You’ve Been Warned

Chapter 110

TWO PARAMEDICS ROLL OUT a long plastic bag next to my body, zipper side up.

“Stop!” I plead. “I’m not dead! Please, please, won’t you stop?”

They raise my arms to tuck them in close to my sides, and I glimpse the blood dripping from my right hand.

“One, two, three,” they count. Then they lift me and deposit me into a body bag.

My God, my God, please, no. Don’t do this!

They close the zipper even as I continue to beg them not to do it, to give me a second chance for some reason that isn’t even clear to me.

I’ve never felt more helpless, more frightened oral one.

As they wheel me down the hall, into the elevator, and across the lobby, I stare out in horror and dread. Through the dark, dingy plastic, everything looks gray.

Even the red awning as I’m taken out of the hotel.

They push me toward the curb, the wheels of the gurney squeaking like sick birds as they spin against the pavement.

I listen to the murmuring of the crowd that’s gathered outside on the street. They’re wondering what happened.

Who died in there?

I keep screaming, “There’s been a horrible mistake. I’m not dead!”

But no one hears me.

Not the businessman in his pinstripe suit, the bike messenger, or the mother with her stroller, the same ones I saw in my dream. The strangers… who are now attending my funeral, so to speak.

I’m so scared now.

Please, God, make it stop! Please, God, please, God!

But he can’t hear me either.

Or worse, maybe he can and just doesn’t care about Kristin Burns.

Overhead, all I see are the police and EMS lights spinning against the buildings.

“Somebody do something! Get me out of here! Please! Somebody!”

The zipper to the body bag is inches from my eyes. It’s so close, but it might as well be miles away. I can’t reach it.

I can’t move.

But then the zipper starts to open – jarred, perhaps, by a crack in the sidewalk.

And that’s when I hear it – out on the street, pushing through the crowd – someone desperately screaming as loud as I am. The voice is thick with panic.

“HELP! THAT PERSON IS ALIVE!”

Closer and closer comes the voice, until the moment arrives when I see the face behind it, and all hope dies.

The horror comes full circle. The woman screaming outside the hotel?

She’s me!

And I understand everything.

In a few minutes, very soon, the dream will start again. I’ll wake up in my bed, screaming. I’ll hear the song. I’ll hear the knocking at my door. Mrs. Rosencrantz will be there.

And I will keep reliving these horrifying last days, over and over, until the tiny blackbird has transported that mountain, a beakful at a time, one trip every thousand years.

Only that will just be the beginning of eternity.

In you-know-where.

And I’m screaming, screaming, screaming, screaming…

Chapter 111

SO HERE I AM on my way to hell. As I understand it from Delmonico, I’ll keep reliving some version of the nightmare I’ve just experienced for eternity, for life everlasting. Definitely something to look forward to.

I can see around me clearly now, since nobody has bothered to rezip my body bag.

Actually, I’m glad of that. I get one last look around, and everything seems kind of strangely beautiful about the world, actually. The light is gauzy, with streaks of burnt orange and yellow laced through it. The faces of the people watching are actually sad, almost as if they care, and that touches me.

I want to cry, but I can’t really control my body anymore, can I? I wonder how much longer I have – until everything goes black or white or until this horrifying nightmare starts all over again.

And again.

And again.

How much time, Kris?

And how much time did I waste in my life? How many things did I do all wrong? Would I do them differently now?

I think I would. Honestly, and this isn’t a cop-out, I know I would live a different life. I feel so guilty… about my baby… about the affair with Michael… about hurting Dakota and Sean… even about hurting Penley, who was a twit but not an evil person.

I’m sorry. God, am I sorry. I’m so sorry, so pathetic, but I am sorry.

I can still hear the voices in the crowd outside the hotel.

The paramedics roll me between two police cars and toward a waiting EMS truck, the meat wagon. The gurney bumps something, and I realize how absurd it is to be careful when you’re carrying a dead body.

“Can’t somebody help me?” I say, though I know the voice is only in my mind, whatever and wherever that is. But I can’t stop pleading anyway. I won’t give up, won’t quit. Not ever. I won’t go quietly.

“Somebody help me…

“Somebody, please…

“I’m sorry for all my sins, for everything I did.”

Then a black woman leans in close, really close to my face, closer than I would ever get to a dead person. She shines a tiny flashlight into my eyes, and God do I want to blink – I’d do anything in the world to blink.

But I don’t blink.

“Somebody, please help,” I don’t say again.

And then the woman steps away from me, and I see that she’s an EMS doctor.

Suddenly, she yells in a clear voice, “This one is still alive!”

And I hope, I pray to God, that she’s right.

“She’s alive! This woman is alive! She just winked at me.”