Forgiving Lies

4

Kash

“WHAT THE HELL are you thinking?”

“Uh . . . that she’s hot and I need to get laid?” Mason looked at me like I was missing something completely obvious.

“You really think it’s smart to get involved with someone while we’re in the middle of an assignment?”

He sighed heavily and dropped to the floor, leaning up against one of the walls. “You can’t tell me this assignment isn’t completely different from anything we’ve done. The only reason we can’t tell our families where we are is because of the hit. But other than that, what we’re doing—it’s like we’re detectives.”

“Yeah, and we’re still undercover.”

“Whatever, Kash, you think detectives don’t have relationships? Don’t have families?”

I groaned and raked a hand through my hair. He wasn’t getting it. “Of course they have relationships and families. They’re allowed to have lives. This”—I motioned to our empty apartment—“isn’t our life. We aren’t here to start new lives, Mason. We’re here to find a serial killer and stay hidden. All the rest of this is just for show. The minute we forget that is the minute James Camden slips through our fingers and another girl ends up dead. Do you want that on you?”

“What the fuck, Kash? Of course I don’t! Jesus, it’s not like I want to marry her. And from what she was saying last night, Candice isn’t the type of girl to be tied to one guy at a time. I don’t have to worry about her being clingy or wanting a relationship. So back off and instead of putting this shit on me, maybe worry about the fact that you couldn’t take your eyes off Rachel all night.”

My gaze quickly darted to the window that gave me a perfect view of the girls’ apartment. “She’s hot, sue me. But I’m not thinking about letting her get in the way of what we’re here for.”

“Perfect.” He stood up and stretched before heading to the front door. “I’m not going to let Candice get in the way either. But since we don’t check in ’til Monday, you can be damn sure I’m using this weekend to my advantage. See ya.”

“Have you forgotten we have no furniture?”

“Ask Rachel to go with you to pick out some stuff. I’m sure she’d be happy to do it.” He wagged his eyebrows and I groaned.

Just as he turned the doorknob, I slapped my hand down on the door to keep it shut and spoke low. “What we do? The lives we live? There’s no room for family or relationships, Mason. How many voice mails has your mom already left sobbing?” Mason ground his jaw but stayed quiet. “We’ve only been gone two days and they’re already freaking out. Because even though we didn’t tell them, they know what’s going on, and they’re fucking terrified. You hate doing that to your parents and sister; would you really want to bring a girlfriend or wife into what we do? Leaving them without notice for months or years at a time while we live the way those drug dealers do. You really want that for someone else?”

With a hard shove, he narrowed his eyes at me. “No, I wouldn’t do that. And what’s about to happen in that apartment”—he pointed toward the door—“will never make it that far. Even if it did, I would get out of undercover if I was getting serious with someone. You can’t do this for the rest of your life, Kash. And like I said, I’m not the one you need to be worried about. The way you were looking at Rachel last night . . . I’ve never seen you look at a girl like that, not even Megan. So stop freakin’ preaching to me and focus on yourself.”

Megan and I had dated all throughout high school, through the first couple years of college, and when I went through the academy. When Mason and I got moved to undercover, I told her as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough for her. She was engaged to some guy she’d met in one of her classes by the time we finished our first assignment. Mason knew I’d planned to marry her, and having Megan leave me put everything in perspective for me. I was happy for her now; she deserved someone who she could count on to be home for dinner, and I wasn’t that guy.

“Like I said, Rachel’s hot! Any guy with a working dick isn’t going to be able to stop looking at her. But whatever you’re thinking is happening for me with her, you’re wrong. She’s a grade-A bitch.”

Mason snorted. “Whatever, Kash. You weren’t just looking at her. You were studying her, like you were trying to figure her out. I know you better than anyone and I say if anyone here is in danger of losing focus, it’s you. Do me a favor, bro. Go get laid or something, lighten the hell up, and then we can focus on this case.” With that, he opened the door and practically charged across the hall.

The girls’ door opened, and like every other time I’d seen her, it felt like I’d gotten punched in the gut, all the air in my body leaving in one heavy rush. Rachel really was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. There was no doubting that. With long, dark hair; eyes so blue I’d found myself trying to see if she was wearing colored contacts—she wasn’t, by the way; and a soft smile that made me want to fall to my knees, it wasn’t hard to see why I couldn’t stop looking at her. And those legs. My eyes traveled down to her bare legs as she let Mason into their apartment and I subconsciously started sucking on my lip ring again. Dear God, those legs were freakin’ long and perfect . . . and headed right toward me.

My eyes snapped up and she looked back at her apartment door, which had just slammed shut, before meeting my gaze. “Morning, Kash.”

“Good morning.”

“Mason said you needed me for something in here.”

Oh hell no, he told her I needed to get laid? I was gonna kill him. I locked my jaw and spoke low. “I don’t need anything from you.” Especially pity sex.

Her blue eyes widened and she rocked back on her heels. “Wow, um, noted. Remind me never to come to you if something breaks or I need help moving heavy things. Have a nice day.” I swear I heard her mumble “asshole” when she turned and walked back to her door, then smacked right into it when she tried to open it and walk in at the same time. “What the— Oh hell no. Candice! Open the door!” She pounded her hand against the door. “Candice Marie Jenkins! I am in my pajamas and do not have my purse, cell phone, or keys. Open the damn door! I hear you two laughing!”

If I hadn’t been so pissed off at Mason for sending Rachel over here and for her agreeing to it, I’d have been laughing too.

“I swear, if you do not unlock this door and let me in, I will go Cali bitch on your asses!”

Okay, now I was laughing.

The door next to ours opened and a middle-aged man looked between Rachel and me. He had his cell in his hand like he couldn’t decide if he was going to call the cops or not.

“I will cut you!” Rachel swore and continued beating on the door; my neighbor looked at his phone and I groaned.

Pushing away from the wall, I took the few steps over to Rachel, grabbed around her waist, and pulled her back with me.

“Let me go, Kash. Candice! Open the door!”

“Calm down, you’re freaking the neighbors out.”

“I don’t care! I do not want to be locked out of my apartment so I’m forced to spend time with you! You’re rude, did you know that?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her. “I’m rude? If you hate me so much, you should have never agreed to come ‘help’ me.” I nodded and gave a reassuring smile to the now-confused-looking neighbor before walking us into my apartment and releasing her.

“Excuse me for trying to be nice! That’s what people do, they help people, especially when they’re new to the— Holy crap, where’s all your stuff?” She looked around at our living room, which was mostly bare save for the two boxes Mason brought.

“We—”

“Is this what Mason was talking about? He said I’d know it when I saw it.”

Wait. What? “What are you talking about?”

“Mason said you needed me for something in here. I asked him what that something was, and he said as soon as I walked into the apartment I’d see what you needed help with.”

Fuck. Me. “Oh shit, Rachel. Um . . .”

“When is all your furniture coming?” She began walking around the place and her eyes got bigger with each empty room she came across. “Did you guys sleep in here last night?”

“Uh, yeah. Good news? Floor is actually pretty comfortable. So there’s that.”

“Bad news?”

“We don’t have anything coming, we need to go buy new stuff.” I took a deep breath and blew it out quickly. “And I’m starting to think that’s what Mason was sending you over here for.”

She’d been slowly nodding her head at the beginning, but then she stopped and tilted it to the side. “Starting to? What did you think we were talking about earlier?”

“Uh—so would you like to go furniture shopping with me?” I scratched the back of my neck nervously and she narrowed her beautiful eyes at me.

“No! I would not like to go furniture shopping with you, Kash. Did you already forget just telling me that you didn’t need anything from me?”

“I—that was a misunderstanding. I thought you . . . that Mason . . . it doesn’t matter. Like I said, misunderstanding. If you don’t want to come with me, that’s fine. You can hang out here, but obviously, you’d just be sitting on the floor.”

“What misunderstanding? What did you think was happening?”

I groaned and grabbed the keys out of my pocket. “Forget it, Rachel.”

“No, I deserve to know why you were so rude when I was offering to help you!”

I flung my arm out to the side and practically growled at her, “I thought he sent you over here to fuck me, and I thought you agreed to it!”

Instead of laughing at me, like I’d have expected any normal person to do, her stubborn expression fell, and all color drained from her face. Her mouth fell open and she quickly shut it, licking her lips as she forcibly swallowed. “I d-don’t want . . . I don’t want to have sex with you,” she whispered, and backed up until she hit the wall.

“Okay, Rachel, that’s fine.” I spoke like I was talking to a scared victim. What was going on with her? “That’s good to know, I don’t want to have sex with you either, that’s why I was an asshole earlier.”

That was a lie. I’d even freakin’ dreamed about this girl last night and woken with a painful hard-on I had to take care of in the shower, all the while Rachel flashing through my mind. And I’d lied to Mason earlier. Rachel wasn’t a bitch, though she’d definitely shown her bitchy side at our first meeting and before we got to the restaurant last night. But it didn’t take more than a handful of minutes watching her to realize it was her shield. It was her way of protecting herself. What she was hiding, I had no idea, and apparently it’d been obvious I was trying to figure it out last night. But there was something, and for some reason, I wanted to find out what it was and be whatever shield she needed.

And that was dangerous.

I’d been serious when I was talking to Mason about keeping focused, but he’d seen through my bullshit. I’d needed to say it to someone so I could try to get it through my head too. Anything with Rachel would be a bad idea. It wasn’t that I couldn’t have meaningless hookups; Mason and I had faced that a couple times with different groups we’d had to get into. To say we were paranoid about making sure we were still clean after being with those girls was an understatement. But from the moment Rachel had practically fallen out of her car yesterday afternoon, there was no doubting there was something different about her. There’s no such thing as meaningless when you find a girl like Rachel.

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and took two deep breaths in and out before opening them again. But she wouldn’t look at me.

“Rachel?”

“What?” she snapped.

Shield. “Are you feeling okay, do you need something to eat or drink? I don’t have anything here but I can go get something.”

“I’m fine.” She took one more deep breath and forced her eyes to my face. “Tell me why you thought that’s why Mason would have me come over here.”

“It’s just something we were talking about.”

“You were talking about having sex with me?!”

“No! Jesus, no. We just—” I groaned and shifted my weight. “He was going over there to be with Candice and told me I needed to get laid. That’s all. Then you showed up saying what you said . . . and I just thought . . . It doesn’t matter.”

“Okay. Look, can we get out of your apartment? I’ll go help you pick out furniture or whatever. I just don’t feel comfortable being in here with you right now.” Her chest started rising and falling quickly and I just stood there staring at her.

I was scaring her? She was scared of me! That was fucking awesome. I couldn’t think about anything but getting to know her in every damn way possible, and I was freaking scaring her. Perfect. “Yeah, let’s go.”

We walked in silence out to my truck, and no, it didn’t escape my notice that she stayed an awkward distance from me. As soon as she was in the passenger seat, I ran to the driver’s side and hopped in. Just as I turned the ignition she cleared her throat and looked down at her hands, which she was twisting together. “Can we just get it out there right now that I don’t want anything with you or from you?”

I’m not going to lie; it felt like she’d punched me. But I still nodded.

“I’m not looking for, or interested in, a relationship. It’s nothing against you. I just—I can’t—I don’t. Um, I—”

“Rachel.” I waited until she looked up at me and again found myself wishing I could figure out what she was hiding from me. Did she have a boyfriend? Just get out of a bad relationship? “It’s fine. Nothing between us, I got it.”

With a quick breath in, she nodded her head and forced a smile. “We kind of got off on the wrong foot, but since we’re going to be neighbors I’d like it if we were friends. I’m sorry for how I was toward you when I met you, and I’m sorry for the confusion this morning—can we just start over?”

Only being friends with her sounded about as fun as kicking puppies right now. But this was good; I didn’t have time for a distraction and Rachel would definitely be a distraction . . . I don’t know why I even try lying to myself. The real problem was I couldn’t put Rachel in my world. I couldn’t put her in this danger, and being with her would put her right in the middle of it. So friends it was, then. “Sure,” I said softly, and watched a genuine smile cross her face.

She stuck out her hand. “I’m Rachel Masters, from far West Texas.”

God, she was cute. I grabbed her hand and tried to ignore the warmth coming from her body and how I wanted to lean into her, press my mouth to her neck, and breathe in the sweet scent coming from her. “Logan . . . Hendricks, from far East Texas. But you can call me Kash. It’s good to meet you, Rachel.”

“You too, Kash with a K.”

“You know, my apartment is pretty bare.”

“That’s an understatement,” she whispered on a laugh as she sat back and put her seat belt on. “I happen to be locked out of my apartment and have nothing to do today . . .”

“You want to help me pick out new furniture?”

“Took you long enough to ask me!”

I smiled and threw my truck in reverse. “Smart-ass.”

“SO TELL ME honestly.”

I glanced over at Rachel, who was lying down beside me, and raised an eyebrow.

“Can you feel it, Kash?” Her eyes widened and she slapped down on the mattress. “Can you feel the difference this mattress makes?”

The saleswoman kept rambling on about the statistics of this bed and I tried not to laugh as Rachel acted as if what she was saying was from the Bible.

“Isn’t this one just great?” The woman leaned over the bed to look at us. Her drawl was so thick that her great sounded more like gright.

“Feels just like a cloud, you were so right!” Rachel smiled sweetly at her.

“Oh, I knew y’all would just love this one! But c’mon over to the other side of the store, I have a few more to show you. And they just blow this one right out of the water,” she said, and walked away to the next set of mattresses.

Rachel swung her legs over to the side and looked back at me, that same sweet smile plastered on her face. “It feels exactly like the last six except it’s an extra two thousand dollars. So that just makes it so much better!” She scrunched up her nose on the last few words and smacked her hand down on the mattress again.

I rolled off the mattress and pulled her with me as I followed the saleswoman. “You look like a Miss America contestant on shrooms,” I whispered to Rachel, and she snorted.

She began waving at no one in particular like she was in a pageant, and her smile widened. “In case you’re wondering, the snozberries do taste like snozberries.”

“Oh, I thought y’all were right behind me!” The saleswoman had stopped and turned to face us a good twenty feet ahead. “Well c’mon, you two, you’re gonna love this next one!”

I groaned and Rachel’s fake smile faltered. “Since when does me sound like maaayyy?” I asked quietly when she began walking again.

“She reminds me of Dolly Parton. She has got to go.”

I barked out a laugh and tried not to picture the saleswoman as a Dolly clone.

Three beds and four couches later and I thought I was going to strangle the Dolly impersonator. And we still weren’t done with this store. How had I gone day in and day out with drugged-out scum and hookers and not clawed my eyes out, but an hour with this woman had me wanting nothing more than to take off running out of the store while screaming at Rachel that it was every man for himself?

I swear, if it weren’t for Rachel and her smart-ass comments, I would have been hiding underneath one of the beds. But even Rachel was starting to look worn out. Her fake smiles were a little less Barbie and a little more ermahgerd, and she looked ready to pass out on the couch I’d just gotten up from.

“Hmm.” Dolly 2.0 tapped her chin and turned to look around her. “Ah! I got the perfect set over here!”

“That’s it,” Rachel whispered, a horrified look on her beautiful face. “This is where I die. In a furniture store the size of freakin’ Costco!” She shuffled off after the saleswoman and I quickly caught up to her side. When I got there, her psychotic-Barbie look was back. “Did you know the leather couches we’re about to look at have a warranty for ten years? No cracks!”

“Oh, well in that case, I have to buy these. Right?”

“Of course.” She got oddly silent as we followed along and out of nowhere started dancing all crazy and lip-syncing to the song playing throughout the store.

I stopped, my eyes going wide as I watched her. As soon as the chorus ended she stopped, and just in time, since our saleswoman had turned to see why we weren’t with her.

“Y’all coming?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Rachel answered since I was still looking at her with my jaw dropped. Her serene expression began cracking and she bit down on her bottom lip to keep from laughing. Glancing over at me, she gave me a soft nudge and winked before walking over to the next living room set, leaving me staring after her before I burst out laughing.

Damn, I’m pretty sure I just fell in love with Rachel Masters.

RACHEL FLOPPED DOWN onto the love seat and I stretched out on the couch with a groan. How do women like full days of shopping? This shit was exhausting. After we had finished at the furniture store, we’d gone to pick out lamps and other things Rachel deemed necessary before heading to the grocery store; I was ready to crash and not wake up until I needed to be at the department on Monday. But then all the furniture had arrived and we’d started “decorating.”

“You’re insane, woman.”

She grunted some form of agreement. “But you’re finished. You’re fully moved in.”

“I’m gonna kill Mason for not helping.”

“Yeah, well . . . I’m used to this by now.”

I rolled over so I could look at her. God, this girl was all long, tan legs. Thank God she’d still been in her pajamas when they locked her out. I’d had the best view all day. “Used to helping random guys pick out everything for their apartment?”

She laughed softly and rolled her head like she was trying to relieve the tension in her neck. I wanted to help with that, but I was pretty sure friends didn’t do that. Or if they did they didn’t think about following it by tracing the curve of her neck with their mouth. “No, I mean I’m used to being kicked out. I thought it would be different once we got our apartment, since I could just go into my room. But she still fully kicks me out whenever she’s hooking up with someone.”

My brow wrinkled. “You’re serious?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Do you get kicked out a lot?” She didn’t answer; she just turned to look at me with raised eyebrows. I’ll take that as a yes. “Where do you go?”

“I’ve become really close with the baristas at one of the twenty-four-hour Starbucks.”

What in the actual fuck? And Candice was supposed to be her best friend? She and Mason had been locked in the apartment for almost twelve hours. “And do you do the same?”

Judging by her wide blue eyes, my gruff tone surprised both of us. I hadn’t meant to ask. I didn’t really want to know if Rachel was like Candice, but something in me needed to know. From Candice’s drunk rambling the night before, I knew Rachel was single, but that didn’t mean a whole hell of a lot.

“I’m sorry . . . what?”

I tried to smirk at her, but I’m positive it came off as more of a scowl. “Do you kick Candice out too?”

She fidgeted and broke eye contact with me. “There’s never a need to.”

Never as in she’s never? Or never as in—not in a while? Before I could say anything else, she sat up and cleared her throat.

“Tell me, Kash. What is it you and Mason do?”

And so it begins. I got comfortable and flashed her a lazy smile. “We just got here yesterday. You gonna give us some time to try and find something?”

“How old are you?”

“Are we playing twenty questions now, sweetheart?”

Her eyes narrowed and she continued to stare at me.

“I’m twenty-five. You?”

“Twenty-one.” She shook her head dismissively. “But that’s beside the point. You’re twenty-five, and I’m guessing Mason is around the same age?” When I nodded she continued. “And sorry for being nosy, but since I happened to be with you all day, I also saw how much you spent on setting up your new apartment. I know you didn’t move here for a job, but I figured if you have that much just to blow on furniture and such, you must’ve had a pretty cushy job in Bullshit, Texas.”

“Cushy is about the exact opposite of what we had. As for the money? We have rich parents.” Well, technically that was true. But still, I hadn’t lived off my parents’ money since I was seventeen. “And you really have an issue with where I’m from, don’t you?”

“I don’t like liars.”

“So now I’m lying? Why is it so hard to believe I’m from East Texas? Maybe I just don’t want you to know which town because I like to keep my life private.”

“Maybe because you don’t sound like you’re from Texas.” She shrugged, but her stare was still full of a challenge. “Like, at all. Neither does Mason.”

“So, you’re saying . . .” I rolled off the couch and took the few steps toward her. If she wanted me to sound like I was from Texas, then I was about to sound like I was from motherfucking Texas. “. . . if I had a drawl, you’d believe me?” Her breath hitched when I leaned over her body and put my hands on the couch on either side of her head. Our faces were just inches apart and I swear I almost groaned when she quickly licked her lips. Leaning in so my lips brushed her ear, I spoke soft and low. And yeah, with a fucking drawl. “Just say the word, darlin’. I’ll talk however you want me to.”

Rachel shivered beneath me and I’m almost positive I stopped breathing for a few seconds. Her cheek brushed against mine as she turned into me, and I moved so our lips were centimeters apart. Her blue eyes were hooded as they searched mine, and I took the rapid rise and fall of her chest as a sign that she wanted this just as much as I did. My nose brushed hers and as I leaned closer to press my lips to hers, the door burst open and Rachel’s hands shot out to push against my chest.

“Oh, well if I wasn’t gone long enough, I can come back.” Mason laughed loudly and Rachel slipped out from under my arm and took off for the door. Without a glance at either of us, she rushed out and over to her own apartment. “Jesus, Kash. You kiss that bad?”

I was still leaning against the couch. My eyes had been wide with confusion but were now narrowed at Mason’s words. “Shut up, man. I didn’t even touch her.”

“Well you did something. She took off like she couldn’t get away from you fast enough.”

“I said shut the fuck up,” I growled, and sank back onto the couch I’d originally been on. What the hell had just happened? She had turned her head toward me, she’d wanted something; the look in her eyes had said it all.

Even with the friends-only talk we’d had that morning, something had changed between us as the day had gone on. Yeah, the shopping had been exhausting, but doing it with Rachel had made it entertaining. Her shield had been gone, and the girl underneath it was nothing less than incredible. She was still a smart-ass, but she was funny and sweet. And sexy—God, she was so damn sexy, and I was positive she didn’t have a clue. More than anything, Rachel didn’t try to impress me. She was who she was and didn’t care how that came across to others.

I’d been thinking there was no way I could go day in and day out with this girl and not have her be mine. But after what had just happened, I was pretty sure I’d caused her shield to go back up.

“Wow, you guys did a great job today.” Mason’s words broke through my thoughts and I looked around the living room.

“Yeah, no thanks to you.”

“I trusted you to get good shit. And this TV . . . mmm. Sixty-inch? I’m so proud. I’ve taught you well.”

I rolled my eyes. “You really thought I’d get a shitty TV? Do you not know me at all?”

He shrugged and clapped his hands together once. “Well, since there’s nothing for me to do here”—I narrowed my eyes at him—“we’re gonna have pizza with the girls. So let’s go.”

“Rach and I went and got food today, we can make something for all of us.”

“Aww, you guys went grocery shopping too? So cute.”

I threw a pillow at him; he caught it easily and launched it back at me.

“I already ordered the pizza. Let’s go.”

“I’ll meet you over there. I need a shower.” A very cold shower.