Worlds

23. Insect, Repellent

No percentage in not being friendly to a man I’ll be traveling with for ten weeks. Before the management seminar, I asked Jeff whether he’d be free for dinner Tuesday. I think he tried not to act surprised. He probably thought my refusal Saturday was a dust-off. I’ll take him to that nice Italian place in the Village.

The seminar was interesting enough, employee selection and training. The class was going down to “our” bar afterwards, but I had to pass it up. Still haven’t really caught up in religion, after the stay in the hospital, and playing spy takes up time.

Benny met me outside the classroom, the first time he’d ever done that. Said he’d walk me back to the dormitory.

We didn’t say much on the way to the subway, trying to keep our footing on the icy sidewalk. When we got to the dorm, I asked Benny whether he’d like to come up for tea. He hesitated, then said yes.

Upstairs, I started for the hotplate, but Benny caught my arm. “Let’s take a shower together.”

I just stared at him. He stared back with a look that had to do with neither hygiene nor sex.

He kept the same queer expression as we undressed and got towels. Walking down the hall, he held my arm in a grip that was almost painful. There was nobody else in the shower room. Benny turned one up full force and hauled me inside.

He held me close and whispered, “We don’t dare talk in your room.”

“Aren’t you carrying this—” He cut me off with a violent shake of his head.

“I’m not being paranoid. This morning I couldn’t find a book, looked high and low, finally looked under the bed. I found a bug.”

I didn’t understand. “Are you zipped? There are bugs everywhere.”

“Not a bug bug,” he whispered harshly. “An electronic one—microphone and transmitter and battery. Size of your little fingernail.”

“How in the world would you recognize—”

“Christ and Buddha, don’t you ever watch the cube? You can buy them over-the-counter at Radio Shack. Somebody’s eavesdropping on me, probably you, too.”

“You think it’s… James?”

“Or Will. If it were the government, I wouldn’t’ve found the bug with a microscope.”

“That’s terrible.”

“That’s only half of it. The first half is Katherine.”

It took a second for the name to register. “The suicide.”

“The one who died. I thought I saw her Friday night, the day before she died. You know I had to go to Washington.”

I nodded. He was part of a show in a gallery there.

“Thought I’d take the red-eye, save a couple of bucks. Went down to Penn to catch the two a.m. Going down the escalator to the train, she was coming up. She had a wig on, but no way you could disguise that nose.”

“Sure it was her?”

“I sort of half waved, then caught myself. She saw me and looked away.”

“What are you driving at?”

“Don’t you see? James gave her an assignment in Denver. Remember? And here she is, sneaking in from Washington at two in the morning. And the next day she’s dead.”

“My God.”

“You see? It’s too much of a coincidence. It’s possible, just possible, that she did commit suicide. Not likely.”

I held him more tightly. “Somebody found out she was… working for the government.”

“A counterspy, double agent, whatever. What probably happened was, they had somebody following me, checking me out. Saw her, reported… maybe she was under suspicion anyhow. They force-fed her some pills and washed them down with booze.”

“The Times said there was a suicide note.”

“Right. In her typewriter.”

The door to the shower room slammed and I felt a chill down my back, under the hot water.

“What are we going to do?” I whispered.

“Right now? We—” I put my hand over his mouth. A man was using the urinal. There were only three men on this floor, and they were all closer to the other john. My heart was banging.

“Sammy? Is that you?”

The urinal flushed. “Maintenance,” an unfamiliar voice said. I held on to Benny with my teeth clenched and eyes squeezed shut. Then the door slammed again.

“Was that the maintenance man?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never talked to any of them. Benny—stay with me. I’m afraid.”

He stroked my shoulder softly. “I don’t think we’re in any danger yet. They don’t have any reason to suspect that we think they’re anything other than they said they were.”

“You left the bug where it was?”

“Of course. And you should do the same if you—no. Just assume there is a bug, in your room somewhere. Don’t bother to search.”

“You will stay with me tonight?”

He kissed me. “Sure.” If there was a bug under my bed that night, it heard nothing more erotic than two people staring at the ceiling.

It was a good idea to keep my diary as loose sheets. After Benny left in the morning, I removed all the pages that referred to any of this spy stuff, tore them up, and flushed them away (after retyping the innocent parts). I decided I might keep a separate diary if there were some way to absolutely hide it.