicate he was hurting in any way. In fact, I know he often reaches out, a man or two at a time, to build more solid relationships with his staff. "I do not see how that leads you to believe he may be hurting."

"Well, you see, when he came to bed he was naked." She looked directly at the table and waited.

Elizabeth waited patiently for Rebecca to continue. Clearly, a little goading was going to be necessary. "Was that a problem for you, dear?"

"No. Actually, I found Charlie," she leaned over and whispered so no one save them would hear. "In all her glory quite enchanting." She sat back up and continued at a semi-normal level. "He got into bed and laid next to me. I let him think I was asleep but I watched him, while he umm……well……"

"While he?" Oh, this is prime. Charlie, Charlie. What have you gotten yourself into?

"While he," Rebecca was sure she was going to die of embarrassment. "He pleasured himself."

Elizabeth’s nose twitched. She bit her lower lip. Laughing in the face of Rebecca’s obvious discomfort would clearly not do. So. Charlie had a bad night, had a couple of drinks with one of the other gentlemen, went to bed to lie beside a beautiful woman who is sleeping peacefully and who Charlie desires to the core of his soul, and had to do something to relieve the pressure a little. "How do you think this is hurtful to Charlie, my dear?"

"Oh dear, I must be doing something wrong……if he needs……I do not know……" She blushed and hid her face behind her hand. "He called my name."

"Then perhaps, dear Rebecca, you are doing something very right. Has it occurred to you that Charlie desires you deeply and respects you enough to keep his passion at bay until you are ready?"

"But, umm, is that normal?"

"Is what normal? Needing to relieve a little of the pressure of a deep, persistent desire, or being willing to wait patiently until you are ready to both accept and return his passion?"

Rebecca really liked Elizabeth, but the woman's refusal to answer a simple question was maddening. She laughed, now the situation was getting too silly for words. "Do that……you know……what Charlie did."

"I assume that Charlie masturbated. And further, that as he reached release, he called out your name. If I were you, I would be very flattered." Elizabeth smiled. "All it means is that he wants you, desires you and is doing what he needs to do to wait for you to feel the same for him."

"So I should not be worried?" She chewed on her lip. "I have just never been subject to such a thing. I thought something was wrong."

Elizabeth looked at her friend with some concern. "Dear woman, have you never felt the joy that desire, that a loving touch can bring? Have you never explored your own sensuality? That is all Charlie was doing. I suspect he either wanted to touch you, caress you, and bring you intense pleasure or he was fantasizing about your doing that to him. What made you think something was wrong?"

Rebecca felt like a girl, embarrassed and confused. "No, I have never felt that way. The only thing I have found I enjoy is lying with Charlie. My husband……well let us say I have never heard sounds like I heard out of Charlie that night."

"Well, dear, from what you have said, I suspect your husband was one of those sad people who get pleasure from controlling others. Charlie, on the other hand, is a very giving soul. And at his core, he has the sensibilities of a very passionate woman, not a man. The most intimate and binding love of all is one that encompasses the heart, soul and body. Your Charlie is willing to give you all of those things, as soon as you are willing to accept them."

Rebecca nodded and took Elizabeth's hand. "Thank you. You know I have no desire to hurt Charlie. I just wanted to make sure he was all right."

"I suspect the worst thing that Charlie has to deal with right now is some frustration. He can hold you, but is not free to express the range of his love for you. He will survive, with the help of some cold baths, and a few late nights like you had that night. You might find him running more or doing other things to tire himself physically. And you are doing exactly the right thing. Accept what love and physical affection from him you are comfortable with. Take each step slowly, and build your relationship on trust and friendship so that it will last through the years."

"Umm, one other thing. That night after Charlie was asleep, I got a very unusual feeling very deep in my stomach and I was wondering," her voice actually cracked and she had to clear her throat. "If that is all right."

"Was the feeling unpleasant or just unusual –– a tightness perhaps? A tingling sensation or a swollen sensation? And did you notice if your heartbeat jumped a bit or other parts of your body became sensitive?"

"It definitely was not unpleasant. And yes, I felt all those things; it took a good quarter hour for my heart to stop beating so loudly I could hear it in my ears. And when Charlie rolled over and wrapped me up in his arms, all I could do was whimper."

Elizabeth drew a deep mental sigh, while holding her external appearance neutral and gentle. Oh, lord, one virgin trying to teach another one something about intimacy is not my best skill. Charlie, my friend, I certainly hope you have more experience than I do in the actual act. Because I am working from the textbook right now. "I believe, my dear, that your body was responding to Charlie –– to the physical desire he has for you and to the desire you have for him. Those feelings are all part of becoming sexually excited, dear woman."

Rebecca laughed. "Well, that is new." She shook her head again. "I cannot believe I have to ask these questions. I am a grown woman for Heaven’s sake. One who has been married and widowed. You would think I would have some clue."

Elizabeth softened from her rather clinical self. "Rebecca, you are a grown woman who had a harsh and unloving husband, and who is now confronted with a relationship that is, to say the least, outside of the boundaries of 'normal,' whatever that is. Of course you have new things to learn."

--*--

Rebecca was quite pleased with the way everything had come together in a single day. Duncan and his men had done a tremendous job refurbishing the rooms that would house the refugees arriving later in the day.

Mr. Cooper had rounded up a man to deliver a few mattresses and the wood stove from the church. It had only taken a couple of men from Duncan’s crew about two hours to get it properly installed and vented.

While Rebecca was glad to help where she could, she had to admit, at least to herself, that the thought of having strangers come into her home was a little daunting. She had no idea what to expect. She was also concerned for Charlie; his off handed comment about spies concerned her as well.

They might only be women and children but nothing was beyond the realm of impossibility at the moment. From listening to Charlie and Colonel Polk talk in the evening, she knew the Confederacy was desperate to mount a final strike in the hopes of winning a war long since lost.

She made a mental note to herself to watch and listen to everything very carefully. She would not let any harm come to Charlie or his men.

She was walking toward the front of the house when she heard the little voice. She followed the giggles to the front parlor where Constance was busy with Emily, who was perched on a chair looking out the window.

"Papa!" The child yelled and banged on the glass pane.

"Oh, does someone see Colonel Redmond?"

"Yes ma'am. The Colonel is standing out front with a few of his officers smoking a cigar." Charlie and Jocko had just returned from their daily trip, dusty and tired, but in good humor. They had stopped to talk to several of the company commanders, who had been walking down the drive from the rail yards.

Rebecca smiled, moving to the window to see Charlie with Polk and a few others. He was laughing and looked very relaxed. She let an evil thought germinate for just a moment. "Em, would you like to go see Papa?"

The baby’s eyes grew wide when she looked to Rebecca. "Papa!" She yelled before banging on the window again.

"Well, come on then before you break the window." She scooped the baby up in her arms and headed for the front door. She pulled it open and stepped out on the front porch.

"Papa!" Emily squealed and clapped her hands.

Charlie just dropped his head and shook it slowly from side to side. He turned around and waved to them, his smile was a cross between affectionate and total embarrassment.

"You have someone who is desperate to see you, Colonel." Rebecca chuckled as she lifted her skirt and descended the steps. "I was afraid she was going to break the glass in the parlor window."

The moment he was in reach, Emily lunged for Charlie. "Papa. Kiss Papa."

Charlie's men stifled laughs as their commander was graced with a sloppy baby kiss and a fierce hug.

The Colonel cleared his throat. "Gentlemen, may I introduce Miss Emily. She and her mother are going to stay with Mrs. Gaines for a while."

Each man in turn said hello to the baby, all the while barely allowing his smile to break through.

"Papa." Emily patted Charlie's chest. "'Orsy?"

"I promise to bring Shannon by for you to see later today, little one." He looked to the men. "She only loves me for my horse."

--*--

Saturday, December 3, 1864

Rebecca and Constance enjoyed a light lunch together and then mother and daughter retired to their room for a nap. Rebecca made the rounds of the house looking for last minute things to be done, but finding nothing. That helped her peace of mind considerably.

Going into the kitchen she found Sarah and Beulah preparing large pots of soup. "Hmm, something smells good." She peeked in one of the pots, then found a spoon in her hand. She smiled at Sarah before tasting the soup. "Ooo that is very good. What is that?"

"Tis only ham and bean soup, Miss Rebecca. Corporal Duncan brought the beans and Mr. Cooper supplied a little ham for flavoring."

"Sarah, you have done wonders." Rebecca could not resist and she took another taste of the soup. "And what are you making, Beulah?"

"Sarah convinced me to make cornbread. We are going to have a lot of extra mouths to feed this evening."

"And every evening for sometime to come I think." Rebecca agreed.

"Miss Rebecca?"

"Yes, Sarah."

"Colonel Redmond mentioned the possibility of hiring a few more people, especially since he is talking of opening the north wing and rebuilding the stables. I was wondering if he still wants to do that. I have several family members who are eager for work and good food."

"I believe he is, but you will have to speak with the Colonel about that. You may speak with him this evening after dinner."

"Yes, Ma’am."

Reg entered the kitchen and gestured to Rebecca. "Ma’am, Mrs. Cooper and Mrs. Williams are here."

Rebecca looked to the ceiling and prayed to God to give her strength. "All right, let us go greet them. Where is Daniel when I need him most."

"Ma’am?"

"Nothing Reg. Let us go see what is to be said today."

They walked to the front of the house where the ladies were getting out of their carriage, which had been followed by a wagon carrying the refugees from town.

"Good day, ladies." Rebecca greeted them as she watched everyone get out of the wagon with Reg’s help. "Gaines Cove is ready and we welcome you all. Sarah is preparing hot soup and tea for you, and Reg will show you to your room. There is a warm fire and a warm, dry bed for each of you."

She moved to a boy of about ten years old. The look on his young face made Rebecca’s heart ache. "What is your name son?"

"Jeremiah."

"Well, Jeremiah, I am glad to see a young man here."

"I have been taking care of my Mama since Papa was called away."

"I am sure you have. And I am sure you will be a great help. There are a lot of things for a young man to do around here."

Jeremiah looked back to his mother. "Will that be all right Mama?"

"Of course, son. You may help where Mrs. Gaines needs you. It is the least we can do to repay her for her kindness."

"You owe me nothing. But I think it will be good to keep young Jeremiah busy."

"Yes, Ma’am, you know how boys can be."

"Indeed I do. My brother Andrew was one that father had to keep busy lest he found himself into something that was best not gotten into." She ruffled the boy’s hair. "Then start by helping everyone get settled."

"Yes, Ma’am."

The blonde turned to the boy’s mother. "Please call me Rebecca. And you are?"

"Samantha Carter."

"I am glad to meet you, Samantha. Iwish it were under better circumstances. Welcome to my home. Now go ahead with Reg and get yourself settled. I will be in directly."

She watched as the group went to the house. She would have to take the time to get to know all of them. She turned back to Mrs. Cooper. "Well, Grace, this is a start."

"Yes, it is, Rebecca, we are grateful."

Mrs. Williams sniffed. "My husband tells me we can expect to see you and the Colonel at services this Sunday."

Oh Lord Charlie what have you gotten us into now? Are we to show up at church as a couple? Rebecca smiled. "If that is what the Colonel said, Mrs. Williams, then yes we will be at services on Sunday. I look forward to it, as circumstances have kept me from attendance for some time."

Chapter 14

Sunday December 4, 1864, Culpeper

Charlie roused the entire household early on Sunday morning. He had promised, and he meant to keep his word. They would all be in church, wearing their best, and presenting themselves as proper members of the community. Polk, half of his company commanders, and all but one of Samuelson’s medics were coming as well.

Rebecca wore a discreet dove gray dress, while Charlie was in his Daniel costume, as was Polk when he came to join them. Elizabeth was in stark black and white, as was appropriate to her professional standing. Between them, Rebecca and Lizbet had found appropriate Sunday clothing for all of the ladies. Even the servants were gussied up for the day. As the wagons and carriage filled with representatives from Gaines Cove, four more officers rode up, all in their best, to serve as both escort and representatives of the regiment.

The churchgoing citizens of Culpeper did not know what hit them when this entourage rode into the churchyard.

In marched Rebecca and Charlie, along with Elizabeth, Polk, Constance and Emily. They sat down in the Gaines pew at the front of the church, one of the few real benefits the late and unlamented Mr. Gaines had provided Rebecca. Emily sat between Constance and Rebecca, with the two gentlemen taking the end positions.

Behind them came the twelve refugees, the women and children staying at the farm. Four officers and four of the regiment’s medics escorted them. They took their places in the unassigned pews at the rear of the building. The servants made their way upstairs to the Negroes’ balcony. At breakfast, Charlie had told Sarah and Beulah to recruit three more servants to help take care of the influx of refugees and sick people. A wave of hushed whispers rippled through the balcony as those two very efficient women looked for the right staff among their friends and relations.

Mrs. Williams, sitting at the organ to the side of the apse, drew a hissing breath between her teeth. How dare they come into this church as if they were a family; these interlopers, these traitors to the glorious intent of the founding fathers?

A sweet little voice rose above the hushed whispers that were circling around the church. "Papa. Papa." Em was trying to crawl across Rebecca’s lap to get to Charlie.

"Hush, Em. We are in God’s house. You must be respectful and quiet in God’s house."

"Yes, Mama." The little girl settled into the crook of her mother’s arm.

Mrs. Cooper and the rest of the choir filed into their position behind the organ. She smiled to herself as she saw Rebecca sitting with her Colonel. The little black haired imp beside Rebecca could, indeed, be Colonel Redmond’s child. But then, Mrs. Carter was also dark haired.

"That child called that monster Papa. And Mrs. Carter allowed it. What has happened to all of the good Southern women in this town? Corrupted by those damned Yankees. Look at that little slut sitting there in dear Mr. Gaines’ pew, that noble hero of the cause, as if she were proud to be there with that Yankee. It is disgraceful, I tell you, absolutely disgraceful."

"Margaret Williams, you watch your mouth. I do declare, one of these days you will be struck down for your blaspheming. I happen to know that Mrs. Gaines has every right to sit there, and that Colonel Redmond has only the most honorable of intentions. He may have chosen for the Union in this war, but he is still a good Southern gentleman."

At that point, Reverend Williams entered and took his position before the altar. Mrs. Williams started into the processional. Further conversation was postponed until after the service was complete. The laggards filed into their seats and with the appropriate amount of rustling and coughing, the congregation came to order. The exhortation, read by one of the elders of the church, and first hymn were ordinary.

Then the Reverend Williams stepped into the pulpit. From the mild, slightly bumbling man who Charlie had seen before there emerged someone very different. Williams was something very rare –– a minister who truly believed in the power of the God whose word he preached and who allowed that power to flow through him when preaching.

"Our text for the day comes from Ecclesiastes, Chapter nine, verses ten through eighteen."

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

For man also knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so are the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.

This wisdom have I seen also under the sun, and it seemed great unto me:

There was a little city, and few men within it; and there came a great king against it, and besieged it, and built great bulwarks against it:

Now there was found in it a poor wise man, and he by his wisdom delivered the city; yet no man remembered that same poor man.

Then said I, Wisdom is better than strength: nevertheless the poor man's wisdom is despised, and his words are not heard.

The words of wise men are heard in quiet more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools.

Wisdom is better than weapons of war: but one sinner destroyeth much good.

"Through fate and chance, we have faced a time of war. Now, that time of war is coming to an end for us and we must find a different way." The good minister spoke passionately and compassionately on the ravages of war and the prices that all had paid for it.

"But then, are we not all at war against evil thought, against lack of compassion, against letting the matters of the body politic overwhelm the matters of the soul?" He looked to the future and spoke of a conflict that would come to end all conflicts; that each man, woman and child would have to face for themselves.

And then he spoke of what would happened if a wise man who came among them and offered them peace and a chance for a new future; how the voices of fools who could not let the time of war pass into the time of peace might drown the words of wisdom. For wisdom is spoken softly, and wise words heard only in the silence of a peaceful heart.

Reverend Williams talked on, reaching many of the people in his audience with the compassion in his plea. Emily was far too young to listen. She looked around the church, enjoyed the light through the window, sucked on her fingers for a while and started squirming. Constance’s pregnancy was beginning to show; holding a squirming toddler was uncomfortable, so Rebecca took the little girl in her arms. She promptly cuddled up in Rebecca’s lap and fell asleep.

With the sermon over, the congregation stood for the second hymn. Reverend Williams’ prayer asked for the silence of the heart to hear words of wisdom in this time of change. The hymn roused the little girl, who was usually cranky and fussy when she first woke. Charlie quietly lifted the child from Rebecca’s lap and held her through the hymn. She went back to Rebecca while the collection plate was passed. Charlie dropped a silver dollar into the plate, and Rebecca reached into her reticule for a smaller silver coin. Charlie noticed that many of the people in the congregation had nothing to offer, and of those who did have an offering, it was usually just a penny.

The final hymn and the benediction was over and it was time to file out of the little church. Constance was looking tired, and Elizabeth and Polk were both being solicitous of her. Charlie simply took Emily back into his arms and walked out to politely greet anyone who would deign to speak with the Yankee invader. The first to greet him was the good minister. Mr. Cooper was there as well. Surprisingly, Mayor Frazier was also there to acknowledge the Colonel and his entourage.

The ladies, led by Mrs. Cooper, clustered around Elizabeth and Rebecca, who by now had taken Emily from Charlie’s arms. The little girl was the center of a great deal of oohing and aahing. She was ecstatic at the attention and was being very charming.

As the ladies were admiring the little girl, Miss Reynolds noticed the ring on Rebecca’s left hand and pointed to it. As the other women in the group realized what that ring implied, there was a moment of stunned silence so profound that the gentlemen looked up to see what was wrong. Then all of the women broke out at once, some envious, others unsure of the propriety of marrying the enemy.

Mrs. Williams, having divested herself of the robe she wore as the organist, came charging into the group, obviously prepared to condemn the conqueror and his harlot, when her husband stepped in front of her. In a firm, carrying voice, he turned to Charlie and announced, "I see congratulations are in order, Colonel. When do you plan to have the happy event? You know, I expect to officiate."

Charlie grinned, Rebecca blushed and Mrs. Williams looked like she was going to explode. All in all, it was a very successful Sunday.

--*--

Wednesday, December 7, 1864

Rebecca entered the room quietly, closing the door behind her. She moved to Montgomery’s bedside and looked upon his sleeping form. "Good evening, Major. I will be sitting with you for a time. Dr. Walker has asked that we talk to you in the hopes you will respond. But since I do not know what to say to a gentleman such as yourself, I thought perhaps I would just read to you."

She pulled a rocker close to the bed and raised the wick on the lamp for more light. Taking the bible from the table, she opened it. "Let us start at the beginning, shall we, Major?" She cleared her throat as she adjusted the lap rug over her legs. "Genesis, chapter one. In the beginning……."

Rebecca rubbed her eyes. She was not sure how long she had been reading. She would pause occasionally to give the Major a sip of water as Elizabeth had instructed. She placed her ribbon marker in the Bible and stood up to stretch tired muscles. Moving to the window she could see it was very late.

The moon was high in the sky, thin gray clouds passed over it, causing shadows on the land. Rebecca realized that was how she felt right now, since Charlie seemed to be so distant the last few days, like a shadow had been cast over her heart.

She looked at the ring on her finger, playing with it. "Oh, Charlie, if you have changed your mind, you need only say so," she sighed, her thoughts plunging into darker despair with every moment. She was about to retake her seat when the door opened and Samuelson came in.

"Good evening, Miss Rebecca. I am here to spend the rest of the night."

"Thank you, Samuelson."

"Has there been any change?"

"No, I am afraid not, but he is taking water regularly. Just small sips but he does swallow it."

"That is good." The man regarded the woman before him. "Miss Rebecca, I think you need to rest. You look exhausted."

"Perhaps. It has been a very difficult few days." She patted his shoulder. "Good night, sir, I will see you tomorrow."

She left the room and headed for her bedroom. Stepping inside she saw that the bed was still empty, that Charlie had not yet come to bed. She left the bedroom and went downstairs.

Entering the kitchen, she prepared a pot of tea. Fighting tears the entire time she worked around the kitchen. Picking up a piece of bread she started to bring it to her lips, but found she had no appetite and replaced it in the basket.

Taking the tea, she went to the rear parlor and settled in her rocker by the window. Pulling a shawl over her shoulders and a blanket over her legs, she sipped her tea as she watched out the window. It was not long before she felt her lids getting very heavy, but rather than go face their bed which was cold and empty, she let sleep claim her in the chair.

--*--

Charlie spent the evening documenting the problems he had found throughout the county. He indulged himself in a quiet half hour before the fire with a cigar and a glass of brandy. Finally, he slipped into the hall and sat on the bottom step to pull his boots off. Holding them in one hand, he crept up the stairs and eased into Rebecca’s private sitting room. There he stripped off the rest of his clothes and pulled on his nightshirt. Dousing the last light in the room, he eased the door to the bedroom open. He nearly panicked when he realized that she was not in bed as he expected.

Quickly he looked around the room. No, the rocking chair was empty. He went back into the little sitting room. Maybe she had fallen asleep on the davenport, but that too was empty. He hurried downstairs and then saw the faint light under the door to the back parlor. There she sat, wrapped in a shawl and lap blanket, asleep in her chair by the window.

Softly he went to her. Moving slowly and gently, he gathered her up in his arms. She did not wake fully, but wrapped her arms around his neck and burrowed her head into his shoulder with a contented sigh. Carefully, he carried her up stairs to bed. He tucked her in on her usual side, and then slid in beside her. She rolled over, seeking his warmth in her sleep. Entwined, satisfied for the moment to feel his arms around her and the sweet smell of her in his nostrils, they slept.

--*--

Thursday, December 8, 1864

Rebecca woke slowly and reached for Charlie, who was already gone. She sighed and rolled over on her back staring at the ceiling. She was not sure what had come over Charlie the last few days, but she wondered if it had something to do with the other women that had shown up. Perhaps he found young Constance and little Emily far more appealing, after all this was a woman with children and it was clear Charlie adored Em. Pushing the thoughts from her mind, she tossed the covers back and sat up.

Lizbet entered the room and opened the curtains. "Mornin,’ Miss Rebecca. What would you like to wear today?"

"I do not care." She answered quietly.

Lizbet looked at her mistress. "Are you all right, Ma’am?"

"I am fine. Just very tired."

Rebecca moved to the window while Lizbet bustled around the room laying out her clothes. She looked out over her land wondering where Charlie had gotten off to. "Has Colonel Redmond left for the day?"

"Oh yes, Ma’am. The Colonel was up and out very early this morning. He had breakfast with Miss Constance, Miss Emily and Dr. Walker before he left."

"I see." She heard her own voice crack as she sniffed back tears. It looked like Charlie was making some new changes. She could not think of a reason why he would not have awakened her.

Rebecca dressed quickly then went to Major Montgomery’s room. She slipped inside to find Elizabeth tending to her patient.

"Oh, I am sorry I did not mean……" She started to leave.

"No, no, Rebecca, come in. I am nearly finished here."

"How is he?"

"Improving. I see some movement behind his lids now. That is a very good sign."

"Elizabeth, did Charlie seem all right to you at breakfast this morning?"

"Oh yes, you should have seen him helping little Em with her breakfast. It was adorable."

She smiled, even though she felt her heart breaking. "Good, I am glad. He did not wake me this morning."

"Well, we were all up very early. One of the hazards of life around the military."

"And Constance?"

"One of the hazards of being pregnant." Elizabeth chuckled, pulling the blankets over the major.

"I am sure." She moved closer to the bed and handed a cool cloth to Elizabeth. "Do you know where the Colonel has gone off too this morning?"

"I believe he is finishing his survey of the needs of the county. You know, he is really very serious about trying to set the groundwork for a effective reconstruction."

"Oh yes, I know. These people do not know how lucky they are it was the Colonel who arrived and not someone else."

"He said something about wanting to get it done so that work could begin before the first snow."

"A valid point. We could get snow anytime now and the weather has started turning." She wondered how long she could make idle chit chat. She felt as if she was dying inside and all she wanted to do was think of something else and figure out how she could let Charlie go.

"He told me privately that he wanted to get this done, and get things settled into a routine so that he would have more time to spend with you."

She smiled and gave a little nod. Apparently Charlie had not explained to Elizabeth that there might be a change in his plans. "That would be nice."

"Rebecca, what is wrong?"

"Oh nothing. I am sure that, given time, it will work itself out." She drew a deep breath. "There is just so much to be done."

"Rebecca, look at me."

The blonde squared her shoulders and looked to the doctor. "Yes?"

Elizabeth looked at Rebecca very closely. There were deep shadows under her eyes, which were slightly bloodshot. Her color was pallid, and there was a very tiny tremor to her hands. "You are pushing yourself too hard. If you are not careful, you will be on my list of patients. I recommend a good meal or two and several naps."

Rebecca nodded. "Yes, of course, Doctor, I will see to it." She gave her friend a squeeze on the shoulder. "Thank you for your concern."

"So do you want to tell me what has you not sleeping and eating properly?"

"You know, Elizabeth," Rebecca lied. "There is just so much work to be done. We have the refugees to care for and the Major to look after while he recovers."

Elizabeth looked with concern at her young friend. Something was going on here, but she could not put her finger on it. Rebecca looked like she was neither sleeping nor eating properly and Charlie had simply looked like hell this morning. His eyes had a haunted look in them, and he had kept looking to the door or up toward the ceiling during breakfast with longing.

"Well, my dear, you will not be able to do anything if you push yourself to the point of illness."

"I promise to take care. As a matter of fact I will go down now and see if Sarah might still have something to eat."

As the young woman turned to leave, Elizabeth watched her carefully. There was something in her stance, something in her walk that projected overwhelming sadness. For long moments after the door had closed, Elizabeth continued to stare after it. Drat. I am going to have to talk to that man. Something is very not right here.

--*--

Rebecca stood on the back porch looking down toward the camp, wishing Charlie were home so they could talk. Then she considered that she had no right to say anything to him. She would just have to wait until he came to her.

The sight of Corporal Nailer brought a smile to her face as she waved to the young man. "Good morning, Duncan."

"Good morn……morning, Miss Rebecca."

"And what are you up to on this brisk morning?"

"Actually, Ma’am, I am here to collect Jeremiah. We are going fish……fishing this morn...morning to see if we can have fresh bass for din……dinner tonight."

"That is very kind of you to look after the boy like that."

"My……ple……pleasure."

"You are a good man, Duncan."

The young soldier ducked his head as he tried to hide the blush. "Thank you."

Rebecca jumped when the screen door banged shut and Jeremiah ran past her to his new friend. She chuckled at the boy’s enthusiasm. "Be good boys and have good luck. I am looking forward to fish for dinner tonight."

They both waved to her as they headed for the pond. She sipped her tea, aware of the warmth of it as it slid down her throat and the coolness of the air and the pain she was feeling. Finishing her tea she tuned for the house to see who needed tending this morning.

--*--

Rebecca left Montgomery’s room once Constance had arrived to take over for a bit. The young woman could not do a lot of the chores because of her condition, but sitting with the injured man was something she could do. Emily was napping and would be for at least an hour. Rebecca promised to take charge of the child when she woke.

She paused briefly at the top of the steps, feeling a bit dizzy. Steadying herself with the banister, she started down the stairs, but paused after the first few steps. She shook her head, feeling the room beginning to spin just a little. Then everything started to grow dim. A moment later everything went dark.

Reg walked into the main hall, on his way to carry a load of wood to the back parlor. Miss Rebecca was lying in a crumpled heap at the foot of the stairs. "Oh Lord, Miss Rebecca."

He looked around, then ran upstairs to find Doctor Elizabeth. He knew better than to try and move Miss Rebecca.

"Doctor Elizabeth. Doctor Elizabeth!" His cries roused everyone in the house.

Elizabeth rushed out of her consulting room. "What is it?"

"It is Miss Rebecca, ma'am. She has fallen and I am feared she is dead."

Elizabeth grabbed her black case and came charging out of the office, a grim look on her face. Reg danced behind her, wanting to help and not knowing how. They returned to the hall, where everyone was gathering. The children were crying at the furor, the adults were looking horrified and ineffectual.

Elizabeth dropped to her knees beside Rebecca's limp body and quickly checked her pulse and respiration. Both were thready but reasonably normal.

She looked up at the gawking onlookers. "Get those children out of here and settle them down. Reg - you go find Colonel Polk and get the Colonel back here immediately. Lizbet - go get her bed ready. Sarah, Beulah, go get two heavy blankets. I want you to put them together into a sling so we can get her upstairs without jostling her."

As people moved to fulfill Elizabeth's orders, the doctor carefully examined her patient. Nothing appeared to be broken, although Rebecca would have some spectacular bruises. The one that concerned her was the large lump and rapidly darkening bruise on her right temple.

The three women gently straightened Rebecca's limbs, moved her onto the makeshift stretcher and transferred her to her bedroom.

--*--

Reg ran into Polk's office at full speed, nearly taking the officer off his feet as they collided. "Whoa, boy. What is so urgent that you can not knock and enter properly?"

"Colonel Polk, sir, it is Miss Rebecca. She has fallen and Doctor 'Lizabeth sent me to get you to get Colonel Charlie back here immediately."

"Easy, lad. Is Miss Rebecca going to be all right?"

"I swear I just do not know, sir." The man wailed. "I thought she was dead there on the stairs."

"All right. Can you ride?"

"Yes, sir. I ride good. Mr. Gaines used to use me to exercise the horses."

"Fine." Polk turned to his aid, Captain Harriman. "Get two horses, one for you and one for Reg here. Saddle up for a hard, fast ride. Meet me at the Colonel's office and I will be able to tell you where to go."

Polk hurried over to Charlie's office, where he knew his boss had been plotting his surveying trips. He hoped the maps were still on the desk. As he entered the office, he saw the maps on the staff table. With a sigh of relief, he looked them over and figured out Charlie's plan for the day.

As Harriman and Reg entered, he showed them the map. "Here, he was going to start at Fordsville, then Leon, Tryme, Novum, Reva and then Griffinsburg and Pelham Manor. He left just after dawn this morning, so I would go directly to Reva, then either catch up or back track until you find him."

The two men nodded and set out at a hard pace.

--*--

Upstairs, Elizabeth finished her examination of Rebecca. Lizbet and Beulah made the young woman comfortable, stripping her of her daywear and putting her in a nightgown.

"Well, my dear, you did work yourself into a swivet. And unfortunately, I cannot let you just sleep." Gently, Elizabeth set about reviving the young woman. Slowly, Rebecca returned to the world of the living.

"Uh...steps..."

"Uh steps indeed. I told you to go take a nap."

"What……what happened?"

"You fell. I would imagine your lack of food and sleep left you a bit dizzy. The rest, as they say, is history."

Rebecca raised her hand slowly to her throbbing head. "Hurts."

"I am sure. You have a lovely bruise and a nice little concussion. So now you will stay in bed, drink fluids, rest, and one of us will wake you every hour for a while, just to be annoying."

"Charlie……" She let her eyes close as a tear escaped from the corner of one.

"I have sent for him, dear. I expect him back within a couple of hours." Elizabeth fussed over Rebecca briefly. "And when he gets here, please be kind."

"Yes. But he is...busy."

"Rebecca, if I know Charlie like I think I do, what he has been doing is trying to control his own feelings. Remember what you told me about the night he went drinking with one of the men?"

"Yes."

"Well, if he is trying to get his desire for you under control, he might want to put a little distance between you. He may be embarrassed about that night."

Her eyes closed yet again and she nodded. Her head hurt and the thought that Charlie wanted distance, made it hurt worse. "I understand."

"I honestly do not think you do, dear. I think our good Colonel, who has been so in control of his life for so long, is spinning very much out of control around you."

A long pause lay between them, and then Elizabeth added, "The problem is probably that he just can not figure out how to keep his hands off you."

Rebecca turned teary eyes to her friend, smiled and reached for her hand. "I love him so. I only want him to be happy."

Elizabeth soothed the hair back from Rebecca's bruised forehead. "And he loves you, my dear. I am very, very sure of that. I have never seen my old friend like this over anyone. And to be honest, I never expected to see it, either. I know you two will find a way to make your relationship work. Now, you, rest. Close your eyes and I will keep watch and wake you in an hour."

--*--

Reg and Harriman rode like demons. They found Charlie and Jocko in Novum.

"Colonel Charlie!" Reg cried out as soon as he saw the tall man.

"Reg, what is it." Charlie looked startled. The only reason that the servant would be here is if something had happened at the house. "Is Miss Rebecca all right?"

"No, Colonel Charlie. She fell down the stairs and Doctor Elizabeth sent me for you."

Before the words were out of Reg's mouth, Charlie was sprinting for Black Jack. He pulled himself up into the big stallion's saddle and shouted back at the three men standing behind him. "Follow as you can."

Then he took off for home.

--*--

The miles melted under Black Jack's steady ground eating gallop. Riding cross-country, Charlie arrived at the farm in slightly over an hour, covered in dust and Black Jack's lather.

Charlie, distraught, flung himself out of the saddle and threw Black Jacks reins to some trooper; he did not notice who it was. Up the steps to the portic,o and through the door, he charged, barely stopping to drop his sword, hat and gloves in the hall before he roared up the stairs to Rebecca's door. There he stopped, frozen, terrified of the worst. And since he had considered every possible scenario in his frantic ride home, he was already prepared to find her dying or even dead. Carefully, he opened the door and slipped into the room.

Elizabeth rose as he entered. There was anguish and fear in his eyes. "Shush, Charlie. She is fine. Nothing that a few days rest and some good food cannot fix. She has a mild concussion, and needs to be wakened every hour until tomorrow evening. Other than that, my dear, she is fine."

Timidly, Charlie asked, "Can I see her?"

"Of course. In fact, I think it will do you both a world of good if you awaken her."

"But I am filthy."

"So? She needs you, Charlie. Go to her."

Charlie approached the small still figure in the big bed very gently. He stroked her cheek with his fingers, and softly called her name. "Rebecca. Darling. Rebecca, honey. Wake up, please?"

Slowly her eyes opened and she focused on him, smiling as soon as she realized he was real. "You came."

"Of course I came. Oh, honey, I am so sorry. Are you all right?"

She moaned a little and smiled as much as she could. "I love you, Charlie, please do not stay away……" She knew she could not hold the tears in her eyes. She just felt so bad and the stress had finally gotten to her.

Charlie swept her up into his arms and held her close. He cradled her head in his hand against his chest and softly rocked her. "My love, my dear heart. I did not mean to hurt you. I am right here, where I want to be; where I need to be…… with you."

"Stay." She gripped his shirt. "I promise……to……do my best."

"Darling, you always do your best. Do you understand how much I love you? Do you know that I cannot think straight when I am with you, that I dream of you during the day, that I want to touch you whenever I am near you, and when I touch you I want to hold you and when I hold you it takes everything I am not to lay down and worship you?"

She cuddled into him. "I love you. I am sorry, for being silly. I thought you had decided against me and did not know how to tell me."

Charlie laughed a little, nervous, relieved sound. "My God, love. I am so sorry. I was having problems with trying to control myself." In a much lower voice, rich with hunger, "I want you so much I think I am going crazy sometimes. My hands itch with wanting to touch you. I promised to go at your pace, and I was afraid I was going to break my word to you."

"Then let us agree to go at a natural pace then, not mine. We will be together and whatever happens, happens because we love each other. I do not want you to be uncomfortable anymore than you want me to be uncomfortable. But I do not like not being with you when we can, Charlie. Our time together right now is short. I want all the time we can spare."

"Then you shall have me every minute I can spare from my command." He kissed her very softly. "Now, Elizabeth tells me you need to rest, and I know I need to clean up. I will be back and wake you again in an hour, darling."

"I love you, Charlie." She held his hand almost afraid to let him go.

Charlie looked deep into her eyes. "I love you, Rebecca. With all that I am, I love you."

--*--

Charlie held her hand and gently stroked her head until she slipped back into a gentle sleep, then hurried down to the bathing room where someone had thoughtfully filled the tub with warm water and laid out some clean clothing for him. He quickly scrubbed the sweat and dirt from his body and pulled the clean clothes on, all the while listening to the voice in his head berating him.

Look at yourself, Charlie. You tell her you love her, promise to be there for her, and the first thing you do is you run away and hurt her. But then, is that not what you always do, Charlie. Run away. If you cannot handle a situation that is painful or frustrating, you run away. You ran away from your father, you ran away from your home, you ran away from who you really are, and now you are running away from her just because you cannot keep your libido in check. You are a coward, Charlie Redmond. And if you stay with her, what are you going to do? Hum? I can tell you what you are going to do, Charlie Redmond. You are going to keep running away, you are going to keep hurting her. You know why? Because that is what you always do.

Charlie shook his head, and argued back with the voice. Alone, his old habit of talking out loud to himself returned. "No, that is not how it is. I needed to do the survey of the county. And I needed a little space. The worst I did here was I did not think --"

That is exactly right. You did not think. You never do. You just run when things get too uncomfortable for you to handle. Oh, sure, you are physically brave. That is why you are such a good soldier –– because you do not think there either. You do not think about what might happen, you just plod along doing what the commanders tell you to, and watching men and boys get hurt and killed.

"Oh, no. You cannot say that. There are too many times when I have gone against orders or found innovative ways to follow them that have saved lives, not taken them." Slowing it was dawning on Charlie. Every so often, the bitter voice in his head was simply wrong. Could it be that that voice was wrong about Rebecca and him? Charlie was beginning to have a glimmer of hope. "Enough. I did something foolish, but not something evil. And maybe in relationships things happen that are painful at the time. But we can talk, and work things out, because what we could have together is more important than the hurt in the moment.

You tell yourself that, Charlie-boy. You tell yourself that she can really love a pervert like you. That she can withstand the hurt that you will give her in her life with your lies and your running away. And when she leaves you because loving you hurts too much, you tell me I was wrong then.

Just then Charlie heard a ruckus in the entrance hall. He emerged, towel still in hand, dressed in trousers, shirt and vest, barefoot and irate that someone would make noise that might disturb Rebecca. It was Polk, along with Harriman, Jocko and Reg, finally having returned from Novum.

"Quiet. You will disturb her." Charlie gave them all a baleful eye.

Jocko spoke up. "So, is Miss Rebecca all right, sir? We were all worried."

"Miss Rebecca is fine. She has a mild concussion and is resting. Go get cleaned up. Jocko, please check on Black Jack; I rode him rather hard. Now, off with you all. We will speak tomorrow." With that, Charlie stalked back upstairs, leaving them whispering to themselves.

Reg volunteered to go check with Beulah and find out the real story. The other three retired to the front steps to share a cigar and wait for word. The report was soon delivered, at least the bare bones. Harriman looked at a loss, but Polk and Jocko each vowed to do whatever he could to lessen the load on Miss Rebecca. She had taken on caring for so many of them, that they could only return the service.

--*--

Slipping into the bedroom, Charlie just stood at the side of the bed, gazing down on her sleeping form, so innocent in repose, and marred by the purple bruise on her forehead. His mind went to the bruises that Mr. Gaines had placed on that small body in anger, and the voice in his head started up again.

Gaines battered her in anger. Look at her face. You batter her with your fear. Is one any less painful than the other?

Charlie knelt beside the bed, and pressed her hand to his lips, almost in a prayer. "I promise you, love, I will do everything in my power to keep from hurting you again. I know I will not always be successful. I know that going back to war in the spring will be agony for both of us, but I have no choice. I can promise to do my best to be safe and to come back to you whole. And I can promise that I will always let you know what I am thinking and feeling so you will worry as little as possible." He rose from his knees and gently began waking her again.

In a sleepy voice, she responded. "Charlie?"

"Yes, love. I am right here."

"Ummm, come hold me, please."

He shed his vest and slipped into bed, clad in trousers and shirt. He settled her body against his shoulder and went through the short series of tests that Elizabeth had said she needed to have administered hourly.

Warm and safe again, Rebecca slipped back into sleep as soon as Charlie allowed her to. For the rest of the night, Charlie held her, awake and caring, waking her every hour to check for any damage from the concussion.

--*--

Friday, December 9, 1864

Around dawn, Elizabeth entered, to find Charlie fighting sleep valiantly, still holding the sleeping woman in his arms.

"How is she?"

"She seems fine. The headache is easing and her vision seems to be fine."

Charlie smiled appreciatively at his old friend, and slid out from under Rebecca so that Elizabeth could conduct her examination. As Charlie moved, Rebecca grew restless, whimpering in her sleep and clearly looking for something. Charlie smiled gently and a bit ruefully. Elizabeth stifled a laugh. Her examination was quick but thorough.

"My friend, she is doing fine. With a little sleep, she will be as good as new. I would say that it is time for you to get some sleep as well. Richard has things well in hand, I am sure."

Charlie nodded and walked Elizabeth to the door. He stripped off his trousers, and crawled back into bed wearing his shirt and underwear. The two curled around one another and sleep took them both until early afternoon.

--*--

Rebecca woke first, happy to be cradled in Charlie’s long arms. She lay there quietly, her eyes closed; savoring the feelings of safety and peace she felt when they were wrapped together like this. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up into Charlie’s face. Even sleeping, his features showed the stress of the past day; a slight frown cut a furrow between his heavy eyebrows. In the slanting afternoon light that slipped between the edges of the curtains, she could see the fine, silver hairs that were starting to mark his temples. Her slight movements were enough to awaken him; he looked back into her eyes with all of the love and concern she ever hoped to see.

"Good morning, sleepyhead, or should I say good afternoon?"

"Good afternoon, my noble pillow. I am glad you got some sleep, dear."

"How is your head this afternoon?"

"A bit tender, and I still have a touch of a headache, but otherwise, not too bad."

"And the rest of you, dear?"

"The rest is probably a bit tender, too, but I am to comfortable here with you to really notice it."

"Then, obviously, you must stay where you are most comfortable." Charlie settled his arms around her more securely to reinforce his offer.

They spoke of little things, their dreams for the time after the war of building a great stud farm, of having a home that would be open to their friends, a gracious place where all would be welcome, of having a life together that suited them both. Their talk turned to their pasts, as Rebecca spoke of the time before the war and of the horse farm her father had raised her on. Finally she asked Charlie how a raw recruit had become a career officer.

"That, my love, was a matter of sheer luck. And perhaps a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There were forty-seven hundred men serving under Zachary Taylor. Santa Anna, with twenty thousand troops, backed us into this maze of canyons that the locals called Buena Vista. There were lots of little dead ends and no obvious way out. The cliffs that bordered them were sheer and looked too high to climb. Just to make matters worse, it was raining and the cliffs were slick with mud. But climb them we did, using ladders and ropes, mostly. Through the night we climbed, mostly in the dark, with our work lit by the fires from Santa Anna’s camp reflecting off the clouds and occasional flashes of lightening. I had made sergeant by then, and our lieutenant had been killed in the skirmishes that backed us into this hole in the first place. A captain came by and appointed me acting lieutenant in his place. We abandoned the horses, and used pulleys to haul some light artillery up the cliffs. By morning, most of our troops were hidden up on top of the canyon walls. When Santa Anna’s troops entered the canyon, intending to cut us down, we let loose on them. Santa Anna called a withdrawal. They said I had served well, and confirmed my brevet as permanent. They even sent me to school at the Academy. Now that was an experience, let me tell you."

"The Academy?"

"Yes, up at West Point."

"You graduated from West Point?"

"Yes. A couple of the junior officers convinced General Taylor and General Scott that I was officer material, so when the war was over in ‘48, they sent me. It was rather strange actually. I was a bit older than most of the boys at the school, and I had already seen action. So they gave me a private room, thank God, for I am not sure how I would have handled things for the three years I was there if they had not done so. They let me take extra classes and stay over during the summer, so I went through the curriculum in three years instead of four. When I graduated, the Commandant gave me the rank of captain, since I had gone in as a lieutenant. All in all, it was a good time for me."

"You must know just about all of the officers in the Army, then."

"My dear, between the Mexican War and this conflict, the career officers could all fit in this house for a party. I think we all know each another, either because we were at school together, fought together in Mexico, or served together at one point or another. I think that may be part of why this war has been so terrible. We do know one another, and to some extent, we can anticipate what the other side will do because of that. It is very hard to fight against men you have known as comrades in arms for twenty years." Charlie grew silent, lost again in the pain of this war. He had served under Lee, had gone to school with Early, taken classes from Grant and Jackson. These men were his friends, and to some extent, the only family he knew. And now, they prepared to face one another across the final battle lines.

Rebecca gathered him into her arms, just holding him, trying to ease the bleakness that thoughts of the war and of his friends on both sides had brought to his soul. "Someday," she whispered, "it will be over. And we will be able to rebuild at least some of what we have lost."

Warning!

Explicit sexual interaction between two women ahead.

Chapter 15

Saturday, December 10, 1864

As Charlie slipped out the door after lunch, little Em tried to follow him, which resulted in the little girl falling and scraping her hand and knee. Her cries grew louder as she cried for Papa while shaking her hand.

Rebecca was quick to scoop her up and take her to the kitchen to get her calmed down and cleaned up. The child sniffed and wanted to continue with her fit but under Rebecca’s loving care, she found it very difficult.

She did however continue to look toward the door for Charlie. "Papa gone." She sniffed, watching as Rebecca cleaned her knee with a warm cloth.

"Papa will be back for supper, Em. He has work to do."

"Work?"

Rebecca chuckled and turned the little hand over to clean its palm. "Yes, Papa work."

Em looked to her hand then to Rebecca and she raised it. "Kiss."

"Of course." Rebecca planted a tender kiss on the little hand. "Better?"

She was rewarded with a hug around her neck. The child yawned and fussed with her scraped hand, then started playing with a ribbon on Rebecca’s dress while leaning against her knee. It was obvious that Em was struggling to keep her eyes open.

"Sleepy, Em?"

"Em not sweepy."

"I think maybe you are. I am. Lets go up for a nap, little one. Your mama is already napping, you can lay down with her." She picked the child up, cuddling her close to her as she made her way upstairs.

--*--

After Em was safely tucked in with Constance, Rebecca went to check on Montgomery. Samuelson was with him when she entered the room and crossed to the bed. She took a seat on the opposite side and took Montgomery’s hand. "Major? Major Montgomery? Sir, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

She looked down at his hand in hers and waited. She sighed and looked to Samuelson. "If you dare tell on me for what I am about to do, I will..."

"Ma’am?" Samuelson had a bemused look on his face, having no idea what Miss Rebecca was planning.

Rebecca turned her attention back to Montgomery. "Major, Colonel Redmond wanted me to pass along to you that you have done enough lollygagging in the infirmary and it is time for you to get back to your command."

She waited again then smiled when she felt a tentative squeeze to her hand. Samuelson’s eyes went wide as he saw her reaction. "It worked?"

"So it would seem." She patted the man’s hand. "I will go tell Dr. Walker."

She left the room, going to Elizabeth’s examination room. The doctor was in the process of trying to get a small boy of about five to open his mouth so she could finish her examination. "Now come on, Jamie, open up and let me see why your throat is hurting."

With lips clamped firmly shut the boy shook his head. Rebecca chuckled and joined Elizabeth. She knelt down and placed her hands on the boy’s legs. "Jamie, do you like horehound drops?"

He regarded her then nodded.

"If you let Dr. Walker look at your throat I will take you to the kitchen and we will find you a couple. I think I remember seeing Sarah tucking a few away."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

But it was too late. The moment he opened his mouth, Elizabeth stuck the depressor in and had her look. When she was finished she smiled as she snapped the stick in half. "Now that was not too bad, was it?"

"No, Ma’am."

"All right, young James, my prescription for your ailment is two horehound drops and some hot tea. I think Miss Rebecca can take it from here." She helped him out of the chair and handed him over to Rebecca.

"Anything serious?" The blond asked Elizabeth while holding his hand

"No, just a little raw from the influenza that everyone had. He will be fine."

"Good."

Once Jamie was settled, Rebecca then tended to everyone else, making sure that the chores were getting done and that nothing was being left undone. She joined a few of the ladies in the washroom and spent close to two hours helping with the washing of linens. She took a basket outside to the line and had just started hanging them when she looked up to find Charlie walking toward the house from camp.

"Hello, love. Why, pray tell, are you out here hanging laundry? Do I need to get more servants?"

"No, you do not, my dear. I am hanging laundry because it needed to be done and everyone else is occupied with runny noses and chamber pots. Considering my options, I chose laundry." She gave him a little grin.

"I just spent twenty four hours sitting up with you because you worked yourself to collapse. I will not have that happening again."