Family Jewels

17

Stone fed Bob, then led him to the elevator, stood him up on his hind legs and held his paw to the elevator button. “Remember this,” he said. The door opened, and Bob walked on. Stone put his finger on the office-level button. “Remember this, too, it’s a two-step process.” He pressed the button and the elevator and Bob went down.

Stone got his breakfast from the dumbwaiter, set it on the bed, and got back in. His phone rang. “Yes?”

“It’s Joan. I was standing in your office when Bob got off the elevator alone. How’d he do that?”

“I explained it to him.”

“Oh.”

“Bob’s had his breakfast and wants to go out. May I eat mine now? You won’t have to take me out.”

“Enjoy.” Joan hung up.

Later, Stone was at his desk when Joan buzzed. “Dino on one.”

He pressed the button. “Good morning.”

“Yeah, you too. My guys found your pal Biggers, two blocks from your house. He said he’d just gotten off a Second Avenue bus.”

“And they bought that?”

“No, they searched him and found no gun.”

“So, he ditched it.”

“Probably. He was wearing a .45 holster on his belt.”

“Aha!”

“No aha. They couldn’t arrest him for carrying a concealed holster.”

“Why not? I should think that would be prima facie evidence of carrying a gun.”

“He said he had worn the same pants for two days and forgot that the holster was on his belt.”

“So he confessed to having a gun on him the day before.”

“Yeah, but he said he wasn’t in the city then.”

“Yeah, but you have a witness who saw him carrying a gun.”

“Who, you?”

“Yeah, me.”

“You know as well as I do that eyewitness testimony is often wrong.”

“Not when I’m the eyewitness.”

“You have a high opinion of your own perspicacity.”

“I know a .45 caliber Glock when I see it — that’s perspicacious enough.”

“Not in a court of law. A good defense attorney would call your perspicaciousness into question. He’d say you wanted to see a .45 Glock in the man’s hand, therefore you thought you saw it.”

“My perspifuckingcaciousness is just fine, thank you. I remind you that I’m a veteran police officer.”

“You were a veteran police officer. The clock goes back to zero when you retire.”

“Well, then, I’m a veteran former police officer.”

“I don’t have time to mince words with you, I have thirty-six thousand, six hundred police officers to command.”

“Mince this!” Stone shouted into the phone, but it was too late; Dino had already hung up.

Joan was standing in the doorway, leaning against the jamb. “You seem a little on edge,” she said.

“I’m just fine.”

“No, you’re steaming — even Bob noticed.” She nodded toward the dog, who was sitting next to Stone’s desk, staring anxiously at him.

“Bob, I’m just fine,” he said.

“Bob’s not buying it,” Joan said. “Why don’t you get out of town for a while, until they pick up this guy.”

“Where would you like me to go?”

“Pick something from your extensive list of real estate holdings,” she said, “and go.”

“I just got back,” Stone pointed out.

“That’s no excuse.”

“You’re just trying to get rid of me.”

“Nope, Harvey Biggers is trying to get rid of you.”

“He’s not smart enough to get rid of me.”

“He doesn’t have to be smart, he just has to be lucky.”

“Arguing with you is like arguing with Dino.”

She brightened. “Thank you very much.”

“It wasn’t meant as a compliment.”

“I knew that, but I liked it anyway.”

Stone leaned on his elbows and put his face in his hands. Bob walked over and rested his chin on Stone’s knee, slowly wagging his tail.

“Bob and I think you should get out of town,” Joan said. The phone rang, and she picked up the one on Stone’s desk. “The Barrington Practice,” she said, “or Woodman & Weld, take your pick.”

Stone made a groaning noise.

“Well, hi there, how are you?” Joan said, brightening. “He’s right here.” She handed Stone the phone. “It’s Ed Eagle, calling from Santa Fe.”

“You’re just saying that to cheer me up,” Stone said, taking the phone from her.