Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change

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CONFRONTATIONAL QUESTIONS

Confrontational questions are in-your-face questions. They accuse. They call to account. Ask these questions when someone has done something wrong. Confrontational questions may not produce a willing response, but they establish a record and they force an issue. They make a point, often publicly.

The Facts: Were you there when this went down? Did you say this? Sometimes you start with these inquiries, sometimes you circle around to them, but these are the questions that establish the connection between the person you’re questioning and the activity at hand. They may be simple yes-or-no questions. They confront your adversary with an event, an act, with words or facts, and they ask about this person’s connection to them. You probably already know the answer because often it is public knowledge.

The Accusation: Did you do it? Did you mean it? Why didn’t you stop it? Take the allegation, add a question mark, and throw it at the accused. This question demands a response—a denial, an admission, or an obvious dodge. It asks explicitly about the wrongdoing you are alleging. The question is intended to put the accused on the defensive. It frames the confrontation.

The Denial: Do you own a red convertible? Did you drive that car on the day in question? Did you stop for gasoline? Since denial, quasi-denial, or obfuscation is often the first response, you must anticipate a nonanswer and be prepared to come back at it in persistent ways. Take the incident apart piece by piece. Ask about the evidence, the timeline, eyewitness reports, the person’s own words, or the historical record. Use them to reveal inconsistency or hypocrisy, lies or misbehavior. These questions can force a response, make a point, or simply call out your adversary.

For the Record: When are you going to tell the staff about the layoffs? Will you agree to testify publicly? Why did you lie? Sometimes the best confrontational questioning is less about the answer and more for the record. The question becomes a point of reference, significant for having been asked. What did the president know and when did he know it? Senator Howard Baker famously asked in the middle of the Watergate hearings. The question led to damning testimony that put Richard Nixon squarely in the middle of the cover-up. For-the-record questions can be retrieved, replayed, and revisited as a snapshot in time, a moment of accountability.

The Audience: Confrontational questioning is often directed as much at the audience—a jury, a review board, the general public—as it is at the individual. Use your questions to articulate and illustrate acceptable versus unacceptable behavior. Draw the line in the sand. Even if you do not elicit much new information, your questions can focus attention and get noticed.

The Risk: Confrontational questions can be dangerous. They don’t build bridges, they often destroy them. Ask these questions carefully, deliberately. Calculate and be sure you’re right. Falsely accusing someone can kill your credibility, make you look foolish and empower your adversary. Whether a brutal dictator or a rebellious teenager, a certain swagger flows from having survived a challenge and defied authority.

Listen: When you ask about wrongdoing, listen for evasive or distracting language or words that change the subject or shift blame. Listen for uncomfortable silences that suggest someone is searching for just the right words. If you hear that, pounce. Listen for a shred of admission, revelation, or remorse. That’s when you lean in and ask more.

Try: Attempt some confrontational questioning. A college student stands accused of plagiarism. She turned in a paper on dying coral reefs. She is a solid student and has never been in trouble, but a plagiarism app revealed whole sections of the paper lifted from Wikipedia—word for word. A committee will hear the case. You’re the prosecuting professor. Write ten questions. Make them short and precise, each focused on a specific element of the allegation. Do not ask flatly if the student admits to the charge. Build the case a step at a time.