Zombies: More Recent Dead

Don’t be afraid, boy—

this here corpse is twice dead.

Come on over to the gurney

and take a gander at that there

shiny yellow knob snuggled in

his Corpus Collosum like

a gawdamn popcorn kernel.

Here, let me use this here probe

to give y’all a better look. See that

ugly thing? That there cluster of

gunk? No, that ain’t human at all.

You’ll only find ’em in zombies.

I dub it the “Resurrectal Cortex”—

a fancy name for this whole new lobe

that emerges inside what’s left of the brains

of the dead like a fetus in a fetid womb.

I reckon that’s what they’re feeding

when they eat folks dry. And that’s

what we’re popping when we shoot ’em

in the melon. Here, let me remove it

so we can get a better look. There it is.

Okay, here, hold that. Heavier than you

’spected, ain’t it? Feels like a rotten

grapefruit, right? Tastes like one, too.

Sure, I ate one. Go on ahead and try

it yerself. Come on, take a big bite.

And you better get used to it, boy.

Cause the only thing that’ll

ever really rid the world

of these undead bastards for good

is a zombie zombie. Dammit,

I said eat it. Sure, I know

it tastes like death warmed over,

but it ain’t gonna kill you.

It’ll make you one of us—

one of the unundead.

And there’s plenty more

where that came from. Plenty.

Eat up. Just close your eyes

and try to think of it as

Communion without all that

high-falutin’ ceremony

and fancy rigormarole.