Fall From India Place

CHAPTER 28

“I’ll get your short essays back to you next week,” I promised my literacy class as they all began packing up for the evening.

“Have a nice weekend, Hannah,” Duncan said, throwing me a kind smile as he headed out the door.

The others followed his lead. They’d been somewhat subdued this week and I had a feeling they knew the reason why I hadn’t been there to teach them last Thursday.

I was packing up my own things when to my surprise Lorraine made her way over to me. Trying to mask my disbelief at her willingly approaching me, I stilled, waiting for her to say something.

She shifted a little uneasily. “I, eh… I heard aboot the wee laddie fae yer class. Sorry tae hear it.”

I blinked rapidly at the unexpected condolence. “Thank you.”

“Aye, well, ye seem like ye probably give a shit, so, I imagine it hus’nae been easy fur ye.”

I nodded in silent agreement, honestly not knowing what to say.

Lorraine shrugged, looking anywhere but at me. “Aye, well… thote ye might like to ken that I, eh… got a jobe.”

“That’s brilliant.” I grinned. “Where?”

“Fur one eh the sport bookies chains.” She flashed me a smile and I was almost knocked over by the extremely rare sight. “It’s awright money, like.”

“Lorraine, I’m so pleased for you.”

She shrugged, shuffling back from me, seeming all too uncomfortable again. “Well, just wanted tae tell ye ’cos I probably widnae huv got it if it wisnae fur this class. I’ll see ye later.” She dashed out of the room before I could say anything else.

I stared after her. Lorraine was as rough as they came and prickly as hell. She didn’t like me, or at least she didn’t understand me, but she was the first student since Jarrod’s death to make me feel like there was still a chance to make a difference at all this.

Marco’s muddy riggers were sitting on a folded-out newspaper just inside the door to my flat. I felt something pleasant shift in my chest at the sight of them, and after I shut the door behind me, I cocked my head to listen for the sound of him.

I could hear the shower running.

To prove to him I was serious about us, I’d given him a key to my flat a few days ago. I knew, despite his determination to keep us together, that I had a way to go in reassuring him that I wasn’t going to do a one-eighty and come up with another reason for us not to work it out. My suspicion that he wasn’t quite over my defection sprang from the fact that this weekend was his weekend with Dylan and he hadn’t suggested I stick around for it.

I could live with that.

For now.

Dropping my keys in the bowl on my side table, I kicked off my shoes and then moved into the sitting room. Marco’s empty coffee mug was sitting on the table, his jacket was hanging over the back of the armchair. Shrugging out of my own jacket, I draped it across the arm of the chair and began making my way out into the hall, unbuttoning my shirt as I sauntered toward the bathroom. For the last eight nights Marco had stayed with me, but he’d given me space sexually, allowing me to deal with Jarrod’s loss, and the ramifications of it upon my kids at school. Marco didn’t want to push me into the physical stuff, and that was thoughtful and considerate and, ironically, sexy as hell.

That’s why I was done with him giving me space. I wanted a new kind of comfort from him. Specifically in the form of orgasms.

Dropping my shirt to the floor, I pushed open the bathroom door, the steam from the shower hitting me immediately. Marco jerked his head up at the sight of me through the somewhat fogged glass of the shower screen, and then a slow smile that melted my insides lit up his handsome face.

I unzipped my pencil skirt and pushed it to the tiled floor, my eyes devouring my too-hot-to-be-real boyfriend. By the time my underwear was off, Marco was ready for me. I stepped into the shower, eyed his hard-on with a sense of empowerment, and lowered myself gracefully to my knees to help him out with the situation I’d gotten him into.

As I lay in bed, my arm draped over Marco’s stomach and my head resting on his chest, I suddenly gave voice to my wandering thoughts. “Do you ever think about finding your mum and dad?”

Marco gave a huff of surprise. “Where did that come from?”

“I was just thinking about you and Dylan and how you managed to turn into this great dad despite your lack of a role model.”

“I guess I just don’t need my folks anymore, you know? It used to burn in my gut – the rejection. It did for a long time. But once Dylan came along, I slowly began to see it wasn’t my fault that my parents didn’t want me. You hold your kid in your arms, and if you don’t feel an overwhelming need to protect them, then that’s on you, not the kid.”

I sat up a little so I could look him in the eyes. “You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

His eyes warmed. “Back at you, babe.” His gaze suddenly turned knowing. “I’ll introduce you to Dylan as my girlfriend soon. I promise.”

Wrinkling my nose, I pulled back from him, disquieted. “Are you a mind reader now?”

Marco grinned and it was cocky enough for me to want to smack it off his lips. “I’m a Hannah-reader and my not introducing you this weekend doesn’t mean what you think it does. I just want this weekend to explain stuff to him first.”

Appeased by that, I said, “It’s fine. I get it.” I settled back down beside him and pressed a soft kiss to his chest. “You do what’s best for Dylan.”

“You mean that?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’m sorry, but… you’re never taking him ice skating. Ever.”

Marco’s laughter rang throughout my apartment as he attempted to escape the punch that I was aiming for his upper arm.

“So I take it this is permanent this time?”

I turned back from watching Dylan as he chatted quietly to his dad. Marco was down on his haunches, rezipping Dylan’s jacket after his son had started to remove it. We were taking him out today, however, and I gathered that was what Marco was telling him quietly, since Dylan kept throwing me quizzical looks every now and then. It was hard to pull my eyes away from them together, but I did at Leah’s question.

It was two weeks since Marco had laid down the law and told me I was not allowed to take Dylan skating. He’d revised it to say I was not allowed to take Dylan skating unsupervised, which I thought was rather fair of him, considering what he’d witnessed the last time I was on a rink.

This was my first weekend hanging out with Dylan. Marco had explained to him who I was and what I meant to him and that I’d be around a lot whenever Dylan came to see his dad. I didn’t know how Dylan was going to react to that. Although he was used to sharing Leah with Graham, since Graham had been in the picture almost as long as Dylan had been alive, I didn’t know how he’d feel about sharing his superhero dad.

Leah had just dropped him off with us. It was early Saturday morning and my stomach was filled with butterflies. I wasn’t really in the mood for an inquisition, but when I saw the smile in Leah’s eyes, I realized she was teasing me.

“Oh, I don’t know,” I answered. “As soon as it gets boring, I’ll probably move on to another single dad.”

She stared at me blankly.

“That was a joke,” I explained. “Apparently not a good one. Too soon?”

Leah raised an eyebrow. “You think?”

Awkward. I looked back at Marco, who had stood up and was listening in with mirth in his eyes. “I like her.” I raised my arm and gave a mini fist pump. “She’s feisty.”

His shoulders shook with laughter. Dylan looked up at his dad, saw him laughing, and a small smile played on his lips.

Glancing back at Leah, I found her smiling at her son. Her eyes flicked to mine and thankfully she didn’t stop smiling. “I’m glad it all worked out, Hannah.”

“Me too,” I told her sincerely.

She grinned at her son. “I’ll see you after school on Monday, honey. Have a great weekend with your daddy.”

In answer Dylan hurried over to her and gave her a hug. I got the impression from the surprised look on Leah’s face that he didn’t usually do that when she dropped him off with Marco. I was guessing the need for reassurance and comfort from her was because there was a strange, tall blond lady in his dad’s living room and she didn’t appear to be going anywhere. The concern must have shown on my face because Leah said as she caressed her son’s hair, “He’ll be fine once he gets to know you. He’s just a wee bit shy. Ay?” She pulled back from him, looking down into his gorgeous face. “You’ll have a good time with Hannah, though. She’s Daddy’s other best friend, and you know if Daddy likes someone they’re usually pretty cool.”

Dylan looked at me a little dubiously over his shoulder but turned back to his mum. “Okay,” he replied quietly.

The urge to cuddle him was great. He was so adorable. I had to remind myself, however, that he was a little boy and not a puppy. I doubted very much he wanted to be smothered with kisses and cuddles while I baby-talked to him.

“See you later, honey.” Leah kissed him on the forehead and gently nudged him toward Marco. “Take care of him.”

“Always do,” he replied.

She smiled, gave us one last look, and her eyes seemed to be laughing at us like she knew something we didn’t.

When she was gone I looked up at Marco and said, “I really do like her.”

“She’s good people.”

Still smiling, I looked down at Dylan, who was watching my interaction with his dad like a hawk. “I heard three-year-olds love the zoo. Do you fancy a day at the zoo, Dylan?”

“I’m nearly four,” he answered, holding up four fingers.

Must. Not. Cuddle.

Pushing past the overwhelming adorableness, I replied seriously, “Well, I’ve heard nearly-four-year-olds love the zoo, too.”

His brows drew together. “Will there be lions?”

“They have two lions, I think, and big cats.”

Dylan’s face closed down at that and he moved into his dad’s legs.

“They’re in an enclosure. A big cage. They can’t get at you.”

He still looked unconvinced.

“Your dad will be there with us. Do you think he’s going to let a lion get near you?”

It was the right thing to say. He looked up at his dad, contemplated how big he was compared to himself and slowly shook his head.

Marco grinned and smoothed a hand over his son’s hair affectionately. “You ready to go, then, buddy?”

He nodded and reached for his dad’s hand.

As we were walking out the door, Marco’s other hand in mine, I asked, “You won’t let the lions near me either, right?”

“It is tempting.”

“That was definitely the wrong answer.” I sighed in mock weariness. “No more searching for superhero boyfriends on the Internet. They always turn out to be duds who’ll quite happily let you get eaten by a lion.”

Marco hissed in a breath through his teeth. “You do roll the dice when you find a boyfriend on the Internet.”

“What about penguins? Surely you won’t let the penguins get me?”

“I don’t know – that might be fun to watch.”

I stopped on the stairwell and Marco and Dylan drew to a halt on the steps below me. “No penguin protection? What kind of superhero are you?”

“You’re weird,” Dylan said quietly to me.

Marco burst out laughing. “Buddy, you don’t know the half of it.”

Since Dylan grinned in response, I took the “weird” comment on the chin and went with it.

Dylan and I stared at each other across the table.

Marco had left me with him while he went up to order us some food from the zoo café. Everything had been fine while we wandered around the zoo with Marco present as a buffer. When Dylan had gotten close to the lion enclosure and one of the lions let out what I think was really just a yawn rather than a growl, I had easily reassured Dylan so he didn’t go skittering off in fear.

But alone? Even if it was only for a few minutes? I felt so much pressure for him to like me that my mind was suddenly blank. I couldn’t think of any topics of conversation that were appropriate for a child.

“You were scared of the snakes,” Dylan suddenly said, tilting his head to the side inquisitively.

He was not wrong.

I shuddered. I’d hurried away from the snakes as quickly as possible. “I don’t like snakes.”

“Why?”

That was actually a really difficult question to answer for a small child. “They scare me.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“Uh… because so many of them can bite you, and the bite can make you really, really sick.”

“All of them?”

“Well, no…”

“But you’re scared of all of them?”

“Yes.” I could see where this was going and I didn’t like it.

“Why?”

Yup, that’s where I thought it was going.

There really was no good explanation other than irrational fear, and I didn’t think an almost-four-year-old would understand irrationality as an answer. I didn’t want the kid to think I disliked things because they were different, because even at his age that kind of thinking might stick with him. In the end, I replied, “The hissing sound they make.”

Dylan stared at me a second and then nodded slowly. I gave an inner sigh of relief before quickly changing the subject.

“What was your favorite animal?”

“Giant panda,” he answered immediately.

I grinned and turned the tables on him. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Cool eyes. I wasn’t scared. It smiled.”

The panda hadn’t actually smiled, of course, but when she contemplated us I could have sworn there was something mischievous in her eyes. The fact that Dylan had picked up on that made me feel absurdly proud of him. “All good reasons.”

“D’ye live with my daddy now?”

And we were back in dangerous territory. I shook my head. “No. We just hang out a lot.”

“You’ll be there when I come to stay?”

“Sometimes. Is that okay with you?”

Dylan shrugged again. “Daddy laughs a lot, so okay.”

I felt elated by Dylan’s analysis of the situation and the blessing he had given me in his cute little-boy way.

Must. Not. Cuddle.

When Marco came back to the table with the food, I was grinning from ear to ear. He smiled in bewilderment at my expression as he sat down and made sure Dylan had his food and juice. “What’s going on with you?”

I shrugged. “I just love giant pandas.”

Marco’s brows drew together and he looked at Dylan as if he would explain. His son gave him a look as if to say, What? It makes sense to me, and I burst out laughing.

The last few months had been an utter roller coaster of emotions for me, and after having to go through the ugly past again, and then losing Jarrod, I hadn’t known if or when I’d ever be able to laugh that hard again.

But laugh hard I did.

Marco was smiling, but he leaned his head down to Dylan and said, “You were right. Weird.”

Dylan gave a world-weary sigh that was far beyond his years.

I didn’t care if they teased me for the rest of my life. In that moment, all I cared about was that they’d be there for the rest of my life.