Dead Silver

26

We celebrated the recovery of our goods and the riddance of Seth Fraker by getting cheeseburgers to go at an ancient drive-in called Al's, one of the few non-chain places left in town and the venue of choice now that the legendary Gertie's was gone. These were the great old-fashioned kind of burgers that came wrapped in greasy white paper, big as a saucer and half an inch thick, with an aroma that filled the cab of my truck. High roller that I was, I bought an extra one to take to Renee.

When we got to her place, Madbird said, "I'll start picking up tools," and headed off to the carriage house to leave her and me alone. He was no stranger to the morning-after-the-night-before scenario.

She and I hadn't talked about what might happen next, and I was on edge about it. But as I climbed the porch steps, she came out to meet me like she had the first time, and she made the awkward moment easy-gave me a quick kiss and embrace, looking genuinely glad to see me. There was no hint of regret or blame.

When I offered her the cheeseburger, she pressed her hands to her heart and went wide-eyed.

"For me?"

"The sky's the limit, kid."

"It looks wonderful. I'll get plates."

I took hold of her wrist lightly. "We'll handle this however you want. I'd like to be with you, but if you're uncomfortable, I'm out of here."

"I don't know what I want," she said, turning her face aside. "But there's something I need to tell you."

That took a bite out of my brief gladness, but I tried to get her joking again.

"Another skeleton in a closet?"

She stayed serious. "Kind of. I don't want to just blurt it out."

"Sure. Let's go ahead and eat," I said, and went outside to get Madbird.

In fact, I suspected she intended to tell me that our little fling had already run its course. I wasn't naive enough to think I'd been anything more than a temporary comfort for her, at a time when she was frightened and in need. I didn't expect anything different, just as I hadn't expected it to happen in the first place, and I sure had no complaints. I'd never spent a sweeter night.

The real problem was, it lit up a big neon arrow pointing at a void that had deepened in me over the past years. It didn't stem just from living alone, but from a composite of that and other absences that could start you wondering why you were living at all. Most of the time, I managed to ignore it.

I stepped into the carriage house and informed Madbird that luncheon was served. He glared at me with wounded dignity.

"You expect me to come inside and eat with you white people?" he said.

"Renee does."

"Well-since she don't know any better, plus she's pretty, I'll do it this once."

"We have an invention called ketchup, that goes pretty good with the onion rings," I said.

"Wahss. First you get us hooked on firewater, now this new shit. Any of them beers left?"

Wahss-I didn't know the right way to spell it, or even if it could be spelled-was something I heard him say often. As near as I could tell, it meant bullshit, fuck you, c'est la vie, uff da, oy vey, and other such sentiments all rolled into one, along with an edge of its own.

"Yeah, if I can keep you from pouring them down the sink," I said.